A Song For Eurosong

2000

On May 13, Stockholm will play host to the greatest pan-European festival of culture and artistic endeavours one can imagine. But enough about the Swedish Beer Festival, I'm here to talk about the Eurovision Song Contest.

Twenty-four nations will be represented in this year's contest, each performing one three-minute song that represents the culture and national identity of the contributor. Viewers around Europe will be invited to cast phone votes for which other country's songs they preferred [1], points will be awarded on the basis of those votes, and the song with the most points at the end of the night wins.

[1] Except, that is, for viewers in Ireland. Ireland's phone system was incapable of supporting a phone vote last year, and has been replaced by the "Irish Lottery" method. Votes will be cast by the lady off of RTE drawing balls out of a bag and giving those names in that order to the scrutiny panel. It's expected to give a result that neutrals will like just as much as the public taste, anyway.

Over the eight weeks before the festival itself, I'll be previewing all twenty-four competing entries, analysing them for similarity to previous entries, pointing out interesting facets of the musical composition and taking a view on who's going to win the darned contest anyway. So, eyes down, here we go:

*

"Same'ace" performed by Ping Pong. The team that brought you the winner in 1998, and a strong performer last year, has come up with another strong song to open the last concert of the century. It's a very simple structure, consisting of a typical Eurodisco groove (sounding a lot like Gina G's 1996 entry "Ooh Aah Just a Little Bit,) with a warbling female vocalist, and the title shouted out every few bars. Just to spice proceedings up a little, there's a weird bit after two minutes, but the track returns to normality within a phrase. It won't win, but it will set the standard by which the following songs will be judged. That's a very high standard already.

"No Goodbyes" performed by Linda Wagenmakers. After entering great songs for the past two years, I was optimistic about the Dutch entry. I'm more than a little disappointed by the song. It's a passable number, combining Eurodisco with a touch of Latin rhythm and guitar, and a key-change at 2:18. Despite the anthemic chorus and simple song structure, it leaves me wondering exactly what it sounds like. I can't put my finger on it. The Dutch entry could do well, but I fear it will be swamped by superior entries from elsewhere. History is on the Dutch side: when the contest was held in Sweden 25 years ago, the winning entry was the lyrically complex "Ding-a-Dong", from the Netherlands.

You try drawing the UK flag without using graphics!

"Don't Play That Song Again" performed by Nikki French. Suppose, just suppose, that Steps entered this year's contest with a decent but not brilliant uptempo number in a minor key. And suppose that Steps decided not to do their five-part harmonies, but let one of the girls sing. Add a key change - to major - at 2:08, and you've got the UK's entry in a bag. This will either fly into the top five or bomb even worse than Precious last year. I can't quite tell which.

"Once In a Lifetime" performed by Ines. They should have done the business last year with an entry that sounded like Irish winners in 92, 93 and 96, not to mention Norway's 95 topper. They didn't. This time, they've picked an upbeat, bouncy number that sounds like a cousin of ABBA, just as Selma's "All Out Of Luck" was for Iceland, runner-up last year. Look for a key change at 2:13 and a dark horse for the grand prix.

"On Aura le Ciel", performed by Sofia Mesfari. Some of the chord sequences to the French entry owe a lot to the Backstreet Boys, while the vocals remind me of what Canadian chanteuse Amanda Marshall might put up - deep and tuneful. This is an upbeat song that has a strong rhythm. The recording I've got doesn't bring out the orchestration well, and the song may well be losing as a result. France only got their place this year owing to their place in the big four contributors to the EBU, and hasn't scored well since 1995. This will pick up small numbers of votes across the board, pushing for the top 10. Had they been drawn after some weak songs, France would have stood out better; coming fifth after the intensely strong opening numbers will cost them.

"Luna", performed by Taxi. The first slow song in this year's contest features a male vocal with female backing. The bloke murmurs and wails in a most peculiar - and not at all unattractive - way over a very sparse guitar and flute backing, until electric guitars crash in at 2:15 and the tempo speeds. The song doesn't quite gel on first listening, it's far better after two. It deserves better, but this isn't going to do Romania any favours at all. How sad.

