"I believe in us, nothing else could ever mean so much You're the one I trust Our time has come We're not to people now, we are one You're second to none. Forever we will be together, a family. The more I get to know you, nothing can compare With all of my heart you know I'll always be right there."(14) XIV. I was getting nervous. Real nervous. But not about the surgery. It was no longer just about me, anymore; now B'Elanna was involved. Yeah, she'd been involved from the beginning -- so had Harry, and the Captain, and the Doc. But now, if anything happened, I wasn't leaving behind a love. I was leaving behind a widow. "Well, I can't believe it. Tom Paris, a married man." I wondered if it was worth the effort to be momentarily immature and poke my out tongue out at Harry. Then I shuddered. Lizard flashbacks. "Yeah, I'm having trouble with it myself, buddy." Harry looked almost -- wistful?? -- for a moment, then smiled. "You're getting the best, you know." I nodded....sort of. Hard to nod lying flat on your back on a biobed. "Mister Paris, hold still, please," the Doc said absently. I knew it was worth the effort to stick my tongue out at him. He gave me a distinctly unamused look. "The sooner the tests are completed, the sooner you can leave, so _lie still_." "I am being still," I retorted, then directed my words back to Harry. "I know. I really know. And I knew it would be us one day, I just wish....well, wish it hadn't taken an accident to bring it around." I hadn't intended to sound bitter, but I knew it came out that way. Of course Harry noticed. "She's always loved you, Tom." I half-smiled. "It sure didn't seem that way at first." "Tom," Harry sounded almost pained, "She has. But she believed...." He stopped suddenly, a guilty look flashing across his open features. "Chakotay?" I supplied. "I know." I considered what he'd said. "Always, huh?" Harry nodded and began to say something, but I cut him off quickly and changed the subject. "Hey, Har -- best man?" He frowned only slightly at abrupt switch, but then smiled. "Wouldn't miss it." "Ah, you must know who the maid of honor is," I said, winking knowingly. "Actually, no," Harry was almost blushing. "I was supposing it was -- " "The Captain," I grinned devilishly. "No," he said, "I was hoping -- er, assuming," He quickly covered, "The Captain??" "Then you're in luck!" I said gleefully. "We asked the Captain, and she agreed!" I suppose I shouldn't be getting so much enjoyment from Harry's obvious discomfort, but the thought of the still-nervous ensign sharing the traditional wedding party dance with the Captain was too funny not to laugh at. He'd wither on the spot if he accidentally stepped on her feet. "The Captain?" "Yes, Harry." Harry smiled weakly, and I almost felt bad for him. "You know, Harry, there are dancing lessons available on the holodeck." "Sure," Harry said, looking no less convinced. "No problem." "Harry, Harry, Harry," I said mock-forlornly, "What are you worried about? This is my wedding. What could possibly go wrong?" "Funny you should ask," a soft voice put in. Harry looked up reflexively, but I knew the voice by heart, and at those words, I felt my heart sink. "What's wrong, Lann?" She moved further into my temporary 'home.' "Harry," she said slowly in a voice tinged with regret, "could you leave us alone for a moment?" I could see Harry's grin was forced. "Sure. Hope it's nothing too bad. I'll just head over to the holodeck for awhile...." I smiled. "Dancing lessons, Har, don't forget." A glare was my only answer as Harry ducked out. "What is it, B'Elanna?" I asked, turning my attention back to my fiancee. For the briefest of moments I'd worried that she'd had been having second thoughts and wanted to call off the wedding. Then I'd remembered her fierce determination and knew that, come hell or high water, the marriage would go on. I grinned suddenly, realizing that it was actually high water that'd brought us together in the first place. "I don't see what's so funny." B'Elanna sounded frustrated. Quickly I wiped the grin from my face. "What's wrong?" She sighed. "It's Chakotay." I groaned, asking the heavens why it seemed whenever I didn't want to talk about something, I was invariably forced to. "Chakotay?" B'Elanna lightly settled herself on the edge of the biobed. "Well, I talked to him today, to ask him -- " "Here," I interrupted gently, giving her my hand. "Help me up." She frowned. "Is the Doc finished?" I rolled my eyes. "Yes, already. Geez. I just want to sit beside you." She smiled her beautiful smile and helped me into a sitting position. It hurt like hell to be sitting up just now -- alright, so the Doc wasn't _officially_ finished with his tests -- but she was able to rest her head on my shoulder and I tried to conceal the pain that shot through my back as I gingerly put my arm around her slim shoulders. She continued where she'd left off, "to ask him to -- to give me away." I nodded encouragingly. We'd discussed this in the hydroponics bay. "He said -- " Here her dark eyes dropped to the floor, "he said he didn't know if he could, considering that I'd ignored his advice concerning you." Her voice had dropped until it was barely a whisper. "And that maybe under the circumstances it would be better if he just didn't attend." Cold anger welled up inside me. How could he say that to her? Sure, Chakotay and I'd had our little -- and big -- tiffs over the years, and I'd known he'd warned B'Elanna several times about me. But turning down B'Elanna? Again I cursed the sixth-month lapse that had taken my knowledge of current situations away. I squeezed B'Elanna's shoulders tighter. "I'm sorry." Her eyes stayed at the floor, or she was watching my bare feet dangle off the ground. I checked them discreetly to make sure all ten toes were still there -- with all the tests Doc had run lately, I wouldn't have been at all surprised if there were two or three missing -- then reached over to brush her hair back from her forehead ridges. "I'm so sorry, B'Elanna." And I meant it. As much as I may not like Chakotay, B'Elanna had been adamant in him being the one to give her away, and I'd agreed. "I know, Tom," she said softly. "I just can't believe he'd say no. Especially with all the tension that's rising between the old diehard Maquis and Fleeters." She pause, shaking her head. "I thought we'd put crew differences behind us -- not all of it, but at least a majority, and we _had_. But lately, in the last -- " She stopped, looked at me, and dropped her eyes to the floor again. "-- in the last few months, the....well, it's almost animosity that has risen between the crews again. I - I think it's because of Chakotay and the Captain. Perhaps if he'd agreed...Tom, I can't believe he said no," she finished miserably, sniffling quietly. "Shh, B'Elanna, shh," I soothed, shiftly slightly and very carefully to wrap her in an embrace. "You're supposed to be happy now. I'll talk to him." As soon as I said it, I regretted it. Talk with Chakotay? I felt and heard B'Elanna laugh quietly in my arms. "That'll help, I'm sure," she said wryly, but also very softly to take the sting out of the words. I half-smiled. Yeah, he'll be thrilled to see me at his door. But hey, it was my wedding, if he didn't want to be there, so what? Just go in, find out, and leave. If we need to ask someone else, fine. What could go wrong? Little more than an hour later, I was chanting those words over and over in my head like a mantra as I waited outside Chakotay's quarters for him to acknowledge the arrival of a visitor. If he doesn't answer the door, I thought, remembering the visit I'd paid a day earlier to the Captain's quarters, I'm leaving. No way I'm picking _his_ lock. "Come." I steeled myself. This was it. I pressed the now-hated repulsor chair forward, pulling up the remnants of a long unused facade and settling it firmly in place before moving all the way into Chakotay's quarters. Chakotay was settled in a chair, reviewing a stack of padds. He glanced up at the hum of the repulsors. "Paris," he grunted, then returned his attention to the padds. "I see your people skills haven't improved," I said smoothly, then at the look that flitted across his face I realized I was going to have to drop the mask to get through this meeting. "No better than your recovery, Tom," he shot off, and my mouth dropped. That was low. I swallowed hard and strove for a light tone and lighter smile. "I'd give a lot to feel the deck solidly beneath me, Chakotay. Maybe after the surgery -- " His face and voice had softened. "I'm sorry, Tom." I waved it off, pretending it hadn't affected me as deeply as it had. No more doubts, Paris, I said sternly. You can't back out on B'Elanna now, she'd strangle you. And she's willing to stay with you, no matter what. You can do this for her. "I need a favor. Please. You know B'Elanna and I are getting married -- " "I'm aware of it," he said gruffly. "Congratulations." "Thanks." I said, annoyed at his sharp tone. I'd have thought he'd at least be happy for B'Elanna. But then I remembered. She was marrying a worthless traitor. "I'll take care of her, Chakotay," I said firmly, adding a silent 'if I can.' and I knew he'd added one, too. "We'd like you to give B'Elanna away. It means a lot to her -- to both of us." "I'm sure it means a lot to you," he said mockingly. "If it means a lot to B'Elanna, then it means something