Abraham: And G-d appeared to me and said, Abraham, Abraham, take the chicken, thy only chicken, that thou lovest, and take it across the road...

Charles Bronfman: Forget the chicken! Let's get these teenagers to Israel: just think what will happen if they see an ISRAELI chicken crossing the road...

Complete Artscroll Siddur: Bend once when the chicken goes onto the road (bending first at the knees, bending fully as it takes its second step); bend again as it reaches the middle of the road (only a half bow); bend a third time as it nears the other side. If it gets across without being run over, say also a shehecheyanu (p358); unless the congregation is saying brochos before and after the shema, in which case no interruption, even for a brocha, is permitted. No brocha is said on yontef, rosh chodesh, or during the entire month of nissan. On erev Yom Kippur the chicken may be used for kapporos.

Herzl: One day, chicken, you WILL reach the other side. You may not believe it; others may not believe it; but fifty years from now...

Hillel: If I am not for the chicken, then who will be? But if I am only for the chicken, then what am I? And if it doesn't cross now, when?

Ibn Ezra: It was not a specific chicken, it was any chicken (cf. Rashi)

Pirkei Avot: Moses heard the answer at Sinai and transmitted it to Joshua...

Ramban: Really the chicken didn't have to cross the road: this was G-d's allowance for the weakness of human nature. In the time of the mashiach chickens will no longer have to cross the road.

Rashi: THE chicken: [i.e., without the definite article this might be any chicken, but THE suggests a particular chicken]; there is a midrash that this is the first chicken created in gan eden. A second opinion: poulez [old french].

Reform rabbi: Because it wanted to; in the modern era we all have autonomy, including chickens. And if any "orthodox" institution attempts to stop chickens crossing the road we will protest at this outrageous infringement of religious, civil and poultry freedoms...

Sforno: It is desirable that the chicken should cross the road, even in the time of the coming of the mashiach (cf. Ramban)

Shammai: Typical Hillel! Comes out with complete nonsense, and everybody ends up quoting him! Life is so unfair! And as for the chicken! - if I get my hands on that chicken it'll be straight to my talmidim for Intro Schechting 101...

Shimon Peres: Yitzhak Rabin, zichrono livracha, would have wanted the chicken to cross the road; it is our duty to unite together to see that it comes to pass..

Shlomo Carlebach: Yannani nini nini; yannani nini nini; yannani nini, yannani nini, yi nini nini;yini yannani yannani, yi ninininini, yanani yanani yi ni ni ni ni ni, yanani, yanani yininininini.....

Woody Allen: I mean, it was, it was... a chicken... of legal consenting age. It wasn't like it was my REAL daughter or anything. The heart wants what it wants. (And don't believe anything that Mia says about me.)