Well, Here I be! Arr! Cap'n Dave! Scourge of the Seas! Arr! I have many a terrrrrible pirate tale to tell ye, and I will tell ye, if ye come close....Arr!
Nyarr! I'm a Pirate, says I! Arr! I've seen many a sea beast! So ugly, a land-lubber like you couldny take it! And if yer not careful, I'll fillet ye like a skiny haddock! Nyarr! Tis true!
Now, where was I...?
| Yes, them Scurvy sea...dogs! They sing as beautiffuly as one can imagine, but careful, cuz while ye be absorbed by their music, they hijack your shop and steal your food! Nyarr! I was hungry for a week! Why do you think I wear an eye patch? twas 3 weeks 'fore I found food - I ate my own eye to survive! I would've eaten my tongue too, but that woulda hurt...Nyarr! |
| Nyarr! Twas many a year ago that, while sailing round the cape for silk and spices (the likes of which ye have never seen), that, while aboard th'ship, every night I was woken by a blood-curdling howl! This howl was, my scurvy land-lubbers, so horrifying a howl, I was nearly scared tp Davy-Jones' Locker meself! Arr! And I'm a hardened Pirate! Arr! Th'next day, I asked me'crew if they had heard't too - and by the Gods of The Seven Seas themselves, they had. Arr. They crew believed that We, being a scurvy pirate-bunch. that we were being haunted by the fabled "Sea-Banshee",said to be so terrible, that one mighty howl from the harlot's own mouth could strike ye dead, yer heart 'sploding from the sound. The crew were indeed a mess...what could I do? There was only one thing. Me mateys and I offred a human sacrifice....The next moonless night, dark as pitch, we sacrificed that chef o' Th'Galley. Th'only me matyes and I sacrificed *that* sorry pirate was fer the fact that he ne'er made any good food. While we slept evr'y night, he'd be makin th'breakfast...and there was always blood in th'toast. When he was sacrificed, he denied it o'course, but me heartys and me knew. He couldn't cut straight and chopped hisself a few good times. After the poor Soul was sent to Th'Locker by way of Plank-Walking, the Banshee soon stopped. Twas good that I'd come up with that idea, or else who would know what other misfortune may have befell me crew! Arr! Arr! Nyarr! |
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Arr, my Hearties!!! Capn' Ollie here!!! Writing to you from across the seas! Arr-ha-Harr!!! I've just returned home from a new adventure!! Arr! Davy Jones' locker and back, Says I! Arr!! Fer, I set out ta see...The Giant Squid!!! ARR!
Was a week last tuesday, I set out with my scurvy crew of salty-sea-dogs(Not a land lubber in sight, I tellz ya! Arr!) We set sail from Plymouth, 500 nautical miles t'ward the Atlantic, and from there, as th'legends say, we let down the mainsail, and drifted for three days. The Bosun kept watch from th'crowsnest, forewarning his mateys of any danger. Arr! Then, one dark and stormy night...(Th'night was th'stormiest I'd ever see! Clouds, black as the night, thunderous as a cat o' nine tails on the backs of soft-skinned land-lubbers! ARR!) Th'Bosun, Jack be 'is name, cried out t'us "Arr! Tentacles! Clinging on the starboard bow! Scrape 'em off, Capn!!!" The crew were outta their hammocks faster than the spread of homosexuality in a navy fleet(MMmm.....contraversial...) and on deck, ready with Sharpened knives from th'Galley, rusty-cutlasses and hooks sharp as a razor. Hackin' 'n' slashin' at the salty beast continued for well o'er an hour, untill finally, th'watery best retreated back to th' briny deep. We lost Jack on that mission. He fell overboard peeing - Yarg. |
