Heartsong Mountain

by Esther Gross with Mary Lou, Marthenn, and Monevata

The day was bright and sunny, laced with the sounds and fragrances of spring. So why, Michaela wondered as she kept putting one foot ahead of the other, did she feel so out of sorts?

Oh, she knew why. She glanced back at the familiar figure of her husband driving the pack mule a few steps behind her�and once again felt those uncomfortable pangs of guilt. Remembering what Sully had said when he suggested this excursion, she experienced not only guilt�but anger.

It wasn�t the idea that he wanted to do something special for their second anniversary. She had been fully amenable to that�at first. But when he said he wanted them to climb Pike�s Peak together, protests began spilling from her. Why, she couldn�t be away from Katie that long! And both of them go off and leave Brian as well? When she learned Sully had already made arrangements for both children to stay with Robert E and Grace, as well as for Brian to spend part of his time with Matthew, Michaela�s irritation was further piqued.

�Why didn�t you discuss this with me first?� she demanded.

He had stared at her a moment, and she hadn�t missed the flash of hurt in his eyes before he glanced away. Then he had squared his shoulders, sighed deeply, and said, �Because I had a feelin� you�d be goin� on about it, just like you are!�

She remembered vividly the stab of hurt she had felt�and how quickly it had been swallowed up by one of anger. She had spun away from him, turning back to the potatoes she was peeling, wielding the knife fiercely while she contemplated a retort.

But the retort had died abirthing because the next moment her husband�s hands were on her arms, his face buried in her hair, and his voice husky and contrite. �I�m sorry, Michaela!�

She turned to him, wholly unable as always to resist the love and appeal in his voice�and in his eyes. His arms closed around her as he whispered, �It�s just been so long since we had any time to ourselves, time away from all the demands of life, time with real privacy. . . . � His voice began to trail off as he searched her face for signs of acceptance or response. He was not disappointed.

�I know what you mean, and I would like that, too,� she said, with just the hint of a seductive smile, �but why Pike�s Peak? Why not something simpler, something that would take less time?�

The sound of a downy woodpecker at work on a nearby fir tree echoed across the trail. As Michaela lifted her skirts to pick her way over a fallen sapling, she remembered vividly his hesitation. It suggested to her that there was more to this than he was telling her�perhaps more than he really wanted to tell her.

�Sully?�

�Because. . . because,� he began finally, �ever since my foot was hurt so I couldn�t go with you when you went lookin� for Sam Lindsay, and ever since you didn�t want me goin� with you when you went climbin� it for your birthday . . . ever since, I�ve dreamed of our making the climb together.�

He had come up with a peace offering, a sort of compromise that would shorten the amount of time she would be away from the children. Instead of setting out walking from Colorado Springs, they would ride as far as the foothills. Matthew had gone along to take the horses back, and they had started out well before dawn.

The sounds behind her told her Sully was having trouble with the mule, and she glanced back briefly. Well, let Sully fight with the mule�it had been his idea to bring one. She and her friends had done the climb simply, with just what they could carry! She had argued in vain that they didn�t need all this equipment, and certainly not all those blankets�not this time of year! The memory still rankled.

She tried to quicken her pace, if for no other reason than to prove she could push ahead on her own. The three days of preparation had not been a great beginning for an anniversary celebration. Oh, she was grateful for their two years of marriage, and she loved Sully beyond all imagination. As she glanced back now, she began to feel the first twinges of regret that she had not shown more eagerness over her husband�s plans. But to her, a few days of seeing the sights and shopping in Denver would have been more romantic than spending the daytime climbing and the nighttime trying to get comfortable on the hard earth.

She became aware that, with her quickened pace, her breathing had accelerated, surprisingly so. There was no reason for that! She was as young and strong as ever, and she had often proven that she could keep up with Sully in physical activity. She felt the heat of a blush creep across her cheeks. Keep up with Sully in physical activity? Now she couldn�t help grinning, knowing no one would see her. Perhaps she didn�t quite �keep up with him,� but she was sure she had surprised both of them in how closely she came to it, now that she had learned from him about the pleasures of married love.

Well! she thought to herself again, if Sully had wanted a romantic anniversary, he should have taken her to Denver!

