A Time to Truly Heal:
Heartsong Mountain Revisited

(following Season 6 and the fugitive story line)

by Esther Gross

A fresh spring breeze wafted through the window and caused Sully to stir in his sleep. In a re-flex heightened by his months as a fugitive, his hand reached out to touch his sleeping wife, to reassure himself even in his sleep that she was beside him.

The hand encountered only bed clothes.

It took a moment for this to register through his state of sleep. He groped around the pillow. Nothing. His eyes opened sharply then, squinted in the darkness, and searched the faint glow from the embers in their bedroom fireplace. Michaela was not in the rocker where he had occasionally found her when she had difficulty sleeping.

A glance toward the window confirmed that they were still in the dead of night. No hint of dawn softened the blackness. Why was Michaela not in bed?

Slowly he sat up, tossed the covers back, and swung his feet to the floor. As an afterthought, he gathered up the blanket to wrap around him. It would not do to encounter Brian in the hallway. Half way down the stairs, he could see Michaela in one of the wing chairs, gazing into the embers of the living room fire.

She did not become aware of his approach until he was quite near. “Sully! I didn’t mean to disturb your sleep!”

“Finding you not beside me is very disturbin’ to my sleep ever since...ever since...” He did not need to finish. They both knew what he meant. He knelt in front of her and gathered her hands in his. “What is it?”

Her eyes returned to the fire, and she could not respond immediately. “Michaela? Ya know you can tell me anything!”

Her mind flashed back to one of the first times he had said that to her. A pang cut through her remembering how unprepared he had been to hear that she did not want to take his name when she married him. But there was no time to dwell on that moment now.

“Sully? Do you suppose the lean-to you built for us when we climbed the mountain last year is still standing?”

His surprise showed in his face. Why on earth was she thinking about that in the middle of the night?

“I...I don’t know...why?”

“Because...because I was wondering if we could go up there for a few days.”

He hesitated. “It might be—but why?”

Now it was she who hesitated. Perhaps it would help to start with some background. “When I fell and sustained the concussion...it was a tense time for both of us in the cabin that night. But it was special for me because it was the first we had had that much time alone together since our climbing the mountain.”

She paused, and he waited for her to continue. She was twisting her fingers and staring mostly at her hands as she spoke. He still had no clue about why this was keeping her awake in the middle of the night.

“The...the best part for me was our being able to talk about the miscarriage, even though at first you didn’t understand why I felt we needed to. Well…” Now she raised her eyes slowly to his. “I feel like we need to do some more talking like that—no! listen to me, please!” she pleaded as she read puzzlement and the suggestion of objection being birthed on his face. “I don’t know about you, but I don’t feel as if we have spoken nearly enough about the traumas we have been through during this past year.”

He started to speak, to object, she was sure, and she put her fingers gently to his lips. “I know you said, there at the cabin, that sure, we’ve been through tough times before and we’ve always gotten through them. That’s true—but, Sully, this past year was more than just ‘tough times!’”

He seized her fingers and brought them to his lips, in effect forcing her to allow him speak. “I don’t know what ya think we need to talk about. You know just about all there is to know about my life out there in that cave—”

“That’s just it, Sully!” she broke in. “I know about what you did, what you ate and how you slept...that’s true. But I know almost nothing about what was happening inside you during that time—”

He turned away now, but not before the look on his face stopped her. An invisible mask had dropped over it. “Sully?” She craned her neck around so she could look into his eyes again. “Am I asking so much? I know you’ve never been one to want to speak about your feelings...”

“What feelin’s? I did what I had to do—got through each day,” he commented grimly and somewhat defensively, not looking at her.

They were both silent for a long moment. Defense of their own needs vied with their love for each other.

Finally she spoke. “Sully, you don’t ever have to talk to me about anything that you don’t want to. I pledge my heart to you on that. But—”

He broke in quickly, “But if you feel the need to talk about some things, then you know I am willing to listen.”