+

"Desire" performed by Claudette Pace. After a quiet start, there are calypso beats and a catchy chorus that hits notes that are higher than seem possible. Key change at 2:25. Eighth in the running order is just about where the contest begins to wake up, and this is going to make audiences jolt out of their seats. After coming third two years ago, Malta doesn't have relegation worries this time round. It's quite possible the national broadcaster will have the pleasant problem of ordering next year's contest.

"My Heart Goes Boom", performed by Charmed. I pity whoever has to follow Malta, because the audience is still going to be bopping along from the last number. So, why not submit another upbeat number. If you've heard M2M, or remember A-ha when they sang in a major key, or even the 1985 winner "Let It Swing, " you'll have the skeleton of this one. A distinctly happy song, performed by a girl group. The verse bears more than a passing resemblance to Wet Wet Wet's 1989 smash "Sweet Surrender," albeit vastly speeded up, and there's a subtle key change for each bridge. The last minute contains the 15 second quiet bit, followed by an obvious key change at 2:28. It's formula Eurosong, carried out to perfection. It shouldn't be in a position to fail, and appearing around 1/3 of the way through has been a good draw in recent years. This year, though, Norway is a relatively weak song appearing between two very strong contenders, and that will work against her.

Solo performed by Alsou. If Britain's entry is Steps performed by a solo star, and Germany is a rip-off of Rick Dees, Russia's entry is Britney Spears. I've not seen the performer, so can't say whether or not she's had knee surgery, but the production and style is unmistakable. Sung in English, this is an almost exact clone of Spears' hit "You Drive Me Crazy," right down to the sudden halt in procedings after a twiddly instrumental break. It's impossibly infectious, has a key change at 2:12, and is going to be a massive point scorer. Russia has performed passably in her three previous Eurosong appearances, but this will easily beat the 70 points and ninth place of the 1994 debut.

"Envie de Viver" performed by Nathalie Source. Warmly tipped for big things last year, Vanessa Chinitor failed to deliver the goods, consigning Belgium to mid-table mediocrity. This year, they seem to have followed the trend of upbeat numbers, producing a happy French language number. Nathalie's vocals tend to screech more than might be good for the song's chances, but this could be something they'll fix on the night. It's a song that sounds like it's leading to a key-change, but doesn't. Mid-table respectability is about as good as this quality, but forgettable, song will achieve.

*****  *****

"Nomiza" performed by Alexandros Panayi & Christina Argyri. Starting like a Savage Garden track, or the BBC News, all hammering drums and moderate waffle, this song goes nowhere. The main melody is typically Greek, with lots of the spooky slightly flat intervals that the country is famous for. The song, however, never quite arrives. This sounds like the first failure of the night, and they won't even have 12 points from Greece to rely on. With Cyprus needing to make the top 6 to survive into next year, relegation seems assured.

"Hvert sem er" performed by Einer Agust Vioisson and Telma Agustsdottir. After running Sweden close last year, I had great hopes for the Icelandic entry this time round. While the entry is melodic and well-structured, it lacks a certain spark to lift it above the mass of entries this year. It's very similar to the ABBA-clones that are popular this year, even down to the male-female duet. Uptempo number, breezes along at a rate of knots, but nothing to set it apart from the last few entries. It comes just before the First Interval, and won't be high on the mind during that break. A respectable placing, but it's not going to challenge for the top.

"Colagdo de un Sueno" performed by Serafin Zubiri. It's a bloke singing quite a hard ballad, with a hook that one can whistle during the first chorus. Another key change at 2:13, just as Estonia had. Though Spain's not bothered with relegation, owing to their size, this should make at least a mid-table showing, and may challenge the top half dozen. They will be hurt by the break in proceedings before their entry, losing many potential voters to the loo / kettle / off-license / chippy / dial-a-pizza.