Since they were still in the foothills, the trail wound only gradually upward and was not yet truly steep. Yet as Michaela maneuvered around a large rock in her path, she found herself light-headed. She put her hand on the rock for a moment of support and again glanced back at Sully. The mule seemed to have settled down now, and the two were quite close behind her. She quickly removed her hand from the rock and pressed on.

Remembering her two previous excursions on the mountain, she was surprised at how warm the air seemed to be. In fact, she realized she was quite uncomfortable in her wool dress and long sleeves. Perhaps she would have been better off in Matthew�s old pants that she had packed in case she needed them. She wished she had a drink of water�but the canteens were hanging on the mule, and she didn�t want to admit to Sully that she was having a problem.

She pushed on few more minutes, trying to stay ahead of the mule, with Sully coaxing him along from behind. You lead a horse, Sully had explained to her, but you drive a mule from behind. The explanation hadn�t made much sense, but she hadn�t felt like debating it.

Now she became aware that her strength was failing her, quickly, decisively. She tried slowing her steps, but it was too late. She felt the world begin to whirl around her . . . .

TWO

Just as she was glancing around frantically for something to grab onto, she heard hurried footsteps behind her and felt strong arms sweep her up into blessed security.

�S-Sull�ly,� she gasped, but he shushed her. Carrying her to the nearest tree, he set her gently in its shade. Then he dashed to the mule, grabbed a canteen from its hold, unscrewed it as he rushed back to her, and held it to her lips. She drank gratefully, then tried to push it away.

�No! No, you hafta drink a lot more�n that! You�ve become . . . what�s that you call it? . . . dehydrated!�

Dehydrated? Of course! How could she have let that happen? As a doctor, she knew better! But she had been so intent on staying ahead of Sully that she hadn�t kept her wits about her.

Sully was glad they had been generally following a creek in their approach to the mountain. Now he looped the mule�s rope loosely over a branch of the nearest tree, then grabbed one of the supply bags from the saddle. Returning to Michaela and scooping her up again, he strode to the edge of the creek. He dropped the bag, set her carefully down, and began undoing the fasteners on her clothing.

�Sully!!�

�You said that! And don�t try tellin� me it ain�t even dark yet, cuz I know it ain�t, but this won�t wait any more�n that would!�

She tried to see if he was joking at a time like this, but she was too fuzz-headed to pursue the thought. She simply knew it was heaven to be able to let go and allow other hands to minister to her for a change. As Sully worked to remove her blouse and skirt and then her stockings, she felt too weak to protest further.

When her outer clothing had been tossed aside, he gave her another drink, then hurried back to the mule. He returned with a blanket, which he spread on the ground by the creek. He helped Michaela stretch out on it, face down. Taking a cloth from the supply bag, he dipped it in the stream, squeezed it out, and held it a moment in his hands to reduce some of the icy chill of it.

�This�ll feel pretty cold,� he warned her, �but it�ll be good for you. You�re overheated, and we gotta cool ya down.�

Heat exhaustion, she thought. Fine doctor she turned out to be! When he slipped the straps of her chemise down over her shoulders and began to caress her back with the cool cloth, she was transported back to the time, early in their engagement, when he had washed her back during the cattle drive. She had never spoken to Sully of how that had affected her. Suddenly she very much wanted to, but she knew it would have to wait.

A moment later, she felt him turn her gently over onto her back. He helped her sit up and offered her more water. She drank thirstily now and could almost feel the strength begin to flow slowly back into her frame. But it was still with relief that she let him lay her back down on the blanket. Eyes closed again, her breath coming a little more easily, she heard him wring the cloth out afresh in the stream. She waited expectantly for it. When it didn�t come, she opened her eyes to find her husband gazing at her, the blue of his eyes unusually intense.

�I need . . . I need . . . to cool off . . . the front of you, too,� he said, glancing away briefly. She realized with a wave of tenderness that he was waiting for her permission to undo the buttons on the front of her chemise in order to cool her bosom as he had done her back. Here, in broad daylight, on the side of a mountain . . . . She found the idea totally mesmerizing, and she nodded ever so slightly.

Without a word, he pushed her hair aside and laid the cloth on her neck. Then, his eyes never leaving hers, his fingers found the buttons and with practiced skill he undid them. Picking up the cloth, he let it drop open, fanned it in the breeze a couple of times, and spread it across her bare chest.

