About - American Aliyah - Articles about Israel

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There are some people, as a matter of fact most people, find that they have issues with certain family members or friends who have hesitations about their going to Israel. These hesitations may be so strong that the topic becomes taboo or at least those people feel that they are using better judgment not to raise the issue of their making aliyah. After all, why should they stir up a hornet's nest, especially when the reaction is negative. These people then think listen, they'll go to Israel and then they'll deal with it after they go to Israel.

That doesn't work. Things aren't going to get better and the reactions aren't going to improve just because you have already moved to Israel. To the contrary, the resentment is likely to grow.

You should deal with those reactions, the people's reactions and yours, before making aliyah. You will either have to come to terms with their resentment or they will have to come to terms with the fact that a loved one or a good comrade or friend is leaving or in some other way people will have to come to terms with it. But overlooking it and not discussing it is not an answer and the problematic situation is not going to get better or it in the end it is not going to fix itself up as time goes on. The result might be that you're going to either suffer from the other person who will place a guilt trip on you or the negative comments are going to grow and you're going to have a much greater problem because you tried to overlook it.

Only you know how to deal with this situation, how to come to terms with it and how to get others to come to terms with it. In some cases answer is that it is impossible to resolve these problems. So be it. Now, are you prepared to come to Israel knowing that the situation is going to be problematic? Given the choice of Israel versus other people's feelings, have you decided that you are going to accept the fact that the others will have negative feelings? Or will they resign themselves to the fact that you are just going and that's it? If so, then it can work out. If you are not sure about what you are doing and you are concerned about your feelings or they are overly concerned about the fact that you are going, then don't make believe that it will go away. It won't.

Does that mean that you have to allow people to control you and to make your decisions for you? Does that mean that your aliyah has to be placed on hold or you won't make aliyah at all because of the feelings of one or more people?

Nobody can make that decision for you. The point that we are making is that these feelings that people have will not change and will not go away and you have to find a way to come to terms with the fact that there are going to be people who will have negative feelings about it.

For that matter, just about anything that you do will result in the approval of some people and the rejection of others. You've learned to live with this fact throughout your lives. There is a difference, however. With other situations you might have a more ready answer that will satisfy the other people.

Say, for example, that you have decided to move to another city within your home country. The other city is some distance away and they would have to fly, go by plane, in order to visit you and you would have to go by plane in order to visit them. That is more socially acceptable because it is closer and it's not a major people accept it as a reasonable thing to do if you fly within the country. However, once you fly to a different country the questions loom larger. If you fly to another country in which they have questions or doubts about your ability to manage financially and the security of the other location and other issues then you will be increasing their concern. It will not do you too much good, for example, to point to security issues in your own neighborhood or in nearby areas. That's not the point. The security issues that are close at hand can be waved off as acceptable, whereas the security issues in Israel are going to be perceived as something that you could have avoided by not moving there.

In other words, there's a great deal of psychology involved in dealing with other people's feelings about your moving to Israel. You and they are not always going to come to terms with it and there will always be issues. Everybody who moves to a distant location has to deal with these issues.

The recommendation here is that you deal with these issues in advance instead of making believe that they will go away and if any of these issues are too strong then you have to decide whether the pull of Israel is strong enough for you to accept the fact that it will raise problems but you have decided that Israel is where you will go no matter what. Your determination will not necessarily change their feelings, but you will be in a stronger position if you know where you are going, why you are going, and you are willing to accept the fact that some people are going to have negative opinions but you are going to go there anyhow.

Then there is another issue which is whether your own parents are very much against moving to Israel and you have not been able to come to terms with it and they haven't been able to come to terms with your move. How should you deal with this? There is a strong issue of respect for your parents versus the strong issue of moving to Israel and you are going to have to weigh one against the other.

Well, you can't do that.

You are not in a position to make an objective decision about it, nor are you going to be able to weigh the two commandments against each other.

In this case you have two resources two ways to decide how to handle it.

One way may be to get some basic ideas from a forum such as Siyyata or Olim which will help you discuss these issues and clarify them in your own mind.

Another possiblity is to discuss this with your own rabbi and explain the conflict of the two issues, both of which are Biblical injunctions and ask how you may be able to choose one or the other.

Don't expect an immediate answer from your rabbi. He is likely to have to consult with his own rabbi and to give it a great deal of thought. Your particular situation and particular issues and questions that you face probably are not going to be something that he deals with on a regular basis and it is a complex issue.

Note that none of these questions means that you should or should not make aliyah. The issues are that you should consider it seriously before making aliyah.

Where do you want to go now?