NEW ANNOYING E-MAILS OF APRIL AND PREVIOUS MONTHS!!!

(Note: Very sorry, but due to the fact that I am lazy, I have decided to stop putting the titles and dates before the e-mails. They are in reverse chronilogical order... between updates. Sorry. If you care at all, or even listen to these things, e-mail me. -EKJ {Pres.})
and everyone knows that boredom is terribly dangerous and so this is
keeping
me from acquiring a potentially life threatening and debilitating
disease.
Yeah really. So I will write you guys a leeetle story. Ohmigosh we never

gave Alex a debute e-mail! How on earth could I have been soooooo
callous?
 Well we'll just have to write a story with him in it won;t we?
 

Long long ago in a galaxy two far away to even begin thinking about let
alone writing stories about was a small barely inhabited planet with a
population of oh say 20. It had started out with a population of 8, four
people and 4 goats. Now the population 17 years later was 5 people 15
goats. Needless to say the young 17 year old boy was quite lonely. He
wished he could do something or go somewhere any thing at all! He was
trapped in this tiny planet taking care of goats. The books his parents
gave him told of people playing baseball and doing all sorts of exciting
things.... He scuffed his toe in the dirt. As usual he was bare foot. He
leaned on the staff he herded with. One of the goats seemed to sense his
misery and walked over to him. But even his favorite goat wasn't good
enough at the moment. He sighed and walked off into the field beyond his
grazing goats out to where the rocket ship was parked. He ran his hand
over its slick surface. He knew why his parents and the others had come.
They were Earthling outlaws. People who wouldn't bend to the new laws
Earth had imposed when the separate governments had disolved and become
one. He tossed the keys he had in his hand...his parents let him be the
keeper of the keys. He stepped inside and turned on the stereo and
placed in a CD. Earth music filled his ears...it was that new age we
have cross coulture peace music...the electric guitars and sitars played
together as someone sang in french. This was music from the good time
his parents had said...before the government which had seemed like such
idea became to controlling. The fact that is controlled the world seemed
so collasal to its members that they over stepped their bonds. People of
all cultures hated it but couldn't do a thing about it. People who
disobeyed the laws were sent away in rocket ships for distant planets.
He knew why his parents and their two friends had been sent away. They
had refused to work for the center they'd been assigned to. They didn't
agree with what it did. But the law was you were assigned by talents and
intelligence had to do what you were assigned to do. He switched of the
stereo  and turned on the ship. Without thinking about what he was doing
he put it on auto pilot for Earth. He didn't know why he'd want to go to
a place that was so messed up....but there were people there. The stars
blurred as he pushed the hyper drive button. He flipped the stereo on
again. He wondered fleetingly how his goats would fare without him. But
he didn't have time to think of them much as Earth came into focus.
Pushing the search button he looked for a landing strip. Finding it he
pushed auto land. The rocket dove and came to screeching halt. He
stepped out carefully and looked around. The land scape was completely
barren. He didn't see anyone about. Out of the corner of his eye he saw
something moving.
Alex: Wait come back!
The shape was crouched behind a bush it slunk out from behind it. It was
a girl dressed in all black she had a gun strapped at her hip.
Girl: You spoke in English.
Alex: well yeah. So did you.
Girl: Shhhh! Don't you know universal speak?
Alex: What's that?
Girl: You don't know? Its what everyone speaks so that we'll all
understand each other. We could get sent away for even excalaming in
English by accident.
Alex: Then why are you?
Girl: Because you surprised me and I wanted to talk to you.
Alex: Um can they hear us?
Girl: Theres hardly any one left to hear us.
Alex: what do you mean?
Girl: Theres only a billion people left on earth. too many people broke
laws. even Gov Officials so they were sent. Every day almost rockets are
sent up with 500 people each.
Alex; You're kidding! My parents were sent in a rocket of 4!
Girl: Theres too many to do that now. But soon they'll be back to that
again cause they're be no one left!
Alex: But thats insane! They can't just send everyone away!
Girl: Yes they can. They can do anything.
Alex: No they can't. I'll help you. What's your name by the way? Mine's
Alex.
Girl: What's a name?
 

TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

They only thing good about grey days is that you can spell it grey. Grey
is the only way to spell grey. People who spell it GRAY annoy me...well
not the people just the spelling. ANYWAYS! I was just going to write
another one of my top ten things to do on grey days e-mails.
 

10. floss your teeth in the mall in a highly populated place.
9. If it is also raining put on your bathing suit and run around in your
front yard and climb trees and stuff. Also turn on the lawn sprinklers.
8. Set out a lawn chair in the rain and get out a tin foil tanning sheet
and lie on the lawn chair in a bathing suit pretending to be tanning
with a glass of lemonade and sunglasses and a bottle of suntan lotion
next to you.
7. Go to an art museum a instead of looking at anything stare at a blank
wall and scratch your head and then comment to a guard that its the most
moving picture there. (ironically it probably will turn out to be one.)
6. Dress in a tee shirt and shorts and paint every visible part of your
body with red non toxic paint and go to the mall and then tell everyone
who asks or looks at you that you got a little sun walking from your car
to the entrance.
5. Buy a whole bunch of feeder goldfish at the pet shop and free them in
a pond near your house. (this is an actually good idea)
4. Put on a tiger costume and go door to door offering people cereal.
3. cover your nieghbors yard in dry oatmeal just before it rains. (DONT
do this)
2. Read Ann!e's e-mails.
1. Tell Ann!e never to send you e-mails again. (now that would be a
truly valuable use of your time!)

I know all of you will try these.
 
 
 

Katie: Oh why should I care about your decaying skin?!!
Ted: I'm hurt my lady fair, for I love you!
Katie: you're dead! You can't love me!
Ted: Oh shut up. Here we are at the chapel. (grabs her under one arm and
drags her to the door. and walks in) Hey hey are there any people who
perform marriage ceremonies here? Oh terriffic heres father Matt.
Katie: Please Matt I don't want to marry him! He's dead!
Matt: I believe that you can't marry someone in the catholic faith if
they are already dead.
Ted: OKAY fine be that way. I'll just go find a justice of the peace.
Tern: (coming in the door) You'll do no such thing!
Ted: Oh yeah and who's gonna stop me huh?
Tern: Well I believe that my flock of trained vultures just might.
Katie: you raise vultures?
Tern: And buzzards..everyone has a hobby. (opens the two covered cages
he has with him. Vultures and Buzzards fly out toward Ted. He runs away
screaming.)
Katie: Thanks Tern.
Tern: No problem Helen of Troy. Want to go get some Ice Cream?

Katie: I'd love to....but my name is Katayana.
Tern: Well then Katiyana lets go.
 

Allirght do I have anything else to say Oh yes Katie's attributes
Ted: WHAT???? I was just eaten by vicious, and ravenous vultures! Do you
know how painful that is??? **cries hysterically**. Wait...I am a
man...DUH, Sorry, **throws things** There. **smashes ellie's new
guitar**
Ellie: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! **goes ballistic**
Rich Millionare guy: Okay, okay, enough...**hands ellie a les paul**
Ellie: Yippee!!
The End/ (Wasn't that stupid?)
OKAY thanks now we need to say Katie's attrributes: Katie is kind loving
funny energetic terriffic a great conversationalist tall witty and
ofcourse beautiful. HAPPY birthday KATIE

love,
 

Okay now poor Katie had just been kidnapped by the dead and decaying Ted
as she was the only one who knew his secret and could keep him from
inherting his kingdom.
 

Ted: (inside the black spider coach.) Katie darling once we get to where
we are going I shall marry and then by vow you will have to obey me and
will not reveal my secret.

Katie: I'll never marry a dead man! Thats just disgusting.

Ted: C'mon think of the life insurance benifits!

Katie: Thats just gross I won't marry you. (attempts to scratch him)

Ted: Now now mind my decaying skin please we musn't have it mussed up.
 
 

oops unfortunately my turn is over. Bye everyone!
 
 
 
 

Once upon a time there was a beautiful young girl who's parents were
> the Emperor and Empress of the relm in which she lived. As most my
> mythical characters do the relm she lived in was Yirelad. She was a
> lonely child as no other children were considered good enough to play
> with her. (well except her betrothed the Prince Ted of Etherwyre
> *pronounced Eh there wire*) Unfortunately he had died in his early
> teenage years, though no one had realized this and he continued to
> visit Katiyana had and so found him a rather disturbing companion. And
> so one day Katiyana (called Katie for short) decided to go in search
> of some one anyone to play with. She counted on the full skirts of her
> silken dress to provide a parachute as she jumped from her 38th floor
> tower window. Sadly she had not calculated the flimsyness of silk
> which flew up all wrong and did little break her fall. What did break
> her fall however were the strong arms of a boy driving a hay wagon.
> Unfortunately for him his muscles were strong but he haden't drank his
> milk and so he strained the bone in his right arm and suffered a small
> stress fracture. However after bandaging his arm in a piece of cloth
> that Katie had obligingly ripped from her dress he had to admit it was
> worth it as he'd never seen so beautiful a girl as Katie. Stammeringly
> he asked her name. Not wishing to be recognized as the young Princess
> she replied with

Katie: Helen.
Boy: Ahh like Helen of Troy I see. A beauty like no other. But how is it
I wonder that Helen's reencarnation falls from the sky so near the
Princess Katiyana's window and in her dress?
Katie: Perhapes I am an impish skullery maid who tried on her majesty's
dress and then jumped to avoid discovery.
Boy: Perhapes. (he smiled) I realize I have had the horrible manners not
to introduce myself. I am Tern spelled like the bird ofcourse the Hay
man's son. I have five sisters with whom ofcourse the average castle
scullerymaid would be aquanted as they are well known.
Katie: Name them to me and I will see if I do.
Tern: Dove, Quail, Robin, Lark, and Starling. quite a flock of sisters I
have.
Katie: No I don't know them.
Tern: (laughing) well then Katiyana alias Helen of Troy perhapes you
should meet them. But first I must sell this hay and you look too much
of a lady to escape the eye of the usually townsperson.
Katie: (tearing of the silk over gown to reveal a cotton dress
underneath and tying the now shabby silk like a shawl around her
shoulders) Well?
Tern: Better....but still  thats quite a shawl. Anyways come on will say
you're my fiance from Overland and then the lads won't give you any
trouble.
Katie: I'd like to see them try.
Tern: (laughing) But I wouldn't.

They pulled into Town slowly as the hay wagon was overly full. Katie
decided that it looked as though it was shaping up to be quite a good
day, but she was perhapes a little premature in her assessment.

Tern: (jumping down and holding out a hand to help her.) Come on then.
Man: (coming round from behind the cart and shoving aside his hand.)
I'll help the maid out the cart.
Katie: Prince Ted! (Attempts to leap into the back of the cart but his
hand wraps firmly about her ankle.)
Ted: (pulling her back and physically dragging her from the cart) well
now my run away fiance why are you deigning to talk with hay wagon boys?

Katie: Because they are alot nicer and not half so dead as you.
Ted: (holding a finger to her lips) shhhhh... only you know I'm dead.
Katie: (biting the finger which he pulls away quickly) oh sorry did that
hurt?
Ted: No my skin is just rather fragile now that its decaying and I
didn't wish to spoil the fact that I still have all my skin. That would
destroy the illusion that I'm alive.
Katie: (running her tongue over her teeth) ewww I wish I had a
toothbrush.
Ted: Well you don't and you know very well I cannot inherit my kingdom
if they know I'm dead!
Katie: so?
Ted: So I just realized today that I can't let you tell them.
Katie: GASP!
Ted: I'm sorry Katie but you'll just have to come with me.
Tern: stop you can't just take her away.
Ted: Don't test the powers of the dead boy I can and I will. (picks up
Katie easily and jumps into a slick evil looking spiderlike coach with a
crocodile pulling it at remarkable speeds)
 

TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
 
 
 

Sorry about the title I have no idea what I was talking about. (actually
it was a dream I had.) These aliens that looked like trees took me to
olden days sweden or maybe it was a future Ice Age sweden but who knows.
And for payment they wanted salted watermelon. I hate salted watermelon
but I gave them some anyway. ANYWAYS allow me to tell you the purpose of
this e-mail. Stacy had a birthday and is now 16 years old YEAH Stacy! So
the hidden chapter of Triassic PArk is also a Stacy tribute. KAy? Okay.
 