A few minutes later, she made as if to sit up, and he helped her. Neither of them looked at each other as she reclosed the buttons while he freshened the cloth again in the stream. When he offered her the canteen, she took it gratefully. They both shifted a little until they were sitting side by side, facing the stream, arms loosely around their knees, the cool cloth once again on her back.

�Well!� he said with a warm chuckle, �What was that all about?�

She knew what he meant. In two years of marriage, they had seen each other in every possible state of undress. Indeed, he had undone her buttons more times than she could remember! But it had always been either in the context of passion or simply the routine of married people dressing and undressing in each other�s presence.

But this had been different. She had been a �patient,� and he had been administering a necessary medical treatment. In addition, the outdoors and the daytime setting, as well as perhaps the slight air of �crisis� about it, had all worked together to make it feel far removed from the intimacies they associated with the sanctity their bedroom. And they were both aware that it had stirred them well beyond anything they had done in their bedroom in a while.

After they had talked about it, they both began to giggle. �You must be feelin� better,� he said, handing her the canteen again.

�Oh, I am!� she assured him. He felt her eyes on him. At first he resisted, still trying to bring under rein some of his own turbulence. When he finally glanced at her and read the suggestive glimmer in her eyes, he reached out, took her hands gently in his, but shook his head.

She drew back. Never had he rebuffed any romantic overture from her! After all, he was the one who had assured her it was �okay,� who had invited for her to show �enthusiasm.� She pulled her hands from his and turned away, chagrined.

�It ain�t that I don�t want to,� he assured her, drawing her face back to his, his tender, mischievous smile melting her embarrassment. �It�s just this ain�t a fittin� time. Oh, I don�t mean daylight or outdoors.� He glanced around, shaking his head again. �Those ain�t no problem. What I mean is you�re still recoverin� and we need to eat and get you more strength built back up. And besides,� he added mysteriously, �I got other ideas . . . .� He let his voice trail off in a teasing sort of way, stared into space beyond her, and refused to say more.

THREE

Sully insisted that Michaela rest while he led the mule to the stream and then rummaged around for some bread and dried meat for their lunch. He continued urging her to drink.

They sat together on the blanket eating, leaning against a tree and talking about Katie and the sheer delight of watching her toddle around with her new walking skills. They talked about Brian and the even stronger bond there seemed to be between him and Sully since Sully had asserted himself more strongly in the role of �pa.� At the moment Michaela felt so gratified by her blessings that she was ashamed of the grudge she had been nursing as they began their climb.

�Sully,� she began tentatively, hoping to make up to him a little for her earlier coolness, �do you remember when you washed my back during the cattle drive?� She glanced at him from under lowered lids.

He was twirling a blade of grass and did not look at her. �Yup.� �I�ve never . . . I�ve never told you how much that . . . stirred me.� She hesitated. �It was the first taste I had ever really had of what it felt like to be . . . touched . . . by a man.�

He glanced over and raised questioning eyebrows. �And what did you think of it?�

She blushed, and he marveled at how the sight always aroused him in a special way that nothing else did. �I. . . I liked it!� she admitted. Then she shook her head. �No, it was much more than that! It did things to me that I didn�t know . . .� the blush deepened, �. . . it made things happen in me that I didn�t know . . . didn�t know could happen.� After a moment she added, �I wanted it never to stop!�

�I know,� he said, �Me neither. I suppose it was good Matthew come by when he did�but I sure was mad at him at the time!�

She giggled, and he chuckled along with her. �Well, since it�s confession time, maybe I should make one, too.�

She looked at him in surprise. �Oh, do!� she said. �I�d love to hear it!�

�That . . . that wasn�t the first time I seen . . . your back.�

�What?!�

�That wasn�t the first time I seen your naked back!�

�Mr. Sully!! Would you care to explain yourself?!�

He grinned broadly at her discomfiture, thinking how much she sounded like her mother just then and hoping that two years of marriage had prepared her for what he was about to say. �When you were sick with the influenza, I started into your room once, and there was Miss Olive and Emily bathin� your back, trying to cool ya down from the fever.�

�I hope you turned right around and left!�

�Suppose I should�ve�but I didn�t.� He grinned, sheepishly this time, and it completely disarmed her as usual. �Least not right away,� he added.