She smiled then, and he relaxed in the sunshine of it. “You’re a very good listener!” she acknowledged, “and I always treasure that. And wouldn’t you like, at least a little, to make a trip back to the lean-to for a day or so?” She peered into his eyes with a teasing grin.

“Sure,” he said, “sure. Ya want me to check it out myself first, before you come along?”

“No, not really. I’ll take my chances. If it needs repairs, or even if it has all fallen down, I know you can remedy it quickly enough.”

He stood then and held out his hand. Darkness still reigned outside the homestead. Surely they could manage a couple more hours of sleep before day broke through and demanded their attention. She gave him her hand, allowed him to pull her to her feet and then, quite naturally, into his arms.

For a long moment they clung to each other, savoring the nearness, the security of their love. Still haunted by the six months they had been cruelly denied his presence in their home, they found moments like this still tainted by a lingering desperation that had been foreign to them before. Both were keenly aware of it, and both wondered when they would ever be free of it.

TWO

This time Michaela took responsibility for the preparations for the excursion up the slopes of Pike’s Peak. She thought back with a bit of chagrin to the hard time she had given Sully the year before over his anticipation and preparations for the “adventure” he had chosen to celebrate their second anniversary. Of course with the rock slide they encountered, the adventure had become one of an entirely different kind than he had in mind.

Yet despite the injuries they suffered, the trip had turned out to be a perfect respite from the stresses they were facing. Focusing on each other and their relationship, refreshing their minds with some of the most treasured memories of how their love had surmounted obstacles to bring them to marriage—these had deepened that love and commitment, not to mention birthing the promise of even greater pleasures ahead in the physical passion that had been so intense for them from the be-ginning. What they had not realized was how ideal a preparation the experience would also be for the emotional nightmare they had not known lay just ahead of them—Sully’s plunge from the cliff with Sergeant O’Connor, his frightening brush with death, and the enforced months of agonizing separation that had accompanied his status as a fugitive.

Riding home in the wagon after a supply trip to Loren’s, Michaela scowled and deliberately pushed those thoughts from her mind. Since Sully had promised to listen to her talk about some of her feelings during the past year, she would not dwell on that now. No, she would focus on anticipating the joy of having him all to herself again for a few days, of the peace and healing she was sure would come to them as they again sat around an evening fire, and—her scowl shifted to a secret grin—to some special times of loving such as they had enjoyed last year on the mountain.

One decision remained to be made. With Matthew at the homestead now, Brian could remain at home while they were gone, but what of Katie? Should they ask Grace to care for her again, as she had last year? Michaela had serious reservations. With Grace’s recently discovered pregnancy, the doctor knew her friend would have more than usual to cope with. Grace was in the first throes of morning sickness, and Michaela suspected the worst lay yet ahead. It seemed decidedly unfair to add to Grace’s responsibilities at a time like this.

But to leave Katie with the boys? They had cared for her willingly and in a wide variety of circumstances over the past year, but never for several days without Colleen. Now Colleen was off to parts east and her new life with Andrew. Michaela was still adjusting to that reality, and she was uncertain about what to do regarding Katie.

Sully pulled on the reins, drew his horse to a stop, then ignored the animal as it pranced restlessly in place on the trail. He was almost home, but suddenly he had been hit with a wave of reluctance. Ever since last night he had been ignoring the knot in his gut, and he still was not ready to confront it. Instead, with a decisive movement, he swung the horse’s head around to the direction from which he had come and spurred the startled animal into a serious gallop.

When he arrived home half an hour later, he felt like himself again. He kissed Michaela soundly and settled down to play with his daughter. Comfortable on a nearby rug, Wolf watched through half slit eyes and feigned sleep.

The next morning at the café, Michaela found herself sharing with Dorothy her dilemma about Katie. Dorothy had smiled knowingly when her friend explained about their planned return to the mountain, all the while hiding a twinge of envy. What would it be like for her and Cloud Dancing to be able to spend several days alone together? She quickly diverted her mind back to her friend.

