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The judge slammed the gavel down. "Next case!" he announced. "The Vicomte, Raoul de Chagny, versus Erik, also known as the--" He peered over his glasses at the list of names on a paper in front of him. "The Angel of Music, the Opera Ghost, and the Phantom of the Opera." He looked at Raoul, who was helping Christine, who was very pregnant, sit down on an extra chair behind Raoul�s attorney�s table. The attorney was looking through a spare copy of the script of the musical. The judge then looked to Erik, who seemed perfectly at ease in the courtroom, though he incessantly kept glancing at the Vicomte, who only glared at the Phantom in return. Erik�s attorney was not as relaxed as her client, and she too was looking through the script.
The judge cleared his throat. "May we begin?"
The two parties looked up expectantly.
"The prosecutor is the Vicomte de Chagny, and is charging the defendant with two murders, ruining a chandelier and the performances of two different operas, throwing the Prima Donna into absolute trauma, and--" The judge gave Raoul a look. "Falling in love with someone whom he kidnapped?"
Raoul nodded. "All of this was a little shy of two years ago."
The judge looked to the attorney. "I�m afraid I can�t seem to find your name...?"
"Julie," she said.
"Julie...?" the judge raised his eyebrows.
"Julie."
"All right, then!" the judge looked to Erik�s attorney. "I don�t have your name, either..."
"Julie," said Erik�s lawyer.
The judge closed his eyes and shook his head. "Please, I�m already tiring of this case. Could we please have your real name?"
"It�s Julie."
"Julie WHAT?!"
"Julie."
The judge sighed. "Let�s just get this case going. Prosecutor, you may call your first witness to the stand."
The Julie on Raoul�s side stood. "Prosecution calls Mrs. Buquet to the stand."
Mrs. Buquet entered through the gate dressed in all black and sobbing into a handkerchief. She stepped up to the platform as both attorneys pled with their eyes.
"Prosecution, you may question the witness."
"Mrs. Buquet," said Raoul�s Julie, "is it true that your husband, Joseph Buquet, was murdered during the first performance of Il Muto, during the improvised section of the ballet girls� dance?"
Mrs. Buquet sniffed. "Yes."
"Is it true that there was a mishap with the scenery the day before?"
"Yes."
"Was your husband involved with this?"
"He said he was not."
"He was the chief scene-shifter. This was his area. He was not involved?"
"No."
"Do you have proof of this?"
"Well, no..."
"Next question," said Julie, grinning at the Julie on the other side of the room, who scowled back, "Did your husband say who caused the crash?"
"He told me he was not at his post, and if someone was there, it must have been a ghost."
A smile came from the prosecutor�s lips. "And did he say that this ghost was none other than the Opera Ghost, Erik?"
Erik�s Julie rose in fury. "OBJECTION, Your Honor!"
"Sustained," said the judge. "From now on, eh, Julie, do not force the witness to testify against the defendant or I will strike the sentence."
Julie frowned. "Yes, Your Honor. No further questions."
"Does defense wish to cross-examine?"
"Yes, Your Honor." Erik�s attorney stood and moved toward the stand. "Mrs. Buquet, you have been backstage several times?"
"Six," said the weeping woman.
"Then you know that the area of the scene-shifter is dark."
"Yes."
"Then the person that dropped the scene on the Prima Donna that day could have easily not been detected."
Mrs. Buquet nodded. "It�s possible."
"No further questions, Your Honor."
"Very well. The witness may step down." Mrs. Buquet left the stand, still crying her eyes out.
"Defense may call the next witness," said the judge.
"I call the current manager, Andr�, to the stand," said Erik�s Julie.
Andr� rushed in and tripped over the gate on the way up. "Technically, I am only one of the two current managers," he said to the defense. "Firmin couldn�t come, he was too busy trying to find a new lead tenor part--"
"Please refrain from giving the court needless information," said the judge.
