Eric wet the top of his head with water from the pond the group stopped at before they crossed the wasteland before them. Dungeon Masters words, usually so forgettable, still made his head spin. He felt uncommonly giddy as he thought he deciphered at least part of the DM’s message; the important part, anyway. Was he going to finally be rewarded for all the hard work he had put into this Realm? He wondered just what the treasure was the DM had mentioned. He tried to prepare himself to be disappointed, just in case. The magic runt had a way of mincing words so that they never really meant how it sounded.
“Well, gang,” Hank began while scanning the desolate land before them, “looks like this is the edge of Rookwold.”
Jagged cliffs scraped the sky causing them to bleed clouds, which looked heavy with pending rain. The ground looked like it had experienced much upheaval in the recent past. It was painfully obvious that the way to the Forgotten Dungeon was going to be the most ponderous and difficult way through the mountains.
“Straight through, huh?” Sheila frowned. “Isn’t there another way?”
“Is there ever an easy way?” Eric replied. He should’ve known that easy was never in the DM’s plans.
Bobby grudgingly agreed with Eric, “He does have a point, for a change. Look, I don’t think there’s really a pass in there for us. Is there a way we might be able to go around?”
“Dungeon Master said the Forgotten Dungeon was in Rookwold,” Diana reminded them, “Rookwold is supposed to be a haven for griffins and griffins can only survive in the cliffs. So that means that all of Rookwold is like this.”
“And that means there’s no getting around.” Presto concluded. Hank peered at the towering cliffs wearily, “A rookery is where birds of prey nest.”
“Great,” Eric added his two cents worth; “So Rookwold must be Realmese for Nesting Place of the Giant, Man-Eating Griffins.”
None of them were too happy about having to proceed, but the Dungeon Master wouldn’t send them here without a reason. They hoped, anyway. They filled up their water pouches and with much trepidation, set to finding the easiest way through. The lowering sky kept growing more and more crowded with ever darkening clouds.
“I hope this storm is natural.” Presto recalled all the other forms of defenses they’ve seen in their travels. Giant, magical storms were apparently commonplace and usually were an effective defense. But not against a group of six very determined youths.
“Well, look at it this way,” Eric replied sarcastically, “If the weather gets much worse, we wont be swooped upon by any Griffins. Even though we got a walking piece of giant anything bait within our midst.”
“Watch it, Eric!” Bobby warned and placed a protective hand on Uni’s head.
Eric slipped on some loose gravel and swore. These shoes were not what REI Outfitters would recommend for hiking, he knew it. A real knight had a horse; he looked over at Uni and wished she could grow several hands higher in just a few seconds. Commoners walked. He sighed. His feet hurt and everyone was much faster than he was at climbing this stuff. Armor didn’t allow for much movement. He grunted as he banged his head into a low overhang. Surprised, he looked up. Eric didn’t notice that they had even entered into a mouth of a canyon, which splayed below. It was an extremely narrow canyon, much like the Narrows back in the southwestern part of United States, he observed. At least it was a way through.
The walls were cut and gouged unevenly from the trickling stream at the bottom of the great ravine after thousands of years that carved them out of the striated rock. The sides were shiny, almost like glass, and the rock wall toward upwards so the small ribbon of sky above seemed extremely far away. In places, the path was wide enough for three abreast, and in others, one had to turn sideways just to continue forward. The kids kept glancing skyward, still wondering if they would run into the lands overseers. They trudged through a shallow, irregular stream and tried to keep their waning spirits up. It was a depressing place and one had to wonder just how many people came to visit. Of course, with a place named the Forgotten Dungeon, Eric decided that no one knew about it. Well, except for Venger and the DM. That figures.
It finally began to rain. Perfect, Eric thought. He held up his shield like an umbrella. Presto tried to fit himself under as well but after accidentally stepping on Eric’s heels one too many times, Eric ordered him back out.
“Maybe I can produce an umbrella for all of us.” Presto took his hat off and kept following the others, “Magic, fill this rain with dread, give us something to cover our heads!”
Eric cringed at the wording and activated his shield in case Presto had goofed, yet again. Nothing happened.
“Oh, man.” Presto said glumly, “I . . .”
Lightning suddenly shot through the sky with thunder answering. It suddenly seemed like a pipe had burst in the clouds for it began to rain in excessive torrents. The wind picked up and howled though the narrows and Presto held his hat to his head in astonishment. The rain, if possible, continued to get heavier. Then, as if things couldn’t get any worse, a trio of shrill bird-like cries could be heard over the wind and coming their way.
