Today's Gospel, about the nature of true love, brings to mind a young man in my first parish. He had a lovely wife, three children and, as a family, they practiced their faith. I felt comfortable with them, even visited their home on several occasions. One day the husband approached me in private. �Father,� he said, �I am thinking about leaving my wife.�

The words devastated me, but I tried to keep calm. I asked him the usual questions: Did they have a fight? Was she involved with another man or he another woman? Drugs? Alcohol? Abuse?

He responded �no� to my questions.

�Well, what?� I finally asked.

�I don�t know,� he said sadly, �I guess I just don�t love her any more.�

Those were the seventies. Our society was accepting the ideology that it was hypocritical to do something unless you were motivated by strong feelings. And that a powerful desire, in itself, could justify almost any course of action. �If it feels good, do it.�

That way of thinking goes back to German philosophers, like Nietzsche, who considered �Will� the ultimate basis of reality. The 1973 Supreme Court decision to legalize abortion can be understood in that light. Even killing an unborn child is permissible � as long as the mother freely chooses to do so. From a Nietzschean standpoint it is a no-brainer: On one side you have a person with a strong desire to free herself from the pregnancy and on the other side, a being with very limited ability to assert his or her will.

But I did not wish to argue philosophy with my friend. Rather, I asked him this question: �Do you think someday you will no longer love your children?�

Horrified, he stated quickly, �No. Never. I will always love them, no matter what.�

I left it at that. I told my friend I would pray for him and his wife. That I did, more ardently perhaps than any prayer during my priesthood. The last I heard from them � a couple decades later � they are still together, even added a child. I don�t know how happy he is. If I read Jesus� words correctly, happiness in terms of human emotions is a secondary issue. Good emotions may come to us, and often do, when we put his will first. But love itself is not a feeling; it is a decision:

"If you love me, you will keep my commandments�
Whoever has my commandments and observes them
is the one who loves me.�

If Jesus' words seem restrictive, consider the alternative: slavery to every changing whim and emotion. My young friend discovered the font of genuine freedom.

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