"But Your Honor, had Piangi not been killed, there would be no need to find a new singer," piped up Raoul�s Julie.
The judge rolled his eyes. "This case is going downhill awfully fast..."
"First off, Andr�," said the defense Julie, "you were onstage when the scene-crash occurred?"
"Yes," said Andr�. "But Firmin and I were too busy talking with Lefevr�, the former manager, to see who did it."
"So it could have been anyone backstage."
Andr� frowned. "No, it couldn�t have. It was that man--" He wagged his finger at Erik. "And he should be charged for it!"
"That was not the question, Monsieur. You did not see the deed take place, so it COULD have been someone else, correct?"
Andr�s frown remained. "I suppose."
"No further questions, Your Honor."
"Does prosecution wish to cross-examine?"
"Yes, Your Honor." Prosecution�s Julie stood. "Andr�, is it true that you received several demanding notes from the Opera Ghost?"
"Yes," said Andr�.
"And did one of them demand a private box and a salary?"
"Yes."
"Did you obey these requests?"
"Not at first."
"Why?"
Andr� pointed at Raoul. "Our patron, the Vicomte, told us not to."
"Because...?"
"We thought it best, seeing as how no one had actually SEEN this ghost and therefore he was not known to actually exist."
"Did you receive another note with a threat?"
"There were several, yes."
"Did these threats come true when you did not obey the ghost�s demands?"
"Yes."
"Did you ever see this ghost?"
"At the Masquerade ball on New Year�s, and during the performance of his own opera."
"Could you identify him?"
"Possibly."
"Do you know who he is?"
"Objection, Your Honor," said Defense�s Julie. "I thought it was said that the witnesses cannot be forced to testify against the defense!"
"By objecting," said the other Julie, "you prove that your client was in the wrong."
"I did not!"
"Did too!"
"Not!"
"Too!"
"Well, Christine should have married Erik!"
"No she shouldn�t have! Raoul was the only choice!"
"Ladies..." said the judge.
Christine stood indignantly. "I think I have a choice of who to marry!"
Raoul nodded. "This is not a case of who she should have married�she�s already married!"
Christine sighed. "I KNEW this whole thing was a bad idea, Raoul darling... We need to finish the baby�s room before it gets here, and this is a perfectly good way to waste our much-needed time." She peered over at the defense table and waved to Erik. "Hello, my Angel."
Erik smiled broadly. "Christine! How are you feeling?"
"Just fine, thank you," said Christine. "I was wondering if you�d help me out with this new piece of music Reyer gave me; I can�t seem to get it down�"
"Chris-TINE," muttered Raoul, glaring menacingly at the Phantom. "This is not the time for�"
"Certainly," said Erik. "When shall we get together? I�m free tonight, if you want�"
The judge banged his mallet on the stand. "This is not the time for idle chit-chat! Please proceed or I will drop this case."
Prosecution�s Julie frowned. "Yes, Your Honor. May I call the next witness?"
"Please!" begged the judge.
"I call Meg Giry to the stand."
Meg hurried up the aisle, dressed in a ballerina�s costume and going dangerously fast. Her skirt caught on the gate as she came through and it took her ten minutes to get it untangled. She finally got to the stand, nervous and biting her nails.
The Julie on the prosecution side started in. "You were performing the ballet at the time of the murder?"
Meg shuddered. "Yes, that�s right! I didn�t do it, honest! I have seven other ballet girls, the audience, and most of the people backstage as witnesses to my alibi! It wasn�t me, I promise!"
"Miss Giry, YOU�RE not on trial! Just answer my questions. Did you see something as you danced?"
"Yes," Meg said, biting her nails.
"Tell the court what you saw," instructed the prosecution lawyer.
Meg wrung her hands franticly. "What have I done, what have I done..."
"Miss Giry, please!"
"I saw a shadow of a man. It was on the wall, and then... Then it was on the other wall, and the ceiling, and well, everywhere!"
