Actual dialog of a WordPerfect Customer Support employee (or such is the claim of those who sent this to me):
"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
......"Yes, I think so."
"Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
......"Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
......"Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power outage."
"A power... A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in ?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."
(According to the story, the Support Rep in the above story got fired for the way he handled this incident. I would like to think that this is how I would have ended it - Akiva)
"A power... A power outage? Aha! Okay, this is what I want you to do. Go over to one of the lights in the office, and unscrew the the bulb, and then come back to the phone, okay?"
"Is that safe?"
"No problem. The power is out, remember?"
"Oh, right. Okay, I am going to out the phone down now, and get the bulb." ... ... ... "Hello? Are you still there? I got the bulb. What do I do now?"
"Go over to the window, and look at the bulb, and see if you can find the name of the company who made the bulb, and then come back to the phone."
"Got it. Hold on." ... ... ... " It says General Electric on it. Is that what you need?"
"Yes, great, now hang on one second ... ... ... Okay, here I have it. You see, I'm really not sure exactly why WordPerfect is giving you this trouble, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with those bulbs not working. So I have here the phone number for Customer Service at General Electric. That is 800-555-1234. Give them a call, and see if they can help out with the bulb problem. Then call me back and tell me what they said, and that's how we'll figure out how to fix WordPerfect."
"Thank you so very much. I'll call GE right now, and then I'll get back to you. Thanks."