 

Back near the cage of the mutant dinosaur

Pilot: So Lindsey tell me how you figured out this thing was rigged.
Lindsey: I don't need to tell you anything. This is ridiculous you'll
never get away with this.
Pilot: Oh no? Who's your favorite of these people? Huh? (He doesn't
notice the young blond girl creeping around the edge of the cage holding
a syringe.)
Lindsey: (thinking....she doesn't really know Noemi, or Josephine, only
Eric.) I'm my favorite! I'm soooo cool.
Pilot: How sweet and self sacrificing you are. But thats not true is it?

Eric: I'm her favorite ME ME ME!!!!!!!!!! Yeah we're secretly an
alliance I'm secretly in love with her, We're secretly married, we have
15 kids all named Xaviar, I'm her favorite ME ME ME ME ME!!!!!
Pilot: How long have you been married.
Eric: 20 years.
Pilot: ha! You haven't been alive long enough.
Eric: We have terriffic plastic surgeons. Same as Ann!e's plastic
surgeon who recreated her stomach and legs after the pirhana and
escalator incidents.
Pilot: Oh wow thats a good surgeon allright I believe you. (picks up
Eric and drops him) DAng you're heavy you are SOOOO fat. (rolls Eric
toward the cage and shoves him in. The dinosaur roars in pain as the
blond girl in the shadows plunges the needle into its leg and pumps all
the liquid in.)
Stacy: (the blond girl) Eric try to stay away from it for 20 seconds
thats how long is takes to effect it. (Unfortunately Eric was too FAT to
move quickly and so he was messily devoured by the mutant dinosaur)
Stacy: Oh my gosh no! I meant to save him!
Noemi: Its okay Stacy you saved all of us!
Josephine: Yes you were terribly brave!
Pilot: not so fast so she tranquilized my dinosaur, you still haven't
gotten rid of me!!!!!!!!!
Stacy: (unties Josephine and Noemi and Lindsey ) Its four to one and I
(pulls four metal objects from her back pack and tosses them to
Josephine, and Noemi.and Lindsey) Brought blow torches. (switches hers
on. Josephine and Noemi and Lindsey so the same)
Pilot: Look girls lets talk sensibly please.
Lindsey: Okay start telling us why this happened.
Pilot: Well We wanted good looking people to win the show. So obviously
we had to get rid of Ann!e right off. But the rest of you were pretty
good looking so we were torn. Then you know people started breaking
rules and we figured out how to fix it so that dinosaurs would go to the
camp we targeted only when our favorite person was safe. You know that
bug repellent we gave you? It was barbecue sauce. We left scent trails
in the woods too. It was easy and the public never knew till you openned
your trap Lindsey.
Stacy: I wouldn't say insulting things if I were you. By the way take
off that helmet who are you?
Pilot: (slowly takes off the helmet...its Eric) ha ha had you fooled
didn't I.
Stacy: But the dinosaur just ate you.
Eric: A very convincing dummy of me. I black mailed and payed off the
real producers of the show yesterday when they took me off the show a
second time. Then I made a dummy of myself and filled it with steaks
just in case the producers tried to get rid of me. They did! They tied
me up and brought me in here as you saw. Only I had taken care to dress
the same as the pilot minus the helmet. Than because I am faster than
lightening when the pilot tried to roll me into the cage I tossed in the
dummy which I had hidden next to the cage. While you were watching that
I kicked the now tied up pilot behind that barrell over there and took
his helmet and put it on. So everything is okay.
Stacy: Ahhh I;m glad thats over! Lets go to my house I've got a birthday
cake there. And we may as well hijack this helocopter to get there.
Everyone else: Now you're talking!
 
 

So you people HONESTLY thought I would kill off my own brother? Thats
ridiculous! HAd you fooled for a mintue though.
 
 
 

Wow that was some affectionate title. I hope none of you get the wrong
idea. Except all you guys. Go ahead and get the wrong idea. Except maybe
Ted cause I still don't have any sponges....well except the floor sponge
for mopping floors...would that do? ANYWAY aside from my ridiculous
flirting with every single guy on this list except Ted I had two things
to tell you PLUS a secret surprise at the end of the e-mail.
Okay first thing I need alllllll of your input on whether or not you are
interested in seeing the movie Shrek. I know I know its a cartoon. But I
have heard (I've never seen it my self) that is it so good that its
worth seeing twice in the same week and buying the sound track for. So I
thought well some of you have been begging for a good old group outing
as we haven't had one since the skating party and I wondered if you'd
all like to see Shrek. I also wondered if you'd like me to make it soon
and have us see it at the centennial lakes theater. Or wait till it was
at the York Townn Cinema Grill and make it a lunch thing. You'll have to
give me your votes, Thank you and on to the next item of business.

I've decided to confess my undying and secretly kept love publicly. Yep
I am secretly in love with......gasp I can't say it.
(coughheathfletchercoughcough) Okay enough drama that was a joke. JUST
kidding. Anyway my second item of business was really about my vacation.
I just thought you might like to know about the worm fiasco. Yes worms.
Somehow or other the outdoor pool bottom got simply covered in worms.
(well not covered. There were maybe 20 worms on the bottom of the pool.)
But I don't know if they just crawled in or some fisher man or woman
just said Ha I didn't catch anything I'll set them free!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And while singing born free dumped them in. Who the heck knows. But at
any rate there they were. And it was disgusting. So my brave brave
father (who just turned 39) GASP THAT IS OLD (My Dad was standing right
there watching me so I couldn't resist) dove into the pool with goggles
on a proceeded to gather up all the worms and placed them into a plastic
cup from by the ice machine. Then I went on a second check around the
pool found too more and collected them with my bare hands and put them
out side. Okay I have run out of time! So I will tell you what the
surprise is and send it in the next e-mail.
 

I have repented my cruelty and will print the hidden chapter of Triassic
Park!!!!!! YEAHHHHHH!!!!!!
 

love and hugs,
 

Hi everyone! This is a triassic park e-mail. But I have to begin with
one important announcement. I have to print a correction on the  last
e-mail. It seems I was not clear in the section where I said that Eric
and I were running around on the boulders near the lake in our bathing
suits. It has come to my attention that the way I phrased it, it sounded
like Eric was wearing a Pink Bikini. So I am writing to assure you all
that that was not the case, Eric was wearing blue swimming trunks. Thank
you for your attention I am dreadfully sorry for the confusion.

Now last time on triassic park We were down to the final two as Eric and
Noemi and Josephine mysteriously disapeared. (mwhahahahaahahahhaha)

Maria: Joe please talk to me I just can't believe what happened.
Joe: Yeah.
Maria: What do you think happened to them?
Joe: Dunno.
Maria: Something awfully strange is going on and I mean to figure out
what it is.
Joe: Okay.
Maria: Lets first get out of this cave.
Joe: Sure.
 
 
 

MEANWHILE

(Eric, Noemi and Lindsey and Josephine are all tied in a giant
warehouse)

Helocopter Pilot: So you kids want to ruin my TV show is that it?
Noemi: No sir I didn't.
Pilot: No you were just int he wrong place at the wrong time.
Eric: I didn't want to ruin it I just wanted to stay on it.
Pilot: Well you can't. And for this I would like you to meet a special
friend of mine who didn't make it onto the show.
Lindsey: Who's that?
Pilot: Oh you'll see. HE's quite anxious to meet you, you see he hasn't
had lunch yet.
Josephine: That doesn't sound to great.
Pilot: hahahahahahhaha(laughs and wheels the cart they're in over to a
giant cage.) Say hello to my special creation. He's made from the DNA of
three different meat eating dinosaurs. (the creature roars and shakes
the cage) Calm down Sugar Lips you'll get your lunch. (laughs)
 
 

Meanwhile outside the cave

Maria: My shoes have literally fallen apart. Oh look here are some
plants with giant leaves I'll tie these around my feet.
Joe: maybe you shouldn't do that.
Maria: wow a whole sentence! Why shouldn't I?
Joe: I've noticed that the hadrosaurs only eat those so maybe its their
only food source.
Maria: So who cares?
Pilot: WE DO! You can't starve our hadrosaurs like that!
Maria: Oh for heavens sakes.
Pilot: that means that Joe you win 5 million dollars.
Joe: wow.
 

Thats it folks. WAIT did the four being fed to the dinosaur survive?
Heck I dunno. Actaully yes I do. But its more fun this way. For me. Ask
em personally by e-mail and I'll give you the inside scoop.

ello everyone! I know I know you are all DYING to find out what happens
next in the Triassic Park e-mails. BUT I have a few items of agenda
first...and a 20 minute time limit on this e-mail cause theres a LOOONG
line for the computer. Being as I just got back an hour ago from my
vacation. Okay first item in my agenda is this......to introduce a new
member to our insane little group of tortured humans! Yes another
unfortunate being has agreed to sign on to my horrible obsession of
writing e-mails to slowly drive them insane! (Wow I'm warning this dude
up front.) Instead of hiding it like I did before and wait till they
realize they're going insane too late! (like all of you.) No no no  its
not really dangerous to read my e-mails. RIGHT guys? Okay so we are
introducing Alex to the group. Everyone say "hi Alex!!!!!!!!!!!!" Thanks
guys you're so great at welcomes! Wow we all feel so loved in this
group. I'm lucky to know all of you. I realized this while I was away.
Though ofcourse I've always known it. Ok ok enough mushy stuff I have a
second item of agenda I bought Ariel a black rat while I was away. No
that wasn't the item...but its funny right? I mean I was in this candy
shop in Duluth and they had gummy rats. They're huge they're like rat
sized. Like small squirrell size. And licorice flavored. How gross is
that? Oh c'mon guys please stop crying I'm sorry I didn't get rats for
all of you! I didn't realize you wanted them! NExt time I promise I'll
get rats for all those who want them. I'll take orders okay? Now dry
your eyes all of you please...I mean c'mon Alex is gonna think you're
all insane!

Okay real agenda item: You know how I talk all funny and have this weird
unplaceable accent? Thats not minnesotan even though I've lived in
Minnesota all my life? The one thats been labeled anything from Bad
British, to reeeaaaaallllly strong minnesotan? WELL its Canadian!
Specifically Central Canada U. (weird huh.) At least its the closest
I've come to hearing someone talking like me. Yes Jeremy I know you love
my voice sooooo move to Canada kay? Sorry hon. So Yeah whoa I forgot to
say where I was back from! I went to duluth and then up to a resort in
tofte and we spent a day in canada too. I was gone 8 days. Okay so I am
going to quick run down a list of things I've learned while I was away.
(you know so you can all learn from me. However if you do actually learn
anything from this list....that pretty sad casue you all know me.)

1. Never talk to guys who refill ice machines. They will think you are
flirting.
2. Never look at guys who are refilling ice machines. They will think
you are flirting.
3. Never glance at them out of the corner of your eye as you step around
them to get into the locker room. They will think you are flirting even
if you are only avoiding running into them.
4. Though running around on some giant boulders in forty degree weather
in a pink bikini may be exhilarating (spelling help please!!!) it may
also make you cold. Especially if you step in the water of Lake superior
which is 40 degrees also and feels like ice. Also since rocks can be
sharp being barefoot on them can sometimes cause some slight discomfort.
Also people looking out the windows of their hotel rooms are apt to look
at you a bit strange. But hey Eric was doing it to and he was there so
people were bound to look at us strange I mean its Eric we're talking
about here.
5. Walking around the lake walk  in the rain in forty degree weather in
a PURPLE bikini is also cold. (apparently the variable causing the
chilliness wasn't the color of my bathing suit. HOWEVER it is important
to consider all variables.)
6. oooh I'm running out of time one last thing. If you are going to go
to a foriegn country oh say Canada and you know you look say 2 years
older than you are it is important to do everything in your power to
look your age. Where pigtails and fake braces I don't care but just
something to that the guard doesn't stare at you squint at the
birthcirtificate and stare and squint and shake his head for like what
seems like the longest time before letting you go.
 