"Do you know who that man was?"
Meg pointed to Erik. "Him!"
"How do you know this, Miss Giry?"
"Because it looked like him."
"Looked like him?"
"He had on a cape and everyone says the ghost wears a cape, and my mother said that she had seen him once and he was wearing a cape..." Meg glanced around nervously. "May I please leave now? I�m late for rehearsals, and Mother will be awfully cross if I come in too late..."
"Why don�t you rehearse here?" muttered Raoul under his breath. "We�re not done questioning you and you could use all the practice you can get."
Meg somehow heard Raoul�s low tones and her eyes widened. "Really, Monsieur?" Eager to perform, she stood and started waltzing crazily about the courtroom. After knocking over two chairs, the bailiff, and a table, the judge�s gavel banged on the stand again.
"That will be QUITE enough, Miss Giry! Please be seated and allow the Prosecution to finish questioning."
"I have no further questions, Your Honor," said Prosecution�s Julie.
"Good!" exclaimed the judge. He quickly caught himself and sat up straighter. "Does the defense wish to cross-examine?"
"Yes, Your Honor." Defense�s Julie turned to Meg. "Miss Giry," she said. "You said�Uh, Miss Giry?"
Meg, still prancing around the room, looked over to the lawyer. "Yes?"
"Would you please be seated?"
"But I�m late for rehearsal!"
"Meg," came the voice of Madame Giry from the seats behind the gate, "rehearsals were canceled for today. You knew that. Please sit down and be still!"
"Yes, Mother." Meg sighed and sat again.
The defense attorney sighed. "Miss Giry, you mentioned that others had seen this ghost. Did YOU ever see him?"
"Well, no..."
"Then how can you be sure that the shadow on the wall was Erik?"
"It just was," shrugged Meg. "I know it was."
"Do you have any proof?"
"No, not really, but--"
"No further questions, Your Honor."
"Hey, I�m not finished!"
"Please, Miss Giry," said the judge, "no more answers are required of you. You may return to your seat."
Meg frowned, but stood and danced back into the audience.
The judge put a hand to his head. "Defense may call the next witness. Bailiff, you may get me a doctor."
The bailiff looked up at the judge. "Really, sir?"
"Yes, really! I have a splitting headache!"
The bailiff shrugged and left the courtroom.
Defense called Madame Giry to the stand. She tried to settle Meg down before leaving her seat, but her daughter was not willing to be calmed. Madame Giry finally shrugged and left Meg alone as she approached the stand.
"Madame Giry," said defense�s Julie, "did you see the shadows Meg spoke of?"
Madame Giry nodded. "Yes, I did. I was directing... It was awful that night, because the girls weren�t expected to perform until Act 3, and none of them were ready--of course they�re never ready when they KNOW they�re supposed to be ready, but that�s beside--"
"In order to make shadows on the wall, one must be in FRONT of the spotlight, is that correct?"
"Yes."
"If my client was in the back, murdering Buquet, he certainly COULD NOT have been in front of la--excuse me, THE light, could he?"
"La?" said Raoul. "I thought we agreed that this case was going to be in English and English only..."
The prosecution Julie rose. "Objection, Your Honor. According to the Coroner�s report, Buquet was killed about five minutes before the shadows appeared. That provides plenty of time for the defendant to slip from the back to in front of the light."
"Objection sustained," said the judge. "Next question, defense? Where�s that bailiff, I need a doctor--"
"Madame Giry, is it true that Buquet was killed with a Punjab lasso?"
"Yes," said Madame Giry, "my late husband, may he rest in peace, was quite an expert of lassos, and I learned from him. No doubt about it--that man was killed with a Punjab."
"How do you know it was my client that killed Buquet with the lasso?"
"The only other people backstage," spat Madame Giry, "were my ballet girls. No one but the Phantom was capable of such a thing."
"Your daughter said that you had seen the �Phantom� before?"
