Do you have any Weird Pictures, Smileys or Jokes? E-mail them to us!

I got the Marge Simpson from a magazine and any ones in red are from visitors who have sent them in.

Smilies are read sideways. In the smiley below, the @@@ is Marge's hair, the : is her eyes and the ) is her smile.

= &Tongue Tied

* =o ) Clown

@@@ : ) Marge Simpson

! } Sly wink

:{ ) Man with mustache

):?[ Man who got interrupted from shaving

}0 ( Cyclops

(:o Surprised

{=+ : ) Girl with top knot

(__(:o)Person with a beehive

: P person sticking out their tongue.

; ) Winking person

{:D Big laugh

The following red ones are facing the other way. So in "Evil expression" the c is the nose, and the : are the eyes, etc.

(c:{ Evil expression

]c:{ Mad

(> <) :{ Mad monster

( (c8 Insane man

E|c: Guy with buck teeth

#|c: Guy with braces

)c; Guy with black eye

|c] Guy sleeping

Okay, we are back to normal for smilies, except for the Japanese Smilies which are read normally insted of sideways. I will mark the Japanese ones in green (they are also from a visitor).

}:>) Witch

<ØuØ> Guy with broken glasses.

<OuO> Guy with glasses

<><><><><>8--< Snake

(::) Cookie

#####(:::::::)(::::::)(:::::::)(:::::)>## Train

STAR WARS SMILIES!
 

            __________
           /     \   /         \
      ___\                   /
     -\---_\ O_____O /
              /  /        /  /
              O         O
              \  \       \  \
              /__\     /__\        A not very skillfully done AT-AT Walker
 

I got these from a friend and modified them a bit.

o:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::((((#o#####o#)))):::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::o Darth Maul's lightsaber

o:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::(((o(((||) Luke's Return of the Jedi saber or Qui-gon's

o:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::((o(((}}P Obi-wan's saber or Luke's Star Wars (A New Hope) and Empire Strikes Back saber.

o:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::{{o{{{{P Vader's Saber

I'll put more when I think of more, so just sabers for now.

Jokes

Funology.com's Joke of the day

The Cheetah's Spot (Animal Jokes)

A man goes into a pet store, and sees an African gray parrot with a green string on one ankle, and a red string on the other. The man asks the pet store owner, "What are those strings for?" The owner says, "This parrot is very intellegent. If you pull on the red string, he speaks German. If you pull on the green string, he speaks Italian." The man, ever curious, asks, "What if I pull on both at the same time?"
At this, the parrot squawked, "I fall off my perch, dummy!"

The zookeeper in the San Diego zoo is trying to order a new animal for their exhibit on India. He writes, "To whom it may concern, I'd like to order two Mongooses." He looks at it and thinks No, that doesn't look right. So he writes, "To whom it may concern, I'd like to order two Mongeese." He looks at it and thinks No, that doesn't look right either. So he writes, "To whom it may concern, I'd like to order a Mongoose, and while you're at it, make it two."

Two turtles go to a restaurant, and order some food. Then the first turtle notices that it has started to rain. So he says to the other turtle, "Look, it's raining. Why don't you go home and get the umbrella?" The other turtle says, "Alright, but you have to promise not to eat my food." The first turtle promises. So, the second turtle goes to get the umbrella.
Two days later... the second turtle hasn't come back. Well, thinks the first turtle, he's pretty slow.
Six days later... the second turtle hasn't come back. Well, thinks the first turtle, it's stopped raining, so I might as well eat his food. NO! I told him I wouldn't.
Ten days later...  the second turtle hasn't come back. Well, thinks the first turtle, he's been gone so long, his food will go bad. NO! I told him I wouldn't eat it!
Two weeks later... the second turtle hasn't come back. "Well," says the first turtle aloud, "he hasn't come back, it's stopped raining, and his food is going bad. I'm going to eat it!"
"If you do," shouts the second turtle from outside the door, "I won't go and get the umbrella!"
 

Bottoms up! (Bar Jokes)

THE WORLD'S BEST BAR JOKE:
A duck walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "Do you have any grapes?" The bartender says, "No. This is a bar." The duck leaves, but comes back the next day. "Do you have any grapes?" he asks. "NO! I told you yesterday, we don't have any grapes." Growls the bartender. So, the duck leaves, but once again comes back and asks the same HAUNTING question, "Excuse me sir, do you have any grapes?" The bartender SCREAMED IN RAGE! "NO! IF YOU DARE SET FOOT IN THIS ESTABLISHMENT AGAIN AND ASK FOR GRAPES, I WILL PERSONALLY TAPE YOUR BEAK TO THE COUNTER!" So, the duck sadly walked out. Yet, he came back the next day and asked "Do you have any tape?" The bartender was about to scream when he realized what the duck had asked. "No, we don't have any tape," he replied. "Well then," the duck grinned, "Do you have any grapes?"

A rope walks into a bar and asks for a drink, but the Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve ropes here." So the rope goes out, twists himself up, and starts tearing and untwisting himself near his head. Then he goes back in, and asks for a drink. The bartender says, "We don't serve ropes here." "I'm not a rope," says the rope. "You aren't?" "Nope, I'm afraid not."

A man and a dog walk into a bar and the man says, "Will you give me and my dog free drinks if my dog can tell you the name of the baseball player who hit the most home runs?" The bartender laughs, but agrees. "Who hit the most home runs?" the man asks his dog. "ROOF!" barks the dog. The bartender tosses them out. "Aw man," the dog says when they brush themselves off, "It's Hank Aaron, not Ruth!"

A man (why is it always an anonomous guy?) Ahem, a Man with a slight limp, balding hair, horn rimmed glasses, a big nose, and a lisp walked into a bar. He asked for a vodka, a Shnapps with no ice, and three beers. The bartender said "Geez man with a slight limp, balding hair, horn rimmed, glasses, a big nose, and a lisp you must be terrible shaken up. Whats goin' on?" The foresaid man replied. "The strangest thing happened today. I was driving by that field up the road when my car broke down, and a HORSE came out and fixed it!" The Bartender scratched his bristly chin. "Was it white?" He asked. The man nodded. "Oh that's good, the brown one knows nothin' about cars!!!!" the Bartender said.

MORE TO COME!

The Jester (Fools Jokes)
 

A foolish, well, actually just too technical mathematician, and a regular joe bloe off the street were called into a rich guys estate. The rich guy has layed out a really awesome feast, fit for a king, on one end of the room, and has the guys stand on the other end. He says to the two other guys, "Here's the deal. You may take one step as big as you can, then each step must be half the size of the one before it. The mathematician threw up his hands and said, "Ahh... I'd never reach it!" Joe bloe smirked and said, "I'll get close enough."

Person: Did you change the water in the goldfish bowl.

Fool: No. Those ungrateful goldfish didn't drink all the water I put in there yesterday.

A man driving through the praries in Iowa sees a person in the middle of a cornfield paddling a canoe, obviously getting nowhere. "You FOOL!" the man in the car shouts, "People like you are what give humans a bad name and disgrace us! If I could swim, I'd come out there and punch you!"

First Fool: Did you know that the Titanic sank when it was only 2 miles away from land?

Second Fool: Really? Which direction?

First Fool: Down.

A slightly foolish physician, a a very foolish biologist, and an incredibly foolish mathematician saw two people go into a house. A few minutes later, three people came out. The physician said, "We must have counted wrong on our first estimate." The biologist said, "They must have multiplied." The mathematician said, "Now, if one person goes in, the house will be empty."
 

MORE TO COME!