About - Dating - Articles about Parenting

My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher
- Socrates

Target audience

Who needs to read about dating? A boy meets a girl on a casual basis, they go out to a place of entertainment, without necessarily intending to spend their lives together as a married couple. Afterwards, they decide whether they want to go out again. That's the way it's done, right?

Perhaps.

However, in the traditional Jewish world – the audience for this series of articles – things are often done differently.

That doesn't mean that everything on this site excludes those from other backgrounds or traditions. Anybody who is dating seriously should give a great deal of thought to this issue. A choice of a marriage partner is arguably the most important decision that a person makes in his or her life.

Those from other backgrounds should also think about who and what they want. They should also select a confidant; they should know how to make a wise decision, and they should relate to many of the other issues discussed here.

What's wrong with the boy-meets-girl scenario?

Nothing, unless it is prohibited in your religious circles.

However, many people are not interested in a seemingly endless series of random dates that lead nowhere.

They want to have a more limited number of purposeful, goal-oriented dates
They want those dates to lead to a goal of marrying the best possible person for their needs
They want to understand themselves and their needs
They want to know where they are going
They want to have an efficient way of determining whether a potential partner has a reasonable chance of being appropriate before going out on a date
They want to be sure that the chemistry will work for objective reasons rather than for reasons portrayed in Hollywood

Solving some major problems

The high rate of divorce does raise some questions. Up to half of all marriages now end in divorce, and there are no statistics about unhappy couples that do remain together. Something is dreadfully wrong with the existing system!

Clearly, the boy-meets-girl-and-they-fall-in-love scenario promoted by Hollywood and pulp novels doesn't work.

Furthermore, those couples which separate did love each other once. Perhaps the concept of marriage based on love needs a serious revamping. Maybe young men and women should be considering other - or different - factors and issues.

Are there documented resources for this information?

A review of the literature and of the Internet search engines revealed a paucity of practical material for the young Jewish man or woman who is about to start dating.

Yes, much encouraging material has been quoted from eminent Sages, but it only offers a partial explanation of how to act in today's world.

Although resources are very limited, this website has benefited from many talks with young men and women who are contemplating marriage. They are the real sources for this website.

Why is this section on dating located in the Parenting website?

There are three reasons:

It is important for parents to understand the practices of their traditional children, since people do some things differently today than in the past. This is especially important for parents of children who have chosen to return to their Jewish roots. This website, as well as local lectures and other reading material, will help parents become familiar with other options.
It also reflects the assertion that when looking for a spouse, the young couple should look for a parent for their children.
Finally, this section stresses the role of dating in the parenting cycle.

Do parents have anything to do with their children's dating?

Yes. However, that relationship varies.

Some children will beg their parents for help, guidance, and assistance in dating.
Others may distance themselves from their parents in order to assert their independence. Dating may cause a greater rebellion than other issues.

Thus, dating seems to be among the strongest on-off switches for parents and parenting. That is why it is included in this website.

Copyright

With G-d's help, this copyrighted material will be published in printed format. The copyright notice on the bottom of each page is quite serious. Please do not copy this information for any purpose whatsoever, and use it only for your individual, personal edification.

Your comments on this website are welcomed.

Although this directory is more developed than any other in this parenting website, it is still not yet ready for the public. There is more work to be done, but you are free to review it and to send the webmaster your comments at this stage.

Where do you want to go now?

See the next article in this series