"Long ago, Monsieur. It was years and years ago--"
"Could you identify him?"
"He did not wear a mask then," said Mme. Giry, pointing with her pinkie finger toward Erik, "but if he is the same man, I am very glad he wears one now."
"Objection!" called defense Julie. "I consider that an insult on my client."
"Never mind," said the judge, slumping farther down in his chair. "Have we any more to ask of Mme. Giry?"
Neither attorney answered, and the judge motioned for the woman to leave. "Whose-ever turn it is, call your witness."
Both spoke at once--"Carlotta Giudecelli!"
The former Prima Donna did not appear. The judge looked about the room, anxious to get on with the case. "Is Miss Giudecelli present?"
Christine cleared her throat. "She�s in Spain, Your Honor."
"Spain?"
"Yes."
"Call a different witness, then!"
"Whose turn is it?" asked Prosecution.
"I don�t know," said the Defense. "Your Honor?"
"Where�s the bailiff? It�s his duty to keep up with this!"
"He went for the doctor, Your Honor," said Christine, as no one else seemed to be speaking.
"Then get me another one!"
"Me, Your Honor?"
"Yes, you!"
Christine reluctantly rose. Raoul burst out in protest.
"I object, Your Honor! My wife is nine months pregnant, and in no condition to go searching for a bailiff!"
"Raoul, I�m fine!" Christine exclaimed, going through the gate.
Raoul followed her. "No you�re not! Darling, you�re overdoing it! I should have made you stay home..."
"Would the prosecutor PLEASE return to his seat?!" exclaimed the judge, getting more and more tired of this case by the moment. "Since Signora Carlotta is not here, would Prosecution call the next witness?"
"I�m sure it�s my turn," said Defense�s Julie.
"SOMEONE call!"
"Who says I�m not here!?!" Carlotta suddenly burst through the door, not paying attention to a thing, and knocked into Christine.
"Christine!" Raoul cried, rushing to assist his wife, who was perfectly fine.
"Raoul, I�m all right! She just hit the corner of my dress; would you stop worrying?!"
"But you could have been hurt!" He angrily pointed his finger at the former Prima Donna. "If anything happens to our child because of this, you�re going to have a trial on your hands!"
"Spare me!" begged the judge. "And PLEASE Monsieur le Vicomte, RETURN to your seat! Miss Giudecelli, would you please come to the stand?"
"Si," said Carlotta.
"I don�t understand Spanish," protested Raoul. "Well, I can count to ten�uno, dos..."
"Sil vous pla�t, Monsieur le Vicomte," said Erik, "quiet down. We�re trying to get this case closed QUICKLY, and you�re not helping--"
Raoul whirled on the Phantom. "YOU are the whole reason we�re here! And I�ll count to ten in Spanish if I please! Uno--"
"Miss Giudecelli!" exclaimed the defense attorney. "Is it true that a scenery backdrop nearly landed on top of you during the rehearsal for "Hannibal"?"
"Si, si," said Carlotta, "I was so upset with the managers that I left and did not return until I heard of the scandal in which Miss Daa� was involved�"
"Mrs. de Chagny!" snarled Raoul, clutching his wife as close to him as possible.
"Back then she was still Miss Daa�!" said Erik sadly. "Back when she could have saved me... Christine... Christine!"
"La Carlotta," said Defense�s Julie. "Were you--"
"I thought we went over the �la� issue," Raoul complained.
"You want me to call her THE Carlotta!?"
"Nooo, I want you to hurry up and end this ludicrous case so that we can all go home�"
"Monsieur de Chagny," protested Julie, "YOU were the one who insisted that there had to be a trial on my client!"
"Then can we get on with it?!"
"Gladly!"
"I thought Signora Carlotta was in Spain..." muttered the judge.
Carlotta may as well have been, for she was rattling on in Spanish and not making an ounce of sense to anyone present. Obviously, the attorneys both agreed.
"I have no further questions, Your Honor."
