Hello, and welcome to
As I travel around in my time machine, cunningly disguised as a common garden vegetable, the details of my travels will be posted here. Of course you will only ever see one version of this as I have travelled forward in time and downloaded the very last version of this. Oh well, here goes...
| On my very first travel in the vegetable, I travelled back in time to see the very beginning of the Universe, but was disappointed to see absolutely nothing, except some geezer, by the name of Turnip Joe with a garden fork digging up Turnips. This particular time period seemed so similar to the one at present that I decided to return to the present, only to find that it was radically different. Who would have thought that lobbing a discoloured Turnip at Turnip Joe would drastically change the course of the Universe. After exploring the new Universe, I stumbled across a planet by the name of Zorp, inhabited by a race of ignorantly aggressive aliens, known as the Zorpian, led by the Dictator, General Briorgi - Commander of the Zorpian Fleet. As I found their race INCREDIBLY boring, i travelled back in time in order to try and reverse the damage caused to the universe by catching the Turnip lobbed at Turnip Joe and replanting it, so as not to disturb the rightful timeline. Unfortunately, upon my return to the present Universe, I found that the Zorpian race had still remained, but so had Mother Earth. Unfortunately, The Zorpian Fleet, Led by the bumhole known only as General Briorgi, was attempting to infiltrate and takeover the human race. Fortunately, the Zorpians are incredibly stupid and are easy to spot (details can be found here later). |
| On another of my adventures, I went to one of Hitler's very famous parties. Once there, he told me about all of his plans to takeover the world. He was clearly insane. When I told him that I had a time machine, he had me constrained, and decided to remove the vegetable from my persons. Hitler attempted to use the vegetable and tried to see his future, but was disappointed to find that he lost the war, so decided to try something drastically different and try to takeover the world later. On my return to the present, I was suprised to see that the world was ruled by the Zorpians! I checked the History books, which claimed that Hitler later conspired with the Zorpians to help him takeover the world, but was later assasinated by the Zorpians, leaving them to rule the world. I had to go back in time and stop the Zorpians, so went back to the time when the Zorpians and Hitler met. Back in the day, Hitler would do anything if he was dared to do it (His march through Belgium was a dare from his cat - He WAS clearly insane) I dared Hitler to call the next person he saw a "dingbat" - Unfortunately for him, the next person he saw was General Briorgi, who was very disappointed. Therefore, Hitler became angry, and decided to kill me, he pulled out his gun and fired three shots at me, all of which I was protected by from the Vegetable. I used it to get back to the present, only to find that the Second world war was postponed by a bit. |
| You'd think I'd have figured out that messing with the annals of time isn't patricularly a good idea, but...well...I need material! |
The Very Next day...
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Copyright © 2000 Duncan Cook