American Dairy Farmer

A dairy couples adventure in adopting two little boys

By

Fran Alt

I rang the doorbell and gazed around the Kaczmarek farm smiling to myself. This was nice. I liked it here. I noticed new play-gyms in a side yard. What a great place to raise a family.

Suddenly the door opened, but no one was there.

"Hello, come in," a child's voice said.

Looking down in the direction of the voice, I saw huge long-lashes on a pair of smiling eyes and knew immediately this was Justin. My heart felt like I had always known him.

I bent down and said, "Hi Justin; where's my hug?"

Justin threw his arms around me, and a few moments later I was sitting at the kitchen table talking to Vicky Kaczmarek with three-year-old Justin glued to my lap. Justin's 22-month-old brother Jason toddled around playing with his toys, oblivious to the company in his kitchen.

I knew about Justin and Jason even before they arrived at the dairy farm home of their new parents - Vicky and Paul Kaczmarek. Vicky and Paul are among the new friends I've made over the past two years through Internet dairychats and dairy e-mail lists.

Recently, Paul and Vicky, who have been married 3 years, traveled from Wisconsin to Romania to pick up their adopted sons. I was one of many Internet friends who watched the e-mails waiting for word of their safe return from Romania. We e-dairy friends had a stake in this new family - we offered Vicky and Paul loving advice on things like what they would need to have in their house and what to expect when suddenly faced with two toddlers. Not to mention how to maintain sanity so they could still run the dairy.

Vicky and Paul's dreams for their future included children, but shortly after they married, Vicky discovered she was diabetic. After learning of medical risks, not only for Vicky but also for any children she might have, the couple decided on adoption. It was April of 1997 when the initial shock of the diagnosis settled in, and Paul and Vicky began to investigate the adoption process. But Paul and Vicky were busy taking over the farm they had purchased from Paul's parents, so it was not until June of 1998 that they became actively involved in the adoption process.

Vicky helped Paul with the dairy, and spent her spare time pursuing adoption information over the Internet. Adoption-chat offered a wealth of information and taught them about some of the pitfalls of adoption. These internet-chats included scary stories of children being taken away from their adoptive parents.

They came to feel more comfortable with the idea of international adoption services. Vicky says, "I could never be comfortable always having to looking over my shoulder, wondering if the birth mother might have a change of heart. Besides, you never know what they are looking for in adoptive parents. There are actually people who think a farm is a bad place to raise a child, because farm children have to do work.

After a problem with one international adoption agency, Vicky asked her e-list for references and received more than 20 replies recommending an agency called International Families (IF) Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. "Everyone had a good story to tell," Vicky said.

Vicky and Paul chose to adopt a child from Romania because they could get an escort to bring the child to the U.S. Vicky called the Philadelphia agency and was pleasantly impressed. She spoke with a woman named Gabi and told Gabi they were looking for a very young child - under the age of two. Gabi said there were more boys than girls in the Romanian orphanages. In fact there was a boy available that day! She offered to send a photo of the boy, who at 2 1/2 was a bit older than the Kaczmarek wanted, but Gabi also said they were expecting more placements soon. Vicky told Gabi to send the little boy's picture.

On October 4, 1998 the photo arrived. One look and both Vicky and Paul knew - this was their son. Age did not matter; they wanted this boy!

"We wanted more information but we knew what ever we found out he was going to be ours. When the first video arrived, we were both excited. As we watched the video and I became silent and Paul asked what was wrong."

Vicky says Justin appeared very shy. He rocked from side to side when he walked. He seemed totally unresponsive. Vicky's heart fell. "It was not what I was expecting. People had told me told me that rocking is a sign of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome."

In her heart, the little boy in the video was already her son and she worried even more. She asked for another video. The new video was better. Vicky and Paul began to relax about their new son's health.

While all this was going on Vicky began to feel a need for a baby. "We decided to adopt another boy - as young as possible."

A few weeks later the information on Jason arrived followed by a video and photograph.

"In late November we signed the 'intent to adopt' papers, and were told if everything went well in the states we could have our sons home by late January."