"Me either!"
"Miss Guidecelli, you may step down."
Carlotta had to be forcefully removed from the stand, as she wanted to get her two-cent�s-worth in. After she was finally seated in the audience, the judge looked at the Prosecutors.
"Have you another witness?"
"Yes, Your Honor," said the Prosecution-side Julie. "I call Jeanette March� to the stand."
There was a shrill shriek from the crowd, and a small ballerina jumped up and danced through the gate. She curtsied for the gathered group and giggled incessantly as she sat in the stand.
"Miss March�," said Prosecution�s Julie, "have you any other evidence besides what Meg Giry told us regarding the mysterious shadows during the performance of Il Muto?"
"Oui, oui!" exclaimed the skinny girl. "Mais oui! Je m�appelle Jeanette March�, merci for letting me, how you say, come and be a witness for Monsieur le Vicomte! Quelle heure est-il? C�est combien to be here?"
"Non, non," consoled the Prosecution�s Julie. "We�re using only English in this case!"
Jeanette frowned. "Je ne comperends pas!"
Julie sighed. "Parlez-vous anglais?"
"Non! Non!"
"J�ai besoin d�un m�decin!" exclaimed the judge.
"Je suis un m�dicin," said a voice from the doorway. The judge nearly jumped for joy as a doctor came in and approached the stand.
"This case is just nuts!" Raoul exclaimed, sitting down unhappily beside his wife. "We haven�t accomplished a THING!"
"Jury," called the judge, "have you reached a verdict?"
"Verdict?!" exclaimed one member of the jury. "We haven�t even heard the case yet!"
"I�ve heard enough!" groaned another.
"I�ve heard MORE than enough!" said one who looked half-asleep.
"I knew who was in the right before we ever started!" said another member, standing in her seat. The prosecution Julie stood in protest.
"Your Honor! I thought jury members had to be non-partial to the case!"
"That is the normal way," said the judge, as he leaned back for the doctor to look in his throat.
"Well, this person is VERY strongly on the Defendant�s side; I guarantee it!"
"Is this true?" moaned the judge.
"I�ve ALWAYS thought that Christine made a horrible choice," said the jury member in question. "Having argued with my friends over this for months, I think I�ve come to a decent decision..."
"HOLLY!" protested Prosecution�s Julie, "HOW DID YOU GET HERE?!"
"The same way you did." Holly grinned. "You didn�t expect to see me, did you?"
"Duh, no..."
"Well, Christine should have married Erik." Holly jumped down out of the jury seats. "But I don�t really care. I want ALL your autographs!" She pulled from her pocket an autograph book and pen and hightailed toward the Phantom.
Christine frowned at Holly. "Who are you to say that I should have married Erik? He was my music teacher, not my love!"
"Hang on, Christie, I want your autograph too," Holly said as Erik willingly signed her book.
"Christie! My name is Christine! I HATE the nickname Christie!"
"You never told me that!" Raoul cried, hurt showing in his face. "I�ve called you that a hundred times and you never minded..."
"I don�t mind when you call me that!" Christine consoled. "But when a complete stranger shows up and calls me that--Hey, how did you even know about ANY of us?! I thought we said this case was going to be kept PRIVATE! ANGEL! DID YOU TELL SOMEONE?!?!?!"
"Are there any more witnesses?" said the judge just as the doctor proclaimed that the judge was going through a nervous breakdown.
"I call Cornelius Hackl to the stand!" called the Prosecution.
Erik rolled his eyes. "Who?"
"Hey guys, you know that Michael Crawford played both Cornelius AND the Phantom!!" Holly exclaimed, turning to Erik. "Will you sign the book as Cornelius Hackl, too?"
"Wait!" exclaimed the Defense�s Julie. "You never told me you were Cornelius Hackl! I want your autograph too!" Julie produced a book similar to Holly�s and surrounded the poor confused Phantom.
