THE CHRISTMAS GIFT
The room was growing dim. We were in the twilight hour of the day. It was cold and dreary outside with a chance of snow. Normally, I would have been very hopeful for the snow this time of year...but tonight, I didn�t care about the snow or whether it would be a white Christmas. Tonight, this evening before Christmas Eve, I only cared about one thing. My heart was heavy as I sat in the chair next to the bed. I touched my child�s hand, then picked it up and held it in my hand. I lay my head on the bed and held his tiny hand in mine close to my heart. As my head lay on the bed beside him, I watched him breathe...slow and even breaths. He looked like a sleeping angel, so sweet and peaceful. It was so hard to believe that my 4-year-old son, TJ, was in a coma. And I just couldn�t accept the doctor�s grim prognosis. They had done all they could do, they had told me earlier that day. TJ probably wouldn�t pull through this time. The infection raging through his small body was winning this battle of life and all we could do was wait. As I sat in the dim room, I quietly prayed that God would give him strength to fight. What do the doctors know anyway...this was something better left to God. Only God could save my son now.
TJ was first diagnosed with leukemia when he was three years old. The chances of his survival depended solely on his body�s response to the treatments. His was a very tough battle. Time after time his small body was pumped full of powerful chemotherapy drugs and time after time his body became weaker and weaker. He wasn�t responding well. Before he would have enough of the powerful drugs to stop the progress of his leukemia, his tiny body would begin to fail in some way. The drugs were just too much for him. The doctors were forced to give fewer drugs and smaller doses. Thus...he continued to fail. The drugs had depleted his white blood cells and he had no other defense against this raging infection. He had slipped into a coma yesterday, and the doctors give him little chance of waking up. �He�ll just quietly slip away,� they told me earlier today.
The room was becoming dark now, the twilight was slowly fading and darkness was creeping in. I didn�t even notice the darkness of the room. My mind and my heart were struggling so to dismiss what the doctors had said. I knew that I just couldn�t accept the death of my child. �How would you ever get past that and go on?� I wondered as I prayed again for strength. The room was so quiet and still and dark and I waited.
Suddenly, TJ sat up in bed, looked at me and cried, �I�m scared, Mommy, I don�t want to!� I was shocked and confused. I asked him what was wrong and what he was talking about. He looked at me with his eyes wide and filled with tears and he said, �Mommy, will you please go with me, I�m afraid to go all by myself.� I asked him again what he was talking about. He looked, first around the room, then at me and replied...�The angels are here, mommy, and they want me to go with them now!
My heart exploded in my chest. I became hysterical and got on my knees beside the bed and began crying out to God...�Please, God, don�t do this...not now,� I shouted through my tears. �I�m not ready and it�s Christmas...Please God don�t take him from me!! I�m not strong enough to get through it and he�s so little!� I kept crying out to God and sobbing and watching TJ. He took my hand and smiled and quietly
closed his eyes again...I was panic-stricken!! I picked him up and held him, not caring where all the tubes and IV�s were, and was surprised to find that he was warm and still alive. So, I sat there, in the dark room and held him and cried and prayed and waited.
I was looking down at his pale, limp little body in my arms when I felt the presence of another person standing very near me. I looked up and saw no one but felt warmth. I felt my heart lighten in my chest and a calmness that I had never experienced before. And in the darkness, I saw a hand very gently stroke TJ�s cheek as he lay in my arms and then was gone. But left with me, a wonderful peace.
TJ remained in the coma throughout that night. The following morning, about 10:00 AM, he slowly opened his eyes. The fever that racked his tiny body was gone. He turned his head and slowly looked around the room. Then he looked at me and said, �I love you, mommy!� and smiled.
It was Christmas Eve morning! What a glorious Christmas gift God had given us! Here, on the very eve of His own precious Son�s birth, He had given my son his life back. And this, all because of the hysterical and heartfelt prayer of a loving mother. A most precious and symbolic gift to a daughter and her son, from a very loving Father. And as I glanced out the window, I could see the soft snowflakes beginning to fall.
Written by: Robin Nisius ~ [email protected]
May 15, 1999
