Parent-Teacher Conferences: Where does one even begin? Here are a couple of ways to approach the situation--short and long versions.

First of all, know thy children:

[1] Journal information about your child--interests, activities, and what are the circumstances where he/she prefers to do work.

[2] Know your child's strengths and weaknesses. Do you have documentation for strengths? Do you have journal examples of his/her strengths? Only use IQ or standardized test scores if highly questioned by the school and you need to advocate by showing evidence.

[3] Journal the dates of leaps of logic that they have "figured out" without your help, math concepts, when he/she goes from parroting favorite books back to you to actually reading, and what books has he/she read lately (i.e., is he/she far beyond the classroom literature?)

[4] What are your child's sensitivities (you don't have to reveal them all) that would be helpful for the teacher to know (sensitivity to light? sound? touch?). Are these sensitivities being read accurately? Is your child concerned about others being hurt or things not being fair and then being labeled "immature" instead of caring? Is your child slow in doing their work because they are such a perfectionist they take great care in doing it or may be worried about it NOT being good enough to hand in?

SHORTENED VERSION FOR SUCCESSFUL PARENT-TEACHER CONFERENCES

1. Try to have a brief, POSITIVE contact with the teacher soon after school starts in the Fall.

2. Schedule a SHORT session with the new teacher to share some personal information about your child. Not a brag session--but something about hidden talents, interests or special concerns or sensitivities that give insight as to how the child thinks and reacts. KEEP IT BRIEF!

3. Avoid scheduled day-long conference schemes many schools utilize to fit everyone in.

4. Be respectful of the teacher's time, but try to schedule your conference at a time the teacher has only your child to think about.

5. Send a note or make a call to list the things you are interested in discussing. Give the teacher time to think about them or to observe these things more carefully in preparation for the conference.

6. On the day of the conference start by stating several POSITIVE things about the teacher, classroom or experiences your child has had in this class. Only bring up negative things AFTER you have been positive.

7. Don't be intimidated or discouraged in asking your questions or expressing your concerns.

8. TAKE NOTES - especially if some things sound peculiar or will require follow-up later or checking with principal, etc. Make notes of agreements and disagreements.

9. It is appropriate for you to express expectations for your child and the type of learning environment or treatment you think is correct. These needn't be debated, argued or turned into negative attacks.

10. Remember the TIME. Limit all conferences and calls. It is better to reschedule later than to overdue anyone session.

BEFORE, DURING AND AFTER A CONFERENCE -- LONGER VERSION

"When there's a problem in school"

The following are excerpts from the article of the same name written by Donald J. Treffinger & Marvin J. Fine for the November/December, 1979, issue of G/C/T. The original article also contained the "Guidelines for Teachers".

Send a Self addressed, stamped envelope to Marie Brucker, 191 Liddy Drive, Brighton, MI 48114 if you wish the whole article.

"We strongly endorse the concept of parents and teachers serving in the partnership regarding the child's education. Collaboration, however, does not mean to discount the teacher's unique contributions in terms of expertise in curriculum planning, classroom organization and pupil motivation. Nor does the concept of partnership seek to discount the parents' unique insights into their child in terms of their awareness of his/her needs and aspirations, interests and aptitudes, and how the child and family intermesh.

"It is recognized that while parents and teachers may share common objectives related to the child's social and academic growth, they may approach the subject from different vantage points and with different emotional investments...

"Preparing for the Conference - Guidelines for Parents:

1. Don't be afraid to discuss school problems thoroughly with your child.

2. Don't be afraid to intervene when, in your best judgment, there is a real problem. Do intervene carefully and sensitively.

3. Keep the issues clear in your own mind. It is not your ego at stake. It's the most appropriate educational program for your child that must be central.

4. Before calling the teacher, think through what it is you're concerned about and what you plan to ask or say. Writing out some questions or statements may be helpful.

5. Identify specific examples of your child's work, feelings, and behavior, not merely your casual impressions.

6. Avoid running from friend to friend getting "free" advice. It may help to talk over your concerns with someone who's a good listener, but you don't need to shop around. Go right to the source--the teacher.

7. Consider what attitudes and values are involved; the "problem" may involve differences, not just a "teacher doing bad things to my child."