"This is REALLY getting out of hand," moaned Raoul.
"I�m leaving!" said the doctor.
"Okay, since we�re getting nothing from Cornelius Hackl--"
"Excuse me," Christine said, "but who in the world is Cornelius Hackl, and WHY are you summoning him? He has nothing to do with our story!"
"Whoops, I�m thinking the wrong musical," muttered Prosecution�s Julie. "OH WELL, that�s okay! I call Dolly Levi to the stand! Oh, wait, her last name�s Vandegelder now, isn�t it?"
Dolly came in the back door and ran up the aisle. The audience instantly burst into an impromptu, off-key rendition of "Hello, Dolly!"
"Well, hello everyone," Dolly said, sliding through the gate. "How are you all today? Oh, Christine, dear, you don�t look so well. Here, have some water." She produced a glass and nearly dumped it on Christine�s face. "Hello, Raoul, and Julie, and Julie, and oh my goodness, Cornelius Hackl! I never expected to see you here!"
"I am NOT Cornelius Hackl!"
"It�ll do no good pretending; I know who you are, and my-oh-my, you really need to see a doctor about that rash on your face, and how IS Irene, Cornelius? Is she here? I hope so; I haven�t seen you two in so long, and I was just wondering how you are, and what about Barnaby and Minnie? How are they? Hmm? No one�s answerin� me; I�m startin� to get concerned. Oh well, I guess I must be ramblin� a little bit too much for you all. Horace has to put up with me all day long and he�s getting rather tired of it, so I just HAVE to ramble on to somebody, and you all are SO GOOD about listening, and now why am I here?"
"We could use some advice about--" said Prosecution�s Julie as the autograph group rounded in on Dolly.
Dolly was all too happy to sign both books as she interrupted. "I am THE person to ask for advice, Julie! You�ve just got to ask me for whatever it is you need, �cause I�m SURE I can help you out!"
"We�re trying to establish that Erik over there was guilty and Raoul did nothing wrong... I think."
Dolly glanced at Erik. "Why, dearie, that�s not �Erik�! That�s Cornelius Hackl, in the flesh, and I can�t understand why he�s not answering me about Irene and Barnaby and Minnie. Oh nooo," she gasped, "they�re not in desperate trouble somewhere, are they? Dearie me, we�ll have to send Horace out to find them! Horace!"
Mr. Vandegelder entered the courtroom. Prosecution�s Julie sighed and buried her face in her hands. This was getting out of hand.
"It takes a woman, all powdered and pink--" sang Horace. "You called, Dolly?"
Dolly kissed her husband�s cheek and went on rambling. "Yes, Horace, we seem to have misplaced Barnaby, Irene, and Minnie. Would you kindly take Mr. Hackl and go look for them; I�m simply DYIN� of concern over where they are, and Mr. de Chagny!"
Raoul looked at the impetuous woman in surprise. "Me, Madame?"
"Yes, you, do you see another Mr. de Chagny around?"
"Well, no, but we�ve never met--"
Dolly stuck out her hand. "Dolly Vandegelder, and it�s such a pleasure to meet you too! Now, you look like you could use some advice. I�m the best person ever for giving advice! What can I do for you?"
"I don�t need your advice!" Raoul exclaimed. "I can handle this all myself!"
"Oh now don�t be so modest," Dolly giggled, pulling a card from her purse. She handed it to Raoul and he read it aloud.
"�Twenty-eight year old Vicomte advice-giver.� How�d you know I�m twenty-eight?"
"I just did." Dolly sat down next to him. "Now, what can I do for you? And don�t tell me you don�t need my help, because we all know you do! What�s this court case about, anyway? I haven�t been able to pick up on it, you know, and I�m really just curious--"
"It�s none of your affair!"
"But Monsieur de Chagny," said Dolly, "things that are none of my affair are my specialty!"
Raoul rolled his eyes and looked to the other side of the room, where yet another commotion was occurring.
