Wishing He Was Here By Erin Alpert This is all leading up to something Lauren and I are doing! You need to read, “Don’t Take the Girl” by Lauren Taylor, and “In Your Head” by me to understand this..... I’m doing the alternate universe Bella stuff, and she’s doing the real life Tommy stuff. Six months, she couldn’t believe it. Six months since he died. She cried herself to sleep for weeks after... she still couldn’t face it... not that death... Sometimes, she’d wake up in the middle of the night, and call his name... but realize he was gone, and close her eyes again... holding back the tears.. wishing he was here... wishing he was here... wishing he was here.. She would even call the bridge, to ask for Tom’s help for weeks after, she would ask the computer where he was, and get the chilling response, “Tom Paris is not aboard the ship.” Six months wasn’t long enough to dismiss the pain, six months wasn’t long enough to get over a loved one, six years, six hundred years wasn’t even long enough. But six months was all she had, and life was slowly returning to normal... but that phrase had little meaning without Tom. Nothing had meaning without him. And to make things worse, Neelix decided to have a Luau... of all things, he chose that.. Of all the possible activities, he had to chose the one that reminded her most of Tom... Tom.. even the name drew memories from deep inside of her... good memories, bad memories, it didn’t matter.... Tom was there in the past... and he wasn’t now... that was it.. plain and simple... Torres sat alone in her quarters, not that it was so unusual... not since Tom.. left her.... those six months ago.. Nothing could cheer her at all, but sometimes she’d laugh... then burst into tears again... because Tom had said something similar, or it just sounded like something he’d say.... She was dressed for Neelix’s party, but was just sitting on her bed, staring at the picture from the last one... with her and Tom.. she stared into his eyes, even though they were only in the picture.. she sighed... wishing he was here... wishing he was here... wishing he was here... She looked at the picture, held it close to her.. and pulled it away reluctantly, leaving it face down on her dresser.. She slowly walked around the holodeck, looking for a corner to sit alone... she didn’t see Vorik, which pleased her... because if she did, that would be too much like before... too much like before... too much.... to close... to close for comfort... She sat by herself on the water’s edge, staring into the blue sea.. blue... like Tom’s eyes. “Hey, ‘Lanna.” She nearly jumped, “Tom?” she turned around, there was no one. “Don’t you remember me?” his voice haunted her every movement, she couldn’t let go.. she couldn’t let go.... “B’Elanna, are you okay?” Torres knew it wasn’t Tom this time, and turned around to see Kes, “what?” “You’re staring out into.. space.. are you okay?” Kes asked, as Harry walked up behind her. “I’m fine I just need to be alone.” Kes looked over to Harry, then sat down next to B’Elanna, “It’s okay, it’ll take time, but you’ll be okay..” She looked, blurry-eyed, over to Kes, “Why does everyone always know what I’m thinking?” Kes tried to hide her smile, “Not everyone does, only I do,” she lied. “Thanks...” Kes looked around, then stood back up, took Harry’s hand, and went back over to join the party, leaving Torres alone... wishing he was here... wishing he was here... wishing he was here.. Alone, to remember the one she loved... she loves... and the one, who loved her... and would today... If he was still around.. but he wasn’t.. and he wouldn’t be... She wiped away the single tear that was running down her face.. Tom had once said she never cried.. but if he could see her now... she wished he could... but if he could.. she wouldn’t be crying... She thought she heard his voice once more, but it was only the wind echoing off the water.. calling his name... calling her name... wishing he was here... wishing he was here... wishing he was here.. but he wasn’t... and he wouldn’t be.. The End :*+| Copyright 1997, Erin Alpert Eraalpert@aol.com send me comments. Tommy, Bella, Kes and Kim belong to the Via-dudes, my story!