“I can’t seem to decide what would be best,” Michaela was saying. “I know Grace would agree if I asked her, but I would so hate for her to be sorry later. And—

“Why don’t you leave Katie with me?” Dorothy offered suddenly.

Michaela stared at her, but cut herself off from expressing her surprise. Her friend continued, “I know I would never be up to raisin’ another young’un at this point in my life, but for a few days, I would find great pleasure in havin’ little Katie. She’s such a joy to have around, you know!”

Katie’s mother smiled. “I know,” she admitted, “but that doesn’t mean I think everyone else should feel the same. Besides, I don’t want to interfere with...with...whatever plans you might have,” she finished a little awkwardly.

“Listen,” Dorothy went on reassuringly, “if Cloud Dancin’ and I should decide to do something together, you know he would be delighted to have Katie, too.”

Michaela had no argument to offer. In fact, one thing that had added to her sadness over the past year was the fact that their dear friend Cloud Dancing had also missed out on so much of Katie’s delightful second year. She smiled.

“That’s kind of you to offer, Dorothy, and I appreciate it. I need to discuss it with Sully, but I can’t imagine his having any objection. In fact, I’m sure he would be happy for Cloud Dancing to have some time with Katie—and you, too, of course!” she added hastily.

All the way home, Michaela’s mind was again on the time that lay ahead for her and Sully. She hoped he would be willing to route them once again by the hot spring where they had cleaned up on the way home the year before. Her formerly secret grin blossomed all over her face now as her memory relived the night they had spent by that spring. Yes, this new “adventure in the woods” was going to be another one to remember, she was sure!

THREE

Dawn had not yet broken when Sully and Michaela set out for the mountain. A misshapen waning moon was rising in the east, but it did little to dispel the darkness. This time they would not use horses for the first part, and they had decided not to take a mule either. Though it meant a long walk and carrying all their provisions, they had agreed to do it this way. They were only going to the lean-to.

Sully had agreed that they could try and make it to the hot spring the first day. As they trudged along side by side in the chilly morning, Michaela was full of anticipation. She chatted merrily, first about Katie and her latest escapades but then about Brian and how tall he was getting, how mature he could be at times, and how happy he was now that Sully was no longer a fugitive.

“He and Katie both missed you so much while you were in the cave!” she exclaimed, unmindful that Sully had not said a word yet.

“Do you have any idea how many times you’ve told me that?” he asked now.

She looked at him, startled. Had there been a hint of rancor in his tone? From her perspective, Sully ought to be happy about Brian’s feelings. Puzzled, she walked in silence for a while, pondering whether she was missing something. How could Sully possibly feel anything but gladness about Brian’s fondness for him?

After a time, she started talking again, this time about how long it had been since they had heard from Andrew and Colleen. She did not want to be a clinging mother, and she was succeeding most of the time. She knew the distance was tremendous and that mail took almost forever to cross the country and the plains. I wonder, she thought idly, if someday in the future they won’t find some faster ways to communicate across great distances. But try as she might, she couldn’t imagine such a thing.

Just before daylight started to brighten around them, the bird chorus began to stir and to serenade their steps. It was easy then to be quiet, to tune in with their inner souls as well as their ears. By the time the sun crept above the horizon, the bird song had become a symphony. Now the scenery provided plenty of distraction with which to occupy their minds. A rabbit loped across their path, and a pheasant scurried into the brush.

Michaela was surprised at how quickly the morning passed. They lunched on bread and cheese and rested a bit, but they knew they needed to press on if the return of darkness was not to find them short of their desired destination. Indeed, dusk and the promise of a night chill were already enveloping them when they reached the hot spring.

“Is it gonna be too cold for ya to want to get in the water? I mean, it won’t be cold in the water, but without the sun, it’ll be pretty cool gettin’ out.”

“Surely you jest, sir!” she exclaimed. “I did not walk all this distance today to be deterred by a little cool air!”

