Universal Soldier: The Return

Director: Mic Rodgers
Screenplay: William Malone and John Fasano
Starring: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Michael Jai White, Bill Goldberg, Heidi Schanz and Kiana Tom

John's Review

When I first saw Universal Soldier, the film that effectively launched Roland Emmerich's and Dean Devlin's career, I actually liked it. It wasn't the typical martial arts, brainless fair that Van Damme was so used to doing, that and we got to see him and Dolph Lundgren go at it. Fun stuff! So after this feature, I was looking forward to any sort of sequel action, especially after Van Damme's string of flops. (Yes, I am, apparently, the only person on the planet that liked Knock-Off) Well, I didn't get it. Unfortunately this sequel falls flat on it's face.

The story begins with Luc Deveraux (Van Damme) being completely "cured" of his affliction from the first movie...uh..wait a second..he was dead in the first movie, so that would mean he would be..buried in this one. Nope, not the case. Apparently the government can now bring back the dead. Ok, so we skip that, now in the first movie, Luc was a bad-ass, who was stronger than the average man and faster than the average man. Not anymore. Now, not only is he alive, he's normal. OK, so we're past that. So, now he is a consultant to the new Unisol project. But, these Unisol's are more powerful and faster. You'd think they'd learn, apparently, no. Enter S.E.T.H. (White), a supercomputer that is running the Unisol's. In a couple of scenes, ripped straight out of 2001: A Space Odyssey, S.E.T.H. decides that he should take over the world, so he has his "brain" transferred to a body that looks, remarkably, a lot like Michael Jai White, imagine that.

We then have a couple of piss poorly shot fight scenes that must have been coreographed by a 12 year old wrestling fan. I mean these are some of the worst fight scenes ever filmed. One of the things that I look forward to in a Jean-Claude Van Damme film is the almost balletic fight scenes, not here mister, no sirree. Just punch and duck, punch and duck... it's rather boring, one wonders when the film will end.

If I read one more critic say that Jean-Claude Van Damme actually did a pretty good job of acting, I am going to scream. Do these critics ever watch anything except mainstream Hollywood, they ought to go back and watch Timecop and Maximum Risk, his acting ability actually started to show through in those two films. And although Goldberg was an amusing aside, he better stick to doing what he does best, basking in the glow of WCW's wrestling finest. White's role was entirely too small to even be considered the lead villain. He is supposed to be the ultimate badguy, yet when S.E.T.H. and Deveraux go at it, Deveraux wins. When Romeo (Goldberg) and Deveraux go at it, it takes several fights for Deveraux to win, and Romeo actually lasts longer in the film then S.E.T.H., go figure.

Rodgers, who used to be a stunt man and was Mel Gibson's stunt double in Lethal Weapon, is way out of his element here. The direction is lackluster, it looks more like a television episode of some USA or UPN made action show. With a running time of about 1:15, it almost is. I don't recommend this, even to the die hard Van Damme fans, which I am one, at all. Don't even see it on video. One last thing: If the Unisols, were wearing bullet proof armor and were almost invulnerable, why not shoot them in the head?

Grade: D
 
 

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