8. Keep in mind that (unless proven otherwise) you and the teacher are probably concerned with the same basic goal--helping your child.

9. Keep in mind that there may be legitimate, honest differences of opinion and judgment about how children should be educated and handled. It might be good to set down for yourself the basic assumptions and beliefs you hold.

10. Do plan the conference at a time when there is ample time for conversation--not in the corridor after school, not in the middle of open house...

"Conducting the Conference - Guidelines for Parents

1. Be "straight" in your communication--neither aggressive and demanding nor apologetic, embarrassed, uncomfortable. Be what you, in fact, are--a responsible mature, concerned parent with some questions to present candidly.

2. Be prepared to listen, but do ask for clarification when you don't understand. Don't settle for a lot of words. Be sure you really understand what the teacher is saying. Be prepared to ask questions to help clarify what actually happens in the classroom.

3. Express a willingness to help and to share in solving the problem. ("What can I do? How would you want me to help?)

4. When you talk with the teacher, express your own ideas, concerns, and observations, rather than what you suppose or believe to be the teacher's problems. In other words, you are taking responsibility initially. [This may be expressed with "I' rather than "you" statements, "I've been watching (talking to) my child and I have some questions..."]

5. Focus on "how the problem can be resolved," not on polarized attitudes ("us versus the school," or "Sally versus the teacher").

6. Don't over dwell on past angers, hurts, complaints with teachers--the key question is "where do we go from here?"

7. Emphasize the child's work, feelings, concerns, or behavior. Deal with evidence of the child's actual reaction.

8. Be alert for opportunities to be positive about the child, and the teacher--don't be totally negative.

9. Don't criticize the teacher personally. Strive to help avoid defensiveness and hostility.

10. Don't attack the teacher's intentions or feelings about your child.

11. Be prepared to share with the teacher constructive information about your child's interests and activities outside school; this may help.

12. Don't settle for "explanations" that rely on vague opinions or fuzzy generalizations. Maintain efforts to see that the discussion focuses on the child's behavior, your expectations and those of the teacher for helping the child.

13. If reference is made to tests or test scores, ask for a full explanation of the meaning of the scores--numbers aren't useful in themselves! If no comprehensive evaluation has been conducted, ask or that might be arranged.

You have a right to know, in an understandable way, whatever the school knows about your child's ability and performance...

"Follow-up after the Conference - Guidelines for Parents

1. If you still feel dissatisfied, concerned, unhappy, etc.--"don't blow it." Share as honestly as possible that you are still concerned and ask the teacher what else might be suggested to resolve or clarify the situation. If he/she doesn't know (or claims not to), state that you would like to discuss the matter further with other people present (principal, school counselor, coordinator, etc.).

2. Be willing to take what the teacher says under advisement: e.g., "That sounds OK, but I'm not sure I understand fully--let me think it over and call you back."

3. Be willing to go along with a suggestion if it sounds plausible, but set up another appointment to evaluate how things have progressed. Don't let things merely drag on. Keep in mind what you and the teacher agree will happen. What is the teacher going to do? What is the child expected to do? Who else will be involved, and to do what? When will you start? When will you meet to evaluate what happens?

4. You do want your child to develop tolerance of others' ideas and self-discipline. Help the child to learn and accept that everyone must sometimes do things under pressure from others. (But don't let this become a substitute for solving the problem!)

5. Don't threaten or act angrily toward the teacher.

6. If the teacher is (overly) concerned about "basic skills", seek efforts which will determine accurately what the child's actual needs are, and how these basic skills can be demonstrated without undue drill or repetition. [Is curriculum compacting a possibility, as explained in Susan Winebrenner's book "Teaching Gifted Children in the Regular Classroom"?]

7. Help plan ways for your child to demonstrate competence without being seen as a "show off" to reduce boredom and idle time in the classroom.

8. Work with the school and school organizations to help obtain materials and resources to create new learning opportunities for all students.

9. If the point comes where frustration continues to increase, seek specialized help (Gifted Coordinator, director of Special Education) to locate special programs, classes or another school program more suited to the goals and needs of your family." [End of excerpts]

NOTE: If you have further suggestions that work when you have conferred with your schools, please send them to Marie Brucker for sharing with others. mailto:[email protected]