Daybook: 2001, Week 36

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The Highlights

Mon 3 September

  I am so close to going down with a cold of the morning, but it tends to go away just before lunchtime. Doesn't help. I could so use a few days off, work has been really draining these past few weeks.
Today is little better. Our runners are at the office that suffered a breakin last week. Only, the monitors we've ordered have been held at the depot a few miles away, owing to ... a spate of thefts there! Irony upon irony. It falls to me to hold the fort at HQ, and cover for the problems arising from the roll-out of some crap anti-virus software that doesn't really work.
I'm also informed that the boss has given me a job to do some installs last week. Only, she *so* didn't have the courtesy to actually tell me. If I had much hair left, it would be torn out by now.

Sabrina The first college series begins on Nickleodeon. Our heroine doesn't quite leave her aunts behind, and moves to college. Soleil Moon Frye has a recurring part as Sabrina's roommate. This is probably better than the last high school series, which ran the same jokes into the ground.

Jaeda:
and the unbelievably *shocked* faces when people find out I'm a lesbian....the men don't believe me and the women either convince themselves I want them or are offended because I don't!
Men just have a one-track mind, and Jae messes with it till it turns into a Mobius strip.
 

Tue 4 September

  There was a PC that we had set aside for use at exhibitions. It was on the top shelf. Come to look for it today, it's missing. This is not good. Replacement is found and constructed and done. It's all go go go go go.
Growing up 1 Victoria C:

> However, are you more than 1.19% confident of this result?
Slightly more, though still not a hundred percent.

I think the only people who can be 100% certain are those who are totally asexual.

It's been a slow realization...or more an opening up to possibilities. Which has happened in more than one aspect of my life since I met Brendan. Once my mind opened up beyond what I'd always been taught, it led to examining my feelings...both in the past and now. And yeah, I'm definitely attracted to women as much as I am toward men. Actually even more so since now I compare every man to Brendan and so find them annoying.
Gee whizz, what have we done. Turning a pure-minded, sweet, innocent little girl into a black-hearted dominatrix who is fast becoming the most famous woman on both sides of the Atlantic.

[I think you're getting confused here - Observant Ed]

And most men *are* blinkin' annoying. For instance, the two I met in the new age shop a few weeks ago turned out to be so full of themselves that they knew no other subject.

to know I'd have to be and I won't cos it's cheating...or something.
Brendan means a lot to you. Obviously.

But anyway, I always felt that love should surpase all boundaries...love for the person inside...and so now I just find everyone beautiful. Some more than others,
This is so true. People are beautiful. All of them. With the possible exception of a few stockpiles of boiling pus, but I'm not going to mention them for a second week running.

I'm human. Despite rumours. ;)
Bite me.

 

Wed 5 September

  And so to London. The 7am start is made, but Longbridge station is closed, and I can't buy a ticket. There's a bunch of wannabe Nazis claiming to check tickets at New Street. I don't want to risk paying a tenner from their incompetence and pathetically small brains, so get the ticket from the guy on the train.
Thence to the office. Repair one PC that's up the swanney, and put another in that works. Put a scanner in place, and attempt to network it. I need a multi power cord and a couple of network leads. Quickly to the stationers on the Strand. Gotta love being within spitting distance of *everything* in central London.
Thanks to some confusion with the networking, and the fact that computer A doesn't work in network point F but does in point G; computer B works in both F and G, it's mid-afternoon before I can start showing off the scanner. An hour later, I'm making my excuses to leave. Buy a few singles from the record store en route, and take the train home.
Everything's good to get home on the minimal time, until arrival at New Street. We're delayed for 7 and a half minutes at the edge of the station, for no reason at all. I hot-foot it over, only to find the doors on my connection closing. This is not good. I'm calling Railtrack on this one, it's beyond acceptable. I'm also calling them on the charge they've introduced for the toilets, as I would have had to pay had I needed to go.
Growing up 2: Jaeda:
Ok today I realized that life was alot funnier when I smoked weed. That might not seem like that big a deal, but let me just say that my life is not >a fun filled laugh riot....and a couple of years ago it was.
Yes, but a couple of years ago you were wild and feckless and dating *men.* You've left all that behind you, in a box marked "History."