He smiled. When Michaela put her mind to something.... He was glad because he too had been looking forward to a time of relaxation in the warm water.

He clearly remembered how, when they were here last year, that he had wanted to bring her back when she was strong and healthy. Of course the events of the year had prevented that. Even after he came home from the cave, his frequent surveying trips for Welland Smith and the hoped-for parks had caused him almost to forget about the hot spring. He had a feeling his wife had not.

And he was right.

Once they had dropped their packs and started a fire, they began getting out of their clothes. When she reached her undergarments, Michaela glanced at Sully across the fire. “Any neighbors around?”

He grinned. “No. I sent them all notice to ride down into town tonight.”

The warm water felt like heaven on their weary bodies. Before long they became aware that they were dealing with more than just the weariness of the day. Michaela spoke of it first.

“Sully?” she said tentatively. With nothing but starlight, he was barely visible standing in front of her. She rested her hands on his bare chest and with an effort kept them still. “I know it is tempting, standing here in the dark with both of us...naked, and I know our natural bent would be to…to start something. But there is something else I think would be good for us do to first.”

“What’s that?”

“I think we should...I mean, would you mind if we just worked at helping each other relax—I mean, really, really relax, deep down, in ways we have not done since...since I can’t remember? We tried to a little last year at the lean-to, but we were both injured and trying to heal—”

His hand closed quietly over her mouth in the darkness. He removed it to give her a quick kiss before turning her slowly around until her back was to him. He gathered up her hair, some of it already wet, and placed it around her shoulders in front of her. Then he spoke softly in her ear.

“As always, my dear doctor, you have the most excellent prescriptions for treatment that I have ever heard. Now you just let your husband show you how it should be done.”

In surprised silence, she grew still. He took the soap, lathered his hands, and began slowly and systematically to massage her upper back, her shoulders, and then her arms. Refreshing the soap on his hands, he began to work on the tightness in her neck. Aaahh! It was quickly evident that there was more tension there than even she had realized. His hands worked skillfully up around her ears and then to her temples with a touch that was gentle but firm, tender but strong.

After a while, he put his hands on her shoulders and pushed her gently down until the hot water reached her chin. His hands began covering the same places again, and she realized this was his way was rinsing the soap while continuing the ministrations of his touch. Gently he tipped her head back before smoothing his finger tips across her temples with warm rivulets of water to remove the soap from them.

Finally, he turned her slowly to face him. “How does that feel?”

“Like I could float away on a cloud,” she said dreamily.

“Good. Now it is your turn—but only if you want to do it to me, of course.” She moved to take the soap from him, but he put up a hand to stop her. “One rule you must promise to follow,” he said seriously. Though she couldn’t see the twinkle in his eyes, she heard it in his voice. “NO starting any fires! Doctor’s orders—remember?” Then he added softly, “That comes later.”

He did not have to explain. She knew exactly what he meant. One part of her had longed for his hands to roam further, to explore and caress all those delicious places that always responded so eagerly to his touch. But not now. Not yet. What they were doing for each other now was also important.

The other would come, she knew. Just as he had promised.

She felt him slip the soap into her hands.

FOUR

When Sully and Michaela got out of the water, the last thing they felt like doing was being practical, like setting up camp or getting something to eat. Between the warm water and the sensuous massages, they felt so relaxed that they only wanted to curl up in a soft bed, wrap themselves in each other’s arms, and fall asleep.

But there was no soft bed, only their trail pallets. Michaela had slept on them often enough, and she and Sully had on occasion even managed to make love on them. But they were strictly functional and offered no enticements for relaxation or pleasure.

The chill of the spring night hit them immediately. For a few moments it felt refreshing after the heat of the water from the hot spring, but before they reached the campfire, with both of them still dripping, Michaela was hit with a chill. His arm already around her, Sully felt it immediately. He released her and quickly fetched his buckskin jacket from where he had dropped it. Making sure her wet hair stayed outside the jacket, he wrapped it around her, then folded her tightly in his arms.