Okay gotta go! FOr more specific trip accounts e-mail me personally. The
next e-mail will be about Triassic park.

over and out!

HEY hiya hiya hiya everyone. How are you all today? I am quite fine
thank you. (well not fine as in FINE FINE like oh she's fine but you
know like I'm good...well not good as in Mother Theresa was good, but
healthy and happy. Hows that? Well actaully not healthy..I have this
cold... (shoot look at me corrupting all of you telling you I have a
cold. ) *inside joke* ask me if you don't know. Alright Triassic park
here we go.
 

Iguanidon

Josephine: The species are gonna be merged today. We're going to build a
new camp along with the remaining hadrosaurs.
Noemi: We're supposed to meet them at the top of that hill to be flown
to our new area. Oh look here they come. (Joe and Maria reach the top of
the hill.)
Maria: hi. My name is Maria. (looks at Noemi) dang you look familiar.
Noemi: Yeah you too.
Josephine: I'm Josephine and this is Noemi.
Maria: Hello pleased to meet you. Oh this is Joe.
Noemi: Does he talk?
Maria: Not usually.
Josephine: Oh okay. You must be glad for the merger then. Oh here comes
the helocopter.
Noemi: its dropping something.
Maria: A map to our new area and a box of supplies!
Noemi: You mean we're not getting flown there?
Josephine: Looks like not.
Joe: Bummer.
Noemi: He speaks!
Maria; Lets open the supplies box and see whats in there. (opens
lid....Eric jumps out)
Eric: surprise!
Noemi: Eric!!!!!!!!! But the helocopter took you off!
Maria: You're that guy who wandered into our camp.
Josephine: What are you doing here Eric and where's our supplies?
Eric: Oh I took those out of the box and climbed in. I wanted to get
back to island cause I didn;t think it was fair the way I got kicked
off. Plus I knew you guys wouldn't mind cause I'm more valuable than any
supplies. Oh look the helocopter figured it out! Quick run with me!
(they run into the woods and into a cave.)
Maria: I can't see anything.
Noemi: Eric are you breathing on the back of my neck.
Eric: No. I know I'm out of shape and really fat so I'm breathing a
ltitle hard from running, but not hard enough for you to feel it from
over there.
Joe: It must be a dinosaur.
Josephine: he spoke a full sentence!
Eric: But he's right! It must be a dinosaur!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Its got me!
Josephine: Eric? Eric? Oh no he's gone!
Maria: wheres noemi? She was right next to me.
Josephine: a dinosaur can't eat two people in one bite!
Maria: What's going on? I just wish I could remember more of what
Lindsey said.
Joe: Me too.

TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

Okay those of you who I saw last night...that was soooooo fun! Those of
you who I didn't say goodbyes too I'm sorry. (yes Ariel I know you were
on that list) sorry honey. Anyway I bet you guys are wondering WHAT
HAPPENS NIEXT>???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well let me tell you.

Iguanidon

Josephine: theres only two of us now. After one more is gone they'll
merge the two species.
Noemi: yeah. I'm glad Eric turned out to be alive though.
 Josephine: yeah I was worried about him...that means the dinosaurs are
still hungry though.
Noemi: Josephine!
Josephine: I'm sorry I just can;'t help thinking about how FAT Eric is
and how full the dinosaurs would be.
Noemi: yeah...but actaully fat isn't very nourishing, its a quick energy
but thats it. He might have gotten kicked off then anyways for feeding
the dinosaurs unhealthy food.
Josephine: He'd be dead though. They couldn't kick him off.
Noemi: Oh yeah. We're going crazy in this place. Niether one of us is
thinking straight.
Josephine: How does one think crooked?
Noemi: Ask Ann!e.

Hadrosaur

Lindsey: Well their tribe lost 2 more. We still have three. That
probably means we'll lose someone today.
Maria: but the probability is equally likely for both of us.
Lindsey: Oh come on, its a show they want it to switch of this team than
this team than that team, and so on. You haven't figured out that its
rigged yet?
Maria: We don't know its rigged...wait are you suggesting that they
purposely release dinosaurs into the area of the team the want a member
eaten from? Thats dispicable! I don't believe it.
Lindsey: I wasn't exactly saying that...But yes thats what I'm saying
sort of. I do think that they choose a tribe and then shoo the dinosaurs
in that direction. Maybe they spray some trails of people smell in a
path along the ground so that they can......(a guy parachutes out of a
helocopter and puts his hands over Lindsey's mouth and gets pulled back
into the helocopter while still holding Lindsey.)
Maria: Ahhhh! Joe they took Lindsey because she was trying to warn us.
Joe: Darn.
 

TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Iguanidon

Emily: Theres just no way.
Noemi: I just can't believe it. We're all crushed her at iguanidon.
Josephine: when I agreed to go on this show I never imagined that anyone
would actually die....I just thought it would all work out some other
way.
Noemi: He really kept up the group moral we're going to miss him
terribly.
Emily: Theres really no doubt about it...besides now if we really did
need someone to sacrifice to the dinos we don't have anyone.
Josephine: Yeah Eric was really fat too. He would have kept a dinosaur
full for days on end. (Inside joke, I know Josephine you'd never say
that just ask me sometime about the joke and I'll explain.)
 

Hadrosaur

Lindsey: Yeah we've all been missing Ted.
Maria: I'm not.
Lindsey: AHEM his humor kept us sane.
Joe: Looks like it didn't work Lindsey.
Maria: Was that a full sentence?????!!!!!!!!!! Hadrosaur means talkative
lizard.
Lindsey: anyway we were missing Ted alot. (someone comes running through
the bushes...ITS ERIC!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Eric: Is this Iguanidon?
Maria: What do you think?
Eric: Nope. Sorry to bother you.
 

Iguanidon

Emily: I guess I'll cook these berries. (rustling in the bushes.) AHHH A
DINOSAUR!!!!!!!!!
Eric: Nope just me.
Josephine: You're not dead!
Noemi: But we heard you scream.
Eric: Yeah I tripped on a log running away from the dinosaur and
sprained my finger. See look I made a splint.
Noemi: Oh.
Eric: You see I thought it better to run from the dinosaur to lead him
away from the camp before he messily devoured me.
Emily: I see.
Eric: But I ran too fast and I lost him..and I also got lost...
Helocopter: No fair cheating Eric, we ended the episode because we
thought you were dead and you messed up the show by coming back! You
are  off the island for not really dying. And Emily those berries are
the primary food source for our hypsolphidons. So you are literally
starving them by cooking those. You are off too.

Well well well my young friends...are we on the edge of our seats?
(no???? well scoot foreward!) Okay now that we are all just about to
fall off our chairs, I will continue the saga.

Iguanidon

Eric: Okay well we've made it twelve days without anyone getting eaten.
Josephine: Not that you haven't tried.....
Eric: Oh come on if I had tried I would gave gotten eaten. WHEN I TRY I
SUCCEED!!!!!!!!!! I CONQUER!!!!!!!!!! I DESTROY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Or in
this case..get destroyed.
Emily: Oh Eric big deal.
Noemi: Um guys...
Emily: What?
Noemi: The bushes over there are rustling.
Eric: WHAT"S THE DEAL? You always get to spot the dinosaurs! Man this is
not fair.
Noemi: um Eric lets be quiet.
Eric: Oh so now its "be quiet Eric." well next it will be "Don't tie
yourself up Eric\." I HAVE RIGHTS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Josephine: None of us are arguing we're just going to go seek cover now.

Eric: cowards! Watch me tie myself to this post and be messily devored
by this hungry crazed dinosaur!!!!!!!!!!! (a huge allosaur comes into
veiw.)
Emily: I don't care to watch that. Henry the 8th was bad enough!
(all except Eric run into the shelter.)

Josephine: Is Eric still out there?
Noemi: yes.
Josephine: I hear him screaming! I wonder what happened.
Emily: I'll look out the window.....HE"S GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I never
imagined he'd actaully not run away!
Noemi: Oh no! (begins crying.)
Josephine: I'm going to sue the show for emotional trauma.
 
 

Hadrosaur

Maria: Did you hear that screaming noise?
Joe: yeah.
Lindsey: could it have been a dinosaur?
Maria: It sounded human.
 

to be continued!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
 
 

OKAY lets have our triassic park

Iguanidon

Emily: yeah we're all depressed now cause we've lost a member.
Eric: I'm not. He wouldn't let me get eaten. Man what was with that guy?

Emily: Eric this is my interview okay? And do you want all of America to
see you as a psycho.
Eric: never hide who you are thats my motto.
Josephine: we've noticed.
Eric: hey I can say it but you guys can't! I mean really you guys say
you love me and you don't want me to chain myself to this post here but
really this is how you treat me! MAN mixed messages! I'm just gonna go
chain myself up now! Don't bother trying to stop me!
Noemi: hey what's all the yelling about?
Emily: THIS IS MY INTERVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Eric: but it should be mine.
Josephine: Oh stop it you're acting so childish.
Noemi: guys guys...
Eric: don't interupt Noemi
Noemi: No theres a dinosaur over there.
Eric: YEAHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm already chained up!
Josephine: (unties Eric as the others run into the shelter.) Stop being
ridiculous.

Hadrosaur

Lindsey: So yeah we've all been pretty good this week...we;ve lost no
members no one's been eater.
Ted: though some of us are still broken up about last week's loss. I
mean I even brought sponges as my luxery item! (inside joke.)
Lindsey: Um Ted I wasn't finished. And hadrosaur doesn't mean
interupting lizard.
Ted: Ooh ooh now I've got a joke. Knock knock.
Lindsey: who's there?
Ted: Interupting Dinosaur
Lindsey: Interupting dino....
TEd: ROAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lindsey: wow impressive roar.
Ted: I didn't roar yet.
Lindsey: then who did?
Maria: that did! (points to a gigantisaurous)
Joe: Oh oh....
Maria: Get in the shelter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ted: AHHHH! (he's picked up in the teeth of the dinosaur.)
Lindsey: TEd are you okay?
Ted: yeah I'm dead I feel no pain.
Helocopter: You're already dead? (mechanical arm reaches out and grabs
Ted.) First off if your dead you might not be wholesome for our
dinosaurs to eat, second of all if you  are already dead than you don't
count. You're disqualified.)
Ted: hey!!!!! Don't I get to be on the jury or something...wait can I be
on Letterman with Ann!e?
Helocopter guy: No she's already been on it.
Ted: Leno?
Guy: too late
Ted: Conan?
Guy: sorry.
Ted: Martin Short show?
Guy: Thats the first one she did.
Ted: Rosie?
Guy: way too late she and Hanson were on together, they invited her to
join the band and be their keyboardist so that Taylor can just sing.
Ted: Saturday night live.
Guy: her skit on that was terriffic!
Ted: Mad TV?????
Guy: that might be still open.
Ted: Just anything anything with Ann!e. I still have the sponges.

Hi everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lets see how our teams are doing.

Hadrosaur
Ted: Man! Ann!e's gone already. Sheesh.
Lindsey: Oh come one Ted. Well now we know that in order to win we can't
hurt the dinosaurs.
Maria: that is so unfair! I mean they can eat us, but we can't kick one
in the throat.
Ted: Well Ann!e does kick pretty hard.
Maria: Don't be ridiculous.
Joe: yeah.
Lindsey: Come on guys lets fix our shelter.
 

Iguanidon

Noemi: Is the celophysis gone?
Josephine: Um yes.
Eric: I could just go and tie myself to a post outside and find out.
Jeremy: No Eric.
Emily: we don't want you to be eaten Eric!
Eric: Fine you guys never let me have any fun.
Noemi: we need to hunt for food now. I wonder if these berries are
edible?
Eric: I'll eat them and then if I get sick and die you'll know they
weren't edible!
Emily: Or we could consult the guide book they gave us.
Eric: Oh yeah I suppose so.
Jeremy: Okay lets look for provisions.

