an event so apocalyptic that the nation will be shaken to its very foundations

You know it has to happen sometime. Like what, you ask? A giant asteroid will slam into the Parliament buildings in Ottawa and wake up half the Senate? There will be a people-wash at the ferry terminal in North Sydney to make sure mainlanders coming to Newfoundland are clean? Roman Catholics and Pentecostals will have their own separate school systems?

Nope to all of the above. What we are talking about here is an event so apocalyptic that the nation will be shaken to its very foundations. I�m shaking now just thinking about it.

Brian Tobin will become prime minister of Canada.

The signs and wonders are all around us. Doomsday has been forecast with far less evidence. Anyone who ran out and bought a life-jacket in August � and that�s most of the population of the St. John�s Metropolitan Area � will surely be swayed by the omens already appearing. Toronto had the biggest snowfall in its history last weekend. Jesse �The Body� Ventura, a professional wrestler in the lowest sense of that term, has just been elected governor of one of the United States.

�Tress been,� indeed

And if that weren�t enough, anyone with an ear for linguistics at all would catch a faint hint of the Quebec language (which isn�t at all the same as the French language) in Brother Tobin�s speech. We all know that in order to be prime minister of this great land one must be fluent in Quebecese. I thought that it was a dead giveaway when, after being asked how he was feeling on an open line show, Mr. Tobin replied, �tress been, tress been, monsewer.�

I admit that I am not the first Wise Man to travel under this particular star. Others have spoken of The Event in hushed tones ever since Brian slapped down the Spaniards in the baby turbot fiasco. And he did it without George Baker�s help. Not that Mr. Baker wouldn�t have helped had he been asked. But he wasn�t, so he didn�t, so there. Brian, like Alexander the Great, wasn�t about to share his glory with anyone.

It is unlikely that a Newfoundlander being made first minister will be noticed by anyone anywhere west of Cape Breton.

Since the sparkling wit and satire in �The View� is now being enjoyed by tens of thousands of North Americans outside our own little province, I must state the obvious: previous few of these thousands know or care about anything that happens on the Rock. It is thus unlikely that a Newfoundlander being made first minister will be noticed by anyone anywhere west of Cape Breton. I must, therefore, give you something to look for as proof that the inevitable has already happened.

The first thing you may see is a bunch of shepherds running around shouting �Hallelujah.� OK, sorry. I�ll get serious. The first thing that will happen is that all mainlanders will be required to make a pilgrimage to Newfoundland at least once every five years and be further required to spend at least $5,000 during their stay.

Some things will change

Will he will make a good prime minister. Is a frog�s bum watertight?

All of this, of course, begs the question of whether or not Brother Brian wants to become prime minister. Does Andy Wells have a townie accent? Has Art Reid put his foot in his mouth? Yes. Yes. Yes. You may without fear of contradiction echo a parody of that old song, �Yes, yes, a thousand times yes� to all of the above.

Newfoundland Election Feb 99

You want me to get really serious here? I predict without aid of signs and wonders at all that our wily premier will call a spring or summer election to give his party another four years in power. He will then resign as premier to run in the federal Liberal leadership convention which will be held sometime during the year 2000. I further predict that he will win that race and become the Sir John A. Macdonald of the third millennium.

He who hath ears to hear, let him hear.