“Dr. Quinn,” he whispered, “what would your patients think of you standing here in the wilderness wearing nothing but your husband’s buckskin coat?”

She giggled at his tender humor. He held her for a few minutes, but with his own bare skin still wet, the cold was beginning to get to him, too. He spoke in her ear again, “You know we have to get ourselves dry and get into our clothes, don’t you?”

She nodded. Now it became a race against the chill as they threw aside his jacket and began vigorously rubbing themselves and each other with the towel Michael had brought along. Why, she wondered, still shivering, didn’t someone make towels big enough for the whole body? It was an-other thing the world definitely needed, she decided.

Sully had already added more wood to the fire, and before long it blazed up brightly. “Here,” he said, “you sit by the fire and start drying your hair while I heat up this meat we brought from home.” Even as he spoke, he was using his knife to whittle a sharp point on a sturdy stick. When it was ready, he worked it into the chunk of venison from their meal the evening before and began rotating it slowly over the fire. A couple of potatoes nestling among the coals would soon begin to sizzle.

Absorbing the welcome warmth of the fire as she ran a brush slowly through her hair, Michaela watched her husband. Without warning, the setting plunged her into a vivid memory, and she found herself reliving the first night after they had found him so nearly dead. She had sat up by the fire all night with him cradled against her body, his head on her breast, her arms supporting him. She could never be sure which was worse that long, long night—his physical pain or her emotional pain at how close she had come to losing him. And that night she still had not been sure she would not lose him. No matter how much her every bone and muscle ached as the hours of the night dragged on, all she wanted to do was hold on to him as if she would never let him go.

He felt her gaze and glanced up, and she was surprised at how quickly he glanced away and busied himself checking the meat.

“Sully?”

“Yes.” He did not look at her.

“How much do you remember about that first night after we found you?”

He didn’t answer immediately. Finally, “I remember waking up thinking I was still lost and then becoming aware that your arms were around me.” His gaze did not waver from the flames. “I remember I couldn’t believe it.”

Now juice from the meat had begun to drip and sizzle, and the potatoes to make popping noises. Sully busied himself getting the food divided and onto tin plates. They ate without speaking, both lost in their own thoughts. Remembering how relaxed they had been when they came out of the water, Michaela was almost sorry she had introduced the subject of his fall and terrible injuries. But that was why she had wanted them to come on this excursion! Some parts of her heart must still be hemmed in by an illusive pain because it could spring upon her at most unexpected times. She felt a great need for Sully’s understanding and comfort. Surely he needed a little of the same from her?

When the plates were empty, she got up and set them aside. Sully got to his feet and put an-other log on the fire. They still had not spoken. He sat down first, then put out his arm to draw her down beside him. She nestled in close with her head on his shoulder. His heartbeat beneath her ear felt like the heartbeat of her very own life.

Finally he spoke. “So what did ya wanna talk about, Michaela?”

She hesitated, trying to read his tone. It had not been negative, but neither had it radiated invitation. She thought she understood why her husband was reluctant to speak of the experiences surrounding his fall, yet she sensed there was more to it than what she was aware of. Perhaps she should find an indirect way to approach it.

“Does your leg ever bother you where it was broken—the really bad one, I mean?”

“Sometimes. I had to learn not to jump off my horse and land on that leg. And on damp, cold days it aches.”

She ran her hand now along his pant leg where the scar was. It was thick and hard. When she spoke again, her voice had taken on a ragged edge. “Putting that poker to your leg,” she said, barely above a whisper, “was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life.”

His arms tightened slowly around her, but he said nothing.

“In fact, I had to completely shut myself off as a wife and be only a doctor...or I never could have done it.”

The only response he could think of was to draw her face around towards his and find her mouth. Slowly, gently, eloquently, he communicated with his lips the gratitude and sheer awe that he felt for what she had done but for which he knew he would never find words.

