It was nice of Clinton to address the nation at 10PM ET so that it would occur after the east coast airing and before the west coast airing of The Place. It was all Chelsea's doing. She said, "Daddy, I can forgive you for your inappropriate relationship with that Blewinski woman, but I will NEVER forgive you if you pre-empt The Place!"

I have one question regarding the whole affair, where do you go to get an intern?

On to this week's episode...

Now that Lexi has married Coop and gotten her $5 million, she's gone from nice to bitchy. If I meet a nice girl, I certainly won't be giving her $5 million. Most of the woman I meet are bitchy to begin with anyway.

Megan went to Wilshire Memorial to see Coop. They checked into the linen closet where he began to go at it with a woman who was not his wife. Who does Coop think he is? The President?

As Michael packed for his college reunion (Do they have those?) in Chicago, Taylor said she wanted to go with him. He said that in her state of pregnancy, she would throw off the plane's balance. Well, I know a baggage handler for Delta who told me that they have to look at the seating arrangements and load the luggage to compensate for empty seats and such. And you all thought all they did was toss our stuff around, rummage through our chonies and steal our electronics.

Even though Peter already realized the root of all his problems was his love of Amanda, he still went to see his shrink. Peter told him about this dream he'd been having about Amanda showing up at his door in a red dress to collect his rent. One thing leads to another, then yada, yada, yada, she ravishes him. Dr. Visconti basically told him he'd wigged out.

Billy and Sam were competing for the same job in Italy. Billy told Jennifer and she hinted she would go with him. Sam told Jeff and he hinted he wouldn't go with her. Talk about mismatched couples.

The line of the week goes to Michael. At his reunion, he ran into an old buddy who figured he married Jane. He said, "Actually, that didn't work out. And then my next two wives died." He said it so matter-of-factly that I just died.

He then scurried off to look at a photo of him and Jane with the caption, "Hottest Couple of '88." He graduated college in '88?! I graduated college a few years before that and I don't think I look as old as him. Do I?

Actually, I know Thomas Calabro is older than me. We went to the same high school and he graduated about five years before me.

Anyway, while staring longingly at that picture, who would show up but Jane herself. She looked good. Though I was hoping that in the two years she was away that she would have grown her hair long. I saw her in an episode of "Parker Lewis Can't Lose" when she had long hair and she was drop-dead gorgeous. I didn't even know it was her until I read the closing credits.

Jennifer tracked down Michael in Chicago to tell him about how Billy didn't ask her to accompany him to Italy should he land the job. That was pretty smart, seeking advice about relationships from "Mr. I've Been Married Five Times!"

It was later revealed that Billy didn't ask Jen to go with him because he assumed that she would. Never assume Billy. Because it makes an ASS out of U and ME. Well, not me, but her. When he formally invited her, she took a since-you-didn't-ask-me-to-go-I-don't-wanna-go stance. Women! You can't live with 'em, you can't smack 'em silly even though they really deserve it.

Anyway, she agreed to go with him and they hugged. Aawwww, wasn't that sweet!

Michael went to Jane's parent's house where Jane told him she was having a party to celebrate her upcoming wedding. He identified the groom and followed him until he saw him making out with a woman with a Jane-ish haircut. Turned out it wasn't Jane so Michael decided to be chivalrous and defend Jane's honor by trying to slug the guy. Jane eventually broke up the melee and explained to Michael that she had lied and that the party was for her friend and that she wasn't the one getting married. What a surprise. NOT!

I figured back at the reunion that she was lying. Especially since Michael was embellishing on his accomplishments over the past two years.

Coop met Megan in her car on a desserted street. She was feeling horny and they started to engage in an inappropriate relationship. He said he hadn't done it in a car since high school. She said he was in luck because that's how she won her letter. Knowing her past, she probably won the whole alphabet.

Amanda showed up at Peter's door in a red dress to collect his rent. Whoa, dreams do come true! Tonight, I'm going to dream about Catherine Zeta-Jones coming to challenge me to a swordfight.

Well, many dreams don't exactly come true and Amanda rebuffed Peter's advances. If Catherine is able to resist my charms, that would be OK. Just getting her to my door is enough for me.

Michael and Jane strolled down the lane and down memory lane. They reminisced about all the good times they shared at The Place. Then they shared a rather passionate kiss. It made me think about old girlfriends and rekindling old romances. NO WAY IN HELL! Once a psycho, hose beast, always a psycho, hose beast! You do know I'm talking about the girlfriends, and not me, right?

At the Jazz Club, Peter tried to apologize to Amanda for coming on to her. She replied by evicting him from The Place. How nice of her. She also told Kyle about the incident, so he banned him from the club. If this keeps up, Pete's not going to have any place to go.

Michael's phone conversation with Jennifer to try to dissuade her from going to Italy with Billy was interrupted by a knock on his hotel room door. He thought it was the bell man coming to take his luggage to the lobby. The rest of the universe knew it would be Jane.

Michael didn't do a good job of breaking up Billy and Jen. He proposed to her. She accepted.

Jane must have heard and been aroused by Jennifer's cries of elation because she jumped Michael's bones. That phone call was more effective than a 976 number.

Lexi arrived home early to see Megan and Coop putting their clothes back on. She knew her marriage to Coop was just for money, but was afraid of being caught in a fraudulent marriage by her attorney. She and Megan started to duke it out when Coop broke it up before either could shred the any of the other's clothing. Why couldn't he have waited another minute or five?

Peter went to see a former Don Corleone-like patient whose life he saved. Mr. Mafioso said he'd do anything to repay the favor of saving his life. My guess is that he's gonna want to have Kyle whacked.

Billy walked into Amanda's office to catch the tail end of a conversation with... ALISON! Billy pried out of Amanda that things haven't been peachy for Alison in Georgia. She hasn't been able to hold down a job, fell off the wagon, and is back in rehab. She never should have given up alcohol. Quitting drinking never solved anyone's problems.

Much to Michael's surprise, Jane called to say she was enroute to the beach house. Back at the reunion, he neglected to say he was living with Taylor. He also forgot to say that Taylor was pregnant. And that he's the proud father.

I can't wait 'til next week to see how the dirtbag deals with it.

Read the spoiler for next week's episode, "As Bad As It Gets," I've posted on my site.

Also new there is a trio of articles from Soap Opera Digest. The first is an interview with Aaron Spelling in which he talks about his shows and his kids. Then there's an article about Rena Sofer's luck and Heather Locklear's raging hormones. And finally, there's an item about some spoilers for the fall.

Read 'em all at http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/4616/.

'Til next week...