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07/28/03

1 hr. 51 min.
Starring: Harrison Ford, Josh Hartnett, Lena Olin, Isaiah Washington, Dwight Yoakam, Martin Landau, Master P
Producers: Ron Shelton and Lou Pitt
Writers: Ron Shelton and Robert Souza
Director: Ron Shelton

Rating: * Stars (Out of 4 Stars)

For the past couple of years we’ve had a numerous amount of buddy-cop movies that attempt to be a “Lethal Weapon” or a “48 Hours” but don’t even come close. That’s usually because the two “buddies” don’t have chemistry and the plot reeks more than a thirty-year-old turd. Those are just a couple of the problems in “Hollywood Homicide.”

Ford plays Joe Gavilan, a homicide detective that’s up to his butt in debt and in his spare time dabbles in real estate. Hartnett plays his younger partner K.C. Calden, who is reconsidering being a cop and wants to be an actor, and in his spare time he’s a yoga instructor. Things start to go awry when their investigation in a murder of a rap band leads them to a music CEO named Sartain (Isaiah Washington) and an unknown murderer (Dwight Yoakam). And at the same time, Internal Affairs officer Bennie Macko is trying to arrest Joe, who is dating Macko’s ex-girlfriend Ruby (Lena Olin). Take all this and add about thirty-two subplots you get “Hollywood Homicide.”

The biggest problem with “Hollywood Homicide” is that it contains a long list of useless subplots that take up about half the film, leave no room for character development, and take us completely away from the main storyline. They throw the “Homicide” out the window! They might as well have just named the film “Hollwood”! They sure as hell deal with everything with “Hollywood” besides “Homicide“: hookers, murderers, rap artists, repo men, wannabe actors, drug dealers, bad cops, good cops, psychics, and car chases. Hey, why not just call the film “Hollywood Hookers, Murderers, Rap Artists, Repo Men, Wannabe Actors, Drug Dealers, Bad Cops, Good Cops, Psychics, and Car Chases.” If they would of went with that title I wouldn’t have went into the theater expecting a good crime-solving movie, that dealt only with crime-solving, not that other mumbo jumbo.

What’s up with Harrison Ford these days? Since 1998 all he’s been doing is picking bad movies! With last year’s “K-19: The Widowmaker” where he sported a really bad Russian accent, and 2000’s “What Lies Beneath,” where he played a character that wasn’t him at all. Here he plays a cop. He’s played a cop in numerous film like “Witness” and “Clear and Present Danger.” But at least in those films he actually shed a little bit of charm and heroism. Here he just goes though the script like a zombie, showing not a glimpse of a real cop. And his supporting actors Josh Hartnett and Lena Olin don’t help out at all. None of it feels real. It all seems like they have to be there, not that they want to be there.

It’s not like Ron Shelton isn’t a good filmmaker, he’s made great films like “White Men Can’t Jump” and “Cobb.” It’s just that his lifeless script with Robert Souza packs no punches at all and takes no risks. When they were writing the script they were probably thinking seeing Ford ride a pink bicycle would be hilarious, but it’s not.

Deep in this soulless piece-of-crap filmmaking, there lies the final half hour, which is the only reason I’m not grading this film any less. It’s probably one of the best choreographed chase scenes on film. Only if the whole film had been that good.