After a few moments, she drew slowly away and laid a finger on his lips. “The only thing that gave me strength to do it...was knowing that...it was the only chance I had...to save your life.”

“That’s what ya had to do when ya needed to operate on Brian’s head that time.”

“I suppose it was. But at least then I had you to be a strong for me. It was you who gave me the courage. Last year, I had to find that strength and courage from somewhere all by myself.”

“You found that strength and courage in your love,” he whispered softly, and she knew it was so.

And now, without a word, they both knew it was time to stop talking. It was time to stir again those fires they had held at bay while in the water, to allow them fresh birth, and to indulge themselves in that most profound of all forms of human communication. Sully reached behind him for the one blanket he had brought, draped it around Michaela’s shoulders, and then they lay back together beside the fire.

Without a word, they both knew that tonight they wanted to experience their love in the same way they had experienced the sensual massages an hour before. This was not a night for breathless passion, for intensity and urgency. It was a night for the art of leisure pleasuring, for those feather-light caresses that could ignite delicious fires just as effectively as passionate ones. It was a night to bask in the distilled essence of love, to savor it in its most delicate and purest forms, to see each other through the eyes of their souls as the dark mountain cradled them and the night sounds serenaded their love.

Above all, it was a night to revel afresh in the twin miracles of life and of belonging after reliving how very close they had come to losing them.

FIVE

Sully awoke just once, towards morning. The night chill still held, and he found Michaela nestled against his back as if trying to take shelter from a storm. That would never do! Slowly, carefully, he shifted to his other side and gathered her close against his heart. Oh, how he had missed this during all those months alone in the cave!

That misshapen waning moon, now one night smaller, was rising above the tree tops toward the east, the down side of the mountain. Against his will he was drawn back to the countless nights when, as a fugitive, he had been unable to sleep. Equally unable to bear the lonely confines of the cave, he had left it for the forest and the night outside. Often he had wandered for hours in the darkness, scarcely paying attention to where he was or where he was going. He always knew that come daylight he could find his way back to his prison.

As he wandered, his mind alternated between struggling to understand what had brought him to this or balking completely at even thinking about it. His emotions ran the gamut of anger, pain, dismay, and sheer disbelief that this could be happening. When gray streaks of dawn finally aroused him from his lethargy, he would return to the dark cave and fall into a few hours of exhausted, mindless slumber.

And now Michaela wanted to bring all that pain out and talk about it!

It was not something he wanted to do, but because of his love for her, he would try and listen and provide her the opportunity to express what was on her heart.

With a weary sigh, he tucked the blanket a little closer about them, tightened his arms around her, and closed his eyes—to his thoughts and to the sad little moon that would soon fade into near oblivion from the onslaught of the rising sun. Cradled once again by the night and the mountain, Sully finally slept.

As dawn began to chase away the night, he gradually became conscious of where he was and of the chill outside the covers. Undoubtedly this would be one of those mornings when Michaela would not want to stir for another couple hours, at least until the sun had begun its dutiful warming of the earth. Not much need for him to stir too early either.

Then he became aware of the sensation of someone staring at him. Releasing one eyelid, he took a peek—and discovered Michaela, only inches from his face, gazing at him with a mischievous look in her eyes.

“Caught you sleeping!” she exclaimed triumphantly.

He grinned sheepishly. “Looks like you did at that. What are you doin’ awake so early?” “

Waiting for you to wake up,” she declared in kittenish fashion.

“But why? You could sleep for another hour or so—”

“And miss out on another chance to get into that delightful hot spring? Not on your life—”

“But, Michaela, it will be cold! Don’t you feel the nip in the air this morn—”

“The hot spring won’t be cold! Are you telling me that my dauntless mountain man is afraid of a little cold air?” Now the twinkle bubbled into laughter. Suddenly she yanked at the cover and gave it a toss. Disentangling herself from the rest of it, she sprang to her feet and flung her arms into the air in an exaggerated morning stretch.

