OK, maybe your bread is OK over there, but you people will just have to work out the rest of your food problem!
We were warned not to drink your water. We were told that it does not meet our Western standards. Doesn't that mean that something is wrong with your water?
Where is the river that has all that milk and honey? Does it flow into a pond? Is that what's in the Kinneret? Are we allowed to drink it for free?
I went to Israel and whenever I asked for directions to the place where they had Milk and Honey, people laughed at me. Did I say something wrong?
You call these cute, little, round balls watermelons? These aren't watermelons. Where I come from watermelons are not round. They are big and long, the way G-d intended them to be.
Okay, so your watermelons taste a bit more sweet, but that doesn't matter, because they're shaped all wrong. You want to have watermelons? Then grow them so that they look like watermelons. You want me to bring you some real watermelon seeds, so that your watermelons can grow to be the right size and shape? Just let me know and I'll send over a truckload of those seeds.
How do I get a delivery truck over to Israel?
My country developed a way to make cucumbers grow in different colors instead of just standard Army green.
It's a big whopping success. I want to bring that success to Israel.
If Israel sets me up with a factory for handling colored cucumbers, I'll come over and run the factory for a few months every single year. I'm going to call the company 3C or CCC. That stands for the Colored Cucumber Company.
Who should I speak to about this?
I got this friend who's going to open up a chain of American-sized warehouse stores to sell things that Israelis don't have.
You know, the last time I was in Israel it was hard for me to survive. I'm glad you finally got Hellmann's mayonnaise, Delsey tissues, Skippy peanut butter, and other staples over there, but I hard to walk real far in order to be able to buy them. How do they expect people to come to Israel if only one store in each city has these basic products? I don't know how you guys can live without them. That's probably why you look so underfed.
Did you know that the average Israeli is much smaller than the average American? That's because you don't have anything decent to eat.
Well, my friend is going to bring over that stuff, and he's going to let everybody see all the beautiful things that you Israelis are missing out on. He's going to provide a tremendous service to Israel.
He might also bring us some of your bread while he's at it.
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Keywords: Blame, Business, Food, Health
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