[email protected] http://members.tripod.com/gradient
* * * * * * *
The real meditation is... the meditation on one's identity. Ah, voilą
une chose!! You try it. You try findingout why you're you and not
somebody else. And who in the blazes are youanyhow? Ah, voilą une
chose!
Ezra Pound
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The Other Half
by
+Gradient
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Sometimes I wonder. . .
"Ami, would youplease do problem number five at the blackboard?"
The other studentsgroan as I approach the board. The teacher
hears them, but decides not to say anything. It is, after all, their
ritual.
"Be sure to showyour work, Ami. I know sometimes you like to
keep your best thoughts to yourself."
I very deliberatelyform the numbers of the equation. Numbers,
numbers. Nothing but numbers these days. I copy them off my homework
almost unconsciously. I turn around in anticipation.
"Hmmmm . . . that'sfairly close, Ami, but you've forgotten
several important steps. For example, you onlyadd exponents in this
case when they have a common base. Inazaki,would you care to finish
Ami's problem?" He smiles as he goes to theboard with the knowledge
that he *does* have the correct answer.
I return to myseat, surprised. I actually did better on that
one than I thought I would have. I suppose I'mgoing to have to treat
my mathematics study time a little more seriously,like father says.
* * * * *
"Let's see . .." my blonde friend mutters as she examines the
latest test posting. "Hmmm, I seem to be stuckat the bottom. No
surprise there. Do you see your name yet?"
"I've alreadyfound it," the tall brunette behind me interjects.
"There it is, 'Mizuno Ami,' ranked 51 of 173."
The blonde turnsaround, almost incredulously. "Fifty-one?
Fifty-one?" She smiles. "Goodness, Ami,have you been secretly going
to some cram school or something? That's fantastic!"
"Yeah," the brunettebegins, "at this rate you're going to
overtake me in a matter of weeks."
Perhaps even sooner,I thought to myself. While she's probably
smarter than all of us, she often ignores her ownwork to help us study.
I wonder if any friend elsewhere would do somethinglike that.
The blonde giggles. "You're doing all of this to impress
Kyosuke, aren't you, Ami? Don't lie, it's writtenall over your
face."
"And her notebooktoo," the brunette slyly throws in. "All
you've got to do is look."
I blush. That's always been a particular problem of mine. No
sense denying it now, as my own particular form oftruth barometer is
known by my friends as very accurate.
"It's nothingto be ashamed about, Ami. Are you going to miss
him when we go on our class trip tomorrow? Areyou? Are you?"
Now that was asilly question, but nothing too unexpected from
this person. I give her my most benign lookof annoyance and respond:
"Yeah, I guessI will. I'll miss my family a lot too. I've
never been so far away from them."
"And while we'reon the subject of your family, Ami," the tall
one adds, "tell Motoyuki to quit wooing and hittingon me every time I
visit you. I don't see how you live with thatlittle brother of yours
sometimes."
We all share alaugh. She's right, of course. I'll have to do
something about that. But it's just *so* cuteto watch him pursue a
girl two years and ten inches his superior.
It's good to havefriends. It's good to have had friends from
first grade and keep them through life. I'ma lucky person.
* * * * *
"That's exactlywhat she said, Motoyuki. Back off."
"But Ami, she'sthe perfect woman. How do you expect me to
drop something like that?"
"You're fourteenyears old, Motoyuki. How would you know that
she's perfect for you?"
"Ami's right,Motoyuki. Don't worry, give the girl a couple
more years and maybe she'll come to her senses." Father always had a
way of supporting my position and then naughtily undercuttingit.
Today appeared to be no different, as he chuckledfrom across the
dinner table.
"You're not helpingany, dear." I think that mother secretly
relished her role as the straight man to my father'scomedic tendencies.
I would have thought that it would have been the otherway around;
after all, it was father who held the high-stressjob at the investment
firm. Sometimes the roles that life plays outare almost humorously
different than what you believed them to be.
"When can I getmarried?" The faint voice through a pile of
uneaten broccoli at the end of the table brought awarm feeling to the
room. Little Yoshino had only started schoolsix months ago, but she
was growing in leaps and bounds. I think thetear that my mother had
been hiding lately was partially brought about bythe fact that my
little sister looked exactly like I did at that age.