"I tell you, I�m NOT Cornelius Hack-whatever-his-name-is! I�ve never heard of the man!"
"How old are you?" asked Horace.
Erik scoffed. "That�s none of your business!"
"Well, Hackl is twenty-eight and three quarters!"
"I assure you, I am older than that!" Erik insisted.
"Now, Mr. Hackl, there�s no need for you to be embarrassed about it," said Dolly, rushing over to the Phantom�s side. "We all know that you�re Mr. Hackl and not this Erik that people keep talking about, and I wish that you would drop the act, because it�s really getting annoying!"
"I�m NOT any Mr. Hackl!" Erik protested. "I�ve never heard of him, and I�ve never heard of any of you people either! WHAT IS GOING ON?!?!"
"I wish I knew," moaned Raoul.
Dolly grinned. "Well, Mr. Hackl, since you�re trying to be someone that you�re not, you�re really going to need a different mask." She pulled another card from her bag. "Now, you just--"
"Don�t you DARE touch my mask!" Erik warned, reading the card. "�Twenty-eight and three-quarter year old face mask maker�. I�m NOT twenty-eight and three quarters!"
"Well, whatever age you may be, we�ve got to go find that foolish apprentice Barnaby and your wives."
"I don�t HAVE a wife! The only one I COULD have had chose someone else over me!"
"My dear Mr. Hackl!" exclaimed Dolly. "You don�t MEAN that Irene--" she gasped. "LEFT YOU?!"
The Prosecution�s Julie shook her head and was soon joined by the other Julie and Holly, who, despite their autographs, were just as disgusted.
"This is NOT how this was supposed to turn out," moaned Defense�s Julie.
"I know," said the other Julie.
"What are we going to do?" Holly asked.
Prosecution�s Julie�s eyes brightened. "One of you guys go get a camera and we�ll take group pictures!"
Back on the other side, Erik was very close to socking Horace in the face. "I am NOT any Hackl, and in truth, I�m VERY tired of hearing his name!"
"Somebody call me?" The real Cornelius Hackl appeared in the doorway, followed by Irene, Barnaby, and Minnie. Dolly�s hands flew to her lips.
"Why, Cornelius Hackl! What ARE you doin� back there?"
"We just finished cleaning up the shop, Mr. Vandegelder," offered Barnaby. "Then we heard the commotion and thought we�d stop by."
"You can hear this from the street?" moaned Raoul.
"Does that surprise you?" said Dolly. "I heard you all arguing a mile away, WHICH brings me to my reason for being here!" She turned to Erik and handed him another card.
"�Innocent Opera Ghost defendant�." He looked warily up at Dolly. "Are you REALLY, or are you just kidding?"
Dolly gasped in fake fury. "Why, Erik, don�t you know that Dolly Vandegelder is pretty much ANYTHING you want me to be? If you want a law abolished, just leave everything to me!"
Erik�s eyes brightened. "Can you get the Vicomte off of me? I never did anything to him!"
"You did too!"
The judge, who had long since lost consciousness, roused and banged his gavel loudly. "I want order in here!"
"Raoul..." murmured Christine.
"Now you see, Erik," said Dolly, smiling broadly and her eyes showing ideas brewing, "all we have to do is convince the court that it was truly the VICOMTE that caused all the problems."
"What a wonderful idea!" exclaimed Erik. "Will you be my lawyer?"
"But Erik!" wailed Julie, "I�M your lawyer!"
"Oh yeah. Well, I�ll just have to have two lawyers!"
"Raoul," said Christine a little louder.
The Vicomte was too busy yelling to notice his wife. "I protest! This case has been nothing but a wild parade! We�ve accomplished NOTHING, and I want to go home!"
"Not until the parade passes by!!" joyfully said Dolly, jumping the gate and throwing open the large doors at the back. Sure enough, an enormous parade group started marching in, around and through the aisles, then out the side door into the judge�s office.