“Cause the rain dread! The rain! Not us, idiot!” Eric yelled.
The lightning illuminated the shadowy form of an immense birdlike thing as it swept above them.
“Great, Er-ric!” Bobby eyed the cavalier, “I thought you said the Griffins wouldn’t be able to fly in this kind of weather!”
Eric started running and called back over his shoulder, “Do I look like an aviary expert to you? And since when did you ever start listening to me anyway!”
Hank made a wide gesture to the others with his bow, “Come on! We can’t stay in this canyon when it’s raining!”
“Why not?” Sheila asked.
They started to run, and Hank answered, “Flash floods.” That really got everyone’s attention. With rain on their heads and angry Griffins over their heads, they ran and ran. It seemed the narrows would never end and the only progress they seemed to have made was to get wetter. Eric’s reserves were leaving him. Even he couldn’t run forever. He couldn’t see very well through the heavy downpour and the oncoming darkness. For all he knew, the narrows stretched to the ends of the Realm. He could hear his companions running behind him. They were slowing like him.
“RRAAACCCCC!” Came from above.
Stupid Griffins! Eric thought acidly and tried to coax his tired muscles to continue. The three Griffins still followed overhead. They could see their prey, their keen sight the envy of any eagles, but the canyon walls would not allow for their mighty wingspan. So they harried their intended prey, knowing where the narrows would break.
The group never saw the wall of water coming from behind. It came like a freight train and swept them into its course without thought or care. The Young Ones and the unicorn flailed helplessly, trying to keep their heads above the surface. A large branch swept down from the torrents origin bobbed and rolled, swung around irregularly, threatening to brain them.
Hank tried to warn the others to stay away from the side of the cliffs and to watch for the wayward branch but he decided against wasting his breath. It wasn’t like they had a whole lot of control in the first place. The branch shot past them. Hank tried to grab onto it but the current dragged the thing out of reach. Anyway, it seemed to be going much faster then they were and it sailed away ahead of them. Hank bumped into Presto who in turn went under. Desperately, Hank plunged his body in and after being spun about head over heels and all around, he found the magician and heaved both of them to the surface. He and Presto came up spluttering and coughing.
Diana was a good swimmer. She also knew that if one fell off a raft in a strong river, you should ride the current with your feet-sticking strait out in front of you so you could hit any on coming rocks or other objects with your feet and not your head. She tried calling out to the others to tell them how but they couldn’t hear and every time she opened her mouth, she swallowed half the blasted deluge. She tried to steer with her hands below her. No good. Diana wondered just how long these narrows were and she hoped the others could keep their heads. ‘Will I be seeing you soon, Beloved?’ She thought and glanced at the starless sky.
Bobby’s first thought as the wall of water hit them was, ‘I’m gonna die!’ His second thought was of Terry. That was absurd, he thought, he should be worrying about Sheila and Uni and the others. His club offered a little support. He used it as a flotation device though it tended to sink if he tried to put his weight upon it. All he could do was hope for the best. He’d look for Sheila but it was too dark and his strength was running out. He let the current carry him without a fight and hoped the others were all right.
Sheila called out to Bobby several times, but got no answer. She was more concerned over his safety than her own. Her cape snagged a hold of something and she fought against it. A big branch had grabbed her as it swept by and as it was rolled by the waters, so too was she. She went under more than once as she fought to free her cloak. It dragged her, choking her. Frantically, she wrestled the cloth and finally was free. She pushed the log on its way ahead of her.
Eric tried to use his shield as a surfboard, but apparently metal, even magic metal, doesn’t float. He was picked up and carried by the powerful current like he was absolutely nothing. He didn’t want to die, especially not like this. ‘It’s not fair’, he mourned to himself, ‘and I didn’t even get to see my treasure.’
Uni flailed her hooves and tried to buck to keep her head up. The water carried her like she was a leaf. The unicorn grunted and kicked with everything she had. Pure instincts told her how to swim, but not how to swim in raging rapids. She floated along with the rest, fighting for their lives.
When the narrows finally did break, the Griffins swooped down to claim their prize. One grabbed Hank and Presto, one grabbed Sheila and Eric, the third grabbed Bobby, Diana, and as an after thought, Uni. They took off in the drenched sky. Eric didn’t know if he was upset or not. He was beginning to think he couldn’t hold his head up any longer. The others seemed to be alive, about as tired as he, but alive. That is, and he couldn’t help the depressing thought, until they became Griffin grub.
