Ghost Eyes
By Erin Alpert

Once more, Don’t Take the Girl stuff.. read DTTG, In Your Head, Wishing He
Was Here, and Trying To Get Over You.... Then, you’ll understand this.

Stupid Neelix... stupid.... stupid... stupid... Neelix. Every morale raising
activity he had planned in the past ten months reminded B’Elanna of Tom.

This time, it was a talent show.

She didn’t have any real talents, but Tom always thought differently.
Whatever she did, he said she was good at it, she had talent.. and whenever
she was around him, she felt that way. But he wasn’t here to tell her that..
and she felt downright miserable... lost... alone.. No talent..

And everything reminded her of Tom now.... every computer console... the
terrible mess hall food, and the way they used to make fun of it... the helm
on the bridge, where Tom used to sit... but a new person was there now...
her
quarters... her room.. her bed... her pillow... and sheets.. and everything
else in her life reminded her of him... especially anything blue...

Pale blue eyes shut forever... ten months ago... and they still haunted her
now.. in her sleep.. she’d dream about those blue eyes... and wake up.. and
wish they were beside her.. she’d be staring into them.. but she wouldn’t
be... and she wouldn’t see those blue eyes anymore...quiet eyes... serene
eyes.. peaceful eyes... Tom’s eyes...

Those ghostly figures haunted her... creepy voices whispered to her at
night... calling her name... using Tom’s voice... she wanted him back.. she
wanted him now.. she would sacrifice anything if he would come back...
anything..

And now... the talent show was pulling more buried thoughts from the back of
her mind.. back.. racing back.. causing her more pain then before... she had
no talent.. Tom said she did.. but with him gone.. no one told her
anymore...

No one was there at all... no one to be there for her, when she was down...
no one to be there for her when she was up... no one to love her, for who
she
really was.. for who she really is... no one for her to love.. no one cared
any more... and she was scared...

Scared of those hallucinations... Tom.. ghosts.. coming to haunt her.. but
not to hurt her.. not to cause her pain.. but to help her through it.. but
it
made it worse.. nothing compared.. nothing ever would.

She sat quietly in the back of the room at talent night.. she had no
talent...  she wished he was there... she pretended he was..
“B’Elanna?” his voice... ghostly.. dead.. it wouldn’t leave her alone.
She pulled her legs up onto the chair, and pressed them to her chest,
curling
into a little ball... wishing Tom would come and hold her closer.. ease the
pain..

A round of clapping took her by surprise, until she couldn’t stand it
anymore-- she left..

She ran into her quarters and locked herself in... she could still feel the
ghost.. his ghost... the pale figure walked over to her and touched her face
gently.
“B’Elanna, can’t you hear me?”
She fought back the tears, and looked into his ghost eyes... which were not
the blue of Tom’s... which were not blue at all...
“It’s not worth it... I don’t know what I was thinking... I wish I hadn’t
let
this happen... I’m sorry.”
The ghost seemed so real... but he wasn’t...she breathed in... and looked
into his ghost eyes... which were not the blue of Tom’s... which were not
blue at all...
The ghost leaned in closer to her, and pulled her up against him... she was
still fighting the tears.. the ghost kissed her.. and for a fleeting
moment..
she forgot the ghost... and felt Tom with her...

And that must have looked strange, to anyone who could have walked in...
kissing someone who wasn’t there.. because it wasn’t him.. it wasn’t his
ghost.. it was her imagination.. but she refused to acknowledge it... and
looked into his ghost eyes... which were not the blue of Tom’s.. which were
not blue at all.. and she asked, “Why, Tom? Why?”

The
End
:*+|

Copyright 1997, Erin Alpert
Eraalpert@aol.com  send me comments.
Tommy and Bella belong to the Via-dudes, my story!