I remember driving around in the mountains, with whatever popular song that happened to be getting the most airplay on the radio
*Especially* "Steal My Sunshine" (:

watching Jerry Springer and playing "after the show" (we'd create a scene for each segment of what happened at home...after the show"
Why not play that now. Obspoiler warning: following discusses what happened in today's Springer show. Though if you *really* feel it necessary to spoiler that, perhaps you might feel more at home in the Frisky Former Texas Governors' Chatroom.

THE JERRY SPRINGER SHOW, syndicated
Th 9/06 I'm cheatin on you with my ex, oh and she's with child + Guess what, I'm really a man + I'm a-cheatin' on you (no twist, this one's just to cleanse your palate)

and now...now I go to work, read alot (just finished all the Harry Potter books) make dinner, and for an exciting weekend, we go grocery shopping and rent movies! Whoo hoo, we're 80 year olds in 25 year old bodies.
On the other hand, you have a loving wife, two cute children, a bunch of friends who would happily travel halfway round the world and walk fife hunndrret miles just to beat a path down to your door. *And* a pot plant that isn't a pot plant.

going to 6 flags takes 3 weeks of planning and (Iain, trust me on this one) nothing exciting has happened between when Iain was here and the pride parade in 3 weeks.
Would that be because it's too freakin' hot?

I've got a bad case of "is this all there is" and I know it's pathetic and I should be happy I'm not some unemployed stoned frighteningly skinny giggling bum, but I'M BORED TO TEARS AND TOO DAMN TIRED TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT!
You could appear on the Jerry Stinger show. We all could. There might even be a fight or two out of it. But you deserve better than Stinger. You deserve something like Late Evening Tonight, lots of funky people hanging around, talking amongst themselves and meeting some other funky people.

And you're in the funky crowd, make no bones about it. Who else can regale us with experimental cookery that doesn't fail? Or how Texas and Virginia Beach stack up against each other?

[hugs], Jae, and we love you for who you are.

 

Thu 6 September

  After yesterday's exertions, I'm quite worn out. Half-snooze through the day, but there's still a mountain of work to be done. Very little of it falls under the heading of show-stoppers, little more is important in the grand scheme of things. But people *will* whinge and whine.
About ... a girl Cory:
She's. . . pretty damn wonderful.
Well, duh. For Cory to be interested, she *has* to be the stuff of angels.

She's like, pretty much all the stuff I'm looking for in a girl, except, you know, she thinks she's straight (I don't really believe her) and lives in Washington. the thing is though, that she's so absolutely incredible, that. . .I would be cool if it was never anything romantic, if we were just really good friends. And not like, I'd settle for it, but I'd be cool with it, because I know she's in my life for a reason, that she's totally a God-send to teach me something. Of course, I'd also pretty much be cool with marrying her.
Two words. Grilled cheese.

Yeah, she's really smart, and creative, and funny, and we have similar interests, and she works a kick-ass program and has an awesome relationship with HP and we had that Click, you know?
[rustles through dictionary]
She has a strong preference for a vinegar-and-spice sauce?

Cory, my heartiest congratulations. I have no idea what the words mean. Consider this a *major* feather in your cap.

In short, right now she's In Color for me (see Guns And Gossip for full definition).
That's all I need to know.

I don't really feel comfortable giving out her name with all this other info, you know, even on the list, so I'm thinking up a good Angel-esque nickname, so, of course, that I can talk about her until y'all get totally sick of her.:)
We'll see who gets bored first (:

She lives in Spokane
She is 20
And goes to Gonzaga
Where she majors in Art
And has PINK HAIR!!!!
And, as is always important, she loved MSCL.

OK, now I'm insanely jealous. Dating an art major with pink hair and a love of great television.

I get to see her tomorrow. Here's the great thing: I haven't had a crush on somebody in a long time. You know, like, a good old wholesome school-girl "I think you're really neat" kind of crush. And I missed that. So, now I kind of have that, but I think I'm in a place in my life where I don't have to neccessarily get all melodramatic about it, or make it all complicated. I can just enjoy that it's kinda nice.
It is. It's probably the greatest feeling, basking in the warm glow that shows you're capable of loving someone, even if they don't quite feel the same about you.

