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5/1: Yikes!
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This page last updated on: Tues. July 1, 2003

May 1, 2003
PRICE HIKES? YIKES!

The early summer blockbusters are coming out soon! What better excuse is there for a movie theatre to raise prices?

TOP TEN REASONS WHY PRICES ARE GOING UP

• Box office and snack bar cashiers enjoy seeing outraged expressions on customers' faces
• CEO wants to put in a rollercoaster at the mansion
• New hazardous waste disposal fee for "real" butter
• It's the customer that actually pays for movie stars' salaries
• Dominican Republic garment workers want 10¢ more per day for producing shoddily-made theatre uniforms
• New high-tech theatre-sweeping brooms that won't disintegrate after one week
• Them jalapeños? Imported from Mexico.
• New device on box office intercom detects customer’s bad attitude, and translates cashier's "Thank you and enjoy the show" to "Eat shit and die!"
• MovieTickets.com wants to change slogan from "To buy a ticket, just click it" to "How come it costs so damned much now?"
• What are people gonna do, stop watching movies?

Copyright © 2003 by Luther Yee. Used with permission.

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