In Your Head By Erin Alpert This was inspired by the Cranberries’ song, “Zombie” all song clips are from that song. This is dedicated to Lauren, and has something to do with her story “Don’t Take the Girl” and to JoAnna, and everyone else suffering from the North Dakota flooding. One more note, this is an * ALTERNATE UNIVERSE * and takes place around the time of “Don’t Take the Girl” by Lauren Taylor. You should read that first. If you don’t have a copy, e-mail me (Eraalpert@aol.com) or her (lauren35@juno.com) Life was good. More then good: Great. Nothing could get better. It had been nearly 3 months since the Pon Farr incident, and B’Elanna and Tom were not trying to avoid each other any more. They had a comfortable friendship. Just as they were supposed to.... But something.... would turn their world around. Voyager needed repairs, desperately. Although Tom was a great pilot, they needed more help in Engineering, and didn’t need a skilled officer at helm. He and B’Elanna were working side by side at a console.... “B’Elanna?” She turned her head to look over at him, “Hmmmm?” “I was wondering,” then, a beep from the console caught his attention, “B’Elanna, get away from there, it’s not stable... it’s gonna blow.” “Tom, I’m almost done,” she snapped. “B’ELANNA!!! Now!!!” But he didn’t trust her enough, she was always so dedicated to her work, it didn’t matter if her life was on the line. He pushed her forcefully out of the way, and sure enough, the console exploded.. and Paris took the worst of it. “Torres to Bridge,” the panic was slipping through her seemingly calm exterior. “What is it?” Janeway responded. “I don’t know, every thing was fine.. but now, we’ve got consoles exploding, and leaks everywhere.... Tom’s hurt.” “Janeway to Sickbay, get a medical team down there, now!” Out of the corner of her eye, Torres saw the greenish-blue uniformed officers rush in, to where Tom was now laying on the ground. And as they brought him to Sickbay, she went along with them. “B’Elanna, you’ve got severe burns on your face,” the Doctor stated, scanning the areas of her face where parts of her skin were completely burned away, nearly leaving only bone. She reached up, touched a patch of her own burnt skin, flinched, but asked, “Tom? Is he going to be okay?” The Doctor took his tricorder, and ran it over Paris, who was laying on the bed, where Torres and the Doc were leaning over him. “He’s burned severely, much worse then you, particularly in the facial area, and his neck and upper body as well.” “Will he be okay?” she immediately asked. “Only time will tell,” that usually meant something bad. “In the mean time, we need to fix those burns on your face.” Once the Doc had taken a dermal regenerator to her face, she needed to rest in sickbay. When he had deactivated himself for the night, she stood up, and walked to stand by Tom, remembering him in silence. * Another head hangs lowly, A child is slowly taken. Another violence, Causes silence, Who are we mistaken? * She stood over him, just wanting his eyes to flutter open, for him to take a breath, and speak to her, to whisper her name... nothing happened. She took his hand, and held it to her chest, “You’ll make it Tom, I just know it.... you have to....” She heard a hiss, and nearly jumped back in shock, and Kes slide through the Sickbay doors, “B’Elanna? Shouldn’t you be resting?” “Yeah, I’m sorry,” she laid his hand back over his body, the same death-like position as before. “What’s wrong?” Kes asked, then knew it, “Oh, it’s Tom. B’Elanna, it’s all right, you can talk to me.” “No, I’d just like to be alone.” “People have many ways of coping with a situation like this, just let me get my PADD, and I’ll leave.” “Thank you Kes, but answer one question for me.” “Any thing.” “Do you think he’ll live?” * In your head, In your head. Zombie. What’s in your head, In your head. Zombie. * B’Elanna felt a lot better in the morning... but only physically. She wished this was only in her head. That none of this was happening... All day long she told herself, * This isn’t happening, This isn’t happening, This isn’t happening, This isn’t happening, This isn’t happening. * But it was happening, she might actually lose Tom. A thought too scary to face. But, fortunately, Janeway had been kind enough to give Torres time off, even with the Engineering work that needed to be done. After all, she knew what it was like to lose some one you love. She lost two people.... “Sickbay to Lieutenant Torres,” B’Elanna jumped at the sound of the Doctor’s voice. “Torres here,” she hoped it was good news. “Please come to Sickbay immediately.” B’Elanna’s heart skipped a beat. It was probably good news... it was hopefully good news. But when she got to Sickbay, and read the saddened expressions on both Kes’s and the Doctor’s faces, she wasn’t so sure... She looked around, and asked, “What is it?” Her answer? Kes’s, “I’m so sorry, B’Elanna.” * But you see, It’s not me, It’s not my family. In your head, In your head, They are dying. * Torres rushed over to where Tom, her Tom, lay motionless, breathless. Not stirring... now or ever again... it had ended like this.... this.. of all possible out comes... he was... dead. She leaned over him, and kissed his cold.... frozen... lifeless..... lips ... “I’m so sorry.” All she wanted was an answer, she wanted him to wake up, and not have the frozen skin, that felt like chicken skin, that had been sitting in a freezer too long.... no.. that was the last thing she wanted. “I’m so sorry.” The Doc explained what happened, as Torres hung her head over Tom’s... dead.... still.... burned... body. “He stopped breathing 20 minutes ago, and his heart stopped about 5 minutes ago.” She looked up at him, teary-eyes, “Why didn’t you do anything?” “He specifically asked that if he stopped breathing, and his heart stopped beating, to not... try to save him..” “Why!?” she bent back to the corpse, never to see his eyes open again, never to see those electric blue eyes.... those piercing blue eyes... his blue eyes... never ... “Why!?!? Why, Tom, why?” Nearly a week later, she was going through his belongings with Harry. They knew him best, and would know what to do with his things. Torres slowly walked into his bedroom, and looked on the dresser next to it. There was a small box, with her name on it. “‘Lanna,” she read it out loud, and slowly opened it, not knowing she’d find. Inside, however, was a beautiful picture of her and Tom. From Neelix’s first Luau attempt. She had on that dress.... that tropical... no.. smashing... dress, as... Tom... said... and he wore that shirt... what had he called it... she couldn’t remember... and she could never ask him what it was..... he was gone... gone... for good... not just on an away mission.. but far away... to far..... In the picture, he had his arms around her.... she loved that day... but.. written on the picture, were the sweetest words, “ ‘Lanna, I love this picture of us, and hope, we can always be great friends, or even go out a few times, officially. Sound like fun? Love, Tom” She picked it out of the box, and held it to her heart. Falling backward onto the bed, pulling it closer, feeling Tom’s pillow, soft, tender, against the back of her head, she wished he was there... not the picture.. him... But that wouldn’t happen now....... he was gone... forever.... no return.. no chance to make things better.. no chance to take their relationship one step further... no chance to fall in love all over again.... no chance at life.... not for Tom.... not for B’Elanna... The End :*+| Copyright 1997, Erin Alpert Eraalpert@aol.com send me comments.