Revelation Part 1:  Gillian Caitlin (a.k.a. Bay)-->comments to dana_lynn_tighe@hotmail.com P/T; a little J/C PG [13?] Disclaimer:  Paramountin owns the characters we all love and cherish. I OWN THE STORY AND GILLIAN!!!!!  Feel the power!  Wait, who am I kidding? *la sigh* Synopsis:  About five months after  “Hope and Fear.”  Voyager reached home via new technology.   Now, four years later, Torres & Paris have split up, but when they meet again Tom makes a startling discovery. Thanx To:  Ardra--for helping me make a crucial decision in the plot, and for not going insane since I would only tell her very, very vaguely what the story was about, and for all the actors & actresses for just being swell. This is dedicated to  Mike (a.k.a. Tom)~  “For following me around like a dog” and listening to me rant and rave about my obsession.  :-x ^^ <2 years after Voyager has returned home> ^^ Oh and every time I’m close to you There’ too much I can’t say (I Love You from Sarah McLachlan’s “Surfacing” album) ^^  B’Elanna Torres strode across the decorated lawn, inhaling the pungent smell of the bar-b-q  and taking in the view.  Kathryn Janeway’s lawn was decorated with streamers.  Neelix, the mastermind behind the yearly reunions, had even hired a small band, which was playing on a decorated bandstand.  People were milling everywhere.  Laughter and the sound of excited voices reached her ears and conjured up sweet memories from her time aboard the Starship Voyager.  Tables were set out, showing off a huge spread of food, from punch to watermelon to pies.   She caught Joe Carey’s eye, and he came bounding towards her, covering the ground between them in seconds.  “B’Elanna!” he exclaimed, catching her up in a not-very-lieutenantly hug.  “Joe, good to see you!”  she replied.  Samantha Wildman followed behind him, an infant in her arms.  “Sorry, B’Elanna, but  Peter just ate, and I don’t really wanna have spitty-ups all over my new blouse.  Torres awkwardly embraced the other young woman, trying not to smash the baby in between them.  “Goodness, Joe, when you wrote to me to say that Sam had had the baby, I didn’t really realize that she’d actually had the baby!”  They erupted into a friendly, comfortable laughter.  “He looks exactly like you, Carey.  But he has Sam’s eyes.”  “I agree.” chimes in Susan Nicoletti form behind them.  B’Elanna swirled around and was enveloped in a friendly hug.  “B’Elanna, meet David, my fiancee.  David, this is my former Chief Engineer, B’Elanna Torres.”  “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” B’Elanna said politely, extending her hand to shake his.  “I’ve heard a lot about you, B’Elanna.”  “All good things, I’m assuming?”  she replied in mock seriousness.  “Of course, what else would their be?” he responded playfully.  An excited bark brought their conversation to an abrupt halt.  “Chloe is just jealous of all the attention I’m giving.” explained B’Elanna, kneeling down to pet the puppy who excitedly licked her hand.  “She’s adorable, B’Elanna!” breathed Susan, sinking to her knees beside B’Elanna.  “How old is she.”  “She’s about four months old.”  “Is she a black lab?”  asked Samantha.  “Yes.”  “Well she’s a cutey, B’Elanna.  Freddy’s giving me desperate looks, so we’d better go see what he needs.  I want to talk to you more later.” Carey said before he and Samantha took off in Freddy's direction.  David and Susan wandered off, and B’Elanna went in search of the hostess.  She didn’t get very far, though, for she was constantly stopped by her old Engineering staff, and even people that she didn't know very well.  She had finally spotted Kathryn over near the bandstand conversing with Chakotay and another ensign whom she couldn’t make out.  Just as she was about to make a beeline for them, she was swarmed by a mass of young children.  “It’s a puppy!”  “What’s it’s name?”  “Is it a boy or a girl?”  “It licked me!”  “It’s a girl.  Her name’s Chloe.” B”Elanna explained patiently while each child took a turn petting her.  “Before you pet her, you each have to tell me your names, so I can l know who you are.”  “I’m Naomi Wildman.” said a young girl who looked about eight years old.  “I should have guessed, Naomi.  I can’t believe how grown up you look.”  “Everybody says that!” said Naomi.  “I know, but It’s true!  So, do you like your little brother?” asked Torres  Naomi stuck out her tongue and made an expression that made B’Elanna burst out laughing.  