.. The Nosebleed: A Guide
by Regan "Easter" Taylora nosebleed is a fairly normal thing yet most people treat the sufferer as if his head is decomposing or his lungs have just collapsed. most often, an unnecessary and, frankly, irritating amount of panic is included in the reaction to a common and non-serious nosebleed. this is unfortunate because the first and best thing a nosebleeder should do when experiencing an attack is be calm and sit down, instead of becoming excitable or having to field off intrusive questions and/or screen iffy advice.
many sufferers are prone to frequent nosebleeds because of weak blood vessels in the nasal area. others are affected by extreme changes in air temperature and humidity. sometimes i myself can get one simply from bending down for too long. there is of course also the factor of altitude; the colloquialism "nosebleed section" has its basis in fact. high altitudes do have a direct effect on the frequency and seriousness of a nosebleed. this is why some physicians prohibit victims of serious and longterm nosebleeds from travelling anywhere by aeroplane. this is an inconvenient though smart precaution but only rarely does a nosebleed necessitate such action.
nosebleeds usually affect only one nostril at a time. in most cases, if proper care is administered, blood will clot within ten minutes. generally, no serious loss of blood will occur, though a slight lightheaded feeling is a normal aftereffect. the sole real danger of a nosebleed (besides embarrassment) is the potential for choking. outdated wisdom on the subject recommended that a nosebleeder tilt his head backward. this, is we now know, is ridiculous and can prove dangerous and fairly gross. nobody wants or needs chunky blood sliding down their throat.
the proper method for stopping a nosebleed is simple: first, sit down and relax. pinch the nose just below the bridge and tilt your head slightly forward. wait. try to keep a sense of humour. if anyone attempts to make you to do anything other than the above steps, tell them to go screw. putting ice water up your nose doesnt work. stuffing things up your nose doesnt work and is uncomfortable. by all means, do not blow your nose. this can be disastrous. simply sit and be patient and your nose will be normal again in a matter of minutes. if it isnt, go to a doctor. if your nose started bleeding through unusual circumstances, like falling on it or getting biffed in it, you may have to wait longer or you may have a broken nose and you will definitely want to see a doctor.
it is important to reiterate that nosebleeds are for the most part non serious and easily treated. the best thing to remember is that a calm, resting person is more likely to stop bleeding than a freaky and panicked one. dont get worked up if you see someone holding their nose and looking a little pale. the most you can do for these people is offer kleenex (tm) and keep moving.
The end of the peel...
... it would be better with a sauce
any kind of god damn sauce