“Oh, come on, Mr. Sully!” she challenged. “I’ll race you to the hot spring!”

Turning, she dashed through the chilly air. Underclothing and all, she plunged into the water—and gasped from the contrast between temperatures. Quickly she lowered her body all the way and turned back to see what her husband was doing.

He was still where she had left him, staring at her with an almost open mouth. My, how last night’s activities had refreshed his wife! He tried to remember the few times he had seen her like this. Slowly he rolled to his feet, wrapped the blanket around himself in feigned and exaggerated modesty, and sauntered toward the spring.

For twenty minutes they frolicked in the water, splashing each other, dunking each other, and generally horsing around. Sully couldn’t remember ever hearing Michaela squeal, but he did now. Never mind what her patients would think—what would her children think? He had a fleeting but vivid memory of trying to get her to enjoy flying a kite during their courtship, and his mind could not fathom the contrast! If this was what marriage to him had done to her, then he was delighted to accept the credit!

What marriage to him had done to her?

Without warning, his nocturnal musings crashed in on him. The laughter died on his face, but Michaela did not catch it because her back was to him at the moment. Quickly he recovered and put the smile back before she could notice. But he suggested they had had enough exertion in the warm water and that it was time to get out because they had many hours of walking ahead of them.

The hike to the lean-to took them all day. Though the sun had not actually set when they reached it, it had slipped behind the mountain ahead of them to the west. The meadow and surrounding woods were in deep shade. The structure of the lean-to was still standing and sturdy enough, but the foliage of its roof was dry and brittle, and much of it was gone.

Sully went to work immediately to cut more brush to repair the roof, while Michaela started a fire and got water from the creek. After they had eaten and done the little clean-up necessary, they once again took their positions by the fire as they had last year, with him on the same log and her seated in front of him. She leaned her head back, and he folded his arms around her. For several minutes they gazed into the fire and listened in silence to the night sounds on every side. Such sounds had been quite foreign to Michaela before her arrival in Colorado, but now they were almost as familiar as her own heart beat.

Finally, she spoke, her voice barely more than a whisper.

“After we found Sergeant O’Connor and your pouch, we searched around for a while but could find no further trace of you. I was so distraught that I barely remember the trip home.” She paused. “Flash mostly had to find his own way, following the others. My mind was in a total turmoil—knowing the implications of what we had found, yet wholly unable to confront the possibility that anything had happened to you.”

Except for his arms so tight around her, there was no response from Sully. She could not even feel his breathing. Nevertheless, she was determined to continue. She felt he had a right to know....

“At home, the children were frantic to know what had happened. I tried to tell them—but I could not get the words out.” She paused again. Still no response from Sully. “Dorothy finally had to tell them—”

Now Sully drew a long, ragged breath and threw his head back with a sound akin to a groan. Michaela froze, unable to move because his arms were still like a vice around her. When he still said nothing, she continued.

Colleen started crying—sobbing—like I haven’t heard her cry since she was a teenager. Brian stared for the longest time, not saying a word. Then his face crumpled and he turned away. Next thing I knew, he was beating his fists on the fireplace but not making a sound.” She paused again. She could now feel Sully’s whole body around her as taut as a drum, every muscle painfully clinched. She had decided not to say any more when a broken whisper burst from his lips. “An’...an’ Katie?”

“ Katie…Right away, she…she sensed everyone’s trauma and started crying herself. I picked her up, but by then I was crying, too, so she only cried harder. Finally...finally Dorothy pried her away from me—which made her really scream—and took her out on the porch…”

Suddenly Sully wrenched himself away from Michaela, nearly knocking her over—not in malice but in his urgent need to get to his feet. He staggered away from the fire and into the darkness, where he nearly ran into a tree. He came to a stop against it, his head resting on his arms. Michaela had gotten to her feet, but she stood stock still staring at his back.

The only sound was his labored breathing, the only light that of the dying fire behind them.

  CONTINUE