A Guide to the Races of Norrath for Erudites
A Completely Objective Guide
to the Races of Norrath

by Gallius Gatecaller

Koada’Dal (High Elves) are a rather esteemed race. The royal blood of the Elven people flows through their veins and they display many characteristics inherent to greatness. They recognise the fact that the mind is more powerful than the body and do not hesitate to remind those around them of the fact. Their city is fair; their morals pure; their minds sharp, and their ears as well.

Fier’Dal (Wood Elves) are seldom quite up to par with their Koada’Dal kindred. They live out in the woods in a city that could be quickly destroyed if someone dropped his torch. Infant mortality among the Wood Elves is the second highest in Norrath (next to the Trolls) for the ridiculous reason that approximately two-thirds of the population dies before the age of five by falling off of the city. Eating fruit and berries right off of the trees, and roots straight from the ground, they nonetheless consider themselves a beautiful race. I might be inclined to agree, if they would wash off the dirt. A little-known fact is that the skin of a Fier’Dal sports the same pallor as that of a Koada’Dal, but only when clean.

Tier’Dal (Dark Elves) are physically developed, have excellent eyesight, and (most importantly) are frighteningly intelligent. The royal blood of the Elven people flows also through their veins, but their ancestors were long ago “corrupted” by Innoruuk, the Prince of Hate, when in reality he was just trying to save a few of them from living in a filthy forest across the sea. Although they often pursue the paths of the warrior or rogue, it is generally accepted within their society that the necromancer, a being of pure mental prowess, reigns supreme. Their city is a bit dimly lit, but their library is large; their morals efficient if a bit impeachable; their minds are sharp; and their ears as well.

Half Elves are generally accepted as scum throughout the world. Not quite Men, but not quite Elves, it has often been said of them that they have the “best of both worlds” or that they share the good characteristics of both parent races. The reverse is actually true: they are as dim as Men and as dull as Elves. They do many things, but nothing do they do very well, and they tend to grab a sword before a spell book. Most of them can be found in the prisons, gutters, slums, and ghettoes of the civilised world.

Barbarians are tall, strong, stupid, and ugly. They live in a place where meat does not spoil, which is good, because Barbarians like to eat it raw. They enjoy drinking, fighting, and ice diving (if you do not know what that is, good for you.) Fortunately, Barbarians tend to be quite reclusive and seldom leave the ice box in which they live.

Humans are considered “average.” In truth, this means that they are weak, clumsy, slow, stupid, and ugly- all at the same time. It has been said that Humans are outnumbered only by rats, but no one has ever taken a census of either Humans or rats. They inhabit the central portion of Tunaria, which they, in their egotistical, secular humanism have renamed Antonica. Humans love power, fighting large-scale wars, and pretending that orcs and gnolls are real threats to their society. Their morals are diverse, meaning that they don’t know what to believe, so they believe everything.

Erudites are the greatest race in all of Norrath. Yes, this is the Truth. One cannot have opinions about Truth. They are the only race that controls an entire continent without opposition. More intelligent than any other race in the world, the Erudites’ facile usage of magical powers makes them individually the most powerful mortals in existence. Pick up a sword? Bah. Leave brute strength and powers of the flesh to the lesser, unsophisticated beasts of other lands. Long live the Children of Erud!

Gnomes are a meddling, troublesome, often officious, and all-around bothersome race of elderly-looking midgets. Even Gnomish youth has the appearance of deterioration. Unlike many other races, a seasoned look of old age does not make the males look any better. Also unlike many other races, Gnomish women do not appear attractive at any age.

Dwarves are short, stout, strong, careless, and usually drunk. They enjoy bashing in the kneecaps of their enemies and then returning home to brag about it over a few dozen ales. Usually far too drunk to notice, Dwarves live in an underground city called Kaladim; however, they tend to like dimly lit places where they can forage around in little cramped tunnels and beat on rocks with chisels in order to make dirt.

Halflings or Hobbits are fortunately a rather reclusive race. It is a good thing, too, because their favourite activity is causing trouble, not only for other races, but for their fellow Hobbit as well. They call it “practical joking.” What is practical about it, I have yet to discover. Like Wood Elves, they enjoy dirt. Most Halflings are farmers, growing fruits and vegetables for a living of subsistence. And their feet are marred by thick, ugly hair.

Trolls are large, ugly, brainless monsters that live in filthy, sludge-infested swamps and mud pits where they eat the flesh of other races right off the bone. A Troll’s typical day consists of bashing something to tiny bits, and then eating it, and then repeating the process. Trollish society suffers a sadly high infant mortality rate, because both the mothers and the fathers will eat their children for no particular reason. They do not feel compassion for their children, as in the other races, because their children are just as ugly at birth as they will be in adulthood. One must wonder how dangerous Trolls could be if they had minds.

Ogres, like Trolls, are large, ugly, brainless monsters, more closely resembling Humans than Trolls, which live in large caves in the southern jungles of Antonica. The details of Ogre lifestyle are given in the entry about Trolls.

Giants are enormous beings that inhabit southwestern Antonica, Kunark, and Velious. They are more intelligent than an Ogre or Troll, but no more intelligent than anything else in existence. Giants are incredibly strong, usually rich, and enjoy capturing individual travellers on roads, bringing them back to their hiding places, killing them, robbing them, and eating them, although not necessarily in that order.

Iksar are more like Dragons than anything else; they are quite intelligent, albeit an infantile intelligence compared to, oh say, an Erudite, just for example. They have scaly skin and are also quite strong. Iksar are not welcome in any city of the world besides their own, although they are known to practice some of the more respectable arts such as necromancry.

Return to the Library.

Hosted by www.Geocities.ws

1