"Oh, I think we'dbetter wait a while for that," father smiles.
"Having one of my girls out of the house is alreadycausing me to
worry."
"I'm only goingto be gone for three days, father," I groan. I
know he's only concerned, but his protectiveness doesmanage to
embarrass me sometimes. "And I *am* sixteenyears old."
"We tend to forgetsometimes, that's one of our little
limitations of being parents," mother adds with asad grin. "We know
you'll be okay, but it's just that we like to keepthinking of you as
our little girl, like Yoshino is now. I hopeyou'll forgive us, we
didn't mean to darken your big day any."
"Oh. you didn't. I suppose I think that way as well sometimes."
"Hmmph," my brotherinterjects. "I wish you'd do less thinking
about that and more thinking on how I'm going to gether to come to my
birthday party next week."
"Didn't you heara word we just said, Motoyuki? You *are*
incorrigible, just like she said."
"She did? She said that about me? Great! She noticed! That
means handsome or something, right?"
"Yeah, somethinglike that . . ." I finish. We all laugh,
except for Yoshino, who used the distraction of thehumor to quickly
throw some of her broccoli under the table to thefamily cat.
* * * * *
"Tokyo's a reallyexciting place. I think you'll enjoy it, Ami."
"Yeah, but . .."
"No buts, now." He placed his finger on her lips. "I know what
you're thinking, and I don't want you to feel guiltyover this. You
*deserve* this trip."
"It's not allthat Kyosuke . . . I was just thinking, you'll be
going to university in Tokyo next year, right?"
"Hmmmm, maybe. I haven't made any final decisions yet."
"It's just kindof funny: for the next few days, I'll be there
and you'll be here, and then later, I'll be here andyou'll be there.
It sort of makes me miss you already."
"Ami, you worrytoo much. But if it will make your trip go a
little easier, I will let you know that as of lateI have been leaning
toward the local university more than any of the others."
"Really?" Her eyes lit up innocently.
"Well, don't tellmy father though. He sort of wants me to go
to the University of Tokyo like he did, but I knowhe'll never say
anything if I don't. And besides, since he'sat the office so long
anymore, I think someone should be around to lookafter my little
sister. Plus, the local university is almostas highly ranked in a few
of the fields I was considering. And, of course,there's the small
matter of seeing your lovely face every day."
"Small matter?"she looked up, smiling. "Kyosuke, whatever you
do, please don't do something like that on my account."
"Trust me, Ami. No one wants this more than I do, so you just
get on that train tomorrow with your friends, go toTokyo, enjoy the
sights and shopping, and come back with a smile onyour face. I'll be
waiting for you."
"I know." She rested her head on his shoulder.
* * * * *
"Well, I don'tknow about you, but I know what *I'm* going to
do when we get to Tokyo."
"And what's that?"my black-haired friend asked the blonde in
a curiously annoyed tone.
"I'm going togo to the observation deck on Tokyo Tower and make
a wish to find my true love. My parents . .."
"Yes, we all knowhow your parents met on the tower and fell in
love at first sight. But that doesn't mean thatyou will."
"Just don't giveup," I tell the blonde. I try to cheer her up
when I can. She's always such a romantic sort.
"Yeah," the brunetteadds, "you'll find your true love one day,
just like Ami. But how do you expect to do itif you're still packing
your bags?"
We all laughed. Even though we were waiting with the rest of
our class at the station for the train to Tokyo, shewas still
adjusting and readjusting her luggage. She'snot what you would call
the organized type.
"What are yougoing to do when you arrive in Tokyo, Ami?"
"Not that much,"I look down. "Probably take in the Ginza with
the rest of the class. I'd sort of like to geta peek of the grounds
around the Imperial Palace. Sometimes when Iwas a little girl I'd
look at pictures of the gardens and pretend I wasa princess, like in
a fairy tale or something."
"Speaking of fairytales, check that out," the brunette indicated
the large television screen within the rail station. It was tuned to
the national news.
"They sure getenough press, don't they? Even here."