"Raoul!" yelled Christine over the marching bands, cheering people, and screaming fuss going on in the room.
"Not now, Little Lotte," said Raoul, pushing members of the parade one-by-one out the door.
"Yes now, Raoul!"
"Cornelius," said Horace, "have you seen my niece, Ermengarde?"
"Right here, Uncle!" the very short girl called from a float in the parade. She jumped off and kissed her uncle�s cheek as her husband showed up behind her.
"What are we doing in a courtroom?" asked Ambrose. "Could you all sit still so I can paint this scene? It will look very nice."
"Hey," said Cornelius, pointing at Erik, "you look like an older version of me with a mask on! Are you my long-lost cousin or something?" He reached for the mask.
Erik pushed the twenty-eight-and-three-quarter-year-old�s hand away. "Do NOT touch that mask!"
"But I wanna see the rest of your face!" Cornelius protested.
"NO!"
"RAOUL!!" cried Christine.
The noisy room was only growing noisier, and several in the audience were being run over by parade floats when half the group of waiters from Harmonia Gardens showed up.
"HELLO, DOLLY! WELL, HELLO DOLLY! IT�S SO NICE TO HAVE YOU BACK WHERE YOU BELONG!"
"Where she BELONGS?!" Raoul protested. "Let�s HOPE she doesn�t belong here! We�ll all be dead within the hour!"
"Now, Mr. de Chagny, you should be worried about more important things!" Dolly said, dancing with the waiters.
"Did this case really start out without noise?" lamented Julie.
"Phantom!" Raoul called over the chaos. "Erik, whatever your name is, I say we just renounce this petty argument between us and call the case closed!"
Erik looked up briefly from trying to restrain Cornelius from his mask and nodded franticly. "I agree wholeheartedly, Monsieur!"
"Good then!" Raoul exclaimed. "Case closed! Let�s all go home!"
"But Raoul!" cried Christine, looking worriedly up at him.
"What, Lotte?"
Christine�s eyes showed panic. "I�ve been trying to tell you for a half hour! It�s time! The baby�s coming!"
"WHAT?!!?!??!!?!!"
Dolly was instantly at Christine�s side, handing her a card and helping her stand. Christine read it aloud.
"�Instant midwife services.� Where do you come up with these?"
"Ohhh no," Raoul said, scooping Christine into his arms, "we�re not trusting THIS woman with our baby�s and your life! Where�d that doctor go?"
"He left hours ago," someone said.
"Then what are we supposed to do?!"
"The doctor didn�t leave," said a voice from the floor, under a pile of chairs. "I�m still here. I couldn�t exactly get out." He crawled out and hurried to Christine. After about two minutes of looking at her, he determined that it was a false alarm.
"But I was sure--" Christine said.
"With all this commotion, I would be too!" The doctor left.
"We-e-ell," said Raoul, "I believe Christine and I are going to leave as well. Goodbye everybody!" Under his breath, he added, "and good riddance!"
"Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye, goo-ood bye, goodbye. Goodbye, goodbye! Wave your little hand and whisper �So long, Dearie!� You ain�t gonna see me any more! And when you discover that your life is dreary, don�t you come a knockin� at my door!"
"I WON�T," Raoul assured, carrying Christine out the door.
The rest of the people dissipated soon after, leaving only the two Julies and Holly behind.
The former-Prosecution Julie stared at the other two. "Is it just me... Or did we accomplish no more with THIS whole ordeal than we have in months of arguing in a forum?"
Holly and the other Julie sighed. "You�re exactly right," said Julie.
"So you guys are still on Erik�s side?"
They nodded. "And you�re still on Raoul�s?"
She nodded.
"Okay, then," said the former-Defense lawyer, "I guess we�re going back to forum arguments!"
The other Julie sighed in relief. "And I�m VERY glad!!!" She glanced around the near-destroyed room. "Now, anybody want to help clean up this mess?"