Realizing he was sharing a new corner of his heart with her, she wanted to respond as a seasoned wife, not as an incensed maiden. She threw her head back and joyous laughter bubbled forth. He joined her for a moment, then turned and drew her into his arms. The hunger in their kiss was instantaneous and mutual, and they reveled in the freedom of being able to satisfy it in such a leisurely fashion.

This time he knew he could not confuse her with his signals as he had before�but neither was he going to abandon his plan. When he drew back, his eyes told her volumes of what he was feeling and desiring, and he smiled that treasured smile that always reminded her of some of their first moments alone on the train after their marriage. Then he put his lips to her ear and whispered huskily, �There�s gonna to be a full moon tonight�and I wanna wait for that.�

She understood. And she had been married long enough to know that anticipation could intensify the joy of coming together as much as spontaneity. Just knowing that he was thinking ahead and planning for a special time filled her heart to bursting. She responded by seeking out his lips again, and they drank once more of the intoxicating pleasure before reluctantly drawing apart. She raised her eyebrows briefly in that sultry little way she sometimes did, and he kissed her once more, hard, before releasing her and getting to his feet.

She hiked beside him that afternoon, and he made sure they stopped often for her to rest and drink. After the third stop, she became impatient with his solicitude and snapped at him. �Sully!! Don�t you think I learned my lesson back there? I�m not going to let it happen again. After all . . .� She had been about to say, �I am a doctor,� but the reminder that she had failed to diagnose her own problem stung her pride anew, and she fell silent.

Sully grinned to himself. His Michaela was recovering and getting back in form.

Because they were approaching the mountain from the east, the sun disappeared behind it by midafternoon and the air became thoroughly pleasant. A couple of hours later, they came upon a small meadow luxuriant with blue bells, Indian paintbrush, yellow wallflowers, and white columbine. Chickadees flitted among the surrounding bushes, and a Stellar jay called to his mate from a low branch.

Sully left the mule grazing and guided Michaela along the border of the meadow till they came upon a bower set slightly into the woods. In one corner was a branch-covered lean-to such as he had built for her on their mercury-tracking expedition. She stared at it in astonishment, then looked at him. His expression was one of a little boy presenting his mother with a treasured bouquet of flowers, hoping against hope she will like it.

�You�you did this?�

He nodded, rolling his eyes as he had when he presented her with the Cinderella coach.

�Oh, Sully!�

He drew her into the bower then, stooped, and rummaged under one of the bushes. To her amazement, he drew out a sizable leather pouch and began releasing its fastenings. Feigning puzzlement over what might be in it, he pulled out a red-checkered tablecloth. Her hand went to her mouth. Silverware and two glasses followed. Finally he reached in, hesitated a moment for effect, and with a flair produced two china plates.

In answer to the disbelief on her face, he said, �Remember them fancy dishes Grace bought from Loren when everybody thought the comet was comin� to destroy us?�

�Yes�but I thought Grace got rid of those a long time ago!�

�She did, all except these plates and other stuff for two�so as she and Robert E can put on airs once in a while.�

Her surprise and speechlessness were all the reward he needed. Without a word, she came into his arms and nestled against him. His pleasure was complete.

Satisfied, he kissed the top of her head and said, �But now we gotta come up with something to eat on these plates!�

�You mean you didn�t think about that?�

�Thought about it all right! What I thought was that it�s been entirely too long since you and me went fishin� together.�

She couldn�t argue with that. They spent the next half hour setting up camp (but the china plates remained safely in the leather pouch). At his suggestion, she scouted for firewood while he relieved the mule of its packs and gear. When he approached the bower with an armload of blankets, Michaela renewed her earlier protests.

�Sully! we don�t need all those blankets tonight! I know it will be colder when we get to the top, but surely not at this altitude!� He ignored her as he dropped the blankets in the lean-to and then set about finding the right kind of sticks to use for fishing poles.

They had to move downstream a bit to find a place deep enough for fishing. �We gotta eat fish tonight,� Sully said, �because when we get higher up, the creek won�t be deep enough.�

When he had them settled, each with a baited line, he said, �Okay, my dear wife, now tell me, since this is our anniversary celebration�how does it feel to have been a married lady for two years?�

�It�s far more wonderful than I ever dreamed,� she answered without hesitation. She started to say, �And you?� but remembered that being married had not been new for him as it had for her.