"Smuk som et stjerneskud" performed by the Olsen Brothers. A more reflective entry, performed over an instrumental track that owes a lot to Mike Oldfield's "Tubular Bells" works. Two male singers, providing simple, close harmonies. It's a very simple structure, reminding me a lot of B*Witched's "I Shall Be There," and the obligatory key change at 2:34 is well telegraphed. This one could be a bit of a dark horse, but I don't see it challenging for honours.

Wadde hadde dudde da performed by Stefan Raab. After last year's third place with the polylingual "Reise Nach Jerusalem," Germany continues along the road of if you make it sound like all the European languages in one song, lots of people might vote for it. They might come a cropper with this one, featuring a male German rapper speak all over a backing track of female vocalists. Terry Wogan is going to have a field day commentating on this one. It sounds like something Grandmaster Flash might have knocked out when he was down with a bad fever circa 1983. Or Rick Dees and his Disco Duck (1976.) Key change marked with a drum roll at 2:31. My esteemed colleague Sascha was correct: this is too silly to be taken seriously, and so will give Germany another top ten entry. Twelve points from Turkey are assured, and there will be small places right across the board. That won't be enough to put it anywhere near the running for the top prize. Though one can never underestimate the lack of taste of the European public.

La vita cos'e performed by Jane Bogaert. It's very dated, sounding like a refugee from the early 80s ballad fest. Though it's improved remarkably from the national selection, it's still not really a viable entry. Switzerland failed to score last time they entered in 1998, and has scored the princely total of 37 points since coming third in 1993. They need a great score to qualify for next year's edition. They won't get it, but should pick up points here and there. That total of 37 looks about right for this one.

###               ###

Ostani performed by Goran Karan. Some elements of Croat society have been worried that the broadcaster will have to fund Eurosong 2001. Based on recent experience, a lush ballad two years ago, and an uptempo disco number last year - both of which made the top six - they have reason to worry. It's in that spirit of "We Don't Want to Hold Your Contest Next Year" that Croatia enters a male performer. Instantly, it's as if Eurosong has returned to the late 80s, an error of plaintive, bombastic, terminally dull, ballads. This is typical of its class. That said, it is a perfectly well executed song, and will be a big fish in the market for slow songs this year. If that market turns out to be a large one, Croatia could well scrape a top ten place. She needs around 50 points to stave off relegation this year, and should have no trouble getting that.

"Nar Vindarna Viskar Mitt Namn" performed by Roger Pontare. Did anyone ever stop to think what one would get if one crossed the Eurovision Song Contest with British heavy metal act Iron Maiden? No? Not surprising, really, it's a bit of an odd combination. This is that combination. Allowing for the poor quality of the file I have, it's quite a promising number. Though I can't quite see it challenging for top honours, it will make a strong move on the top ten. It's certainly different from all the ABBA clones, and will win points for that.

/    /   /  / /

100% Te Ljubam performed by XXL. This goes calypso right from the word go, with a banging, drumming rhythm that shouts samba from the rooftops. There's ample potential for confusion, as the start of Macedonia's chorus is a transposition down - by about a fifth - of the beginning of Malta's verses before the key change. This is a very strong entry, especially if it's a sunny day and evening across the continent. The similarity to Malta's will probably cost it the win, but a very high place looks in prospect.

A Little Bit performed by Nina Astrom. Sounding like something the Dixie Chicks or Shania Twain would turn out in their spare time, this has the chugging rhythm common to many Backstreet Boys hits. Given a dozen listens, this would probably win hands down; but it's judged on first listen, and will struggle to rise above about tenth. Key change at 1:53.

My Star performed by BrainStorm. Opening with an epic guitar sweep, I'm reminded of epic Scottish bands such as Simple Minds, Runrig or Big Country. The singer, though, is more tenor than baritone, and sings with a discernible accent. This is a perfectly sweet, relaxed song, but isn't all that remarkable. Closest analogy would be recent acoustic hits for Lene Marlin or M2M. The real letdown is that, while scarcely memorable after one listen, it's the sort of tune that is a real grower. Probably the best scoring of the slow songs so far, but it's touch-and-go whether it will pick up the 80 points needed to stave off relegation.

