This one's dedicated to my friend and fellow Parisite, Chris, cause I'm
using her nickname for the title!

CERULEAN BLUE
By: Lauren Taylor


        Today's our anniversary. Two months since our first "official"
date. He's an amazing guy. I can't believe it took me so long to find
that out. I wish I'd known how great he was sooner. Then we could have
had more time together before everything happened.

        It all started one month ago. We were walking to the holodeck for
another luau Neelix was throwing. I was wearing that dress that Tom said
I looked "smashing" in, and he was wearing that ridiculous Big Daddy-O
shirt or whatever it was he'd called it at that first luau. He was
telling me some stupid joke...

..."So, the Ferengi says 'there's not enough latinum in the universe for
me to do that'!" Tom exclaimed. We both laughed, and then Tom just
stopped short. I asked him what was wrong, and he said that he felt dizzy
for a moment. We assumed that he would be fine, that it was nothing, and
we started walking again. Then, he stopped again, and put his hand on my
shoulder as if that was the only way he could be able to stay standing.
He was hyperventilating, and looked weak...

        He was sick. Very sick. No one knew how or why he got sick, but
the doctor couldn't find a cure, or even much of a treatment. I remember
talking to Kes about him, and Tom was just laying there on that biobed,
looking so weak and pale. He was allowed back to his quarters a few days
later, and ended up back in sickbay one day after that when he fainted in
the mess hall. Thank god Harry was there with him on that day. I'm not
sure that I could have handled it. 

        I remember that I would go to sleep each night, not knowing if
Tom would still be with us when I woke up. And if he was with us, I had
no idea of who to expect when I went into sickbay. Somedays he would
completely forget who he or anyone else was. The most frightening day was
about a week and a half ago...

...I'd just gotten off duty, and was headed to sickbay to be with Tom.
When I got near sickbay, I heard Tom screaming at someone. 

"Get away from me! Don't come near me!" he was yelling. I got into
sickbay to see Harry standing near the bed, and Kes trying to calm Tom
down. I started to run over to them, but Harry stopped me, and he came
over instead.

"What's happening?" I asked him.

"I don't know. I got here a few minutes ago to see how he was doing, and
he began screaming at me, like he didn't know who I was. Kes and I have
been trying to calm him down, but it's not working." Harry explained. We
noticed that the screaming had stopped, and Tom was staring right at me.
I walked over to him, and he sat up and looked right into my eyes. I saw
tears welling up in his beautiful cerulean eyes, and the fear written all
over his face. He grabbed my hand, and squeezed it with the bit of
strength he had.

"B'Elanna, I'm so scared. What's happening to me?" he whispered...

...Now, he's in a coma. The doctor and Kes aren't sure if he'll wake up
from it or not.

        It's hard to be in sickbay now. Just seeing him, lying there,
those beautiful blue eyes of his closed. I can't take all of that. I
guess that's why I'm sitting here right now, on the holodeck.

        Harry's outdone himself on this program. He designed it around
the time that Tom and I started dating, and we had our third date here.
The Bahamas. It's beautiful. Soft, cool white sand, palm trees swaying in
the wind. I'd always dreamed of having me and Tom's wedding here. Yes, I
know I was jumping ahead of myself on that, but it's what I wanted. And I
knew Tom would have agreed. I just wish that it could happen.

        Listen to yourself, B'Elanna. He's not dead. He still might live.
There's a chance that he'll pull through.

        I just wish I could believe that. 

        I'm not sure how I'll make it without him. He's my life. Four
years ago, when I first met him, I could have never imagined that he'd be
such a big part of my life. Now that part's slowly slipping away.

        Everyone's been great through all of this, though. The captain's
given me more time off to be with Tom. Harry's been amazing. He'll come
to me at night, bring me dinner, and we'll just talk. It's so great. I
mean, he's having to watch his friend, who used to be so energetic and
fun-loving, get tired just sitting up. I don't know how I'd have made it
through all of this without him. He's been like a brother to me. I know I
can come to him, no matter what time of day, and he'll be there.

        The water's so beautiful here. So crystal clear and blue. More of
a cerulean blue. Just like Tom's eyes...

"Sickbay to Torres." Kes's voice said. I sat up, I think I'd fallen
asleep, and hit my comm badge.

"Torres here. What is it?" I asked, eagerly.

"B'Elanna, I'm sorry. There was nothing we could do for him." she
apologized. I could hear the tears in her voice, but could tell she was
trying to hide them for my sake.

"I'm on my way there." I told her. I felt the tears begin to well up in
my eyes as well. I held them back, for Tom's sake. He wouldn't want me
crying and miserable. He would want me to remember the good times we had.
I stood up and wiped the sand off of my uniform, and stared out at the
water one more time. 

Cerulean blue.

Just like his eyes.


THE END

Legal junk: Paramount is like a mommy, I'm like the baby-sitter. Except
that I'm not getting paid for playing with their kids.