"Roadtrip to Neon City"
by Julie Jordan Scott
In my adult life I have had my share of travel mishaps! During a trip to Mexico I was almost hauled off by the federales as I left Mexico. It seems I had been in Mexico illegally (that's a switch)! Another time my family had to beg our way on a flight as standby passengers after our car broke down miles from the airport. This then made my nerves brake down completely! As a Mom, the road trip to Vegas has got to be the nuttiest!
Ken and I thought we had the bases covered by renting a large sedan for the trip since our compact car wouldn't be very comfortable for our expanded family of five. In addition to our thirteen-year-old daughter Bianca and our two-year-old Kathie we were also taking our fourteen-year-old French exchange student, Judith. On a whim, Ken invited his mother along, never even thinking she would say yes on such a short notice. As I have always said in life, "When you least expect it, expect it!"
As we ventured out early Monday morning after a weekend of sightseeing in Los Angeles, I looked in my rearview mirror. In the backseat, the passengers looked fresh and excited. Amazingly enough, Bianca had gotten into the car without complaining at all, Judith was sitting in the middle and by the other door was my mother-in-law, LaDon. Ken and I sat up front with Kathie's always too large car seat between us. Our very bossy two year old daughter always wanted to be where she thought the action was, which was one of the reasons she was in the front with us! Also, with five full-grown folks and a car seat which equals about one and a half-full size folks, we really had no choice but this configuration.
A few hours later we were in Barstow, which is the last quasi-major city in California before Nevada. I wanted to stop so I could visit the large outlet mall there. You never know what bargains could be had before your husband spends all your money at the tables in Vegas!
Ken just had to buy some books on tape, and I couldn't pass up some hosiery and I even bought some Snow White panties for the toilet training Kathie (who insisted on wearing them right away....and I agreed to it as long as I could put a diaper over the panty). LaDon was amazed she didn't know this mall even existed...but then again when my dear mother-in-law is on the freeway to Vegas, the magnetic pull pretty much catapults her to the Neon City without so much as a rest room stop at State Line.
As the six of us piled back into what we once thought was a nice, roomy sedan I noticed my passenger's expressions had all changed. As I motored down the freeway, I looked once again in the rearview mirror. What a difference! Bianca was smashing her hips into the side of the car while wearing the expression of annoyance as only a teenager can. Little French Judith stared straight ahead blankly, probably thinking Americans must love death by torture, and LaDon clearly looked as if she was as amazed as we had been with her decision to accompany us on our little trip! Next to me Kathie and Ken were bickering with their hands: Kathie didn't want his hands on her carseat! " After all, whose hard work paid for the contraption in the first place," Ken muttered, quickly breaking a well known parenting rule: never try to reason with a two-year-old!
Every Mom's job, though, is to create a diversion when the going gets tough, right? So I quipped, "Boy, we sure are a bunch of nuts going on this trip." A collective moan filled the not so comfortable sedan. Not wanting to give up yet, I said, "And I'm a macadamia nut."
LaDon, since she herself was a Mom and certainly must have read the same job description as I did, chimed in with, "Yes, and I'm a pistachio nut," and to stake her claim, she added, "and Kenneth is a walnut." Bianca rolled her eyes and Judith looked more confused than ever.
"Oh, Bianca I saw that expression, you cashew nut!" At this point I believe I was bordering on delirium. "And Judith, you are an almond nut."
"Cashew!" barked Bianca, "I would rather be a pecan or something!" Never try to please a teenager. I believe that rule follows the non negotiation with two year old clause in the parenting handbook.
LaDon figured it was her turn again. "Kathie, you're a little peanut!"
Ken even liked this one. "Kathie, my little peanut!"
Upon this revelation, Kathie started to cry. "I not a peanut. I not a peanut!"
Always concerned for my daughter's welfare, I quickly intervened, "If you don't want to be a peanut, Kathie, would you like to be a macadamia nut like me?"
"NO!!" So much for my theory that Kathie wanted to be just like me!
"Oh, well then, what kind of a nut would you like to be?"
Kathie furrowed her little two year old brow for a few moments before a sunny smile crossed her face. "I know!"she squealed. "I a donut!"
The other five nuts broke out laughing. "A donut!" Kathie didn't quite understand the humor, but she did like that we were all happy and refreshed again. "I a donut" kept us smiling all the way to that world famous oasis in the desert, and as Kathie is now getting older, it sometimes brings a tear to the eye as well. Every uncomfortable moment on that trip is ransomed by the memory of the now family legend where Kathie decided she would rather be a "donut" than a macadamia nut or a peanut. In years to come it most certainly will be retold to Brownie troops, Sunday School classes, Youth groups, boyfriends and someday, God willing, Kathie's future husband will hear about our road trip, too.
Since June 23,1999