(  *

Yorgunum Anla performed by Pinar Ayhan & SOS. Third-last is a good draw, but it won't give Turkey the victory this year. This is just about the only clearly ethnic song in the contest, and will appeal to hard-core Turkish fans and neighbours only. 12 from Germany, smaller points from the Balkans, and relegation next year.

Millennium Of Love performed by Eammon Toal. The #1 Eurosong Country over the past ten years - winners in 92, 93, 94, 96, runners-up in 97 - performed poorly last year. It's almost as if RTE didn't want to host the contest again, even though they're the most experienced by far. This year's entry is bloke at piano singing power ballad. It's slushy, almost too slushy. Then they get to the chorus, and an ever so familiar beat appears. Yes! It's a slowed down version of "Love Shine A Light," the 1997 UK winner. The Irish entry is joint favourites with British bookmakers, primarily based on their past record. While I can't quite see this winning, if the ABBA-clones cancel themselves out, this is going to pull through. Saints preserve us!

All To You performed by The Rounder Girls. Alphabetically, the first country; to perform, the last. Austria�s target is 30 points to stave off relegation for next year, and performing last means they should have no problems picking that up. This is a so-so song, slightly jaunty but not as calypso as Malta; ABBA-influenced, but nowhere as near a clone as the UK or Estonia. The key change at 2:08 is the first in four songs. I can see this coming almost exactly in the middle of the table.

So, let me pull all the strings of this year�s contest together. First, a reminder of the running order, with symbols for language. Entries marked # are sung in the country�s native language, entries marked * should see the footnote below. Entries without either symbol will be sung in English, or a close approximation thereof.

1 � Israel#        2 � Netherlands 3 - UK
4 � Estonia        5 � France#     6 - Romania
7 � Malta          8 � Norway      9 - Russia
10 � Belgium#     11 � Cyprus#    12 � Iceland*
13 � Spain#       14 � Denmark#   15 � Germany*
16 � Switzerland* 17 � Croatia#   18 - Sweden 
19 � Macedonia#   20 � Finland    21 - Latvia
22 � Turkey#      23 � Ireland    24 � Austria

To summarise. Don�t look for anything significant from Romania, Cyprus, Spain, Croatia, or Turkey. The songs are just too poor to make a significant impact. Similarly, enjoy the entries from Israel, France, Iceland, Denmark, and Macedonia. Don�t expect them to win, but they might threaten the top half of the table.

There are stronger entries, which should be around halfway, from the Netherlands, Belgium, Switzerland, and Finland. These countries have all made the classic mistake of entering a song that requires a lot of listens to appreciate.

It�s a wide-open contest this year, and it wouldn�t surprise me hugely if there�s success for the entries from Russia, Sweden, or Austria. They�re all good songs, and while I don�t really expect them to challenge for the title, they will put up some very decent showings.

Latvia and Malta should be up in the leading pack for much of the night, but I fear they will both fall just short at the end of the day. The leading pack should consist of the bookie�s favourites: UK, Estonia, and Norway, but the title is just a little too close to predict. Given Malta�s early draw, I strongly expect the winner will come from one of the top eight positions.

I�ve left two songs to the end: Germany and Ireland. If the viewers of Europe are all able to get the deeply ironic German entry, it will go off the top of the scale; somehow, I think they�ve been just too clever for their own good and it�ll go over the heads of a continent. Ireland has entered a song that is so trite even Paul McCartney might pass on it; in the spirit of jokes played at Eurosong coming back to haunt the players, this could also be the winning entry.

The best guide to how the night will go should come after three juries have voted. Israel, the Netherlands, and the UK combine to have very little historical bias. The leading group should be apparent after the UK has voted. Do remember that a country can�t vote for herself, so add 50% to the scores of the first three, including the favoured UK.