Of course we wish you well. Heck, you deserve it.

[big hugs]


Jaeda:
CORY! I've had two reactions to the news of you and Pink.....first, absolutely THRILLED that you've found someone you think is so great...and worried because one of the *first* "rules" of lesbian dating is....don't date a straight girl!
Unless you have reason to believe she's not a straight girl.

I'm gonna go with my gut instinct and say CRUSH ON GIRLFRIEND!
I believe my honourable friend has an excellent point.

I haven't crushed on anyone really good in a loooonnnggg time....well, at least since last year
While I still have something of a crush, it really isn't going to come to anything. This is as near certain as makes no odds.

Enjoy her darlin...anyone with pink hair has got to be rather great!
Er, quite.

Which reminds me, for some reason. I have an engagement ring gathering dust at the parents'. Emeralds and diamonds, and such. And it's only slightly more useful than a chocolate teapot.

 

Fri 7 September

  The director types come in for one of their meetings today. Two of them bring in faulty PCs. Three bring in problems that require CDs to be cut. Eris brings in yet another late-breaking vampire of an idea. [Vampire of an idea: one that might make some sense in the depth of the night, when one can't sleep, but is completely stupid during the day.]
For some reason, I'm feeling more positive than I have in a few weeks. Perhaps it's the weather: today is more blowy and cool than it's been since mid July. Perhaps it's the absence of the boss, who returns from a two-week vacation this weekend. Perhaps it's just... because
We begin with a seriously unfunny skit with a guy climbing the stage. This is *so* last year... Jennifer Lopes and some guy with a decent chest parading around the stage... Mariah Cantsing has claimed that Lopes is nothing more than the talentless protege of Sony Music, pretending to sing without any pretence of talent. Which is Pot, which is Kettle?

Sorry, that Fatboy vid wins Direction? Nu-uh, it's spectacular first time round but it doesn't bear repetition. "Imitation Of Life" compares so much more favourably... dittoes for editing... he can have choreography and art direction... Tributes to Aaliyah hit the right note, especially Jackson's... The girlies do a wonderful setup to the Newcomer award, then (er) present the Dance award. Shoot the director... Linkin Park, along with Limp Bizkit, are the only nu-metal acts to have hit albums... they'll win no-one and lose no-one from a safe performance.

Jae
HOLY SHIT ALICIA KEYS OR WHATEVER HER NAME IS JUST LEFT ME FREAKING SPEECHLESS! DO YOU HAVE *ANY* IDEA HOW HARD THAT IS TO DO?! This is, like, eye-popping. Reminds me of Tori Amos at the piano, though I don't think she's ever had the backing vocalists. Wouldn't mind hearing "Falling" without them... wouldn't mind segueing that track into "It's A Man's World"...

I'd dearly like to say how worthy Moby is of his award. Lindsay Wesker, head of MTV Digital, would love me to see how deserving Moby is. Only Mute have said that MTV:UK:IRL shalt not play the clip for "Southside", even though it's an award winner. Madness. Utter madness... Gwen goes on to do the supporting double with Eve.

While watching Will Smith, it suddenly strikes me that the nominators have *completely* overlooked the Wu-Tang's clip for "Gravel Pit"... why?.. Kudos for Macy for the honest sentiment, but the date she's looking for is Sept 24... dunderhead... N'Sync do a fab rendition of "Pop", the stage performance adding a lot to a 2D song... *really* not sure about the dancer at the end of the routine... they could lose him... the direction of the whole show is poor, and it shows most here.

Bunch of guys in Bulls shirts playing bad basketball... have I tuned to ITV2 by mistake?.. no, it's the crapper JayZ... N'Sync and Destiny's Child, the makeweights in their categories, come through to win... bums on seats, anyone?.. you with the red hair, stop leaning into the mike, it's so amateurish.