He couldn’t see where they were going. The wind swept the rain into his eyes and the massive raptors talons gripped his arms to his side with such power that he barely had enough room to expand his lungs to let in breath. He knew they were up at an incredible height. He wondered if they would be eaten on the fly or taken to the nesting spot. If only he had a sword to go with his shield! How stupid! Why would anyone carry around just a shield? If he had a sword he could deal with these birds and, uh, . . . . oh yeah, he’d have to kill something. A fish was the biggest, most intelligent thing he’s ever had to kill. He sighed, some knight he was.
Suddenly, Eric found himself plunging through the air, sans Big Bird. He and the others were falling as the birds dropped them. Eric’s heart only had time to leap in his throat just before he smacked down hard onto the ground. The wind was knocked out of him and he heard the grunts and exclamations of the others surprise as they landed near.
He cautiously got up onto his hands and knees. The sound of massive feathered wings back winging to land was ominously loud. The only good thing about their situation was that the rain finally seemed to be letting up. Apparently, Presto had, as he would put it later, accidentally quickened the storm. It expended itself as if it were on fast forward and the storm, instead of taking several hours to drain the clouds, had only taken less than one hour. Well, Eric would exclaim at the time, at least he knows why he’s a goof.
The massive birds settled to the ground, claws scraping deep trenches as they grabbed for purchase. They made strange ‘cuffing’ noises as they spoke quietly to themselves.
“What do you suppose they’re talking about?” Bobby wondered anxiously.
“Do you prefer white meat, or dark meat?” Eric guessed. No one laughed.
“Get ready, gang!” Hank warned when he noticed they now held the bird’s full attention. He drew on his bow and aimed it at one of the birds. Diana’s staff grew like a shot and she pole vaulted away just as a carnivorous beak lunged at her. Hank yelled and loosed an arrow. Bobby hollered, activated his club, and charged the feathered monsters. Eric’s shield glowed with life and he thwarted an outstretched and clutching claw. Sheila flipped her hood over her head and disappeared just before a beak tried to snag her. Presto held onto his hat and wondered if after the thunderstorm fiasco the others would want him to do anything at all.
He had to admit he was gratified when Eric shouted out, “PRESTO!”
“Come on hat, don’t give me that, be kind, and make those Griffins mind!” He twiddled.
His hat glowed and he wondered if a spell would work at last. Instantly, the three Griffins heads were enveloped in leather. It was the kind of leather trappings Falconers placed on their charges to keep them from spooking.
“Whoa, Presto! Way to go!” Bobby called approvingly.
“Wow!” Presto was really pleased with himself.
The Griffins weren’t trained falcons though. They panicked. They raised their voices in a fit of confusion and anger. Powerful claws reached to try to tear away what was blinding them. But the kids didn’t need their full submission to escape. They took the distraction and ran for it.
“Well, are we any closer to this Forgotten Dungeon place?” Presto asked.
“I don’t know, Presto,” Hank admitted, “Who knows how far the Griffins carried us and if we are even heading in the right direction?”
Diana scanned the horizon. They had covered a good distance when they ran from the Griffins. Diana saw a promising monolith with a flat top.
“Be right back,” she said and she activated her pole. Fluidly, she used the pole to push her up to the tall monolith and landed with barely a bobble in step. She turned in a slow circle, looking for anything that might look like a dungeon.
“Anything?” Sheila asked, looking up at Diana.
“Hey, yah!” Diana said excitedly and pointed, “Looks like a tower just a few miles north!”
Eric brightened. Maybe, if their luck held out, they could get to the Forgotten Dungeon without running into anything else.
They hurried along the craggy way. It was difficult going but no one seemed to mind when they’re destination was so close at hand. Even Eric stopped complaining as he dreamed up of ways he could use his treasure.
“I’ll get us a castle! No, two castles! A summer home and a winter home. Everyone can have their own servants!” Eric replied ecstatically.
Presto was incredulous, “How do you know the treasure’s money?”
“Hey, don’t rain on my parade. Wait, scratch that last, well, you know what I mean. DM said I’d be handsomely rewarded. What else could it be?” He hoped no one would answer.
“With the Dungeon Master, it could mean anything.” Sheila said wisely.
Eric wanted to ignore her. But he knew it was true. “Look, it’s the only thing keeping me from complaining, so just be happy that I’m happy, okay?”
“Sure thing, Eric.” Sheila rolled her eyes.
They finally came up to the entrance of the crumbling tower. There were two huge wooden doors and after scouting around the perimeter, they figured that this was the only way in. Opening the doors, they proceeded inside. Typical spiral stairs wound up the interior of the tower. It was the only way to go so they went.
“Hey,” Sheila said after a while as they climbed, “I think I hear someone singing.”
