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 ...If you're only contact with three spirits on Christmas Eve are
Gin, Vodka and Bourbon.
 ...If you turn on the lawn sprinklers on Christmas Eve to keep
carolers away.
...If you buy all of your Christmas gifts at a store that also
sells gas.
...If your favorite version of "A Christmas Carol" stars Bob Packwood
or Bill Clinton.
...If your favorite version of "Babes In Toyland" stars Michael
Jackson.
...If your favorite version of "The Nutcracker" stars Andrew Golata.
...If you get your Christmas tree at a rest stop at night.
...If you give bathroom fixtures as Christmas gifts.
...If your prized Christmas ornament is Santa Claus shooting the moon.
...If your favorite Christmas Movie is "Jurassic Park."
... If your idea of Christmas dinner is a six pack of beer and
a cheese log.
...If you think "Ho, Ho, Ho" is a line from a 'Rocky' movie.
...If your best Christmas tradition involves a fire and reindeer meat.
...If you use your Christmas club money to buy wrestling tickets.
...If your favorite version of "Silent Night" is sung by OJ Simpson.
...If your favorite version of "I'm Dreaming Of A White Christmas" is
sung by the KKK choir...you just might be a RED-NECKED Scrooge.
...If your favorite pasttime is putting defective bulbs in your
neighbors' string of Christmas lights.
...If you find delight in defacing Christmas lawn ornaments.
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