to me," I ground out. "She's asked you because you've always watched out for her." "And look what good it did," the older man put in, his tone darkening. "Please, Commander." Nothing flashy, but it was all I had left. "I'll consider," he said, near stonily and after a long pause. "'You'll consider'??" I repeated, becoming incredulous. "You can't just say, 'Yes, I'd be happy to'?" Frustrated at his unresponsiveness, I wondered out loud, "What has gotten into you lately, Chakotay? You're nowhere near the man I came to respect over the last few years. You've hurt B'Elanna and upset the Captain -- " Anger threatened to overwhelm me, and I felt very much like the Tom Paris who'd first stepped aboard Voyager not really so long ago, bitter, angry, more than a little resentful, and despairing in hopelessness. "Mister Paris," Chakotay interrupted in a dangerous tone. "That's enough." "What are you going to do," I threw back at him, "relieve me of duty?" The door chimed and I growled in frustration. Chakotay glared and ordered the visitor to enter. I couldn't remember her name, but I knew I'd seen her before. Her eyes widened slightly when she saw me, and her name clicked. Sasha Harrington. Chakotay waved the ensign to wait a moment, then turned his attention back my way. "We'll talk about this later, Paris." The sarcastic smirk flitted just briefly across my face. "No, we'll talk about this now." I knew my temper was beginning to rise, getting the better of me, but I didn't care. "She wants you to be there. She wants to honor you. You watched out for her in the Maquis, she trusts you. But she's losing that trust, Chakotay, because of your self-centeredness. Everything you've ever done for her is going to be pushed aside by the knowledge you refused to be there when she needed you, because," -- They were only suspicions, but somehow I knew I was right -- "the Captain turned you down." Chakotay blanched. As if his glare from the front wasn't bad enough, I could also feel Sasha burning holes into my back. "Get out." Sorry, B'Elanna. I tried, I really did. The news of our quick engagement had spread, I learned as I returned from B'Elanna's quarters that night. I'd decided to surprise her, so instead of waiting for her to pick me up every night to share dinner in the mess, I had Kes help me replicate and deliver an Italian dinner to B'Elanna's quarters. I'd lost a lot of weight lately, and staring at the way my cream-colored v-necked pullover B'Elanna claimed as her favorite hung off my shoulders, Kes and I both agreed something else would have to suffice. I settled for a black sweater -- actually I preferred blue, but I'd worn enough medical blue in the last few weeks to swear off for life. I took the opportunity to present B'Elanna with the engagement ring Meg Delaney had helped me choose. Nothing overly fancy, but simple and beautiful. We went over more wedding plans and I related how my visit to Chakotay had gone. She hadn't really expected positive results, so she wasn't disappointed in my lack of getting them -- she was, however, very visibly upset at the change that had come over her mentor and friend. She straightened up the dishes while we chatted some more -- this time, wedding location -- and then I realized I needed to get back to Sickbay before the Doc had a holographic heart attack. I declined B'Elanna's offer to drop me off at Sickbay -- as much as I would have loved her company, I did notice a stack of work reports that needed filled in, and gently suggested she turn her attention there to finish them before the wedding. She agreed reluctantly, and I nearly asked her to forget them, then, but I recalled the furtive glances she'd been throwing the work padds all evening and had graciously taken my leave. So here I was. I paused outside the turbolift on the way to Sickbay, mulling over events of the evening briefly to acknowledging the congratulations passing crewmembers had to offer. It seemed, over all, people were really happy for B'Elanna and I. Except people like Chakotay. I sighed, moving the chair into the turbolift. "Sickbay." Chakotay was going to be a problem. Maybe it would just be easier to ask someone else. But who? Tuvok? The Doc? Aha! I knew! The doors hissed open to admit Sasha Harrington. I offered her a slight smile and went back to my planning. He'd just fit the bill to give B'Elanna away. Immersed in my thoughts, I didn't notice the hypospray in Sasha's hand until it hissed against the side of my neck. I jerked up to look at her in amazement, catching sight of her cruel smile as my vision began to swim. "You should have been mine," she said softly. And then nothing. * * * * * Sasha Harrington belongs to Cheile.