| 1. �Save all manner of bacon grease. �You will be instructed later how to use it. |
| 2. �If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba". �You have a 75% chance of being right. |
| 3. �Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. �Stay home the two days of the year it snows. |
| 4. �If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. �Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. �Don't try to help them. �Just stay out of their way. �This is what they live for. |
| 5. �Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. |
| 6. �Do not buy food at the movie store. |
| 7. �If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating. |
| 8. �Remember: "Y'all" is singular. �"All y'all" is plural. �"All y'all's" is plural possessive. |
| 9. �There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a southern accent, unless it is a southerner imitating a Boston accent. |
| 10. �Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?" |
| 11. �People walk slower here. |
| 12. �Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. �They don't understand you either. |
| 13. �The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'", as in "big ol' truck" or "big ol' boy". �Eighty-five percent begin their new southern influenced dialect with this expression. �One hundred percent are in denial about it. |
| 14. �The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper. |
| 15. �Be advised: The "He needed killin'" defense is valid here. |
| 16. �If attending a funeral in the South, remember, we stay until the last shovel of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn down. |
| 17. �If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay out of his way. �These are likely the last words he will ever say. |
| 18. �Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those who do. �In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased. |
| 19. �Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their car's windshield that comes from yelling at other drivers. |
| 20. �The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until November. |
| 21. �If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. �It does not matter if you need anything from the store, it is just something you're supposed to do. |
| 22. �Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. �When you purchase one it is to be positioned directly in front of your trailer. �This is logical bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the trailer and should, therefore, be displayed. |
| 23. �Tornadoes and Southerners going through a divorce have a lot in common. �In either case, you know someone is going to lose a trailer. |
| 24. �Florida is not considered a southern state. �There are far more Yankees than Southerners living there. |
| 25. �In southern churches you will here the hymn, All Glory, Laud and Honor. �You will also here expressions such as, "Laud, have mercy","Good Laud", and "Laudy, Laudy, Laudy". |
| 26. �As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for the vehicle. | 27. �You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself. |