Not a bad episode last night. Enjoy it while you can. It'll all be over soon.

The show started out with Michael telling Jane he was suspended from his job because of the sexual harassment allegations. Despite his denials, Jane thought he was screwing around again. Upset, Jane hit him with a pillow. She should have taken the phone from the night stand and smacked him with it.

On his way out of The Place, Ryan bumped into his dad, who was making a surprise visit. Turned out his dad was Bill Taylor, Kelly's dad on 90210. Now we know what Bill was doing whenever he ditched any of Kelly's big events, like her high school and college graduations and her aborted wedding to Brandon. Good thing Jake moved to Ojai. Otherwise Bill might kick his ass for messing with his daughter.

Anyway, after dad went upstairs to see Kyle and Amanda, he dissed Taylor by saying that Kyle has finally found a real lady. Taylor was a real lady. A real PSYCHO lady.

He also said that Kyle's mom went to visit his sister. So Kyle's mom is still alive and he has a previously unmentioned sister. Too bad the show is ending before these characters can be fleshed out.

Amanda went to Eve and Peter's apartment to collect the rent. She took the opportunity to apologize to Eve for encouraging her to lie to Peter. Wait a minute. Amanda apologized to Kyle last episode. She apologized to Eve this episode. Just who is this person walking around impersonating Amanda?

Anyway, Amanda then promised she'll never come between Eve and Peter again. Yeah, and I promise never to watch TV again.

Megan told Lexi that she had to tell Ryan about the search for Mr. Right. Lexi fumed that Ryan would blab to Amanda about it. Megan said she swore him to secrecy. Yeah, and I swear never to drink another beer.

They arranged a double date, Megan with Ryan and Lexi with Bachelor #3, for the next night, Valentine's Day. So does that mean that Amanda waits until the middle of the month before she expects the rent? I wish my landlord was that lenient.

At the hospital, Jane walked into what I'm assuming was the nurses' locker room. She found Nurse Audrey, clad only in her Wonderbra and slip, applying moisturizer to her shapely leg. When I wake up tomorrow, I'm going to go to a hospital, find the nurses' locker room and hope that the door is left unlocked.

Jane, now seeming to believe Michael's denial, questioned Audrey about the alleged indescretion. Audrey gave details. She said Michael liked to start with a foot massage. Then he would suck her toes. Uh, that's a little more information than I needed to know. But it was enough to convince Jane that Michael really was catting around again.

Megan, Ryan, Amanda, Kyle and Mack went to dinner. Upon meeting Megan, Mack said she didn't look like a librarian, a reference (reference, library, get it!) to Ryan's misspent youth as a bookworm. Ryan should have shocked his dad by telling him Megan was a hooker.

Michael arrived home to find that Jane had changed the locks and the locks were closed. A locked door at The Place - what a novel idea!

At a meeting with the hospital's board, Michael said that Nurse Audrey was suing him for $3,000,000. Michael should plea no contest. He didn't even have $100,000 for Perry's stock scam. Good luck to Audrey in trying to collect anything. To this day, OJ has yet to pay one penny in the judgement against him.

Michael was told to resign or he would be fired. Peter also asked him to turn over the books to the Children's Fund. Funny, I thought the books were in Peter's computer.

Michael then made an impassioned speech about the right to look at a beautiful woman, the God-given right as red-blooded American males. That would be Amendment One A of the Bill of Rights of the US Constitution - Congress shall make no law abridging freedom of the lech.

On their double date, Lexi came on a bit strong. While dancing, she placed Bachelor #3's hand on her ass. He was taken aback and removed his hand from her ass. What was wrong with him?! The last time I had my hand on a woman's ass, I was slapped.

Kyle revealed to his dad that he was sterile. Dad suggested that he go see a specialist. Such simple, obvious advice. Of course, Kyle ignored it.

Kyle then made dad promise not to tell Amanda about his boys not being able to swim. Yeah, and I promise never to surf the net again.

In the courtyard, it appeared Kyle was going to tell Amanda that he was shooting blanks. But Amanda had something to tell him first. But Mack called them upstairs before either of them could say anything. Just what did Amanda have to say?!

What was awaiting upstairs was a surprise birthday party for Kyle. Everyone was invited except for Lexi. Poor girl. I'll make the ultimate, supreme sacrifice and volunteer to keep her company.

At the party, Amanda apologized to Peter for what she put Eve through. Wow, there certainly were a lot of apologies and promises on this episode.

Upon seeing Peter and Amanda hug, Mack said to Kyle that Amanda will have a child all right. But it won't look like a McBride. Kyle stormed off.

Mack then went to Ryan and asked him whether he'll be able to give him grandkids or whether he'll always be his little girl. Ryan stormed off.

Tropical Storm Kyle and Tropical Storm Ryan collided in the courtyard. A fight ensued. And in eeping with Melrose tradition, they ended up in the pool.

Megan refused to continue with Lexi's hunt for Mr. Right. Lexi enlisted a computer geek to download Megan's data and learned that Ryan was the number one choice for Mr. Right.

Michael went to AWA Advertising to try to get Jane to stand by him in court during Audrey's lawsuit. Did you notice that almost all the extras that passed by in the background stared into the camera. How unprofessional! I bet they're non-union.

At a fundraiser for the Children's Foundation in a hotel, a major benefactor was as drunk as a Kyle and had to be carried out. Amanda and Peter agreed to go to the front desk and get his room key. Now when was the last time a nice hotel used keys. They've all converted to magnetic cards and locks.

Anyway, Lexi just happened to be meeting with some clients at the same hotel (what a coincidence, NOT!) when she saw Peter, with key in hand, and Amanda go into an elevator.

Ryan went to Kyle's apartment for yet another apology. He said he was sorry for last night's fight. Mack walked in and broke the news that Kyle was sterile. Which led to the line of the week. When Ryan asked whether it was true or not, Mack said, "It's true. Your brother's a gelding."

Michael knocked on a door and who was to open it? Nurse Audrey. They embraced and proceeded to swap saliva. What's up with that?

The teaser and spoiler for next week's episode explains it all. And if next week's ep is half as amusing as its title, "Saving Ryan's Privates," it should be really good.

I have the spoiler posted on my site, http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/4616/.

Also new there are obituaries from the New York Daily News, Washington Post, Globe and TV Guide.

After the TV Guide Awards, Aaron Spelling had a hard time finding the words to express his feelings over the cancellation of the show. He first said he wasn't upset. But later admitted that he was fuckin' lying.

Soap Opera Update revealed some spoilers for the February sweeps. It also mentioned that Spelling and Carol Mendelsohn have been hard at work on a new series set in a Las Vegas hotel. All those beds. Think of the possibilities.

SOU speculated on whether Rena Sofer or Lisa Rinna would return to their respective daytime soaps. With the cancellation, I think Rena's chances significantly improved.

Then SOU reported on what's hot and what's not in primetime. Among what's hot - stars returning to their shows like Josie Bissett and Luke Perry. Among what's not - substance abuse by Kyle and Dylan.

In honor of Valentine's Day, Soap Opera Digest devoted their current issue to love. Jack Wagner and Rena Sofer related their experiences with their spouses from when they first met until now. Then they recap the circumstances surrounding Peter and Eve's marriage.

Like SOU, SOD gave Kyle's recent behavior a thumbs down.

And finally, SOD tells us what the Ferrari that was given to Michael is worth.

'Til next week...