He seemed to read her thoughts. �Ya know, even though I�d been married before, gettin� married was a plenty big change for me, too�I mean after the way I�d been livin� and all.�

�So which do you like better?� There was a time when she would have been afraid to ask that, but not any more.

He looked at her with his heart in his eyes. �Do you really need to ask?�

They fished in silence for a few minutes, then she heard him chuckle. Ye-es?� she asked.

�I was just rememberin� the first time I took you fishin�, and you started tellin� me all about earthworms and how they have both male and female parts and can reproduce all by themselves . . . �

�And you said that didn�t sound like much fun!� She was quiet a moment, then added, �Now I know what you meant.�

�You do?� he asked in suggestive tones, inviting her to elaborate.

�Oh, I do!� she said, warming to her subject. �I never had any idea that the expressions of . . . of love between a man and a woman could be so . . . so. . . beautiful, so . . . fulfilling.� Then she added softly, �I hope I haven�t disappointed you . . . .�

He turned and waited for her to meet his eyes. �Disappointed? Never! And ya know somethin�? You�re not the only one who has learned a��

Just then his line began bobbing, and the Sully supper began fighting for its life!

FOUR

While Sully landed the fish and prepared it for cooking, Michaela got the fire going and set up coffee to brew. She scouted the area for a fallen log and was happy to find one not far from their site. After he got the fish cooking over the open fire, Sully easily hefted the log and brought it near the fire.

Meanwhile, Michaela went to the stream to freshen up. She washed her hands, splashed water on her face, and worked to bring some order to the chaos of her hair. When the fish was ready, she brought forth the china plates and the remaining bread from home, and they sat down side by side on the log.

After he had eaten a few bites and pronounced the mountain trout delicious, Sully said, �Michaela? I have a question for ya. Actually, it�s one the Reverend asked but I don�t think you ever answered. When did you fall in love with me?�

She gave him a long look, then glanced away at the food on her plate. Finally she said, �Really, Sully, I don�t think �fell� is an appropriate word. It happened so slowly for me that I didn�t recognize it for a long time.�

He said nothing but waited for her to continue.

�Even then, it wasn�t something I could put into words. I mean, I knew we were getting to be good friends. I was beginning to count on you as such�like when Loren wanted to take the homestead away and when I had to operate on him. I found myself thinking about you a lot. Then I was surprised�and embarrassed!�to discover myself watching for you to come around�and to realize how much I missed you when you didn�t.�

She paused, but he still said nothing. Her account was captivating him. She went on, �When we tried to track down what Hardin was doing to the water and making people sick . . .� her voice trailed off. Compelled by his silence, she glanced up�and found his eyes twinkling, a grin itching to burst forth on his face.

�What�s so funny?� she demanded.

�We were!� he exclaimed, �the way we tried to acted as if nothing was sparkin� up between us on that trip!�

�Oh, I don�t think��

�You don�t think? Surely you ain�t tryin� to deny it!�

Her face dissolved into a grin then, too, and they laughed together, a joyous sound echoing through the trees. He took her plate, set it carefully down with his, then moved as if to tickle her, but she jumped to her feet and out of his reach. In a moment he was after her, twice around the fire, laughing now with greater abandon. Finally she turned and dissolved happily into his arms. They clung together while their laughter subsided and they caught their breath.

But when he moved to kiss her, her fingers intercepted his lips. �Wait!� He raised his eyebrows. �Just a minute,� she said. �I haven�t answered your question,� and she drew him back to their seats by the fire.

She was quiet for a couple more minutes, choosing her words carefully. �When Cloud Dancing brought you in after Rankin . . . after . . . .� Why, after all this time, did her voice still waver when she tried to put that tragedy into words? �It was while you were so badly hurt and I had you at the homestead all those weeks that I couldn�t help realizing I felt something for you, something that was . . . that was different. I wasn�t prepared to call it love yet, especially since it was so different from what I had felt for David. It was, in fact, much more powerful�and I certainly had no idea what to do with it!�

She had been staring fixedly into the fire, and now he put his finger to her chin and drew her face toward his. She grinned at him sheepishly. �I know,� he said quietly. �I was tore up with so many emotions myself then, thinkin� about my injuries and maybe never . . . walkin� again . . . And all the time you were there, flittin� in and out of my wakin� hours and my dreams�but I couldn�t let myself even begin to think about you!�

He kissed her then, not long, but very possessively. They both knew it was a promise of much more to come. She was beginning to relish the idea that they had several peaceful days ahead of them to enjoy each other without interruption.