Hadrosaur

Lindsey: Hey Hadrosaur means remodeling lizard. This looks great. better
than before.
Ted: Yeah the teeth marks in some of the boards are really artistic.
Lindsey: don't be sarcastic.
Ted: Oh yeah? I can be sarcastic if I want to!
Maria: Guys! Hadrosaur means friendly lizard.
Joe: Yeah.
Lindsey: sorry Ted.
Ted: I'm not....
Joe: DINOSAUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maria: Thanks for talking!!!!!!!!!!!!! RUN!!!
Lindsey: Ahhh
Ted: Lindsey I'm sorry! Hadrosaur means apologizing lizard, and if I die
now....i'm really sorry!
Maria: Into the shelter close the door!
Lindsey: Oh wait its a T-rex most people think those were scavengers.
Its okay. Nice dinosaur nice dinosaur. (pets it) Hey they were warm
blooded its chilly and he's warm. Or she. (climbs onto it) Giddy-up
Sally!

Iguanidons

Eric: Well so they were edible. Okay.
Emily: I found some fish in the stream over there.
Jeremy: Look I caught one and roasted it. (bites into it) yum.
Noemi: Um Jeremy I think that was a prehistoric fish.
Josephine: I don't think we're allowed to do that.

Helocopter driver: Thats right your not. Off the island with you Jeremy!

Jeremy: Dang.

 Laura: Stop that insane laughter and tell me what is going on!

Raven: I am the Prince of Lancaster.
Laura: What?!!!!
Raven: Well, I am.
Laura: Then why would you kidnap me?
Raven: You would like to know what wouldn't you Laura.
Laura: I'm not at all curious.
Raven: Not this again!
Laura: Alright alright tell me.
Raven: I have no intrest in marrying a girl I do not know. If I went to your
birthday party/engagement ceremony tonight I would meet you for the first
time and marry you tomorrow morning. Now despite the fact that our parents
decided before we were born that if their children were of the appropriate
genders, they would be married, I am going to give their idea a chance.
Meaning I would like to spend some quality time together. So I kidnapped
you.
Laura: there is absolutely no way that you are actually the Prince of
Lancaster.
Raven: Think as you like my dear think as you like, but now, shall we go to
the zoo?
Laura: you want to go to the zoo. You kidnapped me in order to take me to
the zoo. I am not going to the zoo with some jerk who thinks he can swing
into my room on a tarzan rope dressed as Zorro and wisk me off to go to the
zoo.
Raven: (grabbing her wrists) How do you propose to stop me?
Laura: 5 weeks of karate at age 9 taught me something! (kicks him over and
flips backwards and begins running across through the forest toward the
castle.)
Raven: (behind her) I'm faster that you Laura! And why are you running to
what you don't want to do?
Laura: Because theirs no other alternative!
Voice: (from above in an alien space ship) actually thats not true. (Laura
is sucked up by the space ship.)
Laura: Thanks for the lift Ann!e.
Ann!e: Hey no problem....but are you sure? That Raven guy is pretty cute.
Laura: Yeah I'm sure. Full speed to quadraxia.
Ann!e: Can you believe that they had no idea we'd been planning this for the
last 5 years?
Laura: ha ha ha.....its almost funny isn't it. Well nothing can stop us now.

Voice (from behind): Well actually something can....
 

The END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No I'm not sure that is a word..but deal with it kay? Thank you for you
patience with my illiteracy. Okay here's Laura's tribute.
 

Once upon a time there was a King and a Queen with 7 sons and 7
daughters. The youngest of them all was the beautiful Princess Laura.
The seven sons having been born in a row before the girls all had their
own wives and kingdoms by now. As did all the daughters except the young
Laura who was just about to turn 16. It is on this day that everything
began.

Stacy: A french braid for the ceremony perhapes?
Laura: No we did that last time.
Stacy: A french twist?
Laura:What's with all the french stuff?
Stacy: we are in france after all.
Laura: No. I don't feel like going to the ceremony anyway. I'll just
meet the Prince of Lancaster, who for ceremonious purposes only will
propose, as if we haden't been betrothed for 16 years anyhow..more than
that we were betrothed before I was born. and I've never met him,
because the kingdom of Lancaster is a 6 month journey from here.
Stacy: But you have to!
Laura: I know I have to.
Voice: (swinging down by the window) as it turns out...you don;t! (grabs
laura and leaps like a monkey across the roof tops and into the woods
surrounding the castle.
Stacy: uh oh.....
 
 
 
 
 
 

Person: so you must be wondering why I would kidnap you so abruptly on
your birthday.
Laura: No actually I am not at all curious.
Person: surely you must be.
Laura: no.
Person: But I wanted to tell you! Man. all criminals, kidnappers
included want to tell why they did it! Don't yu ever watch movies?
Laura: alright fine! Far be it from me to deny you that privilege.
Person: thank you. (removes his black mask) Don't I look like Zorro?
Laura: sort of.
Person: oh good thats what I was going for. You don't recognize me do
you?
Laura: I've never seen you before in my life!
Person: Mores the pity, you should have, and should recognize me on
sight. I am a rather influential person in your life..or should be.
Laura: how;s that?
Person: Call me Raven, thats my name.
Laura: I know no Raven.
Person: ha ha ha..surely they mentioned my name and not just my title!
Laura: I have no idea what your talking about!
Raven: (looking at her) you don;'t do you? hahahahahaaaaha
 

to be continued!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes yes and yes Hail to all my lovely e-mail correspondants to whom I
nod my (take notes now David) brown haired head in greeting. ANYWAY
sorry that David thing was a semi inside joke. But the purpose of this
e-mail is....da da da da da da da dah....Ann!e info e-mail! So that none
of you will ever fail those tiresome e-mail quizes on your friends, when
you are filling them out about me ever again! So I fully expect you to
print this out, take it to Kinko's (or another copying place) make
numerous photo copies, have them all lamininated, tape one up by the
computer, put one in a safe place where you'll keep it forever, have
another one shrunk down by their printers to book mark size, also
laminated and kept in whichever book you are reading. If ofcourse you
wear glasses I expect that you will embed a copy in the frames or lenses
of the glasses. If this impares you overall vision..well its a small
price to pay..thank you. ANYWAY the actual information.

Name: Andreona Cecilia Kaiser Johnson (also known as Ann!e, Ann Bananas,
Anne, Xena, Rambo, Phil, Cliff, and ofcourse Oh Beautiful One. )
Age: 16 and 1/2
Hieght: 5'7
Eyes: Grey (though in the right light with the right shirt they can
sometimes be seen as blue. yeah yeah really. No seriously! C'mon
reaaallllllllly)
Hair: Brown (with some gold highlights and some red highlights and some
fushia ones from that hair color stuff, and like one cheese curl orange
piece near my face that I have no idea why its that color.)
IQ: I don't know actually.  But knowing me...you can all guess....Ariel
guesses (3) and Emily guesses (140) and Eric guesses (10 points over
whatever Ariel's IQis) and Tom guesses (10 points over whatever Ariel
THINKS his IQ is).
Talents: Karate, Grappling, Piano playing, Mr. White thought singing but
not necessarily rythm and my piano teacher would agree, spanish
speaking, and last but certainly not least...Hoola hooping. (no really
I'm good at it. like really good).
Hobbies: acting. see above.
 
 

Well there we go Ann!e info...no nothing really interesting like who is
Ann!e madly in love with...(though most of you can guess or know because
subtly is not on my talents list)..or why is Ann!e so dang strange, or
why Ann!e dresses weird, or what is the title of the movie Ann!e wants
to star in if they ever made it...AND ofcourse why so many wierd things
happen to Ann!e.
 

OOKAY! ta ta

Love,
Ann!e
 

Previously : Eric: Look Peyite broken branches and one of the pieces of
yarn from
Ann!e's hair is on it.
Peytie: Good lets go that way. (turns to Kit) Kit>??????
Eric: He's gone! He didn't even scream. Oh my gosh where'd he go?
Peytie: Which way now? He must have been taken that way....but Ann!e's
the opposite way.
 

Now the continuation
 
 

Eric: I don't want to split up! What should we do?
Peytie: I don't know. I don't always have all the answers....I just wish
I did.
Eric: its okay don't get upset. Here we have some thread. Tie this end
to you and I'll keep the spool, it has 2000 yards of thread we should be
okay. I'll go after Kit you look for Ann!e.
Peytie: okay. (ties the string to her waist.)
Eric: Bye. (grips the spool, but not so tight that the thread can;t
unspin)
 
 

Peytie: ANN!E ANN!E!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hello? (hears something like a high
shriek and wet grahmcrackers breaking. Runs in the direction of the
sound. and sees Ann!e lying face down on the ground with a rock in hand
one arm twisted oddly behind her.) ANN!E
Ann!e: (moans)
Peytie: Ann!e Ann!e are you okay? (turns her over and gasps)
Ann!e: (eyes wide and changed) it wasn't a mutant Peytie. It wasn't an
animal. It wasn't human either. Just run, please run!
Peytie: but you're hurt! Your arm is broken! let me set it.
Ann!e: its not broken. Look at it. the elbow is just reversed. The other
one will change soon too. look at my eyes.
Peytie: What are you talking about?
Ann!e: Look I'm not hurt. (gasps in pain) well hurting but not hurt. I'm
changing. I can't move till its over. Thanks for getting my face out the
dirt. But please go.
Peytie: till what's over???!!!!!
 
 
 

Eric: Kit! Kit! Kit! (notices broken branches and continues in tha
direction. Then on the ground a scorched mark and another and another.)
huh? what are these?
Voice: You've found us!
Eric: (turning to face it.) AHHH! what are you?
Voice: We've come to help! Your explosions in 2004 were seen by our
sensors. You're feeble bodies cannot fight the mutants and your
technology can just barely protect you from the new type of atmosphere
the chemicals caused. We can make you like us! Look at us! We breathe
hydrogen and nitrogen and out skin is thick and without pores, our eyes
see infared. Take the gift! We've changed to humans already. They came
to us. The young woman and the man you search for are safe as creatures
like us. They resisted at first. The woman was foolish enough to pick up
a rock. We changed her fast. Your young freind is with her. Soon she to
will change. She touched the other woman. She's already begun. Now the
question is will you join them? Or stay human?

Peytie: Ann!e my arm! ahhh...(grabs the arm as the elbow reverses) I'm
changing..
Ann!e: Peytie no!
Peytie: Maybe its for the better, maybe then we can survive on Earth
this way.
Ann!e: but I want to be human, not one of them.
Peytie: what are they?
Ann!e: They are from beyond the milky way, they too once were like us
but chemicals got out of hand they were dying, when species like them
came and changed them. They feel they are helping us to survive.
Peytie: So thats it then. ahhh..my other arm....this is what comes of
technology getting out of control.
 

'

Eric: Change me.
 
 
 
 
 

Peytie: But this isn't the end, oh no this is the beginning. We will fix
this planet, we keep everyone else from changing. We will survive and we
will survive on our own.
 

THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well her birthday was yesterday...but you know. Alllright ALLLLLLLLL
April birthdays tell me so that I can write you a birthday tribute. New
peoples like Kit and Jesse during the month I write e-mail tributes to
all those born it. (kay?)

In the not too far future lies a memory of what was, in a future that is
to be. When all has come to nothing and yet remains something, the last
of humanity is surviving, holding onto life like they can't hold onto
the world, controlling the last they can control: themselves.

