CHRISTIAN
DATING
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Your
question is one that many girls and boys wonder about. When
dating
begins and sometimes even before you have raging hormones trying
to take
control. I don't believe there is a text that says "thou shalt
not hug
or kiss your girl/boy friend." However, it does say that we
should
avoid sexual sin. And it leads to lust, which is a sexual
sin. Matt
5:28 says "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully
has
already committed adultery with her in his heart." Jesus is
not
condemning natural interest in the opposite sex, but the deliberate
and
repeated acts, which result in sexual desire, fall under the category
of
lust. "But sexual sin is never right; our bodies were
not made for
that, but for the Lord...That is why I say to run from sex sin.
No
other sin affects the body as this one does. When you sin
this sin it
is against your own body." 1 Cor 6:13, 18 TLB.
And the danger in
kissing and caressing each other's body is that it most often leads
to a
sexual relationship before marriage. 1 Cor 6:18-20, goes on
to say
"Shun fornication,! Every sin that a person commits is outside
the
body; but the fornicator sins against the body itself. Or
do you not
know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, which
you
have from God, and that you are not your own: For you were
bought with
a price therefore glorify God in your body."
God wants you to have healthy relationships with the opposite sex.
He
created male and female for that purpose. You sound like a
young person
who is sincerely seeking to do God's will. Pray as David did
"I seek
you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands."
Ps
119:10.
As Christians we are free to be all we can be for God, we are not
free
from God. God created sex to be a beautiful and essential
ingredient of
marriage, but sexual sin--sex outside the marriage relationship--always
hurts someone. It hurts God because it shows we prefer following
our
own desires instead of the leading of the Holy Spirit. It
hurts others
because it violates the commitment so necessary to a relationship.
It
often brings disease to our bodies, and it deeply affects our
personalities, which respond in anguish when we harm ourselves
physically and spiritually. But, God's wish for us is "Beloved,
I pray
that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health,
just
as it is well with your soul." 3 John 2.
If the current relationship does not eventually end up as your spouse,
it is far better if you have not been too intimate. Your mate
will
appreciate the fact that you have placed your sexual desires and
activities under Christ's control. "For God wants you to be
holy and
pure and to keep clear of all sexual sin so that each of you will
marry
in holiness and honor--not in lustful passion as the heathen do,
in
their ignorance of God and His ways." 1 Thes 4:3-5 TLB
God has a special mate for you. Gen 2:18 TLB says "And the
Lord God
said, 'It isn't good for man to be alone; I will make a companion
for
him, a helper suited to his needs.'" What is of utmost importance
is
the kind of person you date.
II Timothy 2:22, TLB says "Run from anything that gives you the evil
thoughts that young men often have, but stay close to anything that
makes you want do right. Have faith and love, and enjoy the
companionship of those who love the Lord and have pure hearts."
Also ask, "Is it wise to date someone who doesn't love God?"
II Cor 6:14,15 TLB says "Don't be teamed with those who do not love
the
Lord, for what do the people of God have in common with the people
of
sin? How can light live with darkness? And what harmony
can there be
between Christ and the devil? How can a Christian be a partner
with one
who doesn't believe?"
Don't date someone who claims to be a Christian but doesn't live
it I
Cor 5:11 TLB "What I meant was that you are not to keep
company with
anyone who claims to be a brother Christian but indulges in
sexual
sins, or is greedy, or is a swindler, or worships idols, or is a
drunkard, or abusive. Don't even eat lunch with such a person."
Avoid dating people who have a bad temper. Pr 22:24 TLB"Keep
away from
angry, short-tempered men, lest you learn to be like them and endanger
your soul."
Don't date a lazy Christian. II Thes 3:6 TLB. "Now here
is a command,
dear brothers, given in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ by His
authority: Stay away from any Christian who spends his days
in laziness
and does not follow the ideal of hard work we set up for you."
Date someone with a good attitude. "May God who gives patience,
steadiness, and encouragement help you to live in complete harmony
with
each other--each with the attitude of Christ toward the other."
Rom
15:5-6 TLB.
Date someone who encourages you and is supportive. "Is there
any such
thing as Christians cheering each other up? Do you love me enough
to
want to help me? Does it mean anything to you that we are
brothers in
the Lord, sharing the same Spirit? Are your hearts tender
and
sympathetic at all? Then make me truly happy by loving each
other,
working together with one heart and mind and purpose." Phil
2:1-2.
Let the relationship progress step by step. II Peter 1:6-7
TLB. "Next,
learn to put aside your own desires so that you will become patient
and
godly, gladly letting God have His way with you. This will
make
possible the next step, which is for you to enjoy other people and
to
like them, and finally you will grow to love them deeply."
Inner beauty counts the most. I Peter 3:4 TLB "Be beautiful
inside, in
your hearts, with the lasting charm of a gently and quiet spirit
that is
so precious to God."
Romans 13:13, TLB tell us what to avoid. "Be decent and true
in
everything you do so that all can approve your behavior. Don't
spend
your time in wild parties and getting drunk or in adultery and lust,
or
fighting, or jealousy."
Above all else, keep yourself pure. "And everyone who really
believes
this will try to stay pure because Christ is pure." 1 John
3:3 TLB.
"For God wants you to be holy and pure and to keep clear of all
sexual
sin so that each of you will marry in holiness and honor--not in
lustful
passion as the heathen do, in their ignorance of God and His ways."
I
Thes 4:3-5
When you date, plan activities you can enjoy together, but will not
lead
to sin.
Going steady involves commitment, or promises. And when one
of the two
individuals breaks that commitment, the other feels hurt and rejected.
Self-esteem is damaged and can have long-term effects. On
the other
hand friendships that are healthy are part of developing the social
skills necessary in relating to the opposite sex. The danger
comes when
either person is so infatuated that it interferes with their personal
relationship with God or their family,
Often when dating it is better not to spend too much time alone with
you
companion.
Often youth trust too much to impulse and are deceived into thinking
that which is real love is infatuation. This is when good
common sense
is needed, but with raging feelings it is difficult to think clearly;
after you are more mature, you will have better control, and
will want
to start thinking about choosing your future wife. You need to confide
in your parents; or if you feel you cannot talk to them, there must
be a
teacher or youth pastor who can help to guide you into activities
which
would be appropriate to allow you time together to really get to
know
each other. Usually advice from peers is not very good.
"Listen to advice and
accept instruction, and in the end you
will be wise." Pr 19:20.
"My son/daughter, if
sinners entice you, do not give in to
them." Pr 1:10.
"My son/daughter, preserve
sound judgment and discernment, do
not let them out of your sight; they will be life for you, an ornament
to grace your neck. Then you will go on your way in safety,
and your
foot will not stumble; when you lie down, you will not be afraid;
when
you lie down, your sleep will be sweet." Pr 3:21-24.
Like Paul advised Timothy "Don't let anyone look down on you because
you
are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life,
in
love, in faith and in purity." 1 Timothy 4:12.
My Dad used to tell me that "books and boys don't mix." I'm
not sure
that is entirely true-I think you can have good friends and also
concentrate on your schoolwork. But, be wise not to neglect
that
preparation which will prepare you for your life's work here on
earth
and for eternal life.
The wise man said "Remember your Creator in the days of your youth,
before the days of trouble come, and the years draw near when you
will
say, 'I have no pleasure in them.'" Ecc 12:1
In Christ's Love,
Dr. Lois
from Bible.Info.com