Among the other children were Tuvok’s grandson and granddaughter, Tellar and Aldini, a set of identical one-year-old twins, Mike and Mark Reoli, sons of Ensigns Karen and Thomas, Syrah Barquet, daughter of Ensign Alex Barquet, and his wife Margaret, Lieutenant Robert  and Ensign Carol  Stevenson’s son Jean, and Hilary, Phoebe Janeway-Levy’s daughter.  Chakotay caught sight of the mob of children around B’Elanna and mentioned it to Kathryn, causing them both to laugh.  After a little bit, B’Elanna finally made her way over to them.  She embraced them both affectionately.  “Two months seems like an awfully long time, Chakotay.”  she said with a small smile.  “I gather this is your puppy, B’Elanna?” asked Kathryn bending down so she could get to the dog’s level.  “Yeah, this is Chloe.  She’s a four month old black lab.”  Carol Stevenson walked up to them.  “Your puppy is great with the kids, B’Elanna, how did you train her to be so gentle?”  “Well, she’s around kids quite a bit.” B’Elanna explained hesitantly, darting looks at her former Captain and Commander.  “Really?  How  do you manage that on a Starship?” questioned Carol innocently.  “Well, I’m not in Starfleet anymore.  For. . .various reasons, I’m now working for a small engineering business in Los Angeles.”  “Oh.”  was all Carol could say.  She blushed bright bright red from her neck to the tips of her ears.  “Well. . .she’s a beautiful puppy.” she stammered before rushing away to join her husband and children.  “I hope it’s okay I brought her, Kathryn,” started Torres, “I just--”  But Janeway cut her off before she could finish.  “It’s fine, B’Elanna, I understand.  Gracie and Maquis are in the house sleeping at the moment.  The have a run farther out back, though, if you want to hook Chloe up to it.”  “Thanks, I think I will.  I’ll be right back.”  After ensuring that Chloe was tied up securely, B’Elanna headed back towards the Captain and Commander.  The barbecuers were just setting the ribs, hot dogs, hamburgers and chicken out on the tables when she arrived back.  After getting some salad and punch, B’Elanna sought out Kathryn and Chakotay, and joined them at a more secluded table.  “So how is she?” asked Kathryn as soon as B’Elanna sat down  “The dog?”  “No, no. . .” Kathryn’s voice trailed off, and she glanced up to see if anyone was in earshot.  “They’re both fine.  She’s staying with a guy from work.”  “A *guy*?!” Kathryn prodded, an impish smile spreading across her face.  B’Elanna shot her a look.  “We’re just friends.  The only other girl who works there was already busy. How’s the life of  a Starfleet Negotiator been treating you?” she asked, smoothly changing the subject.  “Very well; I love my job.” Janeway enthused.  “I get to travel, and still be a part of Starfleet, but I can also be home more.”  The technology they had used to bring Voyager home had totally demolished the ship.  Starfleet was working on a replacement, but as Janeway had said, she was happy.  She loved captaining a vessel, but after her experiences in the Delta Quadrant and her outstanding crew, she didn't know if she wanted to go back to a ship without *her* crew.  “How are your pupils coming along, Chakotay?”  Have anymore fallen into the rapids yet?”  asked B’Elanna.  Chakotay smiled slightly, “No, we haven’t had any big occurrences like that. . .yet.”  Chakotay was working at a small prep school for Starfleet Academy.  It specialized in wilderness adventure.  Chakotay would take groups of pre-Acadamy students out on expeditions where he taught them to live off the land, and to become more in touch with themselves, and the world around them.  He had worked as a Starfleet professor for a year, and had enjoyed it, but had requested to be transferred to the school and Starfleet had agreed.  When they had arrived home, all the Maquis had been pardoned.  Janeway had been offered the promotion to Admiral, and Chakotay to Captain, but both had refused.  Janeway hadn’t wanted to become an Admiral because she still wanted to be able to Captain a vessel, and Chakotay hadn’t wanted to “move up in the ranks” if Janeway wasn’t going to.  “Hey, Captain, Commander, Maquis!” called Harry as he crossed the lawn towards them.  After exchanging hellos and catching up on each other’s lives, the foursome sat talking intently for over an hour.  