The McClowder All-Kitty Pipe and Drum Band

at the

Inauguration Parade

2

We go to Band Purractice

We gathered up all our things and headed to the purractice hall, greeting efurykitty as we arrived. We were so excited we couldn't stop meowing.

"Mreowowow, efurrykitty!  We're ready to practice! We brought our new kilts too (our hoomin says we have to get her a new Dress Gordon ponch, cuz we cut up hers to make the kilts. We thought she'd want to honor Presicat Clarence by contributing to our highland outfits -- who knew she'd want to wear her poncho her ownself?).

"We just looked at the roster Major posted, and saw that Ceilidh's a Pipe Sarjent. Kewl! (Uh . . . what does she hafta do?  Besides make mewsic wif thuh bagpipes that she can sound like even without a bagpipe?)

"And we see that Tally gets the snare drum -- that makes rattly drum sounds, right? She likes that. (Our hoomin says she can't bring the drum home afterwards -- why do you suppose she said that? What did she mean about too many Thunderfootz already?)

"Don't you think that Skye looks pretty?  She didn't even need to get any white ruffles for her neck because she already has such nice snowy-white fur there -- isn't she a beeyoutiful highland dancer?

"Uh oh -- Ceilidh needs some help carrying in the spikearitas.  We have several thermossess wif different recipes. We sure hope you Weeds have enough glasses.

"Now, what song do we play first?"

Shamrock and Thistle greeted us and showed us where to go and what to do next: "Yew guys look great!!! The Dress Gordon is one of our meowmie's favorites. We cut up her McIntyre vest and skirt to make our kilts. She didn't notice yet.

"Now Ceilidh is Pipe Sarjent, which means that she's second in command of the bagpeeps section. Thistle will give orders, and Ceilidh can if Thistle isn't there or is busy. And Tally gets the snare drum -- that's the ratatattattattt drum. (Weeds don't let Meowmie practice inna howse either, so we know why your hoomin won't let you bring the drum inna house.) And Skye is furrrry pretty -- her snowywhite fur is much nicer than the ruffles hoomins wear."

Then Thistle tried to begin the practice session. Needless to say, it was a bit difficult getting alla kitties organized.

"OK! OK! Efurybody settle down!" the small tortie had to yell through a megaphone, as more kitties wandered into the purractice hall. "We're glad to see efurykitty here and ready to play. Stinky and Shamrock, hurry up with those snacks.  Anykitty needing the litterbox, it's outside inna hallway. Let's first start by lining up. Can I have the kitties in this order: Banner Carriers in front. Zizi and CJ, just stay centered and far enough apart to hold the banner open. Furry good. Next our president, Clarence, will march right behind the banner. Now our highland dancer. Skye, you look lovely. Next in line will be Socks the White House cat, riding in the wagon pulled by our d*ggie mascots. Giuliani and Princess, you come up to the wagon here. Furry good."

Major and Biker Coon, designated drum majors, sauntered up to the front, Thistle watching them approvingly: "Big men in pipe band attitude! Furry good!"

Next came the pipers. "Okay, we have twenty four pipers, so let's form up in ranks of six kitties across. I go in the front right corner, and Ceilidh, you're the pipe sarjent, so you go in the left front corner.  Everyone fill in where you wanna be. STINKY! Will you hurry up with the snacks and get in line?"

At this admonition a cry went up from the gathered kitties: "Don't rush him wif da snax!" (We didn't want anything to interfere with snack preparation!)

Thistle went back to attempt to organize the drummers: "Okay, first the snare drummers. (C'mon Shamrock, finsih wif da food and get in line!) Hmmmm. we're short one snare drummer. Anyone know a kitty who isn't in the band yet and would wanna play snare drum? Now . . . let's have the bass drummers: got a good grip on those drums you two? And now the tenor drums get in line behind them. Good job!"

Thistle sighed in relief. "Good.  That looks great.  Now, before we play, let's try marching. I'll put on this tape of band mewsic and efury body start on the left paw.  All ready? By the right, quick march!!!"

The two big Maine Coons raised their maces, and dropped them as Thistle yelled "March!" A thunderous noise arose as all kitties started marching.  On different feets. Thistle rolled her eyes (she rolled her eyes a lot that night) and yelled "STOP!" into the megaphone (she yelled a lot, too). "Now, I hope nokitty was watchin the video of Meowmie's band, cuz some of you are marchin like her. Bad mews. Let's try again.  When I yell MARCH, efurrykitty (and you d*ggies too) pick up your left paw, then right, then left, then right.  It isn't allllll that hard. Let's go."

Thistle yelled into the megaphone again. "By the right, quick march!!!" Again a huge mess o' cat feets moved.  Some backwards, some forwards, some reaching up to scratch an itch. Thistle stopped us all again.

"WE NEED SNAX!  WE NEED SNAX!" the assembled band members meowed. (We certainly kept our priorities straight!)

"Okay," said Thistle.  "Let's break for 5 minutes. Major and Biker Coon, may I see you for a minute over here?  And Skye, too, please." After each grabbing a snack, they joined Thistle in the corner.  She got them in a line, and the four of them marched around left/right, left/right in purrrfect unison.

"Whew.  Good. Okay, when we start up again, let's show them how it's done. Maybe then they can follow!" (At this point, Thistle told us later, she was soooo glad she has big strong smart guys for drum majors and a graceful dancer who all knew left from right.) The four marchers made a quick stop at the refreshment table to get a slurp of the great spikearitas Ceilidh brought. The other kitties were also muching snax and slurpin spikearitas.