�Now!� she said suddenly, �I have a question for you! You told the Reverend you fell in love with me the first time you saw me�but I don�t see how that could be. Did you really mean that?�

Now it was his turn to look sheepish. Then he grinned that matchless grin that never failed to make her weak. �Naw, I just made that up on the spur of the moment cuz I thought it sounded good��

�You mean you lied?� she accused.

�No, not lied! I just fancied up the truth a little�cuz for sure you got my attention that first time I saw you! Why else do ya think I came and offered you the homestead?�

�You mean you weren�t looking for someone to rent it?�

�Course not! Never, ever thought of it till I saw you�and that sign ya put up about needin� a place to live.�

�So when did you fall in love with me?�

�Kinda hard to put my finger on it, too,� he hedged. �One thing I know, when you were so sick with the influenza, I had this desperate, panic-like feelin� that I couldn�t let ya die! I wanted to care for you and cherish you�and that shook me up somethin� awful cuz I figured my heart still belonged to Abagail.�

She moved, and his arm came around her. She nestled her head into that hollow in his shoulder that had become almost a part of her own being now. When he spoke again, his voice was even softer. �The first time I kissed you, I felt warm and good about it�for a while . . . until . . . . �

�Until what?� �Until I started thinkin� about Abagail��

�You were thinking about Abagail on my birthday?�

�Naw,� he admitted slowly. �That wasn�t the first time I kissed you��

Her head jerked up from his shoulder and she stared at him. �What do you mean? You�re really full of confessions tonight, aren�t you?�

He grinned. �The first time I kissed you was when ya had the influenza� � her eyes widened and her jaw dropped� �after the kids came in to see you when you woke up from bein� so sick . . . �

His voice trailed off, wondering how she would respond, and he was relieved to see a twinkle now flash in her eyes. �Oh, Sully!� she breathed and had no chance to say more as his lips closed over hers. This time their kiss was leisurely, as if they had all the time in the world. Her fingers found their way into his hair and tightened, and his arms wrapped around her to enfold her completely.

He drew away rather precipitously, got to his feet, and pulled her up, too. �C�mon, we got work to do!�

He walked to the lean-to and the pile of blankets, stopped a moment, then turned and walked back to her. Taking her hands in his, he asked softly, �Where would you rather sleep tonight? in the lean-to? or out here�?� A sweep of his arm took in both the meadow and the heavens.

She looked up at the sky, now turning rosy with dusk, then back at his face. She knew he was offering her the opportunity to share, as she had once before, something that had been a part of his life for so long�sleeping under the stars. And she wanted to with all her heart.

�I would like us to sleep out here,� she said softly.

She could tell he was pleased, but he wasn�t finished. He explained he had built the lean-to especially in case of rain�and that he had brought so many blankets precisely because he was concerned about her comfort. From the suggestive twinkle in his eyes when he said that, it was clear he had been thinking about her comfort during more than just sleeping times. So perhaps she wouldn�t miss Denver so much after all.

He began unfolding the blankets, and together they spread them, one on top the other, at the edge of the meadow. He saved one, which she realized would be to cover them, and another he folded several times along the length of it, then laid it in place as a pillow.

She watched him, fascinated, as he returned to the leather pouch and pulled forth�a sheet! �Borrowed it from the clinic,� he reported smugly. After spreading it in place, he walked a few steps to the nearest cluster of deep red Indian paintbrush, cut several stems with his knife, brought them back, and laid them on one side of the pillow. p>When all was arranged to his satisfaction, he came and stood in front of her, suddenly shy and clearly vulnerable. �Dr. Quinn,� he said softly, raising her hand to his lips, his eyes never leaving hers, �may I invite you into my boudoir?�

She giggled at his use of such a fancy word, and her heart swelled with more love than she thought she could contain. She watched, wide-eyed, as he turned her hand over and burned a slow, sensuous kiss onto the inside of her wrist. Then he took her chin in his hand and, with the same sensuous slowness, brought his lips to hers.

