Buckle your seatbelt, gather all your breakable items,
Put locks on all the cupboard's,
Put the VCR up very HIGH and get ready because.....
You know you've entered the Toddler�Zone
when....
-
You start to miss the days when you could go to the
bathroom by yourself AND/OR
-
You can no longer take a shower without someone bangnig
on the bathroom door or sticking their "cute" little fingers underneath the
door and screaming for mommy
-
You realize it's been a year since you watched a tv
show or movie (uninterrupted)
-
You wonder if your entire vocabulary consists of
"NO-NO" , "OWIE", and "BIIIIIG Boy/Girl!!"
-
You miss the days when you could go shopping without
having to pick up everything that your precious little one picks off the
shelves...
-
You appreciate SILENCE like never before!
-
You find yourself singing Barney songs AND you know
all the words! � �
People are always on the lookout for�a new diet. �The trouble with
most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), you
don't get�enough variation (the liquid diet) �or you go broke (the
all meat diet)
Consequently, people tend to cheat on their diets, or quit after three
days.
Well now there is the�new TODDLER MIRACLE DIET!!!
Over the years, you may have noticed that most two year olds are trim.
Now..the formula for their success is available to all in this new diet.
You may want to consult�your doctor before embarking on this new weight
loss plan,
otherwise, you may be seeing him afterwards....Good Luck!
DAY ONE:
Breakfast: �One scrambled egg, one piece
of toast with grape jelly...
Eat two bites of egg, using your fingers, dump the rest on the floor.
Take one bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes.
Lunch: �Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips and
a
glass of milk�(three sips only, then spill the rest)
Dinner: �A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel. �Four sips
of flat Sprite.
Bedtime Snack: �Throw a piece of toast on the
kitchen�floor.
DAY TWO:
Breakfast: �Pick up stale toast from kitchen
floor and eat it.
Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable
dye
Lunch: �Half tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful
of Purina
Dog Chow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired.
Afternoon Snack:� �Lick an all-day sucker�until sticky,
take�outside, drop in dirt.
Retrieve and continue slurping�until�it is clean again.
�Then bring�inside and drop on rug.
Dinner: �A rock or�uncooked bean, which should be
thrust�up your left nostril.
Pour Grape Kool-aid over�mashed potatoes; eat with�spoon.
DAY THREE
Breakfast: �Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with fingers,
rub in hair.
Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other pancake in glass.
After breakfast, pick up yesterdays sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, put it
on the cushion of best chair.
Lunch: �Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit
several bites onto the floor.
Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up.
Dinner: � Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some red
punch.
Try to laugh some punch through your nose, if possible.
FINAL DAY
Breakfast: �A quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of
soap, an olive.
Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes, add half a cup of sugar.
Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog.
Lunch: �Eat bread crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet.
Find that sucker and finish eating it.
Dinner: �A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball
on plate.
Dessert: �Stick of Mascara (any color)
|