They were interrupted often by other former crew members saying hello.  Suddenly, from the other side of the lawn, B’Elanna heard one of the Delaney sisters shriek, “TOMMY!!!”  Her head snapped around t confront Chakotay.  “I thought you said he wasn’t coming!” she said accusingly.  Chakotay reached across the table and covered B’Elanna’s hand with his own in an attempt to calm her.  “When I contacted him four days ago, he was positive he wasn’t coming.” he explained.  Kathryn saw the panic in her eyes.  “Get the puppy and go out the back, B’Elanna, he’ll never see you.”  The relief on B’Elanna’s face was evident.  “This is a great party, Captain.   I’m going to contact you all in the next day or two since I'm having to run, okay?”  she promised.  She gave Harry a quick hug, squeezed Chakotay’s shoulder,  whispered a quick thank you to Janeway, and then made for the wooded area behind the house like a rabid targ was after her. ^^  “Harry?!  You home, Maquis?”  called out B’Elanna Torres, her voice echoing off the bare walls.  “He’s got a lot of decorating to do.  These halls look about as hospitable as the Maquis’ residences.” she muttered.  The child at her side clutched her hand even tighter.   “Where’s Uncle Harry?”    Turning her attention to the child, B’Elanna informed her, “He must be upstairs with Libby unpacking, Gillian.  This is Uncle Harry’s new house.  He and Aunt Libby will be living here now, since they got married.”  “I was in their wedding.” Gillian informed B’Elanna.  “You’re right, you were the flower girl.”  “Yep.”  In the darkened halls, a sad smile played across the former Chief Engineer’s lips.  Gillian reminded her so much of. . . . this was neither the time nor the place to dwell on old memories.  She was here to help her friend unpack, to in a small way help him start his new life.  It had been like a dream.  When Voyager had finally returned home, via technology that another race possessed, after being stranded in the Delta Quadrant for six years, Libby had been there, faithfully waiting for Harry.  By that time he had been over his school-boy crush on Seven of Nine, and instead thought of her as a good friend.  Deciding to take it slow and easy, Harry and Libby had decided to get to know each other again, so they had waited almost two years to get engaged again.  After they got engaged, though, it things had come up so that it was another two years before they were married.  “Libby?”  B’Elanna called out again.  She had never been in this house before, and each of the bare hallways looked the same.  The Kim’s new house was a huge, late 1800’s southern plantation style which had been given to them as a wedding gift from Libby’s grandfather.  Finally,  B’Elanna and Gillian emerged into a spacious living room. The ceiling extended two-stories, and a giant staircase cascaded down the center.  Boxes were piled haphazardly.  A couch sat forlornly to one side.  She stood taking in the view for a few moments, until a voice that she hadn’t heard in a long time interrupted her.  “B’Elanna. . . .”  The voice beside her startled her so much that she almost jumped, and when she saw who it was, she almost fainted.  “T-Tom.” she stammered.  He had walked on her right side without her noticing him.  Gillian backed behind B’Elanna, holding onto her waist.  “It’s been a long time, B’Elanna, a very long time.”  his tone was polite and he sounded glad that he had run into her.  Unfortunately, the feeling wasn’t mutual.   “Have you met my fiancee?”  “No, I don’t believe I’ve had that particular pleasure, Mr. Paris.  I really have to go--”  Secretly, Torres was extremely hurt that Tom was engaged to be married.  ^I’m just glad that Gillian’s in the shadows. He better not notice her, or I’ll have a lot of explaining to do.^  At first Tom seemed a bit taken back by her unusually cool tone, but he recovered quickly.  “At last meet  Cameron first.  Cameron?!”  he called.  A slim figure appeared at the top of the stairway.  “Do you need something, hon?” she called down sweetly.  “Come here, there’s someone that want you to meet.”  Cameron leaned back into the hallway.  “I’ll be right back, Libby.” She fairly trotted down the stairs.  When she reached Tom’s side, she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, and he draped his arm around her.  “Cameron, this is B’Elanna Torres, an old friend of mine from Voyager, the ship  I was on in the Delta Quadrant.”  She was beaming as she attempted to give B’Elanna a hug, but B’Elanna dodged it, and shook her hand instead.  “Tommy, how come you didn’t tell me about her?” Cameron asked him, wide-eyed. Tom just shrugged and smiled at her.  “Is Harry here?”  Torres asked Tom sharply.  “No.  He had to go pick up some things for the house.  He’ll be back soon.”   Cameron answered for her soon-to-be husband.  “Thanks.  I have to go.”  B’Elanna turned swiftly around, and pushed Gillian in front of her as she jogged down the hall. ^^  “Who was that guy?” questioned Gillian innocently.  “Uh. . .he’s an old. . .friend of mine.”  “Oh.  Okay.  Where are we going?”  “We’re going to see Kathryn.  We’re almost there.”  They finally arrived at Janeway’s house.  Janeway came to the door at the first knock.  “B’Elanna, good to see you.   Come here and give your Aunt Kathryn a hug.”  instructed Janeway, turning her attention to the little girl.  She bent down and opened her arms wide, and Gillian went flying into them. Kathryn laughed as the small child gave her a giant bear hug.  “You look so grown up!”  she exclaimed as she put Gillian down.  Kathryn Janeway then turned her attention to B’Elanna.  Even though the young woman had a smile on her face, it didn’t reach to her eyes.   Her eyes looked haunted, as though she had just seen a ghost.  “Come in.  Phoebe and Hilary are here.”  After the pleasantries, Gillian and Hilary were sent out into the backyard to play, while Phoebe watched them, leaving the two former colleagues alone in the sitting room.  “B’Elanna, what is it.”  asked Kathryn as soon as they were alone.  “ I saw him.” B’Elanna answered vaguely.  “Who?”  “Tom, I saw Tom when I had Gillian with me.”  Kathryn let her breath out slowly.  “Did he see her?”  “No, she was in the shadows.  I stopped by Harry’s house to offer to help unpack, and Tom was there.  I never would have gone if I’d known. Last I knew he was still a Lt. Commander on the USS Valor, and wouldn’t be back for another year or so.”  B’Elanna paused and stared at her hands intently.  Kathryn touched her shoulder lightly.  “There’s something else, isn’t there?”  B’Elanna sighed so softly that it was almost inaudible.  Then, just as softly, she explained.  “He’s getting married.”  “WHAT?!”  exclaimed Kathryn, stunned.  “He’s engaged to a girl named Cameron.  I certainly didn’t stay and make small talk with them, so that’s all I know.”  “Oh, B’Elanna. . .” Janeway started softly, unwilling and unable to finish.  “She’s really flity and hyper. . .she doesn’t seem like his type.” B’Elanna snorted.  “Of course this is coming from someone who he dumped.”  Kathryn could hear the bitterness in B’Elanna voice.  She knew that B’Elanna still loved Tom deeply, and that he had crushed her when he had told her that he didn’t want to have any contact with her again when they had arrived back in the Alpha Quadrant.  “I don’t know what to do!”  Janeway heard B’Elanna’s voice quiver slightly.  She leaned forward and gave the other woman a gentle hug.  It wasn’t something that she usually did, especially to B’Elanna, but she felt that the young woman needed comfort. B’Elanna drew in a slow, wavering breath.   “He’s getting married, I sort of feel like he should know that he has a child.” ^^ Who knew love would come walking thru my door Turn a light on somewhere down inside Give me a feeling I’ve never had before It was a long wait It was just the wrong time Cry a river Flood the sea Cry a rvier over me Take the bitter With the sweet And cry a river over me How do you argue with a feeling in your bones ‘Bout what is and what isn’t meant to be Some things you live with And you never let it show Like the pain I felt The day I watched you leave But I hope you’ll think of me When tender winds blow Sit on the shores of love And just let it go (Cry A River from Amy Grant’s “Behind the Eyes” album) . . . .2 B Continued. . . . ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Date sent:        Sun, 07 Oct 1956 08:05:35 +0000 From:             Daniel Woolsey Send reply to:    dwoolsey@houghton.edu Organization:     Houghton College To:               fergus80@pilot.msu.edu Subject:          P/T Fan Fic Revelations Part 2:  Do What I Have To Do by Caitlin  (ie. Arden)-->comments to dana_lynn_tighe@hotmail.com P/T, a little J/C PG [13?] *Same disclaimer applies throughout. For Mike ^^ I brush my teeth Put the cap back on I know you hate it But I leave the light on Pick up a book And turn the sheets down And take a deep breath And good look around Put on my PJs And hop into bed I’m half alive But I feel mostly dead I try and tell myself it’ll be all right I shouldn’t think anymore tonight ‘cause Dreams last for so long Even after you’re gone I know you love me and soon you will see You were meant for me And I was meant for you (Do I have the lyrics right?   You Were Meant For Me  by Jewel) ^^  B’Elanna Torres slowly, rhythmically ran a brush through her hair as she walked about her tiny apartment.  There was a central living/eating area, a bathroom the size of a shoe box and a small bedroom.  Most of the time, B’Elanna slept on the couch and let Gillian sleep on the bed, but sometimes they would share the bed or make a nest for Gillian on the floor.  It wasn’t much, she knew.  Chakotay, Kathryn, and Harry had offered to help her find a bigger place, but truth be told, she didn’t care enough to go in their debt.  They already helped out with child-care for Gillian, especially Kathryn.   Though of lately B’Elanna had noticed that much of Kathryn’s time was spent with Chakotay.  She was glad that the two of them were finally coming around.  B’Elanna stopped her brushing as she neared the door to the bedroom. Leaning in the doorframe, she watched her small daughter sleep.  Gillian already had a robust personality, and B’Elanna could see a lot of Tom coming through in her daughter.  His smile, his eyes, his sense of humor.  “Mommy?”  the little girl asked sleepily as she lifted her tired eyelids to peer out at her mother.  “Shhhh, it’s okay, Gillian.  I was just checking on you.  Go back to sleep.”  B’Elanna entered the room and went over to her daughter’s side. Kneeling on the floor, she swept Gillian’s hair out of her sweaty face. B’Elanna leaned forward and kissed her forehead.  “I love you.  Now go to sleep.”  The first time that she had held Gillian in her arms, B’Elanna had silently pledged to give her daughter a childhood very different from her own.  There was one aspect that she hadn’t been able to change, though.  Gillian would grow up without a father.  But today. . .today B’Elanna had felt an inkling of hope.  When she’d seen Tom so unchanged, it had brought back bittersweet memories.  But now. . .now she had to tell him the truth.  B’Elanna knew that she would probably get very little sleep that night, for tomorrow held the answers to her greatest fears. ^^  Tom tossed and turned.  After getting up for a drink of cold water, Tom curled up on the couch with a blanket.  He couldn’t believe it.  After four years, he had finally seen B’Elanna.  She was just as gorgeous and slim as ever.  Her hair was a little lighter, as was usual for Klingon females.  But her eyes. . .her eyes were changed. They still intrigued him incessantly, but there was something different.  It was almost as if her eyes had grown older, to make up for the rest of her body.  They seemed to hold the weight of the world.  *I can’t believe that you’re thinking about an old girlfriend like this!  You’re engaged, Tommyboy, you can’t rekindle interest in an old flame.*  Immediately, another part of his consciousness leapt to respond.   *She wasn’t just some old girlfriend!  She was more than  that.*    *Then why did you dump her when you got home?*    *She. . .she had been engaged to someone all that time!  All that time that we were together. . .and she never told me!*    *Right.*   And so he battled with himself all night, his heart and his conscious waging an internal war. ^^  B’Elanna knelt down next to her daughter.  “Mommy has to go do something, Gillian.  You’re going to stay here with Uncle Chakotay for awhile.  Aunt Kathryn might even come over!”  Gillian wrapped her arms around her mother’s neck.   “Come back soon.” she whispered.  B’Elanna nodded and gave her a kiss on the cheek.  “Be good.  Maybe we can stop for ice cream when Mommy gets back.”  Gillian nodded happily and disappeared inside the house.  B’Elanna followed her daughter with he eyes until she was out of sight.  Chakotay touched B’Elanna’s arm lightly.  “B’Elanna, take as long as you need.  If you need time alone after you talk to him--”  “I know, Chakotay.  Thank you.”  Her eyes were filled with gratefulness.  