Some clowns win an award from Gwen and chums... your fifteen minutes of fame start - right - now... Staind has a certain stage presence... a bit like a B-list grunge band circa 93... never thought I'd see the day when Puff Daddy was the biggest talent on stage... hey, what *is* TRL?..

Missy Elliott is wearing a lot of clothing, and her dancers very little... *so* upstaged by young Nelly F... first non-United Station on the stage, fact fiends... Aggie and chums take the movie video... have I mentioned how I like the wildlife documentary spoof... no way Limp B best rockers... didn't expect to see Aerosmith there, more VH1 demographic...

U2 are good, but the tribute at this year's Brits was slicker... don't think much of Carson Two Day Moustache... still love "Stuck In A Moment..." Bono does go on a bit... back when he started rambling, Birtney was but a twinkle in Mrs Pears' eye... we wondered if an activist from PETA would rush the stage and release Birtney's cheetahs from their leash... it worked for Judy Finnigan... can I have one of those dancers when she's finished... not quite Alicia Keys, but still very good...

Which leaves the most requested and video of the year awards, going without incident... there's a great one-hour highlights show there, spread over two hours on stage and almost three hours of television.


Jaeda
Nelly Fertado must *never* attempt to rap again.
Well, she *is* the Obligatory Canadian Content. And I think she upstaged Elliott. Not that that takes a huge amount of doing, but it's not as trivial as (say) upstaging the host. Who *was* the host?

Although she *is* hot.....
And, well, I don't think she's been romantically linked with any gentleman at this stage...

I liked last year's but then I had to...Eminem was on it...and he wasn't this year although he was nominated, which surprised me...
Oh, they had to nominate Dido in as many categories, just so that they could look cool compared with the hip and happening VH1.

last year Britney shocked the crap outta me
Do you have to remind me? Hand over eyes, if you'd be so kind.

this year she was just trite.
Like someone going through the motions of what exotic dancers do, but she doesn't have a clue. Allegedly.

Though the song wormed its way into my mind after one listen.

N'Sync never fails to impress me....stupid boring pop music it might be, but those boys are damn good performers...all that dancing, the creativity, and managing to *really* sing the entire time?!
Not sure they were singing live, not sure they weren't. That dancer at the end really was a pile of pants.

 

Sat 8 September

  A busy day. Sanding and staining the wood around the windows. It's one of those preventative maintainance jobs that isn't required in the first few years of a house's life, but then needs to be done every few years. Don't think the original owners had touched it in the seven winters, so it's well due. Two coats should see us through the winter, one more in the spring should last to about 2005.
Jaeda:
I think it has something to do with the Dallas Cowboys (who, by the way, may be leaving Dallas
How can they be the Dallas Cowpersons if they don't play in the DFW metroplex? The same way that the Giants and Jets can claim to represent New York when actually being New Jersey/A and /B (respectively.)

Jerry Jones want a new multi-million dollar stadium built so we can host a Super Bowl,
How about having a new multi-million dollar team built that can *appear* in an AFL-NFL final? Or at least compete for that honour? The current Cowpersons are almost as hopeful as the Arizona (CAUTION: MAY CONTAIN FOOTBALL-LIKE SUBSTANCE) Cardinals.

for those of you that have to be *so* specific, about 3 years ago Las Colinas was hit, which is *technically* Irving (at least by city limits and zip codes and stuff) but anyone that's grown up here knows Las Colinas is *not* Irving...but anyways....
[examines guide book closely.]
She's right. LC gets its own listing, ergo isn't part of Irving.

 

Sun 9 September

  Retrospective rumours reach me that the Queen Mother popped her clogs, and Friday's schedules were to be cleared. This is, as we now know, false. But it's going to be true one day, and there's something like a 45% chance that it will be within the year. Remind me to know where CNBC and CNN are that week, it's the only chance I'll have of real news, not royal news.  