Peytie: hand me that grappling hook.
Eric: Here. Is it long enough to reach the top?
Peytie: Yeah I'm just wondering if its a good idea to go up there. its
about the only place they could hide, and the mutations have gotten out
of control lately.
Kit: LATELY? C'mon its always been out of control.
Peytie: Its secure. Someone should go up first.
Ann!e: HEY! why are you all looking at me.
Kit: You look the least edible.
Ann!e: Oh and how's that?
Kit: You look the strangest and if the only eat what they're familiar
with....
Ann!e: WE DON"T KNOW A THING ABOUT THEM.
Peytie: But they probably have ears! So hush.
Ann!e: Why are we doing this Anyway?
Peytie: We were organized in teams of four strategically 2 boys 2 girls
on a basis of diversity of personalities. Our job is to find the least
dangerous places for humans to relocate, and after the various chemical
explosions and reactions of 2004 the mutants have begun to fuel
themselves on more chemicals and whatever food they can find int he
city, near the chemical sources of power. SO were sent as far from the
city as possible so it should be safe and mutant free.
Ann!e: Look I already knew why we're here. But why did we have to get
this mission?
Eric: We're the youngest team. I mean Peytie is barely 20 and so they
gave us the safest task.
Ann!e: yeah. sure. Alright. Kit gimme a boost. (he helps her step up and
jump onto the rope and she snakes her way up it and disapears over the
edge of the cliff.)
Kit: (into radio) Communicator on Ann!e?
Ann!e: affirmative.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Eric: Your jjoking right Ann!e?
Kit: That hurt my ears.
Peytie: Ann!e? Ann!e? Ann!e? She's not joking guys. C'mon lets climb up.
(Eric helps her up and they climb quickly after her.)
Eric: I don't see her.
Kit: Here's her radio. (picking it up off the ground)
Eric: How can we tell if she was grabbed, or she ran?
Peytie: its all rock, theres no foot prints. Still we can see everywhere
up until the woods. Lets go in there. AND STAY together.
Kit: yeah. (they continue into the woods.) Ann!e's good at taking care
of herself she killed that mutant rabbit remember?
Peytie: That was the size of a cat and its fangs were only 4 inches,
plus it cold jump no higher that her knees.
Kit: Yeah but she killed it after it only bit her once!
Peytie: And she spent three months in rehab. You're not lifting my
spirits.
Eric: Look Peyite broken branches and one of the pieces of yarn from
Ann!e's hair is on it.
Peytie: Good lets go that way. (turns to Kit) Kit>??????
Eric: He's gone! He didn't even scream. Oh my gosh where'd he go?
Peytie: Which way now? He must have been taken that way....but Ann!e's
the opposite way.
 

TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 OKAY nice title. Any way I have compiled a list of ways to tell if a car
belongs to a Minnesotan. NO this is not  fwd I made these up!

1. It has cow spot patterned seat covers.
2. It has antlers as a hood ornament
3. It has so many park stickers, fishing and hunting stickers on the
winshield that there is a one inch square place with which to see out.
4. The windshield is literally held together by those same stickers.
5. There is more rust than paint on the outside.
6. Someone tried to take care of the rust by painting it plaid.
7. It has a trailer hitch.
8.It has a trailer on the hitch
9. It has snowmobiles on the trailer.
10. It still has them on there in July.
11. The car horn is a specialty horn that sounds like a cow mooing.
12. Blaze orange vests are decomposing in the back seat.
13. A black lab is sitting in the back seat on the orange vests.
14. The car is held together on the outside by ducktape, or at least the
mirrors are.
15. LAST but not least...ahem...(this is ingenius I swear)....gosh is
this a good way to tell.... so scroll down.
still here?
hmmmhmmm want to know?
keep scrolling
okay okay okay okay okay okay okay....IT HAS A MINNESOTAN LICENSE
PLATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(wow good huh?) oh yeah I thought so.

Well my family's cars  have a few of those...and my relatives have most
of those..so yeah guess we must be.
 

 OKAY here is Tom's birthday tribute although he expressly asked for it
to be in february. WHY? I don't know his birthday IS in JANUARY after
all....but I didn't think I'd have time tomorrow..so thats why its now.
 

In the deep rainforests of Brazil a brave explorer and his six
assistants (Nathan, Lindsey, Peytie, Ann!e, Ariel, and Laura.) were
going in search of. the golden city of Turtles...the great TURTLERADO
which ofcourse not only contained gold and turtles..but the turtle
fountain of youth which was rumored to have the power to make turtles
young I again.

Tom: Well...we've been looking for 2 weeks and I sincerely think we're
going in circles.
Peytie: IN CIRCLES???? oh man.... but its been forever and we've been
hiking so long!
Ann!e: Come on Tom who even cares about the turtle fountain of youth?
Tom: I like turtles.
Ann!e: You do?
Tom: yeah.
Ann!e: (smiles) oh...
Nathan: So who had the map?
Tom: Ann!e.
All: ANN!E?????
Lindsey: No offense  Ann!e (takes the map and hands it to Tom)
Tom: (looks the map up and down.) Oh its over that hill. (they all hike
over the crest of the hill and behold it....TURTLERADO...)
All: WOW!
Tom: Breathtaking isn't it?
Ariel: Yes I know I am breathtaking in the sunlight.
Tom: I meant the city!
Ariel: Oh well its nice enough I'm sure.
Laura: Lets go down and check it out.
Tom: WAIT! Do you see all the turtles down there?
Lindsey: So?
Tom: they could be fierce and savage turtles.
Ann!e: Have you ever heard of ferocious turtles?
Tom: Ann!e just imagine that all those giant turtles are snapping
turtles who are unused to visitors.
Lindsey: especialy visitors who look like you Ann!e.
Nathan: AHHHHHH!!!!!! (points to something behind some trees)
Tom: (whirls around) What? (looks where Nathan is pointing.) Ahhh! (A
band of savage warrior turtles surround them. They hold spears in very
strange un-turtle-like hands.)
Ann!e: Look at their hands...do you think they are aliens?
Peytie: No....
(the turtles begin leading them down toward the city while gesturing
with the spears.)
Nathan: This doesn't look good.
Tom: I agree.
(they are led to some sort of pavillion. Inside sitted in a golden
throne is a giant turtle.)
Giant Turtle: Greetings!
Ann!e: You talk!
Giant Turtle: Ofcourse. I am Riglok the king of turtles. Why have you
come here?
Tom: We really appreciate the wonderfullness of turtles and are also
looking for the turtle fountain of youth.
Riglok: (laughs) Oh.....no you don't understand. (from the ground near
his feet he picks up a little baby turtle. He drops it into the fountain
next to him.)
Ann!e: but thats so young it would....(the fountain water roars upward
in a rising pillar Out of it steps a now two legged two handed teenage
turtle.)
Ariel: I don't get it.
Riglok: Perhapes now you will. Raphael,. Leonardo, Donatello,
Michealangelo come in here.(four familiar turtles enter the room.)
Donatello: (points to Laura) look at that brown haired girl! she looks
just like April!
Riglok: At any rate. My turtles love people. You are all welcome to
stay. Especially the girls with brown hair....that one has just the
right length of hair too.
Laura: This is bad.
Ann!e: This is very bad.
Lindsey: Anyone got hair dye?
Peytie: I'm glad I'm blonde. But we have to get out of here.
Tom: Thanks for your hospitality..but we must be going.
Riglok: Well if you must you must. Go then. (Tom, Peytie, Ariel,Nathan
Ann!e Lindsey, and Laura walk through the doorway between the two gaurds
with spears. But once Tom, Peytie, Nathan and Ariel walk through the
spears come down and block Ann!e, Laura, and Lindsey from leaving.

Raphael: Pizza anyone?
Ann!e: Look this isn't fair. Why should we have to stay?
Michelangelo: We're lonely! We only have turtles to hang out with. Now
that our show is off the air we don't get to see April anymore. We have
no one to eat pizza with, no one to rescue, no one climb building and
sewers with....we miss April.
Donatello: She liked me best.
Ann!e: I always liked you best too.
Raphael: No!
Ann!e : yeah. You were the coolest. With the orange head band and the
pizza addiction....
Laura: Ann!e what are you doing?
Tom: (whispered from the other side of the spears) Laura I know what
she's doing... you and Lindsey come over here quietly. (Laura and
Lindsey sneak quietly over and under the spears of the gaurds who are
watching the unfolding drama.)
Raphael: come on didn't you like my red head band?!!!
Ann!e: well...red is my favorite color.
Michelangelo: AND WHAT IS WRONG WITH BLUE!!????
Ann!e: Nothing! Blue is beautiful....you were always so heroic...
Donatello: So c'mon did you like me or them?
Leonardo: So far you haven't said anything about me!
Ann!e: Thats cause you save the best for last.
Donatello: HEY! SHE LIKES ME BEST! (Wrestles Leonardo to  the ground)
Ann!e: Looks like those to would prefer to wrestle then to talk to me...

Raphael: I don't feel that.
Ann!e; You don't?
Michelangelo: Neither do I.
Raphael: OH sure you don't! We'll see about that! (grabs him and they
begin fighting,.)
Tom: (leaps over the spears of the gaurd who are each cheering on a
different turtle. They too begin fighting.) C'mon Ann!e lets get out of
here.
Riglok: Forgetting someone?
Ann!e: Drat.
Tom: No!  I foresaw this kind of trouble. I studied up on the ninja
turtles before I came to Brazil.
Ann!e: you did?
Tom: Of course! Now this will turn you back! (he splashes the turtle
youth water on Riglok.)
Riglok: AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (he shrinks down to a tiny
turtle, Tom picks it up.)
Tom: we may as well bring something back. (they all creep out past the
fighting turtles.) Though I'd like to know how we'll get through customs
on the plane home.
 

                                        THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Remeber never go to TURTLERADO if you have brown hair and are a teenage
girl. (yes Donatello really was my favorite.)

Now Tom's virtues

ALL RIGHTY! The great and mighty Hanna the girl who mimes cars, the girl
> who thinks she's a dinosaur....the girl who redefines the phrase "that's
> weird"........HANNA!!!! So now we begin our tribute to her. (Not Hannah
> Jastrum or Smith this is Hanna from my old school to cut down on the
> confusion)
>
> Long long ago when the whistling winds still rippled accross the wide
> prairies the French and Indian war was being fought. The pioneers began
> to have hostile feeling toward the French and the Indians with all their
> fighting and such...this was very hard for Hanna. You see Hanna was a
> young french girl who had come to America to work. Only she had not had
> enough money (as she was young and very poor) to come so she become an
> indentured servant. That means that a family in America had paid for her
> to come to America and work for free for a certain number of years until
> her passage was paid off. They had agreed on three. So far it had been 2
> years and she had gotten along well with her American family. She worked
> hard for them...but they treated her as a family member rather than a
> slave as other indentured servants of nearby families were treated. But
> now during the war many Americans had strong feelings of anger toward
> the French and were turning against their servants or families who had
> one. Hanna's family was still kind to her, but she knew they were
> endanger because of her. So she packed up the few things she had and
> left a note telling them that after the war was over she would return
> and work her last year. So Hanna crept to the door and openned it when a
> strong hand gripped her fore arm.
> Hanna: Who's there?
> Tom: Knock knock. Anybody home? You think you can survive out there
> Hanna?
> Hanna: I don't want to endanger you or your family!
> Tom: Look my sister Emily and I and my parents all care for you greatly,
> we'd rather all be in danger then not know where you are.
> Emily: Tom, Hanna are you awake? Where are you going?
> Hanna: I'm leaving. Now please let me go.
> Emily: Don't leave Hanna!
> Hanna: I have to.
> Emily: You're right. You do.
> Tom: WHAT? Your just going to let her go!
> Emily: Not alone! Someone should go with her.
> Tom: No Emily you can't go either.
> Emily: I can so! You can't control me!
> Ariel: But I can! I am your father and no one is leaving this house!
> Christa: Children please this is silly. We will be allright. (then a
> knock at the back door.)
> Person outside: WE KNOW YOU HAVE A FRENCH GIRL IN THERE OPEN UP AND LET
> US IN!!!!!!!!!!!
> Ariel: I changed my mind! Quick Children all of you out the door...run!
> STAY TOGETHER!
>
> (they run......deep into the forest....the same forest that the BOG
> MONSTER from Robin Hood lived!)
>
> Hanna: (gasp) do you....(pant) think they are following us?
> Emily: I...(gasp) sure hope not. (leans against tree)
> Tom: Look over there do you see that light? It's glowing...how odd....it
> seems like its moving.
> Hanna: it's just fire flies.
> Tom: No...its all misty and bigger than a thousand fireflies.
> Emily: Look its coming this way!
>
> Bog Monster: I AM THE BOG MONSTER! SURRENDER HELPLESS HUMANS.
>
> Hanna: What will you do if we don't?
> Bog Monster: Um......I will.....hmm.......
> Emily: Coming up with plans isn't your strong point is it?
> Bog Monster: Look I.....well..maybe I'd.....I know kiss you!
> Hanna: Oh my gosh...how disgusting. Nope sorry I didn't bring a quart of
> mouth wash.
> Bogmonster: Oh drat....then you have to surrender!
> Emily: Uh uh.
> Bogmonster: (picks up the two girls in his slimy arms and begins
> carrying them away.) Ha ha try to catch me human boy!
> Tom: Don't worry Emmy don't worry Hanna I'll save you!
> Hanna: I'm not worried. Slime is slippery! (grabs Emily's hand and they
> slip out of his arms and run back to Tom, together they all
> run....straight into the villagers leaving their parents house!)
> Person1: Ha! We caught them!
> Emily: Who?
> Person2: You..your the escaped children and french girl right?
> Tom: I'm not a french girl. And I'm not a child.
> Person 1: Yeah this one isn't French either...where'd the girl go?
> (Hanna had been behind the others and was hidden in a grove of tree
> watching. The bog monster has crept up behind her. Sensing something she
> turns around and bites back a scream.)
> Hanna: (in a fierce whisper) Want  to help me?
> Bogmonster: Anything for a pretty girl...for a price.
> Hanna: What?
> Bogmonster: I want to have the phone number of the girl writiing this
> e-mail.
> Hanna: umm...we're stepping out of character here BogMonster....we
> shouldn't but okay. Here it is...now I want you to run out there and
> scare away those villagers.
> Bogmonster: No prob! (runs out into the crowd yelling and dripping slime
> and duckweed everywhere. Villagers begin screaming and running.)
> Hanna: Thanks pal.
> Tom: Well that went well. Anyone for pizza?
> Emily: Yeah lets go.
>
NOW where were we? The captain had fired Maria but saw his children
climbing and thought it was remarkable how nice they were to the
baroness so he unfired her. kay? Okay!

