B.U.N.G.L.E.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
TO:
The Major Media of the World
The TransNational Corporations
The Major Financial Institutions
RE: BEWARE!!!
A certain recent global financial catastrophe, triggered by one of our agents is merely a WAKE UP CALL to the remaining Pirate Institutions that corrupt and enslave the People & Planet. The agents of B.U.N.GL.E have stumbled through the murky corridors of power into the global media spotlight. A cadre of clumsy operatives, holding Liberty's Candle to the britches covering the true face of the SEAT OF POWER. The forces of B.U.N.G.L.E. have deployed a global net of Strategic Potential Accidental Mishaps, (informally called "Oops Wars"). While the operational details are unimaginably classified and protectively misfiled, it can be said that well-meaning agents in forward positions are armed with highly advanced forms of "accident," "negligence," "bad timing" and "miscalculation." There is no defense against these unforeseeable events. Furthermore these weapons can generally be employed with IMPUNITY as they are often anonymous, or "innocent." However, these are not the simple MISTAKES they seem. These are the works of B.U.N.G.L.E.
THIS IS NOT A JOKE. IGNORE THIS WARNING AT YOUR PERIL.
The agents of B.U.N.G.L.E. are prepared to carry out further and ESCALATING acts of UNFORSEEN CONSEQUENCES unless our demands are met immediately.
1. 1. There shall be immediate cessation of the traffic in "virtual currency," the doctrines of "sado-monetarism" (aka the Global Market Economy) and other illicit manipulations of the world's wealth through the endless variations of the old Monetary Shell Game. In the interim, prior to formation of a system of equitable distribution, global labor and resources will be shared according to the mores and customs of the "potluck supper."
2. 2. The ceaseless and senseless consumer maw must be put on a crash diet. While this beast has a hunger that McDonald's could not appease, a thirst not even Pepsico could satiate, there is one immediate step required: All commercial advertising employing human props divorced from the immediate function of the advertised "goods or services" are to carry the following warning label. - If this advert seems to suggest that if you purchase this product the person depicted in the ad, or someone like them, will engage in sex or other erotic activities with you, you should be aware that such a prospect is highly unlikely. If it were true, it would be considered a "cash for sex transaction" or prostitution, which is illegal in most nations of the world. If you feel you have been "wrongfully aroused to purchase" by the content of this purely commercial come on, you are entitled to seek damages directly from the product manufacturer and/or the advertising agency responsible.
3. The War Machine to the Scrap Pile. Those "armed conflicts" that do not spontaneously terminate upon fulfillment of conditions (1) and (2) above are to be immediately transferred to the PRINCIPLE PARTIES. That is, conscripted, or wage slave "volunteer" soldiers will be immediately released from their "obligations," treated to "forty acres and a mule" or the equivalent thereof, and the instigators and/or signatories involved in the ORIGINATION OF THE CONFLICT will be responsible for its resolution through simple hand to hand combat. These combat bouts will be refereed by officials of the World Wrestling Foundation. They will be declared "pacified" when one or both of the combatants say "uncle" or the bout declared to be of low intensity entertainment.
4. An immediate AMNESTY is offered to those self styled AUTHORITIES and MARKET FORCES (and attendant functionaries and propagandists) responsible for this epidemic of yo-yo economic terrorism, who immediately renounce the path of Trample Down Economics and WAKE UP AND SPILL THE COFFEE. Those elements that refuse amnesty and cling to their illusions of power and "authority" will be relocated to "Convention Havens." These Havens will be maintained in accord with the Disney Protocols, to provide for the recognized cultural and spiritual needs of the Conventionees.
We don't expect these measures to completely extinguish oppression, avarice, megalomania and their attendant suffering. But we can think of no reason these social ills should be encouraged as institutions. We have plenty of challenges already. We hardly need the added burden of learned fellows who move a bunch of 000,000,000,000... around and call it equity. (Not to mention the painful droning of the "journalists" and "pundits" who assure us how the latest transfer of zeros is sure to cure the crises caused by the previous. And if that doesn't work, a "goodwill entourage" from the carrier battle group just off the coast is sure to do the trick).
We don't think we are stupid. We don't think the powers that "run the show" are stupid either. But then, "Why do they act like it?" we ask ourselves. Nobody seems to know. "Maybe they think we are stupid." "Maybe it's a conspiracy." "Maybe it's a conspiracy of stupidity." "Maybe they think it's all a joke." "Maybe it is a joke." "Has anyone seen my car keys?" We discussed these things and more and we came to one conclusion. MISTAKES WERE MADE. And we gained hope. And building on hope, we became brave. Soon we were literally swaggering about, and it wasn't long before something got knocked over...
And B.U.N.G.L.E. was born. More mistakes, more wires crossed, ineptitude feeding back on itself. As long as there are wrenches dangling in shirt pockets, wrong buttons to push, boredom to encourage inattention, the fear to speak up when something's wrong, as long as necessary, B.U.N.G.L.E. will continue.
So give up now and avoid the rush. When the above objectives I - 4 are accomplished we will begin immediately to negotiate the remaining terms of the SURRENDER of Vapor-Capitalism, Industrialismo, the Global Media Vampire and the coercive interest bearing STATE in general. In the meanwhile, we don't intend to dally about (apart from tactical dallying of course), further actions (or non-actions) are already under way. The next EDIFICE TO CRUMBLE may be the one that holds you up (down?). Watch your head!
It's not just Murphy's law, it's a promise: Whatever can go wrong, WILL go wrong. Count on it.