The Charts

  Very much as you were. Janet holds her vice-like grip on the planet; Jennifer Lopez in the US. Nickleback move to the #1 Mainstream Rock position, How You Remind Me deposes Staind after 20 weeks. Aaliyah's eponymous album secures the #1 position in the US.
The Fab FiftyLastPsLastThe Weaver 21
follow me
uncle kraker
4013drops of jupiter
train
let me blow ya mind
eve gwen stefani
2022hanging by a moment
lifehouse
lets dance
five
103--southside
moby
too close
blue
1004--birdhouse in your soul
they might be giants
starlight
the superman lovers
36051like a prayer
madonna
turn off the light
nelly furtardo
306--down under
men at work
take me home
sophie ellis bextor
507--stop your cryin
spiritualized
drops of babylon
train
7087beautiful day
u2
mambo number five
bob the builder
NE098short skirt long jacket
cake
twentyone seconds
so solid crew
8104running up that hill
kate bush
bootylicious
destiny's child
91112strange little girls
tori amos
little l
jamiroquai
6125close (to the edit)
art of noise
aint it funny
jennifer lopez
13136only love can break your heart
st ettienne
castles in the sky
ian van dahl
111416stuck in a moment
u2
perfect gentleman
wyclef jean
141510daydream in blue
i monster
twentyfourseven
artful dodger / melanie blatt
NE1614echo beach
martha & the muffins
eternal flame
atomic kitten
1217--it's been a while
staind
someone to call my lover
janet
15189torn
natalie imbruglia
its been awhile
staind
3319--follow me
uncle kraker
eternity
robbie
1620--turn off the light
nelly furtardo
lady marmalade
aggie
202113austin
blake shelton
The Fab 50: Congratulations to Uncle Kraker: Follow Me is his first number one, scoring primarily from sales. Hard luck to Eve and Gwen Stefani: Let Me Blow Ya Mind spends its third straight week at #2, never missing the top by more than 6%.
Highest new entry honours to The Superman Lovers: Starlight is a piece of French house that just about defines "buzzing" - it leaves a subtle zzzz in the head after listening, as opposed to the zeds of going to sleep. Bob The Builder is hot on their heels, following up last year's biggest seller with Mambo Number Five, a re-worded version of Lou Bega's 1999 chart-topper. This is the best seller in stores.
The Artful Dodger crashes the lists, Twentyfourseven features the vocal talent of former All Saint Melanie Blatt. Staind's It's Been A While is released in the UK, and subtly retitled.
Lower down, Alicia Keys' Fallin' was a triumph at the VMAs, and rises to #24. US rapper Redman bows at #29 with Smash Something, ably assisted by UK knob-twiddler Adam F. The first release from Macy Gray's new album, Sweet Baby, is new at #32. Extra vocals from Erykah Badu result in huge airplay but limited sales - this is the curse of Badu. Spiritualized have their biggest hit with Stop Your Crying, new at #34. Darrude are at #36 with Out Of Control.
Kylie places Can't Get You Out Of My Mind at #41 on airplay alone, and it's a similar source for Alien Ant Farm's Smooth Criminal at #46; Michael Jackson's You Rock My World at #49; and Afroman's Because I Got High at #50.

The Weaver 21: New entries for Spiritualized: Stop Your Crying is the power ballad that goes all anthemic without threatening to be mushy. Chart entries for Staind's rock classic It's Been A While, for Uncle Kraker's AOR Follow Me and Nelly Furtardo's poppy-with-a-lyrical-twist Turn Off The Light.
Old stuff returning: Moby's Southside picked up a gong at the VMAs this week. They Might Be Giants were massive in 1990 with Birdhouse In Your Soul, and it was 1983 when Men At Work's Down Under ruled over everything.

 

The Week In Game Shows

  UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE

This week, Wadham Oxford takes on the University of Cranfield. Cranfield lost heavily to Nottingham in the first round two years ago, and lost heavily to Imperial in the opener last year. It's Wadham's first appearance in the Paxman era.

This show swiftly into Conor O'Neill (Wadham) -v- Andrew Gregory (Cranfield) - the two split the first six starters. Wadham takes the lead, only for Cranfield to briefly draw level. Wadham pulls ahead again, leading 110-40 going into the music round. At this stage, Wadham has just 7 of 24 bonuses; Cranfield has 8 of 9. Not answering bonuses correctly doesn't hurt Wadham, as they're getting the lion's share of the starters. Cranfield does narrow the gap to 65 points with a few minutes to play, but can only lose heavily, 235-120. We won't be able to discuss the finer points of apple packing with Paul Dauny, Cranfield captain and PhD researcher into that field.