Ann!e: Darling don't you think we ought to have a little party to
introduce me to all of your friends? Why people will wonder why they've
never seen me if you don't!
Captain: (trying to think of an excuse for not having the party as the
Ann!e even though she is a baroness is just a little strange and he
doesn't want his friends meeting her..unable to think of anything
though..) Why ofcourse Ann!e how right you are!
Ann!e: I'm always right darling.

(YES I KNOW WE SKIPPED THE PUPPET SHOW BUT this is not to be confused
with the sound of music. If it had that..PEOPLE MIGHT GET CONFUSED!!!!!1
and think that this was somehow based on that musical!)

(at the party)

Uncle Ariel: Maria Maria Maria you look simply divine.
Maria: Oh but I'm not dressed for a party.
Uncle Ariel: Nonsense! with your beauty you'd be dressed for a party in
a paper bag.
Ann!e:(walking over) Oh Maria darling how are you! Isn't it a lovely
evening? Yes ofcourse it is.
Ariel: Thats a very interesting dress Ann!e.
Ann!e: why thank you sweet heart! It only took 2000 peacock feathers and
400 yards of green silk to make.
Ariel: Its very creative.
Ann!e: I know. oh theres the Captain and his wow who's his friend?
Ariel: Thats a Turtle farmer from Bangledesh.
Ann!e: Oh I see....
 

Maria: So children heres the deal. In order to properly say goodnight to
his guests you have to swing in on rope swings while throwing rabid
slugs like confetti all over the guests.
Laura: ICK! People aren't going to like that!
Matt: You've been hanging around Ann!e too long.
Maira: c'mon its creative. doesn't it sound like fun?
Peytie: yes but we did it to our 3rd governess four years ago.
Maria: Then its already an old favorite.
 
 

Captain: Maria there you are! where are the children?
Maria: Preparing their goodnight performance.
Captain: nothing to bizzare I hope?
Maria: (smiles) trust me! (laughs)
 

Maria: ready kids?
Kids: READY! (they swing out over the guests yelling"goodnight" and
dumping buckets and buckets of slugs on them.)
Guests: ICK!
Ann!e: Kewl!
Captain:
MARIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To be continued

Maria: Am I fired?
Captian: YES! NOW GO!
Maria: Bye then. (walks to go get her things.)

The Baroness with the children

Matt: Here Ann!e this is how to climb a building.
Peytie: See you use your utility belt to hold the ropes. Got it?
Ann!e: yes. Um thanks....(Captian enters) Oh darling you didn't tell me
your children knew how to climb buildings!
Peytie: Here...we got these for you. (its a utility belt)
Ann!e: my own utility belt! Oh David darling you didn't tell me how
enchanting your children are.
Captain: um yes could you..I'll be back in a moment. (rushed from the
room) MARIA!!!!!!!!!
Maria: (appearing at the top of the stairs with a suitcase) I'm leaving
I'l leaving I'm leaving already. man!
Captian: don't go. I mean please Maria I behaved awfully and the
children can climb and they gave the baroness a belt and I can't fire
you.
Maria: Alright I'll stay then.
Captian: Throwing his arms about her waist and spinning her around.)
thank you thank you thank you. (he sets her down and pulls away slowly.)

Ann!e: darling I....am I interupting something?
Captain: no no um Maria is staying..
Ann!e: mmm how lovely.
 
 

The Baroness and Ariel

Ann!e: (picks up a candy cigarette) you know honey I think I'm losing
him.
Ariel: How can you lose? your funny, witty, charming, and rich! (toys
with a candy cigarette)
Ann!e: Oh please don't be silly. Only far to easily. That pretty little
governess of his for one. To think I lent her my clothes.(downs another
glass of gingerale)
Ariel: Ahh well. (takes it away.) you've had too much of this I think.
Drinking isn't good for you no matter how bad you feel.
Ann!e: Oh hush.
Ariel: you could marry me!

TO BE CONTINUED
 

So the next part of the sound of AHEM not to be confused with sound of
music e-mail.

Maria: Well kids your father is gone. What shall we do?
Laura: go on dates to fancy night clubs in shiny limosines?
Maria: I'M A NUN! Who do you propose I go out with?
Laura: Oh no you wouldn't even have to come.
Maria: Nice try. How about we go have a picnic?
Matt: A picnic? We're not five years old Frauline.
Maria: yeah I know.  How about we dress up like members of green peace
and go protest by climbing buildings of poluting corprate executives?
All: YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

Meanwhile driving back from Vienna (okay remeber Emily did the casting
so I am not to blame for the Ann!e is the Baroness and David is the
Captain. No offense David you are wonderful, but I prefer in real life
someone else.)

Ann!e: David the mountains are so....beautful, but don't you think
they'd be better lime green?
Captian: No Ann!e not really.
Uncle Ariel: Well I do.
Ann!e: Oh Ariel no one asked you.
Uncle Ariel: Well I guess not. But I was wondering where I would find my
little music group to sell to ABC for the next run of "Making the Band"
they don;t want a boy band or a girl band. They want both genders! How
am I supposed to find both? (hears singing) whats that sound?
Captain: Its the monks. They are all male I'm afraid.
Ariel: drat. Oh look theres green peace at it again scaling the Nestle
(spelling??) building to protest their line of baby formula in third
world countries as sold by fake doctors and nurses, so that the poor
people buy it because they are told its best and water it down to much
and inadvertanlty starve and kill their children.
Ann!e: How did you know so much about it?
Ariel: I'm a closet green peace member. (rips of his suit to reveal a
green jumpsuit and utility belt, he puts on goggles and leaps from the
car onto the building.)
Captain: Um...OKAY...hey do those green peace members look familiar to
you?
Ann!e: noo....should they? Well Ariel.
Captain: hmm...they look awfully young.
They reach the house and have Ted park the car.
Ann!e: Well where are those delightful children I have been hearing
about?
Captain: I don't know...and look their uniforms are hanging on the line
drying....what could they be wearing..not their fancy clothes I hope.
Ann!e: honey those can't be their uniforms? Oh let me design new ones.
Captain: no no thats okay....
Ann!e: Oh look they are! and their clothes...such taste!
Captain: AHHH! Their clothes are made from my flags from around the
world collection! They are wearing my flags! noooo....
Ann!e: Oh..honey I'm sorry...but they are so fashionable! (the kids
climb out of the jalopy Maria brought carrying duffel bags.)  Maria!
Maria: (extending a hand) HI!.
Ann!e: (whispering) did you design those outfits?
Maria: (whispers) yeah.
Ann!e: cool.
Captain: Ann!e go up to the house and see if Ariel is back, I need to
have a private word with this governess of mine.
Ann!e: (waving crossed fingers at Maria) Of course dear.
 

Captain: Maria. These clothes....they are made out of my flag collection
aren't they?
Maria: Yes aren't they nice?
Captain: MY flag collection..you had no right! And what is in this?
(snatches duffel bag. Opens it) EEK! These are green peace suits! My
kids are....charity terrorists?!!!!
Maria: Green peace is a great organization. A little different
perhapes...
Captain: I DON"T WANT MY CHILDREN TO BE DIFFERENT!
Maria: thats just it! You seem to think you can have card board cut out
kids! They aren't they are people too! they are each individuals!
Captain: Pack your bags Maria and get out.
Maria: Oh kay but you'll never find more truth than in what I just told
you.
 

TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay guys this is the last e-mail for awhile. I will be gone till next
week. So sorry but no more e-mails till then, (oh wow you all sound so
disapointed.) But if you send me personal e-mails I may be able to
answer them from my uncle's computer.

Love,
Ann!e
 

Long ago in a galaxy far far away......
>
>STAR WARS!!!!!! THE UNKNOWN TRILOGY!!!!!!!!! MADE SLIGHTLY AFTER EPISODE
>ONE. ABOUT A YEAR LATER.
(Note: This document is fan art and is not affiliated in any way with Lucasfilm or related companies)
(Second Note: I accidentally lost the last part, and I'm trying to retrieve it. We'll see)
>
>
>You may have thought friends and Jedi that Darth Maul was gone..... But
>no he is not! Darth Maul (affectionately known as Ariel) is still
>living. He is really a hybrid of a sub-species of starfish which you
>know can regenerate and go through fragmentation. We don't know which.
>Did his head just regenerate legs and all or did each piece grow a new
>him? We will see!
>
>Sabe’ the young girl who replaced Queen Amidala during the attack is in a
>strange predicament and turns to the Force for help.
>
>Sabe’: Great Jedi must you speak from behind a curtain? I come seeking your
>advice!
>
>Jacobixin (the Jedi): Is it not true, young Sabe’ that your spirit name in
>the Force is Josephine?
>Sabe’: Oh please not so loud! You know that that is the name I must obey.
>Please, great unknown Jedi, counsel me in my problem!
>Jacobixin: Tell me of your worries young one.
>Sabe’: I have fallen in love!
>Jacobixin: Who with young one? Why is this a problem?
>Sabe’: With the adorable Jar Jar Binks! Oh, great one, his silly voice
>makes me tremble! I can't even say it without feeling overpowered by love
>for him, so let us call him Eric.
>Jacobixin: If we must, still why is this so wrong?
>Sabe’: He is not of my species!
>Jacobixin: Ahh I see, but do you love this Eric?
>Sabe’: Yes I do! But please help me not to love him.
>Jacobixin: If I must. Now you see why I stand behind this curtain. (He
>steps out. He is impressively dark and handsome. Too handsome to not stand
>behind a curtain and still keep the ladies away)
>Sabe’: Oh!
>Jacobixin: Love me instead!
>Sabe’: You're a little short for a Jedi.... but I love you! Tell me your
>true name!
>Jacobixin: I am Jacobixin Flarettision for short Jake Flaretti
>Sabe’: Might I call you Jake?
>Jacobixin: Call me anything...but love me!
>Sabe’: I do!
>
>...............................................................................
..................................................
>
>Meanwhile deep in Jabba's lair a young slave (who insisted on wearing a
>long ankle length Amish dress b/c Tattoine was so cold after living on
>the surface of the 1st sun from the next) was preparing to overthrow him
>b/c he was soo hateful. Behind his back she called him Ted. Her name was
>Kayte. She teamed up with the keeper of lizards which Jabba ate (who also
>hated him b/c she loved lizards) named Mayrie. Jabba had just pulled Kayte
>close for a slimy smooch when...
>
>TO BE CONTINUED!!!

