4C: Cross Cultural Couples & Children and IRL : InterRacial Life would like to wish you a safe and happy holiday season. We thank you for all of your support this past year and we look forward to seeing you all in 1999.

Sincerely,
Lisa, Kelly, Dave and Willete

It’s that time of the year! Games (name that tune, count the candy), Holiday Music, Holiday Favors, lots of food etc. For this event I plan to bring a part of my culture: some cornbread, collard greens and sweet potato pie. Anyone else who would like to share a piece of his or her culture can feel free to bring a dish that represents it. All persons interested in sharing in this diverse celebration are welcome!

Come One, Come All and join the fun!

Date: Saturday, December 12, 1998

Place: Plainsboro Public Library

Time: 12:00pm to 3:00pm

Refreshments will be served, but please bring a dish to share.

4C is now NON-Profit

4C is now a non-profit corporation registered with the State of New Jersey. We are exempt from the income taxes that affect other corporations since we conduct business exclusively for the benefit of the general public. Contributions to 4C are now tax deductible. The funds we receive must stay within the corporate accounts to pay for reasonable expenses and activities of the corporation. As required to maintain our non-profit status, we have filed a statement of corporate purpose with the Secretary of State and paid the recording fees, created articles of incorporation, conducted regular meetings, and fulfilled other necessary obligations.

Michael Seibel - Oct. 7^th
Richard Kapes - Oct. 20th
James Coulthard - Dec. 10th
John Clark - Dec. 14^th
Matthew Varela - Dec. 21th
Jason Seibel - Dec. 26th
Kelli Coulthard - Dec. 28th
Keia Coulthard - Dec. 30^th

If your birthday is in January, February or March, tell us so we can include you in our birthday celebration corner.

Charlene Gyemah is our new childcare assistant. She is seventeen and is the oldest of five children. She is responsible for watching and entertaining the children who accompany their parents to our monthly meeting. Let's all welcome her to the group!

Lifetime Television is currently in search of interracial couples and their extended families in the Los Angeles area to take part in a two-week documentary pilot during the winter holidays. They are looking for couples who plan to be married during the month of December and who are facing various social and cultural issues among their family members. Lifetime considers this an incredible opportunity to document such a significant issue that would define the dynamics of a Los Angeles family. For anyone who is interested, go to http://www.bunim-murray.com/real families casting page. Selected families will receive monetary compensation for their stories.

Other Future Events for 1999

Ice Skating Trip – February
Princeton Communiversity Day – April
Plainsboro Founder's Day – May
Statewide Multicultural Outreach Day – May
Statewide Multicultural Picnic - August

On September 26^th we held an open forum discussion on our reasons for belonging to 4C/IRL. Specifically, we asked if the reason was that we were searching for acceptance. We also asked about issues of acceptance at work, with our families, and in the places where we live. The consensus among most attendees was that they joined the group seeking friendship and support, but not necessarily acceptance. Rather, it was more that they enjoy the company of others and sharing our experiences. The topic also spawned a discussion about acceptance of interracial relationships in the workplace. Most attendees indicated that they do not display pictures of their spouses/families at work, or readily share information about them with co-workers. The reason was not an issue of acceptance, per se, although some did express concern that their relationship could jeopardize their position or future promotions. However, most said it was more an issue of privacy and not wanting to have to "explain things" to others.

On October 11^th 4C and IRL members enjoyed apple picking at Tehrune Orchards, near Princeton. It was crowded, but the apple doughnuts were delicious. We went to the main farm area where there was a country band, a scary barn, pony rides, a corn field maze, a nature walk, pumpkin picking and lots of food. We drove to the apple picking area, which was not as busy, and much more fun. The trees were filled with "winesap" apples some six inches across all juicy and tart. We all searched for the best apples, picked and watched the kids run, hide explore and have fun.

On October 24^th we were privileged to have a wonderfully riveting guest speaker named Gladys Means on the subject of interracial adoption. Ms. Means, a White retired psychology professor and divorced mother of four from Princeton, decided late in life to become a foster mother. She told the compelling story of how she fought against disapproving social workers when she expressed interest in adopting Ryan, a young Black boy whom she first took into foster care when he was twelve days old; and his older brother Rakeem, whom she found in an at-risk situation in another foster home. She described the abuse and neglect that Rakeem suffered bouncing from one foster home to another; the hostility she faced from DYFS case workers who have an unwritten policy against interracial adoptions; and her frustration in trying to obtain medical records for the boys who are now her legally adopted sons. She also spoke of how Ryan and Rakeem, whom she calls "Rocky", have enriched her life, as well as her worries about providing them with the necessary exposure to their Black heritage. Finally, she discussed her pending lawsuit against DYFS and its caseworkers for the emotional and psychological damage she feels their policies caused Rakeem. Ms. Means spoke to a fascinated audience for over an hour and a half, but the time went by in what seemed like ten minutes. All those in attendance raved about her presentation. For those of you who could not attend, there is hope, as Ms. Means agreed to return next year to give us an update on her lawsuit and the progress of Ryan and Rakeem.

