Written by: Larry J. Hall
Raphael's in his personal gym doing a headstand,
then some push-ups. Then he worked out on dumbbells,
started swimming in the sewer to develop his legs.
When he got out & dried himself off, he looked in a
mirror & started posing like a bodybuilder saying,
"I'm a lean, green machine!"
Ten minutes later, Raph hits the weights & as he was focusing, he didn't see Michaelangelo sneaking in with his snare drum. When Raph was bench pressing, Mikey played a snare drum roll that startled him. Then he got up, took his sticks & broke em in half.
"Next time, I'll put that drum on your head!" gruffed Raph, "I got my own workout music! Don't need your live snare drum or tympani music!"
"You're just jealous because I won't let you play jazz guitar on 'The Sewer Hour', my pirate radio show." said Mikey, "And I got 49 more pairs of sticks. Can't you take encouragement?"
"No!" Raph screamed, "I'm outta here!"
"Going on another motorcycle ride?"
Raph drove his motorcycle around New York City to cool off. He went over to Central Park relaxing by the pond. Then he saw a crime being committed as a thief ran off with a guitar case. Raph, the hero he was, caught up to the thief & did some ninja moves on him. He tied him up for the police. When he gave the guitar case to the owner, he tried to hide his identity.
"Thanks." he said asking, "Are you really a Ninja Turtle?"
"No, I'm Captain Planet!" Raph snapped, "Of course I'm a turtle! Got a problem?"
"Chill, I'll keep your secret safe. I'm Alan Campbell. Open my case."
Raph wanted to drive off, but got off the bike to open his case. He saw a red hollowed-bodied electric guitar with a Raphael sticker on front.
"I'm flattered, GROW UP!" gruffed Raph as Alan explained,
"When I was 10 years old, I wanted to see the Turtles in concert. But my parents thought it was a waste of money & a show for 1st grade kids. So I went to a friend's house to catch your pay-per-view concert in Houston. You celebrated a birthday that concert, your brothers let you play the guitar for a song. You had a brown sunburst electric guitar, same shape as mine & you played jazz. So I practiced to play like you. You're my hero."
"Cool story Alan." said Raph asking, "Wanna jam?"
Raph shook Alan's hand & had him ride in back of his motorcycle driving home.
Back home, Mikey plays a tympani drum roll & piece as he says,
"This is your tympani playing host, Mikey, with another fine show of 'The Sewer Hour'." stops playing,
"Tonight, I got my posse to back me up as a band. With me on drums, Donny on bass, Venus on keys & kickin' the lead on a xylophone type instrument called a vibraphone, I got good vibes about Leo!"
The Turtles played hip hop music with Leo kickin a vibes solo.
Meanwhile @ the castle hideout of The Dragon Lord, Wick's enjoying the music heard on the radio.
"Those Turtles not only can fight, they can make music. YAHOO!" exclaimed Wick while dancing. But Dragon Lord wasn't pleased.
"I want those Turtles!" he said finishing, "for my 1492nd birthday. To play @ my birthday party & be destroyed!"
"But they won't play for you!" reasoned Wick, Dragon Lord grabbed his beak & said,
"They will. Or else!"
Back home, Raph & Alan got on their electric guitars getting ready to jam as Raph counted, "1-2-3-4!"
Raph chunked some chords, then Alan joins in playing a guitar solo. Raph was amazed that Alan played the guitar just like him.
"Cool solo Alan!" said Raph chunking.
"Thanks!" he said as the Turtles saw them together.
"You ruined my 'Sewer Hour'!" angered Mikey asking, "Do you have to play jazz?"
"Now we're even!" snapped Raph as the music stops.
"You brought home a human?" asked Venus, "Why?"
"Turtles," Raph said, "This is a fan & cool friend I met @ the park, Alan Campbell. He's a super guitarist just like me."
Splinter enters & doesn't believe what Raph did.
"I can't believe you have a human in our domain. Now he'll expose us all."
"Chill." said Alan, "Your secret's safe. Raph recovered my guitar in the park when it was stolen."
"He can be trusted." Venus said looking @ him, "He's got honesty in his eyes."
"Great, another guitarist." groaned Don.
Raph & Alan restarted jammin as Alan chunked chords & Raph playing a guitar solo. The other Turtles groaned.
The next morning, the Turtles went out to jog around the sewer lines. As they were jogging, they were being followed by Foot Warriors.
"I feel someone's stalking us." whispered Venus to the others.
"Maybe it's Raph's #1 fan, Alan." joked Leo as Raph punched him.
"Don't make fun of my friend, he'd never do that." said Raph.