She returned his kiss hungrily, but when he moved to lower her to the blankets, she came to life. Turning toward their dinner, forgotten by the fire, she said, �Sully! We have to clean up!�

He caught her by the shoulders and stopped her in her tracks. �Oh, no, you don�t!� he said, firmly but with a smile. �I been waitin� all day, and I ain�t waitin� any longer!�

It took her only a moment to know that she was perfectly content to forget about the clean-up.

She gave him a beguiling smile, then waited expectantly. The deepening twilight bathed them in a warm, rosy hue. The only sound was a breeze rustling the nearby aspen. He put his fingers to her buttons, met her eyes, and then lowered his mouth slowly to hers.

FIVE

What was that rustling sound? Sully wondered vaguely as he cradled his wife in the afterglow of love. When the rustling became a metallic bang, they both sat upright with a start.

In the light of the rising moon, they could make out the form of a raccoon busying himself with the food remaining on their china plates. The knocked-over coffee pot accounted for the bang. They stared incredulously and then burst into laughter. Reluctantly the raccoon abandoned his find and loped off into the underbrush.

When their laughter abated, she hugged her knees and rested her head on them, surprised at how drained she suddenly felt. Sensing this, he pushed her hair to one side and began stroking her back.

�We do need to clean up now, don�t we, Mr. Sully.� It was a statement rather than a question.

�Only if you want to.�

�Well, I don�t feel like it,� she admitted, �but I don�t want any more uninvited guests while we�re sleeping tonight.� She did not move.

�Who said we were gonna do any sleepin�?�

She straightened and peered at him to see if he was teasing, then smiled a little wanly. �Well, perhaps you aren�t, but I still have some recovering to do if I am to keep up with you on the trail tomorrow.� Her failure and subsequent embarrassment still stung.

She started to get up, but he stopped her. �No. You rest. It�ll only take me a minute. Okay if I put the leftovers down the way a piece for Mr. Coon to enjoy in privacy?�

Gratefully she accepted his offer. When he was nearly finished, she stood up and rummaged in their clothing pouch for her cotton night dress. The chill in the air had deepened, and she wondered if it would be warm enough. Then she glanced at the thick bedding and at Sully�and knew with an inner smile that being cold would not be one of her problems tonight. For now, however, she pulled out a shawl to wrap around her shoulders.

Sully was adding wood to the fire as she took her place on the log again. He settled beside her and took her hand in his.

�How are you feeling?�

�Okay�but no more dashes around the fire, okay?�

He smiled, put his arm around her, and drew her head to his shoulder. The moon was fully visible now above the trees to the east. For some time they sat in silence, deeply content with each other�s nearness as they allowed the soft beauty of the night to saturate their senses and refresh their souls.

When he finally spoke, his voice was husky and barely above a whisper. �In the time before I met you, I hated nights like this.�

She raised her head and looked at him in surprise but waited in silence for him to continue.

�I was in such a dark place myself, it just didn�t seem right for the night to be so bright and . . . beautiful.�

�You�ve never talked to me much about that time.�

�That�s cuz I try not to think about it. Don�t wanna remember it.�

�I know, and I�m not asking you to talk about it.� She was quiet, not knowing if he had said all he wanted to say.

�Truth is, Abagail loved the moon, and for a long time after she died, lookin� at it brought me too much pain.� His eyes were focused on the fire as if he were in a trance. Silently she slipped her hand into his and waited for him to go on.

�Between losin� her . . . and the baby . . . � he began again, �and then gettin� used by greedy people to kill an innocent man�while he was shaving, no less!�thinkin� about those things got to be just like a wagon wheel goin� round and round in my head. I couldn�t seem to make �em stop.� Though she had always known of this �dark place� he had once been in, the intensity in his voice as he spoke of it now startled her.

�How did you . . . make it stop?� she asked gently.

