So these two fleas, Frank and Joe, meet for a summer vacation in Florida every year. This particular year they decided to take a vacation at Miami Beach, so they set a date and a time to meet at the hotel. When the date finally arrived, Joe found himself waiting for Frank to show up. He waited and waited until, hours after their appointed time, Frank finally showed up.

Joe took one look at Frank and exclaimed, "Frank! What happenned?! Are you okay?!" Frank was certainly NOT okay. He was absolutely freezing. His hands were shaking, his nose was running, icicles were formed on his antennae, etc. He looked completely miserable. Frank turned a pathetic eye towards Joe, brought out a hankie and started to blow his nose. Joe, bewildered, asked, "Frank, you're freezing! We're in Miami Beach! Why are you so cold? How did you get down here?" Frank put away his hankie and turned to Joe. "Well, since I live so far from Miami Beach, I decided to save time by hitching a ride, so I hid in some biker's mustache. It was the constant wind and all from the six hour ride that froze me up, but I didn't know how else to get here."

Joe shook his head. "No, no, no, you dummy. You can't hitch a ride in some biker's mustache. That's just dumb. You're practically asking to freeze to death. Let me tell you how to get to Florida from where you live. First, go to the airport and find a flight that's going down to where ever you're going. Then, get on the flight, find a stewardess, and hide up there in her beaver. It's nice and warm in there, and it smells good too. THAT'S the way to travel. Frank nodded his head, and Frank and Joe then went on to enjoy a great vacation. Towards the end of their vacation Frank and Joe set a date and time to meet in Ft. Lauderdale for next year's vacation.

When the date finally arrived, Joe found himself waiting for Frank again. He waited and waited, until three hours later, Frank finally shows up. Joe takes one look at Frank and he can't believe what he sees. Frank is even more frozen than he was last year. His eyes are completely dried out, he's shivering so hard that he looks like he's having spasms, and his antennae are completely covered in ice. Completely enraged, Joe yells, "What the hell is your problem, Frank?! Didn't you listen to my instructions on how to travel?!"

Frank, miserable, replied, "I did do what you told me to, Joe. I went to the airport. I found a flight coming to Ft. Lauderdale. I then got on the airplane and hid in a stewardess's beaver, just like you said." "Well, what the hell happenned?!" asked Joe. "I don't know!" shot back Frank. "I fell asleep for a minute, and next thing I knew I was in some biker's mustache!"

Three guys were sitting in a bar talking. One was a Doctor, one was a Lawyer, and one was a Biker.

After a sip of his martini, the doctor said; "You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I got my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedes. I figure that if she doesn't like the diamond ring, she will at least like the Mercedes, and she will know that I love her."

After finishing his scotch, the lawyer replied; "Well, on my last anniversary, I got my wife a string of pearls and a trip to the Bahamas. I figured if she didn't like the pearls, she would at least like the trip, and she would know that I love her."

The Biker then took a big swig from his beer, and said; "Yeah, well for my anniversary, I got my old lady a tee-shirt and a vibrator. I figured if she didn't like the tee-shirt, she could go fuck herself."

An Asian man walked into the currency exchange line in a New York bank with 2000 yen, and he walked out with $72.

The following week, he walked in with 2000 yen, and was handed $66.

He asked the teller why he got less money than he had gotten the previous week. The lady said, "Fluctuations." The Asian man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, he turned around and said,

"Fluc you Amelicans, too!"

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the US auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four-wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.

They were surprised to find in 45 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, "Oh, Shit!"

Only the states of Oklahoma, Missouri, Arkansas,Alabama and Texas were different, where over 89.3 percent of the final words were: "Hold my beer and watch this."

One day a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose of showing his son how poor people can be. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.

On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?" "It was great, Dad." "Did you see how poor people can be?" the father asked. "Oh, yeah" said the son., "So what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.

The son answered, "I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon." Also "we have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them."

With this the boy's father was speechless. Then his son added, "Thanks, Dad, for showing me how poor we are."

Too many times we forget what we have and concentrate on what we don't have. But what we have and what we don't have is all based on one's perspective.

THE MOST VENOMOUS SNAKE IN THE WORLD NAME: "Expecteria Trouserius" (Trouser Snake)

WHAT TO DO WHEN ATTACKED TOURNIQUET: Do not apply a tourniquet as the venom is too deep in the body to be affected.

CUTTING THE WOUND: This would be completely unnecessary and ineffective as the bleeding will stop after a few weeks anyhow. SUCKING THE WOUND: This method is the most popular with the victim, but so far has not been reported to have led to any success.

SEARCHING FOR ANTI-VENOM :

CONCLUSION: This snake, although it is very aggressive and active, is not necessarily a vermin, and treated with the right respect, makes a wonderful pet.

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? . . . death.

What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards.

A little black boy goes into the kitchen where his mom is baking. He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face. "Mom, look, I'm a white boy." His mom slaps him and says, "Go show your father."

He goes to his dad in the living room and says, "Look dad, I'm a white boy." His dad slaps him hard in the face and says, "Go show your Grandmother."

The boy goes in his grandmother's room and says, "Look granny, I'm a white boy." His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him back to his mother. His mother says "See Did you learn anything from that?"

To which the boy replies, Sure enough did." I have only been white for five minutes and I already hate you black people."

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