But things took longer than expected.

There was a home study to be completed by the local agency. "First the inspector did not write that we wanted to adopt two children. Then it took him three weeks to get things typed up. His mistakes delayed our boys' homecoming by two months! The Wisconsin Immigration and Naturalization Service was also a challenge. We had approval but we wanted an escort. While we waited we had a total of five videos of the boys. That part was great!

The agency said getting an escort would mean an extra three weeks before the children could be brought to Wisconsin. Still, they could be home in January. However problems and legal technicalities in the US, slowed the process.

Other problems evolved from the fact Paul and Vicky hadn't seen the boys prior to adoption, and paperwork sent from Romania to the US had to be original - not faxed. All the red tape in Wisconsin was going to delay the children's homecoming for many months!

The adoption would become final on March 12th and the children would then be placed in a foster home for four months. Vicky couldn't bare it. She decided she and Paul needed to go see the boys before the adoption became final so they could bring them home sooner.

The decision had to be made that afternoon. This also meant they would need to leave in for Romania in less than a week and would be away from the farm for 12 days.

Vicky and Paul talked about it. She knew it would be impossible for Paul to leave the farm for such a length of time, but pleaded with him to find a way. Exasperated, Paul went out to the barn and began doing some work when the phone rang.

It was Tim Sheedy, Paul's cousin who used to work on the farm. During the conversation he asked if Paul needed any help. Tim had a full-time job and was looking for some night milkings! Paul told his cousin what had occurred with adoption agency that day, and found himself saying the nights were covered but he needed someone to milk in the morning. Tim replied that as long as he could shower at the farm he would do it.

Twenty minutes after Paul had left the house; he came back in and announced they were going to Romania. He had one condition and that was for Vicky to bring her mother along.

"I called her at work and asked her if she was ready to become a grandma and could she take two weeks off!"

That afternoon Vicky called the agency and set the wheels in motion. The rest of the week she scheduled feed deliveries, wrote advance paychecks, and prepared the nursery.

"At first I wanted the nursery perfect. You know everything matching - comforters wall decorations the whole works. I realized it just was not going to happen and it was okay if the walls were not done and everything was not childproof yet. The boys were coming home and this was going to be better than where they were."

The 23-hour trip held an aura of sleepless excitement that didn't end on arrival in Bucharest. The orphanage was still a five-hour drive. On the way there was a phone call from the agency. "They said if we did not stop for supper we could make it in time to see the boys that night. OH MY GOD! That was unexpected and yes who needs to eat! I had only slept about four hours in the last 48 and if we did not go see them I would not sleep that night."

From what they read on adoption chat, Vicky and Paul were prepared for the boys to cry at first. They brought Justin in. Vicky says he didn't smile or cry. "He put his arms out to come to me and my heart melted. This little boy we had thought was maybe too old at first was just darling. He looked so sad and confused.

"Then they told me to let Paul hold Justin and they brought in Jason - what a smile. He was so happy and full of energy. They were both darlings. I cried when we had to leave, but they were happy tears. We were so lucky to have two wonderful little boys and tomorrow they would be ours. That night I slept very well - about 8 hours actually. I was content and happy.

The next day they picked up boys and were permitted to keep them while the paperwork was being finalized. The plane trip home was rough on everyone, but for Vicky and Paul, getting the boys home made it all worthwhile.

Vicky says, "When I got home I felt relieved and said no way am I ever going back. The military presence in Romania was strong and at that time the Kosovo bombings had begun."

Paul was surprised at how different things were in Romania. "People in the United States do not realize how good we have it here. Things we take for granted are luxuries in Romania. It was like going back in time. People traveled by horse and buggy; there were no telephones. I guess you have go somewhere else to really appreciate all that we have."

But both Vicky and Paul will return to Romania. "I want to get two girls as soon as we are ready financially," Vicky said. "Right now the boys need us alone for a while. We need to be a family. The girls will be a couple years from now - I think."

Somehow one wonders if they'll wait that long.