For Wadham, O'Neill got 9 starters and credit for 116 points, just under half the team total. Alex Carroll didn't buzz on a starter. The team got 16 of 48 bonuses. Cranfield finished with 12 of 21.

US Millionaire host Regis Philbin reckons that teachers are amongst the worst performers in his hot seat. They're worrying about how stupid they'll look in front of their pupils. Weakest Link Daily (round maximum: �1000) put this to the test last Friday, with a Teachers' Special. Anne Robinson commented: "Round 2, team, and so far you've banked �70." The winner left class with a quite respectable �2620.

Judith Keppel, Millionaire's First Millionaire, has been doing the rounds on the chat shows recently. She's put her name to a quiz book, and a quick flick shows the standard of questions is rather high. 6 pounds or less from all good bookstores.

 

The Week In News Snippets

 
People in the tubes
They're claiming asylum here
What's the solution?
There are few more notorious examples of the way European nations pass the buck in handling asylum seekers than events in the Channel tunnel in recent days. When 44 asylum seekers were caught six miles into the tunnel, they were detained and interviewed by the French police but let go rather than prosecuted. The French police said that as they had been unable to find an interpreter, they had been unable to continue with proceedings against them. In reality, French prosecutors have been systematically refusing to press charges against illegal migrants caught in Calais docks or tunnel entrance. Facing fines from the UK government for every refugee who enters through the tube, Eurotunnel is now calling for the closure of the Red Cross refugee camp at Sangatte, close to the tunnel and port.

But the camp is a symptom, not a cause. The asylum seekers were there before the camp was opened - sleeping in parks or on pavements - and would remain there after closure. There is only one way to stop France turning a blind eye to illegal refugees - a common European approach. European Union member states in the Schengen group have a common policy but UK, Ireland and Denmark opted out. The European Commission, more liberal than most member governments, is working on a directive to improve harmonisation. The EU moves are in line with a call from Ruud Lubbers, former Dutch prime minister and now UN high commissioner for refugees, for a more generous regional approach by the developed world: both in accepting more asylum seekers and in supporting third world countries that have large camps. One reason for the rise in illegal refugees is tighter restrictions in the west. But a more regional approach must not supersede the obligation on all states to consider individual asylum applications on an individual basis.

We notice that those countries with a more welcoming approach to immigration have performed better than those countries that sought to seal themselves off from immigration. The contrast between the US and Japan in this context is striking. Those seeking a better life for themselves could be forgiven for accusing the west of inconsistency. It is one of the articles of faith of globalisation that there should be free movement of capital, but the same principle does not seem apply to the other factor of production - labour. This means that it is easy for money to escape when problems arise, while people take the strain of economic adjustment. In the long run this is unsustainable. Emigration is the safety valve for globalisation.

Maybe a UK court ruling this week reflects that. Holding asylum seekers in a detention centre while their applications are being assessed, if they are not suspected of a crime, breaches their human rights. The decision could see the government having to release hundreds of asylum seekers from reception centres, and there will be pressure to revise the whole system of asylum detention centres, and the fundamental policy.


18-year-old Clare Selby and 20-year-old Rachael Millar are in the press this week, and are our Dunderheads Of The week. They were reportedly "furious" after learning that Victoria Posh Spice Aadams Beckham's lip ring - all over the press last week - was a clip-on fake. Clare, an art student, said: "She is a real cow. She must have known fans would copy her. I had this done because of her and now I feel like a right idiot." So... pushing a ring through your lips simply because a well-known singer has had it done is all right. But having your lips pierced and learning that she hasn't had it done after all makes you an idiot, does it?
Protestants protest
Walk down road ain't popular
Bomb thrown at schoolgirls
Look what loyalism has become in Ulster. After the First World War they ran guns to prevent home rule. In the Seventies they brought down Stormont. Now they heroically stop five-year-old girls from getting to PE. Each morning, before they go off to the battlefield, does their leader stop for a tense moment before saying "So, good luck. And remember, some of these bastards have got Fuzzy-Felt � so be careful"?