Another home videoof the Sailor Senshi. Whoever taped it must
not have gotten there until whatever villain or monsterthey were
fighting had been defeated. It just showed themstanding there at a
distance, in the aftermath, talking and smiling, exceptfor Sailor Mars,
who was waving her finger at Sailor Moon, almost likeshe was scolding
her.
"If given thechance, I think I'd like to be Sailor Jupiter,"
my brunette friend chuckles, almost daydreaming.
"Why Ayumi, howsurprising. Even though you do sort of look like
her, from what I've read, she's something of a brawler,and you
certainly don't fit that type. I doubt you coulddefeat a cricket."
"Unlike you, Katsuko?"she throws back to the black-haired girl.
"I suppose you want to be Sailor Mars since you seemto have a
propensity for those red fuku and heels. Yeah,I think that would fit
you just fine . . ."
While they begantheir daily mock argument my blonde friend
slowly approached, noticing that I was staring atthe screen.
"Who would yoube, Ami? I mean, if . . ."
I laugh. "Oh I don't know, Chiharu. I suppose all of them lead
fairly interesting lives. Look at Sailor Mercurythere, however. Do
you ever notice how she's always got that serene andcontented look?
I like that, and I don't think it has anything todo with her being a
Sailor Senshi. I think it's deeper. Isuppose I'd be her if I had to,
but given a choice, I think I'd rather remain herewith my friends and
family. After all, who's going to help you packyour bag?"
"Ami . . .," shebegan, surprised by my response. Realizing
that she was at a loss for words, she laughed andtried to brighten my
spirits before we stepped on the train, which hadjust arrived at the
station. "Ami, I would have guessed that youwould have said Sailor
Venus, since your blonde hair looks almost exactlylike hers. Change
your purple ribbon for a red one and you're almosther twin. Do you
think we'll see them while we're there?"
"I think the bestquestion is, whether they're going to see *us*
since we're the ones who are going to be taking thetown by storm."
Katsuko always had a way of lightening the situation.
"Let's go andfind out," I say. "Tokyo's waiting, and it's time
to expand our horizons . . ."
"And find a boyfriend!"Chiharu throws in.
"And find a boyfriend. . ." Katsuko and Ayumi sighed in unison.
"And find a boyfriendfor you three," I laughingly completed
the sequence as I stepped onto the train.
I bet Sailor Mercurydoesn't have these problems . . .
* * * * *
My name is MizunoAmi, and I am a first-year student at Oshikawa
High in the Ikuta section of Kobe. My fatheris in public relations at
a local investment house and my mother is a housewife. I have one
brother and one sister, both younger than I am. I have had a wonderful
boyfriend for two years now. My favorite subjectis literature. I am
not too good at math, but I try.
Sometimes I wonderhow the other half lives. I wonder whether
there is such a thing as a fairy tale life, with heroesand princesses
and eternal love and friendship. I wonder whetherdestiny places us in
our roles or if it was rather a stroke of luck offof some deity's
fleeting thought. I wonder if there is somethingmore to our ordinary
lives other than what we've been taught to believeis "ordinary."
And then I rememberthat I don't have to wonder.
I'm living mylife as I am.
- - - - x - - - -
****************************************************
Author's Notes:
This is my Ami story, and I'm sticking by it.
Sailor Moon and associated characters are the intellectualproperty of
Takeuchi Naoko and/or Toei, DiC, Bandai, Kodanshaand a host of other
ethereal corporate entities.
One of the first things I did when I first used theinternet was
searching for people who had the same name as I. I found that I shared
a name with both a world-famous yacht racer and anaccused murderer in
New England. This story is inspired from thethinking that followed
that discovery.
All comments, questions, anecdotes, stock tips, canbe sent to:
or visit my homepage to see my theory about SailorMoon (one day, maybe
my poor counter will break the double-digit barrier):
http://members.tripod.com/gradient
I really do enjoy getting mail and am happy to answerall questions
about the story.
Thank you for your time. Two stories remaining. . .
"The Other Half" +Gradient August1998
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I yam what I am an' tha's all what I yam.
-- Popeye the Sailor Man
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