He bent down and enfolded her in a quick hug before holding her by the shoulders.  “Remember, B’Elanna, Kathryn and I will always be here for you.”  She took his hand and squeezed it.  Then she turned and walked down the lane, not looking back. ^^  B’Elanna had told Tom that she needed to talk to him, but she was still nervous about knocking.  After gathering her courage and clearing her head for the ordeal to come, she rang the door chime.  When Tom opened the door, he found himself staring at her.  Instead of jeans and a tee-shirt like she wore last time, today she was wearing a beige sun dress which set off her dark complexion.  “Come in.” he finally offered.  “You said you needed to talk to me about something.  D you want some coffee?  I think i have iced tea--”  “Tom. . .” her tone of voice stopped him dead in his tracks.  “I need to talk to you about something that is *very* important.”  The realization that whatever she was about to reveal was extremely serious made Tom stop what he was doing and join her on the sofa.  B’Elanna took a deep breath and closed her eyes briefly to regain her composure.  “Tom, I’ve been hiding something from you for the past four years.  When I discovered that you were getting married. . . .I, well, I guess that I realized that you have a right to know that. . . .”  This was harder than she thought it would be.    “That you. . .that you. . . have a daughter.”  B’Elanna bit her lip so hard that it started to bleed,  She couldn’t bring herself to look at Tom.  Tom felt the blood pounding in his ears.  ^Daughter?   With B’Elanna? *He* had a daughter?  That was impossible!  Wasn’t it?^  He felt very lightheaded and weak.  He swallowed hard.  “I have a. . .daughter?” a rasped.  B’Elanna acknowledged it with the slightest of nods.  Tom fell back against the couch.  The silence was thick between them. So thick  that B’Elanna could have sworn  she could have cut it with a bat’leth.  Abruptly, Paris leapt to his feet.  He turned his back on B’Elanna.  He suddenly whirled around to face her.  “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?!!”  he yelled at her.  He grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her violently.  She looked as though she couldn’t decide whether to slap him or burst into tears.  “Tom, calm down!”  she cried.  When he realized what he was doing, he released his grasp on her and sank back onto the couch, his face in his hands  “I’m sorry.” he gasped.  B’Elanna started to speak again, very quietly. So quietly that Tom had to strain his ears to hear her.  “I couldn’t tell you,  not after what you had said.  I found out the next day that I was pregnant.  You had just finished ripping my heart into shreds, Tom.”  her voice broke and she fell silent for a moment.   “You had just told me that you couldn’t believe that you had fallen for someone like me.  That you wished that you had never laid eyes one me, and that I  was one of the worst things that that had ever happened to you.”  her shoulders heaved like she was crying, but her face was dry.  “You said that you never wanted to see me or talk to me again.  Then I find out that I’m having your baby?  You actually expected me to tell you?”  her voice was on the edge of hysteria now.  “Do you want to know the reason that I never told you about Alex, Tom? I never told you because after I fell in love with you,  I realized that what i had felt for Alex wasn’t love.  What I felt for you was pure unfettered love.  the only reason we were engaged was because I wasn’t sure what to do with my life, and he seemed like an easy way to get love.  I also knew in my heart that as soon as he heard the news that we had disappeared, he had moved on.  He probably already had someone else living with him that evening.  And just to check, when I got back to earth I discovered that he had been married three times, and divorced.”  Tom raised his head to look at her.  “Why didn’t you tell me this then, B’Elanna?”  “I tried.”  she stated truthfully.  “I was just so mad.  I let my anger, resentment, and feelings of betrayal get in the way.  And when I tried to see you later and over the past few years, I couldn’t find you.  Why were you so elusive?”  “B’Elanna stood up and glared down at him. Her eyes stung with tears. “You broke my heart, Tom Paris.  You were the only person who had ever given me love.  