NEW!! TIPS FOR WEIRDNESS IN CARS!!

(These were taken from an e-mail that my friend forwarded to me. I don't know whose ideas they are, but if you have complaints about them, please tell me)

1. Vary your vehicles speed inversely with the speed limit. (A JOKE!!!! DON'T DO IT!)

2. Roll down your window and blast talk radio. Attempt to head bang.

3. At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously, with a look of fear, lock your doors

4. Laugh a lot. A whole lot.

5. Pass cars, then drive reaaaaaly slowly. (Not a good idea)

6. Wave at people often. If they wave back, offer an angry look. (Not for use with children or elderly people)

7. Ask people for Grey Poupon.

8. Look over your shoulder a lot, looking paranoid

9. Have conversations, looking periodically at the passenger seat next to you when you're driving alone

10. Get in the fast lane and gradually.....slow down...to a stop...then get out and watch all the cars.

An optional rule in the W.E.I.R.D. Club is to talk in elevators.

(I mean, notice how no one ever says anything other than, like, "I got my tonsils removed last week")

Use good judgement when considering how appropriate these would be for the age range in the elevator.

Suggested things to do.

(I did not make these up. I got them from a friend, who got them from a friend, etc...)

When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones. (Maybe you shouldn't try this)

Call the Psychic Hotline on your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on. (Remember, you have to be 18 to call the Psychic Friends Network)

Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"

Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.

Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers. (This may not be a good idea, as there may be people already afraid of elevators on board)

Ask, "Did you feel that?"

Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."

Swat at flies that don't exist.

Call out, "group hug!", then enforce it.

Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"

Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM" and back away slowly. (Might scare people)

Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button. (This may not be a good idea, as there may be people already afraid of elevators on board)

Start grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I have new socks on."

Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is my personal space." (The janitors may get veeeeerrrrrrryyyyy angry with you about this)

Suggested things to say:

Okay, these are all ours. (Most were made up by Ann!e)

In my past life I was a toothbrush. Can you believe what bad Karma I must have? I mean toothbrushes are sooooo unappreciated.

My Aunt Lulubelle keeps a bull in her garden. All the nieghbors are really unnececarily nasty about it. I mean get charged at once, and they call the police! What could be more rude?

I've never forgiven myself misusing Rumplestiltskin the way I did. Now that I look back he was kinda cute. (Girls only.)

I had a like well ah smart thingy tests today. Boy was it hard! Man none of the like asking thingies were you know about surfing the ah like er big water thingy.

Would you believe my mother won't let me get the sixth ring in my navel. She says its like just another lint catcher. I mean its my life, and if I want six rings in my belly button and live in a government testing plant then it should be no big deal.

I think that you earthlings could have prevented the Alamo. All it would have taken was one hyper-desimo-reactor-wave-pneumonoultramicroscopicsilcovolcanoconiosisukelele-bomb.

Did you know that after I dug my way out of Juvinile hall I ate nothing but grasshoppers for five days?!! Eating grasshoppers was what I was in there for anyway. They said I was making them an endangered species.

My unicorn is rather ill. She ate my aunt's crystal ball and hasn't been the same since.

(Use only in crowded elevator.) Have you ever tried eating an entire bag of sugar? (Bounce a little.) Believe me it's highly overrated.

My pet got in a little bit of trouble today. After he ate the neighbors horse, my mom said I had to get rid of him. But before I could take him to the pound he escaped, but I'm not worried, he had eaten two days ago. And if he sees me he'll follow me so, I'm not too worried. Much anyhow.

Guess how many billiard balls I can hold in my throat at one time?

(Look at and point panickingly at ceiling of elevator) Oh my gosh! It's a one of those scary thingies! AAAAAGGGHHH!

Do the voices in my head bother you? (later if this is a long ride) I could ask them to be quiet.

Things to do in public places

At the beach

Walk up to people you don't know, and tell them that the water is infested with under water killer bees. (This was done the president of the weird club, Eric.)

Dance the funky chicken with your friends. (This can be done anywhere, but looks especially ridiculous in the water.)

Swim around asking people if they've seen your swimsuit. (Make sure you are wearing one!!!!!!)

Lie on your beach towel gazing at the clouds, then shout "A flying shark! Look at the sky!" while pointing up.

Pretend you think sea gulls are really rare, and precious birds. Bow to them or something.

(If you are not in the water you can use this. Talk to a friend loudly so the swimming people can hear you. Plan ahead or your friend will blow it.) Did you know that this lake is infested with leaches? I mean they are huge! My mom got one the size of a hot dog on her leg! We used a bucket of salt to get it off! I mean man! I need to catch some for bait so that dad and I can fish for those huge killer musky that live in here!

The above idea is only a good one if you don't mind officials asking you to shut up. Also, NEVER EVER DO IT WHEN THERE ARE CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF oh, about 10 NEAR BY!!!

At the Mall

Run around asking people if they have seen your imaginary friend. Tell the whole sob story of how he ran away. (Fake sobs help.)

Pretend to be sleep walking.

Cut one leg off a pair of jeans, and wear that with shorts underneath to the mall. (This was worn along with a ninja shirt, and red silk head band to the mall by Ann!e.)

Pretend to be a really stereotypical valley girl (girls only) Say "like" every other word, giggle, and instead of saying "he said"say "then he goes..."

Bow to a store window manequin, and began saying "Oh please great one of Yireled, don't harm with your wrath. I just couldn't take being covered in Silly String one more time!"

Sing the Brady Theme song, and dance. Then pretend you are one of them. (Or maybe thats just scary, not weird)

Pretend you are someone really famous, and have your friends placed in the mall to come running for autographs. (this is also a peer pressure experiment. See how many people you didn't place ask for your autograph.)

At School

When the bell rings, look around frantically and say, "OH NO! They found me! AGGGGHHHH!"

Start talking to your locker. (Ann!e used this one, only she talked to a closet in the classroom. This was because Eric had been stuffed inside....)

When in gym start talking about how your cousin broke the cartilige in his ear by bonking it against the vaulting horse and had an ear cast on for 2 days.

Use your gym socks as lethal weapons. (Most are anyway.)

Dress weird. (This can be done anywhere, and is done everyday by Ann!e)

At the Movie theater

Give the characters on the screen advice.

Pretend you know the actors, and tell everyone that one of them sleeps with a teddy bear.

Crunch popcorn loudly during the romantic scenes, and every few seconds say how good the popcorn is, or how much better it tastes than the toothpaste spaghetti you had for lunch at school.

As you walk out of the movie theater say "Light! Blessed light!" waving your hands helps too.

Act out scenes from the movie with someone who's invisible, in the lobby.

In the Park

With your friends take turns dressing up and walking by the same people at the park. This gets pretty scary after the first fifteen times. Be creative have your friend walk by them in normal clothes first. Then if you're a boy give him or her your shirt as a hat. Then the third time if any other friends are their have your friends wear one of thier shirts over his or her shirt. The people you are walking by get pretty weirded out!