The secret's finally out. Kyle now knows what Amanda and Eve did fifteen summers ago.

In flashbacks, Eve's boyfriend tried to rape Amanda, who looked like the world's oldest cheerleader. It so pissed off Eve that she pushed him off the cheap seats in the nose-bleed section. He died, she tried to cover it up, but was seen trying to dump the body. They were both arrested. Amanda was dressed like a Debbie Gibson wannabe during the arrest. Amanda had bucks and was able to hire Johnny Cochran. So she got off. Eve was poor and couldn't afford a good lawyer. So she did the time. Poverty sucks.

Kyle agreed to keep the secret from Peter. So any time he needs a favor from Eve, he could say he still knows what she did 15 summers ago. But because Kyle kept his mouth shut, Peter and Eve's wedding went on without a hitch.

Jane went to Wilshire Memorial for the results of her biopsy. Coincidentally, this morning on FX's rerun of 90210, Brenda had a biopsy done after she discovered a lump on her breast after she and Donna and Kelly performed self-tests for signs of breast cancer. The image of them touching themselves is now indelibly imprinted in my mind. Anyway, I digress.

The results of Jane's test were inconclusive and further procedures were necessary. She asked the doctor to keep her situation secret from Michael. You knew right then and there that he would find out.

And if she didn't want him to know, why didn't she just go to a different hospital? Oh, that's right. Wilshire Memorial is the only in hospital in LA.

So on their way out of the hospital, they bumped into Michael. He immediately suspected something was up because his still-living ex-wives were having a convention.

Kyle and Amanda arrived back at AWA to discover a reception area teeming with crying babies. Ryan was holding a casting call for a client. He wondered how you make "one of those things" stop crying. The trick I've learned from being a good uncle - pass 'em back to mommy.

Anyway, Ryan handed off the baby (she looked like Tori Spelling) to Kyle and she settled. Amanda took note of Kyle's fatherly aptitude.

Michael went to Megan's apartment to find out why she was caucusing with Jane. Megan, able to keep a secret as well as any Place resident, spilled the beans about Jane's tumor.

Back up in Oakdale, Peter and Eve returned to their room to consummate their marriage and discovered a naked Lexi sprawled in front of a blazing fireplace. Menage a trois, ooh la la. No such luck. Peter ushered her out.

Lexi then hinted that she wanted him to divorce Eve. If he didn't, she'd go to the authorities with the info that he masterminded Amanda's kidnapping. He countered that he would do worse to her if she blabbed. Why didn't he play this card last month when she threatened to reveal the scheme to Amanda?

After a presentation to a potential client, Amanda's head was in the clouds. She nearly walked into the path of a truck. But look, up in the sky... It's a bird... It's a plane... It's Superboy! Ryan (played by John Haymes Newton who played Superboy way back when) saved her ass.

Michael showed up late for the divorce deposition. Much to the surprise of Jane's lawyer, not to mention his own, Michael candidly answered all of her questions uncontested. Which led to the line of the week. When asked whether it was true that he assaulted Jane's business client, Alex, he replied, "Hit him. Every chance chance I got." That was soooo funny.

But that also tipped Jane off that he knew about her lumpy breast.

The musical guest was Jon Ernst, formerly of MTV's "Singled Out." Good to see someone from that show working. What's Jenny McCarthy up to?

Anyway, during his performance, a totally blotto Lexi grabbed the mike and raved about how love stinks. Kyle and Ryan tried to help her off stage but she told them she could walk just fine. She fell flat on her face. Been there, done that.

Ryan and Megan hauled Lexi home where she freaked and shouted, "he's going to kill me." A reference to Peter's earlier threat. So what did she do? She climbed atop her balcony railing and prepared to jump. Yes, committing suicide would really put a damper in Peter's plan to kill her. That'll learn him.

But faster than a speeding bullet... More powerful than a locomotive... Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... It was Ryan to the rescue again. He grabbed her just before she fell.

Amanda ran out of birth control pills. I hate when that happens! She saw it, along with seeing how good Kyle was with that baby and how she was almost flattened by that truck, as a sign that her biological clock was ticking pretty loudly. That it was time to have a baby.

To celebrate their impending parenthood, Kyle steals Amanda away from work for a picnic. But the idiot forgot to gas up the SUV and they got stuck on the freeway. Um, dude, you're already married. You only use the out-of-gas trick when you're trying to GET the girl.