The group listened hard to identify the music.
“Elvis?” Presto looked at the others in confusion.
“You’re right, Presto, that’s Jailhouse Rock.” Hank looked to the ceiling where the stairs led.
They hurried themselves upwards, eager to see someone else who obviously came from Earth. The music got louder the higher they climbed. Many notes fell flat and it was clear that whoever was singing didn’t know all the words.
“ . . . something something in the old cell block,” came the feminine voice, “everybody do the Jailhouse Rock!” There was a pause as she finished the song, then continued on, “Yes, thank you! Elvis has left the building, but I’m still here! Hey, what’s the sound of two hands spread apart and chained to a wall clapping? What’s that? I can’t hear you! That’s right, NOTHING!” Then she sounded like she was trying to silence an attentive crowd of which the Young Ones couldn’t hear, ”Okay, okay! Now for my next number, a little Monty Python . . . . . . . Every sperm is needed, every sperm is good-” She continued to sing.
“Someone’s got a wide repertoire.” Diana smiled.
Presto cleared his throat as he caught the lyrics to The Sperm Song.
“I suppose we ought to find out who’s singing and ask her where the treasure is.” Hank said reasonably.
The others agreed and they finally came to the landing where there was only one large wooden door. There, of course, was a big lock and it was sealed. Hank shot the lock off with an energy bolt and the singing suddenly stopped. They pushed the door open revealing the only room in the whole tower. The Young Ones sized up the resident as she did likewise. She was tall, long legged, and very blonde. She must’ve been in her early 20’s. Her clothes were that of a classical jester of old and were a vivid combination of purple and green silks. She even sported the multi-pronged hat and goofy elf-like shoes, both tipped with gold bells. It looked like she’d been hanging chained to that brick wall for quite a long time. But you never would’ve guessed it the way she was cheerily belting out those songs. Bobby wondered to himself if she was chained up there because she couldn’t sing worth spit so no one could hear how bad she was. But he tactfully declined saying anything about it. Eric just stared. Before that moment, he’d never believed in love at first sight. But looking at the lovely figure stretched along the face of the wall, he knew he had been wrong. She was beautiful!
“What do you want?” She asked, voice going hoarse from all her singing, “An encore?”
“We heard your singing. If you know Elvis and Monty Python, then you’ve gotta be from Earth.” Sheila replied.
The jester blinked in surprise.
“L.A., actually,” she admitted.
“California girl.” Eric murmured wistfully.
The Young Ones glanced at him though he was unaware at their curious expressions when they heard the longing in his voice. The jester just nodded, hat jingling with the movement, “Actually, my name’s Renee Anderson. I’m a stand-up comedian. I was on my way to a gig in Burbank when I suddenly found myself in this crazy world . . .” she looked down at her silly outfit, “dressed like this.”
Hank nodded, “Pretty close to what happened with us, though we came here via amusement park ride. Did you run into the Dungeon Master?”
She frowned, “Which one was he? There were two. The tall, big ugly guy with a single horn on his head zapped me first. The midget in robes zapped me second.”
Renee watched the kids expressions turn grim.
“You say Venger zapped you before Dungeon Master could?” Diana asked worriedly.
Renee nodded, “If Venger’s the tall one, then yes. He packs a mean punch. It’s been months and I’m still feeling some of the after affects. You know in the movie Alien when that creature bursts out of that guys chest?”
Everyone nodded, faces paling.
“Well, ever since Big Ugly zapped me, well, it feels like something’s brewing just under the surface of my skin. I don’t know what it is and if feels like it keeps trying to come out.” She shook her head at a loss, “I don’t know what’ll happen too me when whatever it is gets out.”
There was a long silence as the kids digested this new and unexpected information.
“But the midget guy did manage to give me a message before Big Ugly kidnapped me and placed me here for safe keeping. What was it? Well, this isn’t exactly what he said, but it’s close enough, he said wait for your guides who will take you to Stalmoore. Said I was needed there, or something. I never even heard of the place, so how can I be needed there?” She frowned, thoroughly confused.
“Uh, you wouldn’t happen to know of any treasure in the tower, would you?” Presto asked.
She shook her head and became annoyed at the constant jingling whenever she moved, “Going to rip those blasted bells off when I get a chance. Nope, far as I know, I’m the only thing for miles.”
Eric suddenly realized that what Sheila had said about the treasure earlier and it no longer upset him. If Renee was to be his handsome reward somehow, he swallowed at the thought and managed to look away from her.
Hank guessed that she was the treasure too, “Well, it looks like we’re your guides to Stalmoore.”