�After Cloud Dancin� and the Cheyenne took me in, I started gettin� other things to think about�like makin� friends and learnin� to talk Cheyenne. Little by little I found myself spendin� less time thinkin� about . . . the bad times.�

He took a stick and pushed the burning logs closer together. �And then. . . . � his voice brightened, �and then, suddenly, I had a whole new world of things to think about�like this know-it-all, spinster doctor come from Boston��

�Sully!!� She swatted at him in fake anger but did not have the heart or the strength to pursue her protest. �Just teasin�,� he said, drawing her head back down on his shoulder. �Just teasin�.� An owl called nearby, and a fish splashed in the creek.

�I know,� she said. �I know.�

�But except for that . . . that time, I�ve always liked nights like this. Seems like they have a way of anchorin� the soul, of givin� you a perspective beyond yourself.�

�I know what you mean,� she said. After a moment, �When I was engaged to David, we used to sit in my parents� garden on nights like this��

�Did you hafta start talkin� about him?�

She giggled. �Why?? All couples enjoy romance on nights like this! You as much as said you and Abagail did!�

�I know,� he admitted, �but I just don�t like thinkin� about ya with anybody else!�

She touched his chin and drew his lips to hers. Then she returned to gazing into the fire. �I wonder how Katie is doing.�

�I�m sure she�s fine. You know Colleen and Brian will take good care of her.�

�I know. But do you think she misses me?�

�Of course she misses you!�

�And I know she misses you, too, Sully.�

They talked a bit more about their daughter, of the awesome miracle of her, of how she had actually �come into being� as a result, as the Reverend put it at her christening, of their remarkable love. Michaela, however, was saying less and less, and Sully finally realized that exhaustion had overtaken her. Indeed, she barely stirred as he lifted her and carried her to the bed at the edge of the meadow. He sat for several minutes watching her sleep in the moonlight, feeling the night chill settling around him like a shroud. Finally he slipped beneath the blanket and lay down beside her.

But sleep was far from him. Locking his fingers beneath his head, he stared at the moon climbing in steady majesty to the apex of the sky. Suddenly it brought him neither joy nor peace. Instead of a warm glow from the conversation he had just had with his wife, he found himself floundering in the memory of an icy pain. For the first time in years he began reliving that dark valley in which he had languished, those haunted nights when the moon had mocked him, when pain and loss had negated its beauty. Though he tried to shake them off, deeply buried memories bubbled to the surface.

NO!! He shook his head sharply. It was not like that anymore! He was not alone!! He had Michaela�and Katie, a home, a family, friends. But all that seemed to really matter, in that moment frozen in moonlight, was Michaela. He turned on his side to drink in the sight of her�and was overwhelmed with longing and need, the need to reconnect with her both emotionally and physically. But he must not! They had shared a beautiful time of love earlier, and now she needed her rest.

Just then she stirred and turned away from him�and it seemed more than he could bear! He slid closer to her, put his arm around her from behind, and drew her slender body tight against his. He couldn�t help himself as he murmured words of love and longing in her ear.

She stirred. �Oh. . . Sully . . . I�m sorry . . . I�m . . . so tired,� she murmured.

�It okay, love,� he whispered. �It�s okay. I know ya need your sleep.�

She shifted back toward him now and nestled into the haven of his arms. Her fingers traced his profile in the moonlight. �I love you so much!� she whispered.

He seized her fingers and brought them to his lips. �It�s okay,� he whispered again. �You go back to sleep.�

She nodded, nestling her body closer into his, and her eyes drifted shut.

This wasn�t what he had had in mind for tonight�s moonlight, he thought wryly. But he found he was content. He had reconnected. She was his, and once again the balm of her love was washing over his soul. Just as the sunshine of her entrance into his life had dispelled the dark shadows of pain before, so her presence in his arms now was doing the same.

He shifted slightly to gaze up at the sky again. The moon was fully overhead now, much smaller in appearance than when it first rose but casting so much more light. Only a few feathery clouds kept it company. He smiled to himself. The night was again weaving around him an aura of stability, of strength, of peace.

He allowed his thoughts to drift briefly back to the trauma which had haunted him a few minutes earlier. Because it would always be part of his memory, it was still there�but now it had been wholly defused of its power to inflict turmoil. The feelings of panic and desperation had once again been supplanted by perspective and security. As long as he had Michaela . . . his arms tightened around her as his eyes closed.

Even after he had fallen asleep, he did not release her.

  CONTINUE