DEJA VU By: Lauren Taylor It's like Caldik Prime all over again. It makes me wonder how I got to be this way, this constant screw-up. Just when things were going great, I had to ruin them. Good old Tom Paris, ruining his life and others wherever he goes. I thought I had it all. I had B'Elanna, and that was all I needed. She was my life, my world, my soul. Not to brag, but we were the perfect couple. I loved the relationship we had. We dated secretly for a little while. I'm not even sure why we did that, but it was kind of fun. Hiding out in her quarters or mine, in the Jeffries Tubes, anywhere. I guess the secret was out when Harry caught us in the shuttlebay. The kid looked so embarrassed. I've never seen his face that red... Now, that's all over with. How could B'Elanna still love me when I may have killed her? She's fighting for her life in sickbay, and it's all my fault. Two goddamn weeks she's been there, and two goddamn weeks my life's been a living hell. I'll never forget that day, two weeks ago. We were coming back from a few days shore leave... "I told you that you were out in the sun too long!" B'Elanna grinned at me, while I sat painfully with a sunburn. "Ah, it was worth it to be with you on the beach." I smiled. She kissed my cheek, and took her seat in the shuttle. I finished up the pre-flight, and took off. We talked for what seemed like hours, although it was only a few minutes. Then, I noticed a problem. Warp drive was off-line. I should have noticed it earlier, but I was too distracted. I tried to fix the problem, but it was too late. The shuttle began a freefall down to the surface of the planet. When I woke up, I saw the shuttle a few meters away from me, and B'Elanna laying beside me. I ran right over to B'Elanna and grabbed a tricorder from the wreckage. She was dead. And I couldn't do anything about it. "Paris to Voyager!" I yelled. No response. Tears were falling from my eyes when I realized that I might lose B'Elanna. I picked her up in my arms and let the tears fall, all while pleading with her not to leave me, that I couldn't go on without her... Captain Janeway got in touch with us a few minutes later, and beamed us to sickbay where, thankfully, the Doctor was able to revive B'Elanna. I've been sitting with her every chance I get, but I can't forget that this is all my fault. I should have been a better pilot. Just like with Caldik Prime. I'll never forget the faces of those three cadets. There was Hannah, the sophomore taking the piloting class with seniors. That girl would be big someday, I could tell. Mark, the medical student also enrolled in the piloting course. And then there was Jessica. She was a senior, only a few years younger than me. I had such a crush on her. No, not just a crush, more like love. I was in love with Jessica. She was beautiful. Long, strawberry blonde hair and big blue eyes. Later, I found out from one of her friends that she loved me, too. That hurt more than anything, to find that I'd killed someone I loved. I couldn't go through that again. But now I am. "Tom." I heard a voice say weakly. I snapped out of my daydreaming to see that B'Elanna was awake. She was awake. I jumped up from the stool and yelled for the doctor. He began scanning her and all of that, while I just looked at her. She was in so much pain. And it was all my fault. I ran out of sickbay straight to my quarters. ***************************************************** That was three days ago. I haven't been to sickbay since then. I just couldn't face her. Not after what I did to her. "Who is-" I called out just as the doors opened and B'Elanna walked slowly in. "Tom, is something wrong?" she asked as I helped her to sit down. She'd been released from sickbay, I assumed, but she was still a bit weak. "Why would you think that?" I replied. "The fact that you haven't come to sickbay since I woke up, and Harry tells me that you were there everyday I was in the coma." "B'Elanna, I need you to leave." I told her as I stood up and stared out the window. "Why? Tom, what's wrong. Everyone's worried about you." "B'Elanna, I'm sorry. This is all my fault. I'm sorry I did this to you." "What are you talking about?" she asked as she turned me towards her and looked into my eyes. "B'Elanna, I was flying the shuttle, I crashed it, I almost killed you." I confessed. She looked at me confused. "Tom, this isn't your fault. I know that you were flying the shuttle, I know that it crashed, but I also know that you held me in your arms and told me not to leave you, and that you couldn't go on without me." she smiled. I smiled back at her, and then kissed her. I hadn't killed another love. I'd gained more love. THE END Paramount owns 'em, we just borrow 'em.