The November 21^st meeting featured another open forum on the following topic: Does being in an interracial relationship create unique or different issues during the holiday season? The question generated significant discussion and numerous follow-up questions. Some felt that virtually every family was extra dysfunctional during the holidays, and being an interracial family was no different. Many of the issues were judged to be universal to all families, such as traveling distances to see relatives, having to choose who to visit, differences in traditions like what time the meal starts, etc. However, one factor found unique to interracial relationships was the differences in food. For example, 4C founder Lisa Edwards noted that her Thanksgiving dinner would include traditional things from her southern Black heritage (collard greens, cornbread, yams and sweet potato pie), things that her White boyfriend Kelly was used to (Mashed potatoes, string beans and dinner rolls), as well as the lasagna preferred by her mother’s Spanish/German husband. Another attendee noted that when you think about it, just being in an interracial relationship means you are already bucking traditions. Although family relations may be strained already by an interracial relationship, she noted your motto should be "the show will go on with or without you." Yet another attendee indicated that issues that surfaced when her interracial relationship began die hard, and that it has some effect on her ability to enjoy the holidays with her in-laws.

Dickey's third novel takes on the personal politics associated with interracial romance. Jordan Greene, a young black urban professional, and Kimberly Chavers, a white painter meet by chance in a Manhattan taxi. Jordon finds himself reluctantly crossing the color barrier to date a white artist--and confronting long-hidden issues with friends and family who disagree with his choice. Milk in My Coffee is a story about two people coming to terms with the attitudes that shape their identities, where hearts and minds learn painful lessons about getting beyond what the eye can see.

Cherie Register draws on her experience as the mother of two Korean-born daughters and interviews with adoptive families to illustrated the special challenges multicultural families' face.

This is a true account by an adoptive mother of her adoption process - beginning with her first thoughts regarding the need for it and ending with bringing the baby home. Ms. Wolf shares with us her insecurities, her wit, her (sometimes) anger, and her love, in an honest and sensitive way. She writes lovingly of her son, Ari, and readers will get a real understanding of what it is like to build a family through transracial, open adoption in the 90's. Recommended for anyone affected by adoption.

Did you know that more than thirty years after the landmark Loving v. Virginia decision, there still exists constitutional bans on interracial marriages in the U.S.? In South Carolina, a referendum urging the state legislature to eliminate from that state’s constitution a ban on interracial marriages was passed on November 3, 1998. The bill calling for a referendum to end the ban passed quietly in the General Assembly and now goes to the governor. If Governor David Beasley signs the bill, and he is expected to do so, voters will be asked on the if they want to change the wording of the 1895 Constitution forbidding whites and blacks to marry, including anyone with one-eighth or more of ''Negro'' blood.

The law has not been enforced in many years, but some legislators moved to get rid of it as an embarrassment and disgrace to the state. Changing the law would also remove the technical illegality from the thousands of interracial marriages in South Carolina. The bill passed overwhelmingly in the House earlier in the session, although a handful of assembly legislators declined to vote.

The bill had passed easily in the Senate on a voice vote, but was amended there, so it had to be sent back to the House. The Senate added language for the ballot question. The amended bill later passed the House on an unrecorded voice vote with no discussion and no audible objection. The only remaining state with such a ban is Alabama.

The author is hoping that in the next year she will have completed a rewrite of the dissertation infusing her own personal background as the daughter of a Russian/Romanian Jewish "Bebop era" drummer and an African/Native American dancer growing up in both New York City and Reddeckville, PA ; and having to convert to Orthodox Judaism after having been ousted from the Jewish youth organization for being half-Black (but under the pretext of not having been
raised according to Jewish law).

Doctoral student is seeking interracial and/or interreligious couples who are either 1) in a serious relationship and thinking about marriage; 2) are engaged to be married; or 3) married less than 18 months for a dissertation. If interested, please contact Carolyn Kohn at [email protected].

My name is Hildy Kellman, and I am a doctoral student studying biracial identity in adults. My research is a survey of biracial adults, and I am looking for a nationwide sample of people who would be interested in furthering the body of research regarding biracial people. If you are interested, my e-mail address is: [email protected]