And as the other Turtles dissed him, a Foot Warrior sets off a tranquilizer bomb & they all fell asleep. Then they took each Turtle (wearing gas masks) & headed back to Dragon Lord's castle.
Hours later, Alan came by the hideout with guitar case in hand.
"Raph!" he called, "You wanna jam?" Splinter entered the room.
"I'm afraid the Turtles are gone." said Splinter, "I'm afraid & pretty worried that they might be in danger. I'm glad Donatello left his computer on just once. It has tracking devices."
Alan put down his guitar case & looked @ the computer with Splinter.
"The Dragon Lord's captured the Turtles!" said Splinter.
"I'll save them! Raph's my friend!" said Alan. Splinter's shocked when Alan went over to the vehicles & drove on Raph's motorcycle.
"There's going to be trouble." remarked Splinter. At the dungeon of the castle, The Dragon Lord paid a visit to his prisoners.
"Well mutant freaks! You're probably wondering why I captured you?"
"You miss a good ninja fight & want one." guessed Mikey.
"No!" snapped Dragon Lord, "Today's my 1492nd birthday!"
"He looks more like 1776." joked Leo.
"I want you Turtles to play @ my birthday party!"
"What part of NO don't you understand?" asked Raph.
"Either some or all of you perform or I'll turn you into turtle soup!" he left laughing.
As the Turtles were stewing, Raph heard his motorcycle being parked outside. Then some fighting noises occurred. And then, a Foot Warrior opened the dungeon & as he entered, he took off his hood.
"Alan!" Venus said in surprise, "That was noble of you to save us."
Raph went to him & punched Alan in the stomach yelling,
"No one touches or drives that bike, but me! I don't want to see your face @ the hideout again! If I were you, I'd tear up that sticker off the guitar."
"Raph, your friend saved us!" reasoned Don, but Raph wouldn't listen to anyone since he's in a real bad mood.
"Let's spoil the Dragon's party." said Mikey.
"Wait, I got a plan." said Don as they huddled.
At the Dragon Lord's party, the Foot Warriors were groovin to hip hop music as some brought out the cake. The Dragon Lord made a wish while blowing out the candle, Wick cheered. Then he saw a Foot Warrior (Alan in disguise) with Donatello.
"Your majesty!" he said, "Donatello has agreed to perform for you on your birthday."
Don played the sousaphone.
"Why couldn't I have Raph play the guitar?" moaned Dragon Lord as Don continued playing the sousaphone.
Then the Foot Warrior (Alan) left & escaped. Just as Dragon Lord enjoyed Don's music, the other Turtles came out & battled. As usual, they showed off their ninja skills. Don was still playing when Mikey threw Wick into the sousaphone & got out when he blew hard. The gang took the cake & splattered it all over The Dragon Lord.
"Happy birthday!" they said leaving.
"Next time, I'll get Hanson!" moaned the Dragon Lord."
The Turtles jogged back home, except for Raph driving his motorcycle. As he drove, he saw Alan walking the streets. He pulled over offering him a ride back home.
"I don't take rides from strangers!" snapped Alan. Raph got off the bike & faced Alan.
"You want a piece of me again?" yelled Alan.
"No," said Raph, "I want to apologize. You helped us out & I shouldn't have been upset with you. Don't tell the others, I may be a macho rebel, but I do have a heart. Are we still friends?"
Alan shook his hand. Then Raph let Alan drive his motorcycle with him riding along going back home.
Back home that night, the Turtles & Alan were about to play as Mikey opened his radio show.
"Welcome to 'The Sewer Hour'. Tonight, we got a battle of the century having two super guitarists fight it out."
Mikey plays a tympani drum roll saying,
"On the red hollowed-bodied electric guitar, Alan Campbell!" Mikey stopped as Alan played a small guitar solo. Then Mikey played the tympani again saying,
"On the brown sunburst hollowed-bodied electric guitar, Raphael!" Mikey stopped as Raph played his small guitar solo. Then Mikey went over to the guitarists & said,
"Guys, let's have a cool jam session."
Then Mikey got to his drums saying, "1-2-3-4!"
The Turtles & Alan played together doing a jazz jam. Alan played the first guitar solo, Leo played a vibes solo in between the guitarists, then Raph played the 2nd guitar solo & Mikey played a drum solo. Then they put a finish as Raph & Alan played a fast solo riff accomapning Mikey's tympani drum roll.
Calls came in from the listeners liking the guitar music. But it was a tie, listeners liking both Alan & Raph. Then Alan had an idea asking,
"Can you sing Raph?"
"Yeah!"
"Let's do Count On Us!"
The Turtles played a rock beat as Alan & Raph played & sang "Count On Us." They were still equal after that performance.