Even now statements are made like that of the local Democratic Unionist MP Nigel Dodds, who called for both sides to be given "breathing space to work out their dispute". As if there should be a compromise. Maybe there should be an agreement that they only burn down the science block. Suddenly, people who have been yelling that there's no point in further talks on peace in general until the IRA surrenders its weapons are calling for "talks" to sort out these riots.

Imagine if the IRA organised a riot similar to the current one, outside a Protestant school. Unionists would instantly declare the peace process at an end and demand the other 26 counties be handed back as well.

The hopeful sign is that few Protestants support the actions of the crowd. For some the ideology lives on, that the less you've got, the more important it is to find someone with even less and blame everything on them. Though taking out your wrath on these girls is spectacular, even for loyalists. What must they be chanting out there? "Ulster says no to Papist Playdough"? "Noddy is a Proddy"?

The short-term solution may be to send the teachers out to face the protesters. They could stand in front of the howling, wait for a quiet moment and say: "It's your own time you're wasting, you know." Then the PE teacher could yell: "Why aren't you changed into your bowler hats and sashes?" And if any reply that they haven't got them, make them all throw rocks in their underpants.


Scientists in Cambridge want to find the world's funniest joke. Here are five punchlines:
5) "I'm a frayed knot."
4) "Jesus must be spinning in his grave."
3) "Dubya for the winnings."
2) "We were on a break!"
1) "A stick."
Painful software behemoth Misorchaft will *not* be forcibly split by the US courts. The breakup had promised to split the corporation's Operating Systems division, responsible for the Panes series of crashes; from the Applications division, behind Code Red, Melissa and many other viruses. The main reason for trimming the case in these two ways is a desire to resolve it within the halflife of uranium-235 (about 2.5x10^17 years) based on the realization that the recent appeals court ruling on the case set the bar for prevailing on breakup and on tying so high that it would take protracted legal manoeuvering to get over it.

The protracted legal battle over junk email stepped up a gear Friday, as the European Parliament voted to outlaw spam email unless the recipient has specifically requested it. Though the draft law will have to go for further consideration, the will of the people has been heard.


Nestl� led a powerful business lobby that persuaded Tony Blair to abandon a plan to go ahead with vaccination against foot and mouth. The prime minister, with the backing of the Treasury and the support of scientists and ministers, believed that vaccination was the best option at the height of the crisis in April, but came under extreme pressure from parts of the food industry that feared a meltdown of exports.

During a secret meeting at Chequers, Blair announced that the government had decided on a limited vaccination policy in Cumbria and possibly Devon. The meeting was attended by ministers, leading supermarket and food manufacturing groups, scientific and veterinary advisers, the head of the food standards agency and the permanent secretary. Blair announced vaccination was the best option but within days the industry, led by Peter Blackburn, then chief executive of Nestl� UK, had forced an about turn. The extraordinary events in mid-April raise questions not only about whether the right decision was made, but over the power and influence of big business on government policy.

Blair and his pocket ministers were convinced of the scientific and social need for vaccination as early as March 30 but were unable to persuade the industry to change its stance. When their advanced plan fell apart because of opposition, the ministers chose to blame the farmers for not accepting vaccination and played down the influence the food industry had over their decision.

Nestle wrote to Blair spelling out its belief that British manufactured food exports, worth up to �8bn a year, would be compromised and would lead to a permanent ban on UK meat and dairy products in many major non-EU markets. The corporation had been concerned about the future of its factory at Dalston, Cumbria, which employs 500 people. The plant is Nestle's major producer of powdered milk with 75% of its output going to developing countries. A vaccination policy could have risked exports of powdered milk to developing countries and even threatened its closure.

Faced with this opposition, the government plan was shelved and, according to one Whitehall source, the decision was made to blame the farmers for not accepting vaccination. "The government knew that they would not easily win over the farmers, but they encountered far more opposition than they expected from the food industry," said a source.

 

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