Anyone see Clinton's videotaped testimony? Being a pillar of the Los Angeles community that I am, a local news program, KCBS News, asked me my opinions of his testimony. When asked by the newscaster, Gustavo, why I watched, I responded, "I tuned in to Channel 11 to see Donnie and Marie. They've got a new talk show ya know. But instead I got Bill and Kenneth. I figured they would be almost as interesting." When Gustavo asked whether I was really interested, I answered, "Of course I'm interested in the travails of the most powerful man on Earth after Bill Gates."

Unfortunately, they didn't use any of my interview. Do you think I was too serious?

Anyway, onto something that we give a crap about...

After being shot by Amanda, Peter was rushed to Wilshire Memorial, the only hospital in LA. Michael, the only other doctor in LA besides Peter, was called in to operate. There wasn't enough time for an x-ray because his vital signs were falling and they were losing him.

What a wimp. The bullet appeared to strike him just below the right shoulder. It's not like there are that many vital organs situated there. Rambo could be shot there and still be able to take out half the Vietnamese Army and some Russian commandos.

Thinking he was on his deathbed, he confessed to Dr. Visconti that he set up the Amanda kidnapping. On my deathbed, the only thing I'll be saying is, "Aaaargh." My secrets will be buried with me.

Megan arrived home and we learn that her dad is a vegetable after suffering a stroke and her mother is Shirley Partridge. Where was Danny Bonaduce?

Kyle's brother Ryan, a financial genius, was involved in a scandal on Wall Street and was blackballed by the finance community. Yeah, as if that could happen. Just ask Michael Milken. Anyway, Ryan has been unemployed for six months and was considering moving to LA. It would be a good move because it's easy to find a job out here at either the hospital, Amanda Woodward Advertising, Kyle's Restaurant or The Jazz Club.

When Peter discovered he wasn't dead, he made Dr. Visconti promise to keep his mouth shut about his involvement in the Amanda incident. The last thing you want to do on The Place is to tell someone to keep a secret. It's a sure sign they won't.

Michael was able to track Megan down. But much to his surprise, Megan didn't grow up in a trailer park like he assumed (Samantha did, but that's a whole different story) but at a Tara-like estate complete with horseys.

Thinking she could get some dirt on Peter, Lexi slinked into Visconti's office to try to get him to violate the doctor-patient confidentiality pact. Okay, I'll admit it. If Lexi sashayed into my office like that, I'd tell her anything she wanted to know. I wouldn't be taking any secrets to my grave.

Jane told Amanda about her inappropriate sexual relation with Alex Bastian. Amanda said sshe had been trying to land his advertising account for two years. What a coincidence! So Jane's first assignment was to nail down his account since she's already been nailed by him.

So she showed up at Alex's house in a tight fitting halter top with spaghetti straps and capri pants, accessorized with a leopard print purse that was probably made from Amanda's sheets. Quite the professional look. It's no wonder that Alex said she looked hot but he wasn't in the market for a new ad agency.

Since Ryan needed a job to stay in LA, lo and behold, a position for him magically appeared at Amanda Woodward Advertising. If you ask me, a financial wizard working in an ad agency is as appropriate as a fashion designer working in an ad agency. Oh wait, that happened, too.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Michael did some snooping and discovered that Megan's dad's stroke was a result of an aneurysm. He didn't have a stroke upon learning that Megan was ho, as Shirley Partridge had earlier alleged in an attempt to lay a guilt trip on Megan to try to get her to stay so she would join the family to sing "I Think I Love You."

Jane returned to the office dressed more conservatively but still carried the purse made from Amanda's sheets. Alex was waiting for her in a conference room. They made plans for him to hear Jane's pitch for his business at his house.

After Alex left, Amanda told Jane that she knew about the rendezvous. That she had a sophisticated intercom system installed. I would call this an invasion of privacy and would sue the crap out of Amanda.

Kyle had a momentary lapse of un-intelligence and queried Peter as to what he was doing in his bedroom. Kyle poked more holes in Peter's story than Kenneth Starr did in Clinton's story. But Peter was cool as a cucumber and managed to evade truthfully answering the questions.

Lexi returned to Visconti's office dressed in a crocheted blouse that you could see right through. She looked so hot, she should be wrapped in asbestos. Anyway, her latest play to get him to spill the beans about Peter was to mount him and start to strip. In the throes of passion, Visconti broke down and talked. Who could blame him?

But he talked too soon. He didn't get any. Just like Craig didn't get any when he signed away his portion of D&D to Amanda. The fools.

That's it for this week's episode.

Read the spoiler for next week's episode, "Doctor Jealousy," over at my site. Also new there is another story from Soap Opera Digest about Steve Wilder. I guarantee that you'll hate him after reading it.

They're both at http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/4616/.

'Til next week...