I handed you my heart and soul.  You stamped on it and then threw it back at me.”  her lower lip started to tremble.  After a few moments of silence, she threw up her arms.  “I’m already on a role, I might was well admit this, too.”  She turned and looked deep into his eyes.  “I never stopped loving you, Tom.”  Tom did the only thing that he knew how to do in that moment.  He started to cry.  Silently at first, but then it grew until his whole body was heaving with sobs.  Above his wails of remorse, he heard higher, quieter ones.  B’Elanna was still standing.  Her slight figure was trembling.  She had both hands cupped around her nose and mouth, but her could see the tears streaming down her cheeks.  He stood up, and before he knew what he was doing, he was wrapping his arms around her, holding her close, whispering comfort in her ear, and wiping away her tears.  After they had both calmed down, blown their noses, and dried their eyes, they sat back down on the couch to talk some more.  “Does anyone else know about. . .our daughter?”  “Kathryn, Chakotay and Harry.”  Tom looked shocked and slightly hurt.  “They all knew about this and they never told me?”  “I made them promise.  They’ve been the best friends that I could ever ask for.  I don’t think that I would have been able to get through it without them.”   she admitted.  “My mother knows, too.”  “Your *mother*?!”  his surprise was evident in his voice.  “Yes.  She found that we had gotten home, so she came to meet me.  We made up our differences.  I stayed with her her for most of my pregnancy, though I lived with Janeway, too.  After a small fight about my stupidity on getting pregnant and then having the baby’s father leave me, she accepted me.  We’re still not very close, but she loves Gillian, even though we don’t get to see her very often, since she lives on Chronos.”  “Gillian?”  questioned Tom.  “Is that our baby’s name?”  “Yes, but she isn’t a baby anymore.’  B’Elanna crossed the room to the door, where she grabbed the bag that she had left there when she came in.  She drew out a picture of the child and handed it to Tom.  Tom was stunned by how much she look like B’Elanna. . . and himself. He was still mad at B’Elanna for not telling him, but he felt himself starting to weaken.  “She’s beautiful.”  he breathed.  The little girls dark complextion was surrounded by a halo of dark brown hair that reached to her shoulders.  Her cerulean eyes seemed to bore into his. Tom recognized her smile as his.  B’Elanna flashed him a small smile.  “Here’s her album.  IT has pictures from when she was minutes old, to the present.”  They looked through the album and talked about Gillian for over an hour.  When Tom had looked at the last picture, he turned to face B’Elanna.  “You’ve given up a lot for Gillian.  Your Starfleet career, social life, pride.  Don’t you hate me for giving you this burden.”  Shock flashed across B’Elanna’s face.  “*Burden*?!  You couldn’t be farther form the truth, Tom!  She is the best thing that you have ever given to me.  She gives me a reason to live.  She makes me smile.  And it small ways, she gives me you.  You, Voyager and Gillian are the best things that have ever happened in my life.  Gillian is a godsend, she’s my little angel.  I seriously don’t know if I would be here today if it weren’t for her.”  Tom caught the meaning if her last sentence and shivered to think of the impact that her had had on Torres’s life.  “How do you get by?  Raising a child by yourself, missing me, how do you do it?”  “After a while, I had the sense to recognize that  I didn’t know how to let you go.  I finally excepted that I couldn;t be with you.  I just do what I have to do.”  Tom took her hand and covered it with his.  “Introduce me to this little miracle, please.” ^^ What ravages of spirit Conjured this teptuous rage Created you a monster Broken by the rules of love And fate has led you through it You do what you have to do. . . And I have the sense to recognize that I don't know how to let you go Every moment marked With apparitions of your soul I’m ever swiftly moving Trying to escape this desire The yearning to be near you I do what I have to do The yearning to be near you I do what I have to do (I Do What I have To Do  from Sarah McLachlan’s “Surfacing” album) ^^ 2 B Continued in Part 3. . . . comments/compliments/constructive crtisism @ dana_lynn_tighe@hotmail.com