Jabba pulled Kayte forward for a slimy kiss while she struggled in his
>grasp then Mayrie the lizard keeper who also hated Jabba came running
>out of the kitchen and hit Jabba with a frying pan.
>Jabba: Unda gala ya wenay frenge ula (why in the name of heck did you
>hit me with that)
>Mayrie: You have no right to torture your very own slave who belongs to
>you! And you have no right to eat my precious lizards! YOU YOU HORRID
>BEAST OF A DEAD TED! Oh dear did I really call him by that name? Oh oh
>dear!
>Jabba: (understanding of course a language he doesn't speak) Sepak undi
>gana wancha poori ovey urnque. (She belongs to me! If I kiss her that is my
>own business and you go bake me a pie.)
>Kayte: Go Mayrie or he will kill you!
>Jabba: Oka bura notcheee yurkie (Good idea slave)
>Kayte: Oh no! Jabba no! Kiss me but don't kill her!
>Jabba: Ha ha ha urkee umbay renda seichay lurga. (Ha ha ha, you will not
>trick me little one I will kill you both.)
>Mayrie: You'll do no such thing! (Bites Jabba ferociously) UGH YOU TASTE
>TERRIBLE!!!!
>Jabba: Noowaa oucha horrinda! Urkee umbay morturay yinaywee. (Now ouch
>you have hurt me horribly. You will die at once.)
>(Opens the rancor pit.)
>Kayte: Better to die then kiss you wretched fiend!
>Mayrie: Or to kill precious lizards for your enjoyment… ahhhhh!!!!!!!
>(They fall)
>Jabba: Ha ha ha (ha ha ha)
>
>Then out of nowhere swoop.........Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin ready to
>save them.
>Anakin: Obi-Wan look - a pretty girl and a horrible slug guy. He must be
>one of those Hutts!
>Obi: Yes Anakin he is. I told Qui Gon not to come here because it is
>ruled by the Hutts. He is evil and girl crazy and really Ted in
>disguise!
>Anakin: Oh I see like you are really Tom?
>Obi: Hush Anakin or should I say little Gus (Josephine's little brother
>who thinks he's engaged to my sister (which leads us to who Amidala is!)
>Anakin: The rancor has awakened, shouldn't we rescue them with a good
>trick?
>Obi: Oh of course! Ha that’s good I almost forgot! (They dive in and
>spring out with both of them safe and sound.)
>Jabba: Ulla urkee unda paba yukkka? (Have you forgotten me?)
>Obi: Um no! So we're leaving. (They escape)
>
>...............................................................................
..............................................
>
>Meanwhile the evil Darth Maul (or Ariel) paces in his chamber. HE IS
>ALIVE!!!!! He hides unobtrusively behind a curtain.
>Darth: Ha ha ha that new short Jedi and his lovely maiden do not know I
>am here. Once I have killed them both I will move on to all the Jedi,
>they will die and I will rule the galaxy!
>Amidala: Darth Maul I see you forget that I rule the galaxy!
>Darth: No I do not. You shall not live long enough to warn them little
>one! Don't pretend you aren't a small little girl…Ellie!
>Amidala: You have forgotten my black belt Jedi training.
>
>...............................................................................
...............................................
>
>Jacobixin: Sabe’ my sweet pet would you like some more tea?
>Sabe’: I want only to gaze into your sweet eyes and nothing more. (Hears
>noises from behind the curtain.)
>Jacobixin: Josephine I mean Sabe’ do you hear something?
>Sabe’: Yes Jake I do!
>Darth: Don't bother going behind the curtain.
>Sabe’: Who's behind it?!
>Darth: No one.
>Jake: But I thought I heard your voice behind it. How did you get here?
>Darth: HA ha ha you honestly don't know?
>Jake: I thought you were dead!
>Darth: Ever studied biology? Fragmentation? There could be any number of
>me! HAA AHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA! (Amidala bursts through the curtain)
>Amidala: AAAHHHH I just injured you behind the curtain! How is it that
>there is more than one? I …(faints)
>Darth: You injured me? Oh shoot! Other Darth are you okay?
>Darth: No - ow! She broke my shin with a stomp kick...ughhh....
>Darth: Should we amputate and have 3 Darths? You'll grow it back by
>regeneration.
>Darth: NO! Just put it in a splint okay?
>Darth: Fine! Be that way. (Lifts him up) We'll be back you horrid people
>we'll be back!
>Amidala: We must tell the Jedi council!
>Obi: Part of the Jedi council has arrived!
>Amidala: Obi-Wan! If I could reach I'd hug you!
>Anakin: Hug me instead Ellie!
>Amidala: Of course I will!
>Obi-Wan: Still the Jedi council does await us. We will have to bring two
>new friends along though. Allow me to introduce Kayte and Mayrie, two of
>Jabba's slaves. We have rescued them.
>Jake: Oh okay let's go. Come Sabe’ dearest.
>Jar Jar: (enters) Sabe’ dearest? What ever do you mean? Sabe’ my dear....
>
>...............................................................................
...............................................
>
>Yoda: Stand you all as wife of mine enters the room
>The Jedi (spit out coffee, cough or stare in amazement): YOUR WIFE???????
>Yoda: Yes she didn’t make the movie.
>Ann!yee: I am his wife.
>Yoda: Yes this lovely woman young is my wife.
>Jedi by the name of Stayceee: Isn't she a little young for you?
>Yoda: So robbed the cradle did I? Shut up must you!
>Jedi by the name of Stayceee: But I thought you loved me Yoda or should
>I say Matt?
>(Now pause here because the only reason I am married to Yoda is because
>I adore Yoda and the only reason Matt is Yoda is because there is a Jedi
>named Stayceee. I promise you on a thousand e-mails that I don’t like Matt,
>but Yoda had to be someone and since Matt is picked on so often no one will
>think anything of it, besides he was left, but so is David however if I did
>him you guys would think I liked him, If it's Matt you won’t. See?)
>Yoda: No never loved you did I! Only fair Ann!yee love I did. Hush now
>must you. Some important Jedi now enter. Ann!yee love come by me and
>sit and my wrinkled ear stroke will you.
>
>TO BE CONTINUED

Obi: We have horrible news great Jedi.
>Ann!yeee: You dare bring us great Jedi bad news?
>Anakin: We bring the Queen of Naboo; surely you will hear us.
>Yoda: See you will we.
>Obi: Well um I don’t know how to put this!
>Ann!yee: You never were particularly good with words you mostly say
>mmmhmmm and that's good.
>Obi: How cruel!
>Ann!yee: I'm not cruel!
>Obi: I don't want this turtle to be close to my heart anymore you can
>have it back! (Tears some little turtle-like object from his pocket and
>throws it at her feet.)
>Ann!yee: Oh! Oh but...
>Yoda: Ohhhh slap you I will! Make my wife sad have you!
>Obi: This is ridiculous all I wanted to say was that Darth Maul is
>ALIVE!
>Amidala: There are two now! Or perhaps three if the one got his way...
>(General stir in the Jedi Council, then the beautiful young Gungan girl
>called the oracle steps forward.)
>Emyliee: Yes they speak aright...I see it!
>Obi: She believes us!
>Emyliee: Oh but two of your party are in great danger! Jabba had teamed
>up with the three Darth Mauls and they are heading this way! They'll be
>here any second! AHHHHH! (The Darths burst into the chamber shattering
>the glass. Three identical lightsabers flash on.)
>Jabba: Oooli kiar mundi yuukka (I am back for you my little slave)
>Kayte: Oh great no way slimy breath I don’t ickkkkkkkkk (Jabba has
>grabbed her and kissed her)
>Jabba: Yuri kanna boora yaabeey. (Now that's over and I can kill you.)
>Amidala: You'll do no such thing! (Bites him)
>Jabba: Oucha (ouch)
>Mayrie: I could have told you, that’s been tried before. Here's some
>mouthwash.
>Amidala: OOOOh ickkckckkckckckkkck
>Kayte: Oh Jabba I, I changed my mind. Kiss me again you stud!
>Jabba: Hundri quey unka huh? (What the heck huh?)
>Kayte: (grabs him and kisses him again) take me back to the palace I
>promise never to complain again. Marry me teddy baby.
>Mayrie: Don’t say “Mayrie” next to his name even if you mean, “marry”. Oh
>yuck!
>Darths: This isn’t want we came for. NOW KILL THEM ALL!
>
>With a burst of psychic strength Emylee makes the glass room collapse.
>
>Emylee: I'm sorry if you're all killed but it's for the good of the
>people! (With all her might she wills the all the glass onto the Darths.
>They are covered in shards of broken glass)
>Amidala: Thank goodness that’s over.
>Kayte: Kiss me again!
>
>TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well Kayte the beautiful Amish slave has been taken back to Jabba's palace
>whereupon wedding rites have ensued. Back at the Jedi Council workers are
>cleaning up the shards of broken glass and the (urghh) pieces of stuff that
>were under the broken glass...Darth Maul’s pieces plural. Ughhh.... The
>young cleaner had just put all the pieces into one big bag when she heard
>muffled talking and saw the bag beginning to grow.
>Lyndesie: Is anyone around here?
>Bag: In here girlie let us out.
>Lyndesie: But you're dead.
>Bag: AHAHAHHAHAHAHHAH! As if you could get rid of us that easily!
>Lyndesie: Um how many of there are you? (Growing bag stretches too far and
>explodes. The floor is covered in growing bodies.) Oh gross this is getting
>too awful keep in mind audience that they are only going through
>fragmentation it's a natural part of a starfish’s life.
>Lyndesie: Oh no! There are hundreds of them! There's a whole army of Darth
>Mauls!!!!! HELP ME SOMEONE!
>Darth1: There's no one around to help you.
>Lyndesie: But they are near by! HELP! (A lone Jedi and his young maid
>friend enter the hall.)
>Jacobixin: By the Force, there are hundreds of them! Surely it is an
>illusion! I must be fatigued!
>Sabe’: Then I too must be darling, for I see it as well!
>Darth2: Enough of this nonsense we are real and we will burn this building
>to the ground. No more Jedi hahahahahahahaha. We will set up our friends
>the Yeerks to rule this place you call Naboo. YES WE ARE CONTROLERS!
>HAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHA! AND JACOBIXIN OR MAY WE CALL YOU JAKE? YOU
>KNOW YOU ARE AN ANIMORPH!
>Jacobixin: Hush! You may not reveal too much vissers Darth you will pay for
>your foolish plan! We may only have a few but we are strong in the Animorph
>powers and there are Jedi to help us. Sabe’ my love I must confess that I
>am not what you think I am! I am an Animorph, not a Jedi! Forgive me my
>love!
>Sabe’: Instantly, but what about Cassie?
>Jake: She went off with a Gungan.
>Lyndesie: Don't just stand there do something about them! (The Darths have
>begun running up and down the halls looking for Jedi. Suddenly they hear a
>funny voice.)
>Jar Jar: Meesa help! (Jar Jar empties a bottle of insecticide onto the
>Darths, as they are also part dragonfly *this accounts for their
>hatefulness* ha ha Ariel)
>Darths 1-50: AHHHH We're melting!!!!
>Darths: 50 -200(all): Oh no we must take you to the family doctor! (Pick up
>all the Darths and carry them away.) WE\"LL BE BACK DON\"T FORGET THAT WE
>WILL BE BACK!
>Jar Jar: Sabe’ meesa save you and the pretty cleaner. Meesa do good ya?
>Sabe’: My hero!
>Jake: But Sabe’ I tried to help! I didn't have nay insecticide!
>Sabe’: Oh I'm torn, I'm torn whatever shall I do?
>
>...............................................................................
.
>
>Meanwhile
>
>Kayte: Oh Jabba we are to be wed at last. I hope you don't mind that I
>invited all the Jedi and Amidala and Anakin? (That’s why there were no Jedi
>in the building.)
>Jabba: Undi gala oofi weregon hundi umpa lala (You know I hate Jedi, but I
>love you more than I hate them.)
>Kayte: Oh wonderful! Kiss me Teddy bear. (Ugh)
>Amidala: Where's the minister?
>Yoda: I be here. Call me you Father Matt I am.
>Obi: Oh brother.
>Ann!yee: Obi-Wan please take back the turtle I didn't mean...
>Obi: Hush! The wedding is starting.
>Yoda: Take you this slug as your lawful wedded husband?
>Kayte: I do I do I do! yahhhhh!
>Yoda: Take you this lovely Amish girl to be your lawful wedded wife?
>Jabba: Um oondi umba yerrka youla. (Um I guess so yeah)
>Yoda: Pronounce you slug and wife do I. Kiss the bride may you.
>Kayte: Oh goody!
>(Everyone else): YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>Mayrie: There is a large assortment of non-lizard dishes in the kitchen for
>the reception come on in.
>(Suddenly the Darths burst through the ceiling recovered from their
>problems with insecticide.)
>Darth47: We have found you at last Jedi.
>Qui Gon (affectionately known as David): Cousin Darth! (Qui Gon is part
>starfish too) How pleased am I too see you again.
>Darth32: NOT YOU!!!!
>
>TO BE CONTINUED in 5 OF 9

