Insiders are mum, but this reporter has obtained access to the new show’s Writer’s Guidelines and can report the following. The premise (echoing the original Star Trek premise as “Wagon Train To The Stars”) is that of “Lord Of The Liffeydance In Outer Space.” (The name “Liffeydance” is legally available, while “R***rdance” is not.)

Celtic-American Superstar Michael R. Flatley will fill the late Gene Roddenberry’s shoes as the Executive Producer. We tracked him down at a Stamp Collector’s Show fan appearance, where he had just donated a large sum to a charitable organization, and asked if he would star in the series, philanthropic philatelist Flatley flatly said “I will not, for all love. It’s toime to let the younger fellas become the stars. I will not dance or appear in the episodes...on a regular basis, in any case.” This leaves him wriggle room for some occasional or recurring role.

This reporter notes that the Guidelines refer to a “Q”-like Demigod who whimsically calls himself “Lugh” to annoy the Captain (see below). He wears a variety of flashy costumes but seems to prefer black leather. “Lugh” pops in and out of the plotlines, always preceded by at least three lasses dancing, and always introduced by drums.

The opening narration for each episode: “These are the voyages of the TRAKSHIP Tuatha De Danann, GPO 1916. Her five year mission: To explore strange new worlds. To develop free new dance forms. To boldly go where no Traditionalist has gone before.”

CAST: (all excellent dancers except  where noted)
=+= Cormac O’Se the world’s tallest step dancer will play Mr. Smeeck, the ship’s Number One, a Klingon-Vulcan-Human hybrid of amazing skill, strength, and tapping speed.
=+= John Carey of LOTD’s T2 will play John-Lugh Claddagh, the tightly wound Brunet-Blond hybrid Captain of the Tuatha De Danann.
=+= In a casting coup, Jerry Seinfeld will play the nondancing role of The TRAKFLEET Observer, who pretty much stands around eating cereal, but otherwise does...nothing.
=+= In a feat of awesome special effects, Bernardette Flynn and Gillian Norris will play the dueling dual personalities of the ship’s counselor, Shoshona-Morrighan, a Human-Deltazoid hybrid who is a psychic, empath, and member of the Galactic Mensa Four-Dimensional Chess Team.
=+= Colin Dunne will play the part of the crusty dancing ship’s Traditionalist  doctor, “Shin Splints” Doherty. “Dammit, John-Lugh, I’m a crusty dancing  ship’s traditionalist doctor, not some arm-waving lunatic!”
=+= Daire Nolan will play the part of the feisty ship’s Chief Engineer, “Welshy”. “Well, now Captain, look you, the Trifectium matrices is not doing so good. I can give you some jigpulse power for a bit, but after that, St. Davey alone knows!” 
=+= Helen Egan will play the two roles of the Little Spirit Transporter and Boatswain’s Whistle. “Beam us down, Little Spirit!” Toooo-WEEEEEET!
=+= Majel Barrett Roddenberry-Shatner-Nimoy will wander through the ship and on all the other sets in a green velvet dress singing Celtic Inspirational Songs (voice-dubbed by Anne Buckley.)

=+=+= In the pilot, Shoshona-Morrighan has a love-hate relationship with everyone on the ship, including herself. Ultimately, this conflict is resolved by Mr. Smeeck performing a dangerous mind meld to Vulcanize the warring personalities. This mind meld carries great personal risk for his ultramacho persona, which might be overcome by the powerful personae of Shoshona-Morrighan so that he might start liking chick movies. This occurs in the context of a first encounter with The Fir BORG, cybernetic creatures who dance with their arms rigidly at their sides and never smile. Chanting “Innovation is Futile!” they attempt to assimilate all dance forms into the Traditional Collective. Reluctantly accepting “Lugh’s” aid, John-Lugh manages to lure the Fir BORG down to Planet Ireland in the Ninth Quadrant (but aren’t there just four?), where they become themselves assimilated into the collective dance line. (After which  “Lugh” brings them out for a bow, yelling “The Fir BORG! The Fir BORG!”)

=+=+ Other tentative episode titles based on Celtic-Irish themes include:
=+= The Daghda in the Dorcha
=+= The Trouble During The Troubles
=+= City on the Edge of Whatever
=+= The Druidsday Machine
=+= Armagh Time
=+= Anuna
=+= Cheesecake and Feis
=+= Spectre of the Shadow of a Gunman
=+= Shoshona-Morrighan - the Very Early Years (A.K.A. Where No Man Has Gone Before)

=+=+= And down the road, a musical remake of Star Trek - The Motionless Picture
 
 

For further information re other episodes and storylines, please contact DAGHDA Jim
- Tuesday, January 20, 1998 at 07:04:25 (PST)

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