Thistle called again for them to take their places. They all assembled ("Whew," she muttered. "They remembered where they were.") "Now, alla you kitties watch while we demonsla, uh memmerst, uh, show you how it is done." Major, Biker Coon, Skye and Thistle all marched around in purrfect unison. "OHHHHHHHHHH," said the kitties, "Is that what you meant? If you want us to start on the left paw, then why do you say 'by the right...'?"

"Hmmmmm. Dunno," said Thistle, who was told to start that way. (Musta been something the hoomin pipe band does -- who can figger hoomins?)

The kitties all formed up at attention, and Thistle yelled the command to "march," and, amazingly, this time all the kitties stepped off on the same paw, marching at the same cadence!!! Around and around the purractice hall we went.  All in purrfect unison!!! You can bet Thistle was pleased and relieved.

"Okay, now let's get the instruments and start wif da mewsic...."

"HOLD EVERYTHING!!!" drum major Major roared as only a Maine Coon can. "Listen, Thistle, Mom told me about thuh left and right guides and thuh ranks and thuh files.  She said how many steps we haff tuh take and how wide they gotta be.  I'ze thinkin next we need tuh werk on keepin thuh space between thuh ranks and files and marchin around corners. We haff tuh turn korners in thuh parades."

"Whew!!" Thistle replied. "I knew you were a good choice, Major!  Fangu fur leading the band like the great drum major that you are.  We got them on the correct paw -- that's a start. Now, about those turns...."

"Yeah!" Pipe Sarjent Ceilidh added. "Sherry-our-Hoomin told us about those turns, too.  Are we gonna do a wheely turn or one of those complicated ones where we sorta march through each other's lines? I kinda think we might wanna stick wif thuh wheely turns, except then some kitties onna ends have to runrunrun to keep up with thuh line. Can we runrunrun wif bagpeeps? I'm worried about keeping alla kitties inna lines."

"Probably we should stay wif thuh wheely turns," Thistle decided after a little thought.

"Oh," said Major, remembering the other important part of preparations (after snacks): outfits! "Ize gonna wear thuh colors of the Black Watch. It looks really good wif my black furs."

"That's great," Thistle replied. "Black Watch is what Meowmie wears in her band.  If you need any extras, she has some hats, scarfs and stuff." (Good thing our hoomins had so many tartan supplies we could raid!)

Major and Ceilidh returned to the group and started marching practice again.  As Major continued to march the kitties around the purractice hall, they actually seemed to catch on. They stopped for a minute, and grabbed the instruments. Drummers started first, just keeping time to the march. Booom, boooom, booom; bmpbmpbmp, bmpbmpbmp; rat-a-tat, rat-a-tat. All of a sudden, with the drum beat, all kitties were purrrrfectly in step! Major and Biker Coon marched them around a bit more, and then they broke for snacks. (You can't ever have too many snacks -- mewsic is hard work!)

A mad dash ensued for cherry-ohs, moths onna pick and other tidbits.  The spikearita bowls and water fountains did brisk business.  Piper kitties finished first, and licked their whiskers and wiped their faces.  They picked up their bagpipes, and Ceilidh and Thistle went around helping them to tune them.

Major ordered everyone back into position, and called out the tunes...the band started to actually play mewsic!

And sounded like a buncha cats wif tayles caught under rocking chairs.

"AAARRRRRGHHHHH!!!!" groaned Major. "This will never do.  Okay.  We're gonna break into sectional rehearsals.  Ceilidh, you take this bunch.  Thistle, you take these. I'll take the others.  We have one day to get a good sound outta these kitties. Be sure you spend plenty of time explaining tuning, brefs, and how to blow into thuh thing."

Ceilidh, who had never been a Pipe Sarjent (or played bagpipes) before, gathered her group together. "Okay groop." Hurrying to stay one lesson ahead of her students, she checked the pikchur inna How To Play Bagpipes in 46 Easy Lessons instruction book. "Here's how you hold thuh bagpeeps. See? Look at the pikchur. NONONO!! you don't use your claws onna bag part -- they're gonna punch holes inna bag!  You gotta use your paws fur coverin and uncoverin thuh holes in this long hollow stick here.  See? That's how you make different notes. Remember, efurrykitty playing the same part has to cover and uncover the same holes atta same time so we end up playing the same toon." She surreptitiously checked the instruction book again. "NONONONO! You don't blow inna stick wif thuh holes. You blow in this other one, and you put these long ones over your shoulders. That's right. And thuh bag goes under your front leg and you squeeze it against your body. See? Blow, squeeze, play thuh notes. PLAY ALL ATTA SAME TIME!" ("And then they gotta march atta same time too???" she muttered under her breath. "This is gonna be a lonnnnnnng day!")

After several run-throughs in sections, the kitties reformed into proper marching ranks.  They struck up the first set of tunes. All of a sudden, despite all Ceilidh's and Thistle's and Major's fears, it worked!! The long overnight hours teaching kitties which pipe to blow into, and which pipe has the notes seemed to pay off. We played the first set of tunes wonderfully. And the second, third, and fourth sets as well. Since it was late on Sunday, we all broke from purractice to go sleep for a few hours and then head off for Washington D.C. and the parade!