Darth32: NOT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>Qui Gon: I regenerate my stomach, you Darth Maul in plural form have made a
>grave mistake in thinking I was dead. I was hiding waiting to surprise you,
>I have been getting stronger.
>Anakin: But we burned you!
>Qui Gon: No no! I made a life size wax model that looked JUST like me. I am
>sorry about the deception young Anakin, but you forgave Amidala and I beg
>the same favor.
>Anakin: Sure that was a cool trick.
>Darth89: What are you all standing around for! Kill him again!
>Darth197: Don't be stupid what good what it do dang it? He'll regenerate
>anything or go through fragmentation and the last thing we want is more of
>him!
>Amidala: What can we do with them? We can't kill them and they can't kill
>us.
>Darth12: Oh there you are wrong little missy. We only can't kill Qui Gon
>and we outnumber you 20 to 1.
>Amidala: Oh dear.
>Mayrie: I don't think a frying pan will work this time.
>Darth67: Oh let’s get going! JUST KILL THEM! (Darths extend their
>lightsabers.)
>(Suddenly Jar Jar Binks enters spraying insecticide everywhere)
>Jar Jar: Catch theesa everypeoples! Here is some bugsyspray.
>Amidala: (catching one): Hooray! They’re melting!
>
>The Darths have been reduced to a pile of melted slime.
>
>Yoda: Yowza what terrible way to go is that! Much too much violence and
>hatred in you all. We should have peace made we, made Jedi of them yes.
>Ann!yee: Honey I sincerely don't think that was possible.
>Yoda: Ahhhh much anger in you, much fear. Why marry you did I?
>Ann!yee: Oh Yoda my love...
>Yoda: Only to away from Stacyee get was it. Never marry anger for it only
>hatred breeds.
>Ann!yee: Yoda sweety lets go get counseling....
>Yoda: Oof insist do you? May as well I say.
>
>Qui Gon: You all have made a grave and irresponsible mistake.
>Lyndesie: What would that be?
>Qui Gon: This slime is filled with hundreds of billions of their cells each
>fully capable of regenerating a fully capable Darth Maul, however there is
>one catch. The insecticide has modified and mutated their DNA....I have no
>idea what will happen...
>(The mass begins bubbling and splitting suddenly is mashes together making
>a multinucleoid mass)
>Qui Gon: This is unexpected; it is becoming one creature, how odd.
>Anakin: What is it going to be?
>Qui Gon: I don't know so all of you get back get back! Anakin here’s the
>keys to my space ship, go turn it on will you?
>Anakin: Golly gee can I do some cool tricks with it?
>Amidala: No silly just turn it on...oh my gosh it's done forming....
>The Thing: Hello Everyone! I'm Barney the Dinosaur!
>
>To Be CONTINUED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6-9
>The Thing: I am Barney the dinosaur.
>Anakin: Why do I feel an unearthly chill as though all happiness and
>goodness has been sucked out of my existence?
>Barney: Because I am here! And I will turn you all into singing dancing
>little too funny looking to be real zombies!!!
>AHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAA!!!!!!
>Amidala: Shoot.
>Barney: Come now cutsie doodle be cute and don't say things like that just
>smile! If you don't I can't take you back to my home planet!
>Amidala: I don't wish to go!
>Jabba: Ooki ulay reeka fishawonga. (Neither do I.)
>Barney: Well you don't have to because you're ugly.
>Kayte: NO HE’S NOT! He's beautiful and I love him!
>Barney: As if! Sheesh he is superdedooper ugly…ickkk....
>Yoda: Judge by what's on the inside should you! Unfair you are!
>Barney: You're only saying that because you're funny looking too!
>Yoda: Ahh! Rude you are!
>Jar Jar: Yeah! How wude!
>Barney: Ugh all of you are funny looking! You'd scare kids! Ugh how
>disgusting...except oooh la la who are you?
>Sabe’: I'm Sabe’.
>Barney: You sweet thing and your attendants as well as all the other
>non-icky people are coming with me. Oh I just love kidnappings!
>Sabe’: I stay with my queen.
>Barney: No problem she's cute we're taking her along.
>Qui Gon: Please Ariel let's be reasonable.
>Barney; Call me by Barney my stage name.
>Qui Gon: Sorry. However you can't take them with you!
>Barney: Oh yes I can and I will!
>Qui Gon: There's one of you and many of us!
>Barney: But I have a secret weapon!
>Sabe’: Oh Qui Gon help us!
>Amidala: We put our fate in your capable hands.
>Obi-Wan: What about me don't I get anyone's fate?
>Ann!yee: If you put the turtle back in your pocket.
>Obi-Wan: Oh sheesh okay.
>Yoda: Then our fates you have. (To Ann!yee in her ear quietly) Not!
>Qui Gon: Ha you're a fuzzy, purple, zombie-making dinosaur - what can you
>do?
>Barney: (sings) I LOVE YOU YOU LOVE ME WE'RE A HAPPY FAMILY…WITH A GREAT
>BIG HUG AND A KISS FROM ME TO YOU...WON'T YOU SAY YOU LOVE ME TOO?
>Amidala: AHHHHGGGGGGHHHHH! I'm over powered!
>Sabe’: My queen!
>Anakin: Ohhh I can't even think I'm too annoyed...but that was a clever
>trick...ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
>Qui Gon: No no no! How could you do this to us?
>
>(They drop like flies on a hot day)
>
>
>...............................................................................
.
>
>Meanwhile
>
>Ann!yee and Yoda followed by Obi-Wan clutching his pocket to make sure a
>little brass figure doesn't fall out sneak out into the desert unaffected.
>Why are they unaffected? Well Yoda is a Jedi and a type of alien that can't
>be affected also he is too old to care about what some silly dinosaur sings
>and he's a little deaf, and husband and wife are one so Ann!yee was
>unaffected. (Cheap, but I have to do something in this silly nonoilogy)
>Obi-Wan was unaffected because of the turtle Force filled charm he had in
>his pocket, also his tremendous height (ha ha Tom) made him slightly out of
>range for the dinosaur’s song.
>
>They realize that Anakin has the keys to the space ship. Darn it this
>sticky situation may require a cool trick. Suddenly they realize someone
>else is with them.
>Jake: Might I assist you and win back the love of my fair lady Sabe’?
>Ann!yee: Um got any ideas?
>Jake: Yes...we put in ear plugs rush back in steal the keys from
>overpowered Anakin rush out here start the space ship use it to crush the
>palace and hopefully fall on Barney then we get out of here really quick
>and maybe try a barrel roll cause that's a cool trick.
>Obi-Wan: You can't be serious! That is the most ridiculous plan I've ever
>heard of!
>Jake: Perhaps my brains are scrambled more by the song then I thought or
>maybe it's because I can't stop thinking about my beloved Sabe’.
>Obi-Wan: Oh brother. Maybe we can hotwire the spaceship.
>Ann!yee: WHAT? YOU CAN'T JUST HOTWIRE A SPACE SHIP ARE YOU NUTS? THAT ONLY
>WORKS WITH CARS AND WHAT THEY ARE I HAVE NO IDEA BECAUSE THIS IS TATOOINE
>NOT EARTH!!!
>Yoda: Ann!yee much anger have you remember what the counselor said:
>‘breathe slow, breath deep and concentrate’.
>Obi-Wan: I am so sick of you calling me crazy! Forget the turtle! (He
>throws the turtle on the ground and stomps on its copper surface angrily.
>(The dust begins to boil...it swells in a swirling cloud.)
>Obi: What is happening?
>Ann!yee: Don\'t you know that the turtle is a Forceful charm?
>Obi: Shoot! (The ground begins to quake the palace caves in on itself.)
>Yoda: Oh no! Broken it have you! Me hopes our friends be okay!
>
>...............................................................................
.
>
>Meanwhile
>
>Amidala: Anakin where are you? I can\'t see anything amongst this debris!
>Anakin: Over here! But I'm hurt! I think my left leg is broken! (It is in
>real life by the way, little Gus’s that is)
>Amidala: Can you see that terrible dinosaur?
>Anakin: No, but I see that slave.
>Amidala: Which one?
>Mayrie: The one who just met the only lizard she hates. That terrible
>dinosaur!
>Kayte: Oh Jabba Jabba are you okay?
>Jabba: Oooki yurka umbay unda softee yeemblay furga wurga quekay (No I'm
>hurt my soft slug like body is almost crushed by my palace.)
>Kayte: Can I kiss it and make it all better?
>Jabba: NO! (NO!)
>Kayte: Um darn
>Sabe’: I think I'm going to be sick. He's the vilest creature alive!
>Jar: Yes yes velly ugly. Not like meesa.
>Sabe’: In fact, you're kind of cute. I realized that when my life flashed
>before my eyes and I saw you several times.
>Jar Jar: Thankee. Meesa know. (Ann!yee, Jake, Obi and Yoda strugglingly
>enter and start lifting rocks off of people suddenly they hear a terrifying
>noise.
>
>Barney: wheeze I love cough cough you, you love cough cough hack wheeze me
>we're a happy cough family with a hack wheeze cough and a kiss from me to
>ugh you cough won't you hack say you cough spit wheeze love me
>too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
>(The song lost it's power in the way it was delivered so all answered
>forcefully...): NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
>To Be Continued

Well well well! Are you waiting in anticipation? Oh okay! Here we go!
>
>No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>Barney: I cough don't understand!
>Amidala: It has no power anymore!
>Emylieee: You have no control over us and can't make us into
>zombies!!!!!
>Barney: What mellifluous sound was that?
>Emyliee: My voice!
>Barney: Are you as pretty as you sound?
>Emylieee: Come on you've seen me.
>Barney: And you are you are! Oh how I wish I hadn’t turned into a
>dinosaur! I have no right to love you as I look!
>Emylieee: Looks don't matter I loved you before didn’t I? (j/k Ariel!!!)
>
>Yoda: Right she be looks matter not. What matters now is trapped in
>Jabba's palace we are.
>Jar Jar: Meesa no like dis! Ousta we gotsa go!
>Ann!yee: Right you are Jar Jar. Now is anyone injured we'll dig you out
>first?
>Anakin: Me! I broke my leg!
>Ann!yee: Oh Anakin sweetie where are you? Shout and I'll find you.
>Barney: YOU WON'T BE FINDING ANYONE!
>Ann!yee: AHHH! Is it just me or did you grow???
>Barney: The crushing by the palace stimulated my mutated cells to grow!
>I grew right out of the rubble and you all are mine! (Heaves the rocks
>off of everyone.) SINGLE FILE PLEASE OUT TO THE SPACE SHIP! ANAKIN YOU
>HAVE THE KEYS I BELIEVE!
>Yoda: Oh deary me! He big I think.
>Ann!yee: I agree.
>Barney: NOW MOVE! I BELIEVE I SAID MOVE!!! (They all move toward the
>opening in the rubble, with Qui Gon and Obi-Wan carrying Anakin.
>Amidala: Oh my poor Anakin.
>Emylieee: Oh what now? You're just gonna leave with him because he's
>bigger???
>
>...............................................................................
.................................................