Other news on voting: Russia and Romania will be using juries, and won�t attempt to vote by telephone poll. The last five countries to vote will fax their results to the EBU during the Second Interval to avoid any chance of ballot rigging.

Fancy a flutter? My money�s on Latvia to make the top three at 6/1, and Malta to win the contest at 33/1.

The Contest Itself

Israel opened the show, they've changed the songs title from the decently exotic "Same'ach" to the exhortation "Be Happy." It turns from mysterious to naff. The Dutch entry appeared in a circus tent, while the UK entry played a blinder. Estonia got feet tapping across the continent. Wow, four great songs already.

France slowed the frenetic pace, looking like Chiara (Malta 98) and singing about umming. In French. Romania provided the yodel. Malta looked like Alma Cogan, but won a rousing reception. Norway had purple hair highlights, and sounded like a throwback to the mid-80s.

Russia had tight trousers and cool dancers. Belgium squeaked through her song, and looked like she's escaped from a wedding. Cyprus looked and sounded eerie, like a rally for The Chosen. Iceland reminded me of Lloyd-Webber writing "Austin Powers: The Musical."

Spain was rubbish. Denmark changed into English, whipped out the lighters (well, torches) and went down a storm. They also used a vocoder like Cher, which might be against the spirit of the rules. Germany was a sight in gold lame, looking like the new Shawaddy-hadde-dudde-da. The girls' tops came off late in the act. Switzerland banged the microphone early on, and whipped out her teeth later. Just like Celine 88.

Croatia sang about the angels falling asleep. As did the audience. Sweden was the most spectacular performance, and I wait for the Iron Maiden cover version. Macedonia changed to English for the last verse, but at least one of them was flat right through. Finland dropped lots of geographic names.

Latvia was mad, loony, engaging, fab. Turkey did half the song in English, but shouldn't have bothered. I've figured out what the Irish song is: proof that Ireland has discovered the ironic entry! Ten years behind the rest of the continent, but what the heck. Austria brought up the end with an entry from that well-known suburb of Vienna, Detroit.

I said that the score after three juries would be a good hint to the final result. It was:
Denmark 34, Russia 18, Ireland 15, Latvia 15, Estonia 13, Germany 13. The Netherlands had 8, the UK 1.
All we missed was the late surge for Sweden: nowhere at the half-way mark, but shot up late in the day.

Final result:

1) Denmark 195. It gained a lot in translation, but no way was this the best song of the night.
2) Russia 155. I said it would be big, must be the Britney effect.
3) Latvia 136. If there's one act to come out of this year, it's Brainstorm. This was Latvia's debut, follow that!
4) Estonia 98. Lost in the raft of great songs at the start.
5) Germany 96. There's no under-estimating the European public.
6) Ireland 92. How many got the irony?
7) Sweden 88. Vote late, vote often.

Those songs form Divisions I and II. Division III is
8) Malta 73, 9) Croatia 70. One under-performed, the other far better than I expected.

Division IV:
10) Turkey 59, 11) Norway 57, 12) Iceland 45, 13) Netherlands 40, 14) Austria 39. Norway and the NL were caught in the start, and did worse than expected as a result.

Division V: 15) Macedonia 29, 16) UK 28 17) Romania 25, 18=) Spain 18, 18=) Finland 18, 20) Switzerland 14. What the heck is the UK doing there?

Relegation Fodder:
21) Cyprus 8, 22) Israel 7, 23) France 5, 24) Belgium 2.

Looking to return to competition next year, in Copenhagen (I guess) are Bosnia, Lithuania, Poland, Portugal, Slovenia. Those going down - based on a five-year rolling average - should be Belgium, France, Austria, Switzerland, Spain, Finland, Romania, Macedonia. France and Spain are reprived owing to their major contribution to the EBU budget, leaving the other six to face the drop.

If Hungary, Slovakia or Greece are interested in returning after two years, I worry about Cyprus, Turkey and Norway.