Fortunately, they got stranded at a marvelous place for a picnic with a lovely view of the ocean. My, what a perfect place to build our dreamhouse! And look, it's for sale! What a coincidence! Unfortunately, their dreams crashed like the waves against the rocks when they saw that the asking price was not within their budget. Drat!

Peter took Eve down into the hotel's wine cellar. It was behind bars. Eve freaked. She flashed back to life in jail. After fifteen years, you'd figure she'd be used to bars.

Lexi apologized to Kyle and Amanda for all the evil that she had done. She told them she was now a reformed woman. Neither of them bought her story. She seemed sincere to me... NOT!

Jane arrived home wanting to drink some wine but couldn't because of her surgery the next day. It must be awful not being able to drink when you want to. I shudder at the thought. Luckily for her, Michael was there to help her through the night.

Kyle met with the owner of the property he and Amanda were interested in. Kyle made an offer, everything he had, which the owner laughed at. Bwahahahaha. Kyle told him about all the signs. About how Amanda was almost smacked by a truck. The owner related his own sob story. He bought that land for his wife. The day they were going to build, she was killed in a car accident. Boo hoo. Don't break my heart.

Lexi told her assistant, Julie, to send flowers to Amanda. When Julie questioned why, Lexi said it's a lot easier to get closer to stab a friend than an enemy. So her apology was a trick. Golly, was I fooled.

The property owner was a bleeding heart. He accepted Kyle's lowball offer and sold him the land. Kyle surprised Amanda with the news. Now surprise her with how you're going to build a house on the land now that you've spent all your money buying it.

Michael went to visit Jane after her surgery. He thought the night they spent together meant they made up. Jane thought otherwise. She gave him the "let's be friends speech." Been there, got that. He reacted how I would have. He told her to prepare for a messy, nasty divorce proceeding.

Back from her honeymoon, in the middle of the night, Eve heard someone knocking at her door. She went to investigate. When she drew up the blinds, she saw it was Kent, the guy she sent bungee jumping without a cord. He called her a bitch. She screamed. She woke up.

It was a dream... it was only a dream...

That's it for this week.

Tune in in two weeks to see Ryan's never-ending battle for truth, justice, and the American girl. Next week, Fox airs the Billboard Music Awards.

When The Place returns December 14th, we're in for a special treat. Hansen will be the musical guest! My heart is all a-flutter! Read a partial spoiler at http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/4616/.

The US Postal Service finished reading my issue of last week's Soap Opera Digest and finally delivered it to me several days late. The cover story dealt with Amanda and Eve's secret, which is secret no more. But the article does reveal the future of Amanda and Eve's relationship.

Then there was an article regarding the scene where Lexi surprised Peter and Eve. She was actually naked.

Also in this issue was an announcement of new guest stars. Stephanie Cameron of "Days of Our Lives" will play a nurse who Michael, naturally, will have the hots for. And Jerry Douglas of "The Young & the Restless" will play the vengeful father of Kent, the football player that Eve offed.

Finally, there was an article about gays in soaps. Aaron Spelling talked about Matt and other gay characters he created.

This week's Soap Opera Digest, which was delivered on time, also contained several Place related articles. First up is an article talking about Kyle having a secret of his own. He'll receive "devastating medical news" from Peter, which he will keep from Amanda.

Michael Watson, of "General Hospital" and "The Bold & the Beautiful," will be appearing as a man from Eve's past. From spoilers I've read, I'm guessing he's a prison guard.

SOD gives a hearty "Thumbs Down" to Laura Leighton's "Sophie" character on "90210." I couldn't stand her either.

Rena Sofer turns 30 on December 2nd. When asked what she would do if she were a man for a day, she said she would walk around without a shirt on.

And lastly from that issue, Kristian Alfonso, ex-Lauren, was spotted around town wearing Amanda's sheets.

Read 'em all at http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/4616/.

In other news, The Place was nominated in several categories in TV Guide Awards. It is up for Favorite Drama Series and Heather is up for Favorite Actress in a Drama. In special categories that can be voted on only from TVG's website, Heather was nominated for Scariest Villian.

And I was finally able to post all the items that were up for auction at Sotheby's a few weeks back. Start at http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/4616/auction.html.

Later...