This page is still under construction.
Some people choose to limit their options. They do not go out with every person they are offered, but they decide who is worthy of their time and who isn't. Others go out with every possible offer.
Which option should you choose?
The recommendations in this website clearly point to limiting your options. We recommend berurim before going out, which limits the options and also discussing possibilities with a confidant which will also limit the number of options.
However, there are others who date just for fun and there are other who do not follow the patterns recommended in this website with berurim and a confidant. In that case, they might consider different options than those that we propose here and they may consider options that are different from those proposed here.
There are also other ways of looking at the situation.
On the one hand, you can never tell where your barshert will come from, and for that reason you may not want to lose out on any options at all. Those people will feel that if they reject an offer or pass up an offer they may be passing up the person who was destined to be their partner for life.
On the other hand, people who date too frequently might feel that the excitement of going out on a date wears away and as they are less excited the date itself becomes less worthwhile and less successful.
If they have a feeling that they are just going out on yet one more date and it's going to be like all of the others, then this self-fulfilling prophecy may cause them to not be able to evaluate the date satisfactorily. If they start off with a chip on their shoulder, feeling negative about the date, then there's not much that the date will be able to do to change it and the result will be as predicted.
Granted, you do not want to make a hasty decision, and you do not want to automatically assume that the date you were offered is the most suitable person for you, on the one hand. On the other hand, you do know that you are dating in order to get married and you do want the partner to have a chance. This issue of not losing the opportunity to meet your barshert versus the need to avoid wasting your time on wearisome dates that clearly lead nowhere will have to be one of the basic issues that you will want to discuss with your confidant.
See the next article in this series
Read more articles about dating
Read more articles about parenting
Find out about the Jewish Parenting Forum
Find out about other Jewish and Hebrew forums
Are you required to read this webpage for a course? Do NOT print out the article. It is copyrighted.
Your exercise for this article is as follows:
Copyright © David Grossman. World rights reserved. This article may not be printed, forwarded, reproduced, or copied in any way or in any medium without written permission from David Grossman.
